How to CD when Homeless

[LelaK]

Actually, it's probably not ususally a good idea to MtF CD when homeless, unless one is in an unusually good place.

I bring it up because I feel close to homelessness myself, while trying to fit into the SF Bay area. I'm looking beyond the Bay area too, but doing so online while still in the Bay area.

I tried to find videos etc that might help give good advice on how to avoid homelessness here, but didn't find anything very helpful as yet.

I found that homelessness is increasing as unemployment is increasing and many areas are making it a crime to be homeless and are said to be putting homeless people in prison and even FEMA camps. I don't know if they're allowed to leave.

I do have a home, in the midwest, but I'd rather not be there, because I want to be free to be me by being "crossdressed" as much as possible. But if I end up homeless I won't be very free to be me anyway. So I'm close to another crossroad in my life, having to choose a road without knowing where it leads.

Is anyone else homeless, or close to homelessness? Does anyone else have similar crossroads you've come to and made decisions on, or not yet? Has anyone chosen to leave home in order to be free to CD?

[Ashley Wray]

Hello Lela,

I'm sorry to hear that these times are tough on you :( I have not had to leave home to dress. For years have had my own home here in AZ. However had a job change and make a lot less money now and had to have my mom and brother move in to help out with the bills. So my dressing is a lot tougher now due to privacy and can't buy things like I used too. But it's temporary till things pick up again. Not close to being homeless but still tougher than I have had in my life. Feel free to PM me I would love to chat with you :)

[Anna H]

I've been homeless several times in my life. You don't want that happening
no matter what compromises you need to make.

I went downhill fast and the way to cope is to sedate oneself...so that's a
spiral to hell.

I lived under an overpass to Daytona for awhile...it was safer to hitch a ride
out to the interstate to be away from the people who will take advantage of
you.

Dressing isn't a concern when you have to steal a can of beans just to
survive. You may be a CD inside, but just getting by is the priority.
Maybe find a room mate before it comes to that. The streets are no
place to live.

Just my opinion, you now...:)

[Ashley Wray]

Excellent point Kate!

Don't put yourself on the street because you want to CD do what you have to sustain yourself and in time it will get better :)

[Emi_]

This is a time to set your priorities and to realize that staying alive and safe is far far more important than wearing a dress. Your home may not give you freedom, but it gives you shelter and safety and sustenance. Far too many cross-dressers sacrifice their safety and relationships and security and peace of mind for a pile of useless fabric. Put living first, then you will be able to find ways to include a specific way of living.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lela, CDing would be the last thing on my mind if I was homeless.

[AllieSF]

I don't know how old you are Lela, so take my comments with a grain of salt as a much older adult to a much younger one. I have learned over my long lifetime (much of it in the Midwest) that the key to survival, physically and mentally is a livable income. With no money, as others have said above, everything is so much more difficult, everything. So, if I understand you correctly, you left a safe and secure home and life the Midwest just to try be free here. I understand that there is probably a lot of details and background that led up to and justify (to you) this drastic step. However, being a parent and now a grand parent, I like and always recommend the more secure and conservative approach to others who are trying to find their way.

My first recommendation to you is to find a job, any job that will permit you to find and pay for a secure roof over your head. If that is not possible right now here in the SF Bay Area, then why not swallow your pride and go back to your "home" in the Midwest, get a job there and then plan, save and prepare for another escape to freedom with adequate resources and hopefully a new job already secured and waiting for you when you arrive wherever you need to be. People run away/escape from their current lives in search of something better all the time. It takes courage to do that. Sometimes that escape works and sometimes it doesn't. Those that are successful may have good luck and many others probably have good preparation to be thankful for. Good preparation like education, learned job skills and some savings to help them settle in and restart their lives with minimal hardships.

So, if you are not making it now, admit your temporary defeat and go home to get your feet on the ground again and start "preparing" for the next time.

Now, if you left your home because of family issues, why not get a decent job there and move out. Or, maybe try to deal with those family issues, face up to them, and see if you can compromise in some areas if they will too. It is so much cheaper there than here in high priced California. Everything is cheaper there except maybe fresh vegetables during the winter. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

[CynthiaD]

I've never been homeless, and I'm at a point in my life where it's unlikely I ever will be. But real freedom is having a good job that allows you to have a decent place to live, pay your bills, and have a little left over for fun. Your first priority should be education. That makes you employable. Then find yourself a steady job, even if it's in some Podunk town in the Midwest. It's much easier to move from one job to the next and from one place to the next when you have a solid base. Take your time. You can work up to things. You don't have to have everything right now. Good luck to you.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Lela, if you're about to become homeless because you are driven to crossdress all the time, literally at the risk of everything, then sadly you're anything but free.

