Divorced

[PaulaQ]

Over the past year, I guess I've posted a lot about my coming out, and the disintegration of my 18 year marriage to the love of my life.

I guess my story is kind of over today, because we finalized our divorce.

She wasn't there - we agreed on a settlement, signed off on it, and my attorney and I met with the presiding judge in his chambers. My attorney and I had made an appointment to get the judge to sign off on the divorce. We had to wait a little while, but perhaps half an hour after our appointment time, the judge called us in to his office.

He read the decree, citing my name, and my wife's name, and the case number. Looking at me, he asked "I take it you are Kim?" My attorney explained to him that "No, this is Scott - my client is transgender." The judge looked a little startled, and then he swore me in, my attorney asked me a bunch of questions under oath, and the judge signed off on the decree.

It took only a few minutes to legally dissolve the marriage, although for all real purposes, the marriage had been over for the year we've been separated.

We have a little bit of personal business to attend to. I will pay her some support for a while - I'll just wire the money to her. My attorney will arrange things so that closing on the home we're selling here in Dallas can be handled entirely by me. So I won't see her then. I don't expect to see her, or speak to her by phone while we finish up our business and unwind the last few details of our marriage. I haven't seen her since last November, and haven't spoken to her since March. Barring something happening to one of our kids, I don't really expect to see her again.

I had kind of hoped she'd send me a vacation photo of herself, she was in Hawaii last week. But instead she sent me a photo of the observatory in Hawaii. So I guess that will have to do.

Anyway, it's over. I ought to be relieved, and I guess I partly am because this really needed to be over for the both of us. We both need to move on, and heal up. But I'm also sad, because I really do still love her. But it's just an impossible situation. She can't love a woman, and I can't be a man anymore.

So I don't really know how much more I'll have to say about my life that's of any relevance here. I can't imagine that there will be much to say - I have written about the end of my marriage after coming out as transgender, and it's over. Really, what else is there to say?

I have some more transition stuff to do. I'll eventually get it done, although it'll be hard while I'm paying support. Or I won't. Who knows, really? I'll be OK though. There's just not much else to say about myself - there's about a zillion stories of transition out there. Mine isn't anything particularly special or interesting.

I do appreciate folks who've followed along through all of this, and sent me encouraging thoughts. Thanks!

[Amanda M]

Paula, maybe it is not an end, it's a new beginning. Or maybe you could make it that way.

Thinking od you,
Amanda

[susmitha]

Dear Paula,
Wish you and your ex-wife best of luck, either together (as just good friends, if there was no ill-feeling or sense of mutual anger at the time of divorce) or separately, whichever way future is going to unwind in front of you.

[PaulaQ]

@susmitha - I don't expect my ex-wife and I will ever be friends. I'm the ghost of her dead husband - it'll take a long time for her to get over that. I know her really well, and the sad fact is I'm the type of woman she wouldn't enjoy a friendship with.

It would be nice to get her back as a friend, we were always best friends, and I miss that. Realistically, though, it's probably not in the cards.

I'm hoping she meets someone soon, and finds a new life. One I couldn't give her.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Paula, I think you need to do what quite a few women do these days and throw a divorce party! Yes, it's bittersweet and in poor taste...but dang, it feels good to drink cocktails when you're feeling down! :)

And for the record, you're a much needed supportive and helpful voice here for GG's, too, as you've helped me and I know many others who've visited here. This journey is not just about the crossdresser, is it? You get this. It really helps to know at least one person here can understand the other side.

You might not talk much about your life anymore, but I hope you stay and help others anyway. xx

[Dolly Parton]

Look at it as the first day of the reset of your life. I really feel the same this painful situation.

[Amanda L.]

Paula thanks for sharing your story. It is very brave of you to wear your heart on your sleeve like that. I cant begin to imagine what you must be feeling or going through.
I sincerely wish you all the best for the road ahead.
Luv
Amanda

[Roxie]

Paula. Getting a divorced is a hard thing to go through no matter what the reasons are,as I've been down that road myself.I'll give you all the credit in the world for standing up for who you are. Time does heal a lot of issues ,but not all seeing how my x-wife still hates my guts. Good luck with your new life and Transition ,my only real advice would be stay in your kids life as much as possible.They are the ones that are most important in all of this.Please keep us up to date on your life.GOOD LUCK and may the wind always be on your back.
Roxie

[charlenesomeone]

Repeat what Roxie said, I divorced when my kids were young,
but tried to keep in touch with them. Each situation is unique,
all the best.
Char

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Paula, It's like the old saying, When one door closes another door opens.