You're consumed.

Unless you're TS? In which case you're not crossdressing but rather wearing the correct clothing and being homeless won't change this reality. You'll need to get used to wearing women's clothing no matter the situation. But if you're just a crossdresser and don't actually want to be a woman, then you really need to find some perspective before you put yourself in a very dire situation. I would highly recommend counselling or even temporarily consider medication to help with compulsive thoughts. Life doesn't have to be dictated to by one singular thing. You should be striving to be a multi-dimensional person, not just a man who crossdresses.

Hugs and good luck.

[Adriana Moretti]

WOW....and i thought i was the only one to be broke,starving,homeless etc...if u r gunna leave home...or comfort...just make sure you have legs to stand on first...sexy legs are even better...i moved out to enjoy the cd life more...and it was great. for YEARS ..till i lost my job...THEN MY APT...then my car...ish happens...my point is just make sure you can stand on your own 2 feet in 5 inch heels....then u r good...life has its ups and downs....just be ready to take that ride when i went homeless...i gave up and realized i needed to change...or do something different so I PURGED and tried to get my ish together. It is STILL not together....but it is enough for now....my point is priorities. Sad thing is tomorrow it could all go away...and its my biggest fear....I feel for you...It is never a pretty place and I border on it too..whodathunkit

[Miss Interpretation]

The Bay Area is one of the most expensive places to live in the US, so I understand your pain! Palo Alto is especially expensive because of Stanford and all those tech startups in the area.

Unfortunately, I think you'll probably have to focus first on getting some financial stability before you can start focusing on your CDing. You're not ignoring it...just putting it on the back burner for now. If you are serious about staying in the Bay Area, you may want to try to go somewhere cheaper. East Palo Alto is cheaper (but less safe). San Jose is also okay relative to Palo Alto. There are also a bunch of places in the East Bay, such as Fremont, Hayward, etc., that could be more affordable.

Hopefully, everything works out for you. Good luck!

[Krisi]

You have a home in the midwest but you would rather be homeless somewhere else? I think there's a solution to your problem and I hope you can see it.

I'm assuming you are relatively young so I'm going to say this - You have many years ahead of you and your comfort and sucess in those years depends a lot on what you do now. You talk about unemployment increasing, yet I see job openings all the time. The problem is, you need skills to win these jobs and you need a history of reliability as well.

Go home, figure out what you want to do in life, figure out if people will pay you for doing that, then educate or train yourself to prepare yourself for employment. Once you get a job you can save up for a home and a place to crossdress.

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read your late introduction of 2012. You're over 60. Sounds as if you migrated to an area of the country you assume is more accepting than some mid west small minded community. I think you're no different than any other free spirit who has conformed to societal expectations over the decades. Now, you're in the retiree age group. Your in the same situation as a non cross dresser. You lack the funds to adequate live in a high cost city. I learned over my decades to have realistic expectations. If you're going to survive, I suspect you need to have realistic expectations. If your number one goal in life is to be able to be in cross dressing heaven, you may have to research other accepting areas of the country.

[LelaK]

Thanks, everyone, for compassion. The suggestions for young CDs should be helpful for any young CDs in a similar situation.

I came out west for the warmer weather. I like to be around people, which is hard to do in a rural area where the weather gets bad for 4 months of the year. I have some savings and a small pension, but I need a part-time job to afford cheap housing long-term. But I need housing before I can get a job. And people don't seem to want to hire someone over 60 or to have them for renters.

I'm trying to find intentional communities, but they don't seem interested either. I'm at one now, but they said I'm not compatible, which is why I'm looking elsewhere. I'm starting to look into Oregon and Washington, since I seem to be running out of options for California.

So I'm not obsessed with dressing. This Palo Alto community seems to frown on dressing too, which is another reason I need to move on. I brought all my feminine attire with me (maybe 8 dresses etc), but haven't gotten any of it out yet. My room is too small to bother with it. At least the community leaders have said I can take my time leaving, since I've been doing good work for them, which is why I don't get much time on this forum.

I'm glad to be aware of the increasing homelessness in our country. Doing humanitarian volunteer work is what I most prefer to do. Political activism seems to hold the most promise for making efforts most effective. I'd like to help inform society that poverty and homelessness are not crimes and people who suffer either plight need to be treated properly, instead of like criminals.