How old are your children and do you still see them ??

[Mollyanne]

Hi Paula, Yes, the divorce is a sad commentary on the finality of a marriage that didn't or couldn't work out. Being the person who we are ( transgendered, gay, lesbian or cd) is not an easy option for someone to accept and in most cases it ends this way. Look around at all "the family of friends and sisters" you have here. I can't speak for anyone except for myself so I am extending my hand in friendship should you ever need it.

Molly

[mykell]

hi paula,
this road you have traveled has had many ups and downs and has now come to wind down to its conclusion, on your new path do take time to put yourself first now and find the things that paula wants/needs. build yourself a new strong foundation and rise up. control what you can and dont fixate on what you cant. the other pieces may fall into place in the future or not at all.

seems you may have a new calling and im pretty sure you will still be relevant here,
after reading about hazels excursion you may have stumbled into a new position, personal shopper, CD Concierge, endless possibilities.
but if you can help someone have a "best day ever" you have a gift to share, has to make your heart tingle, its OK to feel good about yourself.....

tink may be right, a party , not for the end, for the new beginning, when your ready, you deserve it.....

[Lynn Marie]

I've been divorced for a number of years now. I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I've seen it all along as not a loss, but a gaining of the whole world to play in! I realize that marriage is a biological necessity for raising children, but really unnecessary for living the good life! Once you divorce the idea that you must have a wife or even a girlfriend, you find the amazing joy of freedom to be who you want and to do as you like!

[Jorja]

Well, it is a shame it had to come down to divorce but all that nastiness is over now. Pick up and move on living your life.

[Andy66]

Sorry to hear that youre going through so much, Paula. Best of luck with your new beginning.

[CynthiaD]

There may be a zillion stories about transition out there, but yours is special to you. It's really good of you to share. I'm glad you've chosen to do so. I'm sad that you had to divorce and lose your best friend. It's a big world. You have a new life, and there will be new friends. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[Megan b]

Hey Paula, I'm sorry for your loss. I got divorced last year after 24 years of marriage. It's the hardest thing I've ever lived threw. I still mourn the loss of my marriage. I loved my ex-wife but she could not deal with the cding any longer. All I can say is hang in there.

[Annaliese]

Hugs, hugs

[Bria]

Paula, I have followed your trials and tribulations over the last year and I glad that you now have this behind you. Divorce is always a two edged sword, Glad the process is over and you can quit banging your head against the wall and sad that it had to end this way.

I hope that you know that I always remember you in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria

[marsha leanne]

paula, a divorce is like a death, the grieving is the same. That said, it is also a door to a new life. Don't dwell on it, but allow yourself a grieving time, then move on. When my divorce went through i swore i would never deal with a woman again. I was wrong! It took me about 6 months to close that door and discover that in fact there was another door that was bigger.
my son and I have both moved on and have a great relationship now. My ex did remarry but to her i am still an evil person.
Clear up the lingering details, while making plans to move on.

Lift your head up and look around. there is a whole world out there waiting for you, regardless of how you present.

[MatildaJ.]

Glad to hear this part of the process is over, Paula. Hope you'll stick around to share your experiences in the future.

[Sharon B.]

There a lot of fish in the sea so to speak it took me a while to get over my divorce and to start dating again. It is hard to do but we all learn to live with it. I haven't seen or spoken to my ex-wife for over twenty plus years. Lucky for me there were no kids but if there were I would have been part of the lives for sure. Whether she wanted me to be or not.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Hi Paula. I can understand how you must feel. My wife wanted a divorce in 1984 and while it really stung for awhile and a few years, today I look at it as a blessing. It was all about me CDing. Today I have an awesome relationship with my daughters who know, thanks to the ex telling them why we divorced, and they're totally okay with it. I've had some trying times with my ex and while I took no prisoners I laid out some things she didn't like. Lately she's been more chummy. BUT! The finest things that have happened to me are a sense of being myself and meeting an angel a few years later in 1987 who is my loving wife today. We both strive to bring happiness to our relationship. Today I have all of liberties I wished for way back.

It'll happen for you Dear in some form! You can weather a storm of lonliness, maybe some guilt, and maybe some regret. I hope you, like me, will someday find the pure joy and happiness. Yes, this may be a dark time, but the darkness eventuaslly fades to light! I wish you the very best!

Cheryl

[NicoleScott]

My first wife couldn't be married to a CDer and we divorced. I haven't seen her since she drove off more than 30 years ago, and talked to her only once (small business matter). There is life after divorce.

[MissTee]

PaulaQ,
I have faced too many phenomenal tragedies in my life. Why I was picked to endure all this I'll probably never know. However, I have learned we don't get over it. Instead, we get through it.

So, with experience as my teacher I offer up that you should allow yourself adequate time to grieve. You feel what you feel no matter what wisdom someone wants to share to the contrary. It's okay to be sad, mad, confused, conflicted, or whatever. Just give yourself time to be genuine and work through the heart ache at your own pace. Hugs!

[Claire Cook]

Dear Paula,

Such a bittersweet situation. It must be so difficult to lose someone you've been with for so long, but as others have said you have your whole new life ahead of you. And who knows what the future may hold? Down the road your paths may cross, and perhaps time will heal some wounds. You've been such a help to us, I just hope we can be some comfort to you.

[mechamoose]

I'm a good man, and I ROCK a skirt.

I'm sorry that she didn't find a way to get past the 'frills' and still understand that you are YOU.

*HUGS*

- MM

[I Am Paula]

Paula, There's still a lot of hurt coming thru, and I hope time will heal that. People will say the divorce is closure, and now you can move on, but it's just not that easy. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and it will get easier.
My marriage is still in the same holding pattern it has been since I announced my transition, so I never know how far behind you I am.

[Rhonda Jean]

Paula, I hope you can pick up and move on. Sad story.

[Teresa]

Paula you've given me some good advice and offered support ! I don't know how much advice I can give you at the moment but please stay with us at least we can give you some support to get you over your next steps !
Hopefully time will heal your loss and deep hurt you've suffered, sadly the divorce had to happen but the freedom it now gives you offers you another chance in life !
Please take good care of yourself, Teresa.

[flatlander_48]

PQ:

Divorce is one of those things that, even though we KNOW exacting what is coming, it still seems like a big surprise. I guess it is the realization that a specific part of one's life has irrevocably changed. Perhaps a good way to look at this is to think that this is a Low Point and what comes after has to get better. Hope and expectation is always good medicine.

For my own situation with my first wife, a significant part had to do with my coming out as bisexual. It happened by accident, but it became the trigger point for telling the rest of the story. But make no mistake, the relationship had other difficulties. While I can't speak to the transexual part, I will say that upheaval in ones life is always difficult. In our case, the die was really cast about 2/3 of the way through what was eventually a 30 year marriage. However, what I discovered after things were finalized is that I couldn't just dismiss the time that we were married. There's just too much that was shared and lives just get interwoven. So even though I knew that the divorce was entirely appropriate and the right thing to do, it was still a painful experience.

[giuseppina]

I haven't said much, but you've been through a lot of heartache. It was clear to me that once the transgender card was played, your marriage was irreconcilable. Very sad.

[Alice Torn]

PaulaQ. Thank you for sharing your difficult, sad story, but now, a new path begins. Some of us have had very emotionally trying lives, and lots of issues.

[MelanieAnne]

It's tough now. But time heals all wounds, although it may not seem so right now. Just don't make the same mistake so many divorced men make, and run out and get married again! Join some singles activities groups, and go to some singles dances. There are single ski and golf groups. Sailing singles, etc. Women are everywhere. Half the population is single! And beware! Everyone is on their best behavior when you first meet them! Learn to cook. Do not become dependant on women! The odds are even higher against second marriages. And third marriages have about a 75% failure rate!
I was devastated after my divorce. But I had my kids and the house, and it all worked out. Now, after 34 years in the singles scene, and a dozen girlfriends, I would never get married again, under any circumstances! Marriage is just a legal contract. Nothing more. And my ex wifes third husband apparently wasn't as well off as she thought. They are underwater in a large home and both will have to work the rest of their lives, and they both are 70! And me? I'm retired and living well, and spend winters somewhere warm, in the lower latitudes.

[LelaK]

Hi Paula.
Ask your kids to give you a picture of your ex from the vacation, if they have any copies. Or doesn't it mean anything that way? By the way, how are the kids taking your transition? I didn't realize you decided to transition myself. I guess I wasn't on here when and if you talked about transitioning on this site. Well, I don't read the TG section anyway. Have you discussed it there? Anyhow, if I compare my life with yours, we probably each have good and bad times. But I'm glad I have my life and you yours. Keep in touch here, if you don't mind.

[PaulaQ]

Thanks everyone, for your kind and supportive words, both in this thread, and in PMs. I really appreciate them more than you can know. I'll answer a few questions that have come up in the thread:

I've been in transition, and on HRT for a year now. I've been living fulltime as a woman for a year now. There is no 'boy mode' for me anymore. I don't own any male clothing any longer, and honestly I wouldn't present as a male again if my life depended on it. I'm not totally sure I'd pass as a guy anymore anyway, even if I wanted to.

I'm really doing OK. I'm just sad about it all, even though it was inevitable. I find it a little easier to process my feelings when I write.

I guess I wrote this thread mostly to give y'all a sense of closure. Closure is important to me, because I don't feel I ever really got it. The last time I saw my ex-wife (I'm still not used to saying that!), I was in boy mode. It was the day before thanksgiving last year, and I went to Oklahoma to sign papers to refi the house she's keeping. We had lunch afterward, and it was incredibly awkward - she could barely stand to look at me. I felt really rejected, more than I'd ever felt before, and I'm used to rejection! Anyway, it's not the best last memory to have of someone. I guess I just wanted to see a picture of her being happy and having fun - just to see that she still could. That's kind of selfish on my part, so I won't press on the issue of the picture.

From her perspective, it's as if I'd died. I guess it is like that for me too - suddenly I'm just gone from her life. I had no idea that the last time I saw her would literally be the last time I ever saw her. Well, I guess we can't know the future, but it seems pretty likely to me anyway.

My kids and how they are taking it - the short version is not well. My biological son lives with me. We barely speak, we don't do anything together, he pretty obviously hates my life now, and is the angriest person I've ever known. My step-son, her biological son, hasn't spoken to me in several months. They are both grieving the father they loved. I'm a shitty substute for him.

It's the same story with most of the rest of my family and my old friends. They grieve their loss, and they don't much know, or care for, the woman I've become. My sister is still close to me - possibly closer than we've been since we were kids.

My transition is more than just clothes, or even external physical appearance. I'm a very different person now. I do the same job, I am still a night owl, and I'm still very polite. That's about it though - I've changed so much in every other way. People who've only ever known me as Paula can't even imagine who I used to be, and are surprised when I tell them about it.

I won't be alone. I have partners. I have made many new friends in my community. I'll be OK.

I'm not too sure that I'll ever have a romantic relationship with another genetic woman - certainly not a straight one. I feel pretty incomplete compared to a genetic woman - it would be kind of hard to take. And then there's the issue of trust. My experiences with relationships with genetic women have never been good. And there is the matter of trust. I don't want to say anything bad about my ex-wife, but she hasn't been kind to me in this process. I don't blame her exactly, but still trust isn't going to come easy. Also, I think it'll be a while before I'm over her, despite knowing for certain for more than a year that this was the inevitable conclusion to 18 years of marriage.

Men are OK, at least if I ever find one who can put up with me. That'll be a stretch I fear. I'm not so sure I'd feel good about the stigma they'd live with because of me. It's very real, and very cruel, and I'm tired of people being hurt because of what I am. I'd like to be a nice normal straight girl, but I don't expect that is in the cards, and I would feel selfish.

So I'll date within the trans community I expect, despite the fact that everyone from my past but my sister absolutely hates it. There are so many lonely trans women. It seems selfish on my part to date outside the community. There is just so much loneliness and sadness. I can't fix it all, but I can at least affirm someone's validity and desirability.

Anyway, don't worry too much about me. I like my life now, both the good parts and the bad parts, because it is my life. Im sorry the world I grew up in couldn't accept me as myself, and that I hid for so long. That really hurt everyone involved, but especially me and my ex-wife.

[MatildaJ.]

Hi Paula -- thanks for coming back to give more details. I have to say that I don't understand this statement: "It seems selfish on my part to date outside the community."

People date the people they feel the most connection with (and love for), not the people they feel pity for. Dating someone isn't supposed to be doing them a favor. You can "affirm someone's validity and desirability" simply by complimenting their outfits -- that doesn't seem a good reason for dating someone.

Would you like it if a man told you: "I'll date you because I don't mind dating transwomen. There's so much loneliness and sadness; it seems selfish of me not to date a transwoman."

[Ginger Jameson]

Paula, I can sympathize. My ex and I divorced a couple of years ago after a long and painful time in what had started as a great marriage. I know it hurts like hell right now. The only thing I can say is that if it truly was a painful marriage at the end, it's good that it's over. Nobody is served well by being in a situation like that.

If you need someone to chat with, even if it's just about how horrible Dallasites are compared to Fort Worthians, feel free to PM me. ;-)

[LilSissyStevie]

I'm sorry that your divorce is not the joyous occasion that mine was. There were things I regretted about my divorce. She left me bankrupt and took my kids away (temporarily since I ultimately got custody) and when I was ready to be honest with myself I regretted the large part I played in things not working out. But the nightmare was over. It was a new beginning for me and I hope that in time you come to see it that way. I still see my ex regularly. When you have kids together, you're never completely divorced. I saw her the other day at a house warming for one of our daughters. We like each other better now than we ever did. We're friendly but not friends. I never dreamed that would happen.

[Alice Torn]

PaulaQ. I agree about dating, and not being in a hurry to date women or men. Since i strted dressing fully in 2005, I have not really dated. I wanted to badly, but, now, am realistic about it, and that being alone is not so bad, and far better than being in a toxic relationship with someone, male or female, or whatever. Several people on the forum are glad to be single now. I never married, but would have once, if i had not been poor. But i had stuffed the dressing thing back then too. I say proceed with caution, me too.

[PaulaQ]

I have to say that I don't understand this statement: "It seems selfish on my part to date outside the community."

People date the people they feel the most connection with (and love for), not the people they feel pity for.

A cisgender person will never have the same type of connection with me that I have with other transgender people. The incongruity between mind and body is simply nothing any cis person will ever experience. If you did - you wouldn't question it's reality, nor the nightmarish quality of existing with it.

I pity no one. I'm fortunate, I appear to be able to be attracted to, and to love, many different types of people. I don't seem to be bothered by anatomical details overmuch. I look at the person, instead. I think trans women are beautiful, passable, non-passable, it makes no difference to me. It's the person. Honestly, I think all women are beautiful. I just don't trust all of you very much, and obviously relationships with straight girls are pretty much doomed to failure for me.


Dating someone isn't supposed to be doing them a favor. You can "affirm someone's validity and desirability" simply by complimenting their outfits -- that doesn't seem a good reason for dating someone.

Oh if only. Jess, many people consider those of us who are transgender to not really be human beings. I've completely given up on the ideas of privacy and respect from most people. I am a walking, talking museum piece. I can either be angered by this, or go with the flow. I choose the latter. And I believe I get better treatment, in general, than many other trans women. Oh I've seen so much worse. So I hang with other trans women, even though in many cases this outs me immediately. I don't care.

It takes a lot more than a compliment to affirm someone who's been told for their entire life that they are a freak of nature, that they are hell bound, that they are delusional, that they are human garbage. So I spread my love around in the community. Not so much romantic love - but love for the person, for their beauty, and their character, and their struggles. And I definitely do not do this out of pity. If anything, it's pride. I'm proud to be part of the TG community here. Why would I look elsewhere for a relationship, particularly when some of us will not be involved with other trans*?


Would you like it if a man told you: "I'll date you because I don't mind dating transwomen. There's so much loneliness and sadness; it seems selfish of me not to date a transwoman."

I don't think any man in the world has said this, ever.

To answer your question, though, no, I wouldn't find that especially condescending or rude. It'd be kind of nice to be asked out by someone like that, I think. It beats the hell out of "OMG UR A F----T!!!", or the ever popular ass kicking. Actually, it would be better even than a fairly common friendly response, which is the expectation that we are there to provide them Heineken and blow jobs...

There are men who like us. Some who love us because we are trans. Very few of them want to deal with the stigma associated with dating one of us. There are some who do, and it's possible I could meet a guy like that. There are some good men in the world, there really are.

The idea that a guy would face stigma for having a relationship with me bothers me profoundly. I watched this happen to my ex-wife, and it's much, much worse for men - especially if, unlike my ex-wife, they are perceived as actually wanting to be with me. I'm tired of people being hurt because of who and what I am. I don't need the guilt. (This same thing can happen to women, but I think the guys get it far, far worse.)

There are far more guys who really are interested in us, but who are terrified that their girlfriends little secret will be discovered. There's absolutely no shortage of married straight guys who are looking for some strange on the side. And what could be stranger, from their perspective, than a trans woman?

Even if I met a really awesome straight guy (that would be a feat - I know tons of gay men, I meet very few straight guys!) I'm not sure I could break free of the stupid relationship templates I grew up with to be able to sustain a relationship - what I'd want would clash really badly with who I am, I fear.

Anyway, this is all pretty academic. For so many of us, our best chance of a relationship is within the trans* community. I've seen many who "don't date trans*" who are also pretty lonely.

So I hope I've explained myself - it's not that I pity trans* - I don't. I just hate the idea of some poor cis person taking a bunch of abuse because they decided to be in a relationship with me. And there really is a lot of need in the trans* community - so many of us feel alienated and alone. And why shouldn't we, because many of us are alienated and alone!? Why wouldn't I look amongst the people who understand me best?

[Rhonda Jean]

Careful not to paint with too broad of a brush, Paula. I think a lot of what you're saying comes from the too-fresh stings of what you've just been through. Jess is a "GG / SO to a CD". I think that gives her a unique status around here. The observations you've made about cisgender people may be broadly accurate, but it'd be a huge mistake to write off the whole straight/cisgender world because they haven't experienced your personal difficulties. I think you can become so mired in the trans community that you develop an "us against them" mindset, which really does nobody any good.

Miss Obvious speaking here, but, men fall in love with women and vice-versa even though they haven't lived the other's personal struggles. I think jess makes some great points. There are several examples on this board of women who are married to or in relationships with SO's at various points on the TG spectrum. In a few cases it's not just a matter of them being tolerant and accepting, it's distinctly their preference. Quite the different experience from yours (and mine, for that matter), but I hope you don't reject the whole cisgender world just because of your bad experiences.

They can't help being straight and cisgender. We should all try to look beyond that.

[flatlander_48]

My kids and how they are taking it - the short version is not well. My biological son lives with me. We barely speak, we don't do anything together, he pretty obviously hates my life now, and is the angriest person I've ever known. My step-son, her biological son, hasn't spoken to me in several months. They are both grieving the father they loved. I'm a shitty substute for him.

Absolutely not!! Just repackaged, that's all. The basic core doesn't change. Sure, now you will "fix your face" or fret over what to wear, but if you were a caring father before you don't become uncaring because you are in the process of transitioning. Doesn't work that way, but unfortunately your sons don't realize that. Hard to say whether that will ever "get it", but keep a good thought. You have to keep holding that Olive Branch out as long as it takes. That's all we can ever do.

[Kris Avery]

My first wife couldn't be married to a CDer and we divorced. I haven't seen her since she drove off more than 30 years ago, and talked to her only once (small business matter). There is life after divorce.

Wouldn't that be nice! That's actually a dream come true for me. Sadly when you have kids with them it's a wee bit more interactive and ultimately heated....forever.

I can only dream of his low level of interaction.

Several years ago when arguing about one matter or another with my ex....the topic came up that friends don't talk to friends like this... I happily clarified the misunderstanding on her part.:D

[Katey888]

Paula - you are a good person, and another good person - whatever their gender or sexual orientation - will see that in you... and you never know, one day the right person might just be there for you... I hope so. :hugs:

And congratz on the big D - I know it doesn't sound 'right' saying that, but so many of us go through that nowadays that you have to grasp the positive aspect of that closure for you and how it will allow you to move forward... :)

And you have plenty to share with your experience and your perspective - your genuine warmth and humanity is what comes through in your opinions and advice and it would be a real loss if you weren't able to continue to share that here, at least once in a while... :cheer:

Katey x

[MssHyde]

I'm very sorry for you.. I'm going through the fire too..

hugs Cheyenne

[MatildaJ.]

Why wouldn't I look amongst the people who understand me best?

To me, this makes so much more sense.

Dating within the trans community because you think it's probably your best shot at happiness makes complete sense.

[GenieGirl]

Wishing you the best as you move forward with your life and hope that you find the happiness you need and somehow balance out all that you have been through and have had to give up to get there. So sorry to hear about your divorce.

Sincerely,
Ginger

[kimdl93]

Well, Paula, having been through a divorce, I can empathize with the mixed emotions. There is nothing to be gained from speculating when or if you will see her again. You're doing what you can and being eminently fair with her. The future will take care of itself.