Does anyone's wife dress as a male also sometimes?

[susmitha]

This is an abnormal question. Some of us have supportive spouses. But very few will have a wife who will herself crossdress as a male. I would like to know if any of us has a wife who dresses as male when her husband dresses as female. Has anyone tried role reversal situations anytime?

[Lucy Long Legs]

Yes it is a regular part of our lives. We don't see it as abnormal! It's great fun and helps to emphasise my feminine feelings.

[Krisi]

My wife would have a very hard time passing as a male. So no, my wife does not crossdress as a male.

[Gypsy Sam]

Dress as a male for GG's has been evolving for perhaps 100 years. Rosie the riveter became vogue for women in the 40's, and styles and ready to wear has appealed to the "tomboy" ever since. The girly girl will always garner a compliment from me. Great respect for the ftm people who reply here. "Butch"does carry a negative connotative implication. The freedom women enjoy for outward masculine expression is enviable. The casual look or not wanting to spend the time to get dolled up is understandable. Who is the fairest of them all will always be a factor in women's lives.

[susmitha]

I agree to you, Gypsy Sam. But my question is slightly different. Whether the wife consciously dresses as a man when you dress as a woman. Whether she puts on men's pants/ jeans, men's shirt and inner wear, whether she tries to make an apparent beard line and behaves like the man in the relationship sometimes? Whether she becomes the husband and you become the wife once in a while?

[Lucy Long Legs]

Yes she does all those things, but not the beard!

[mariehart]

Well she's always wearing my clothes but that's not crossdressing. Anyway she'd never pass in a million years. She is exceptionally girly.

[Jaylyn]

Mine wears T shirts and male jeans but she would never consider herself a Cd of men. She is all woman and could never hide her attributes as a male. When we role play as suggested here it's more she just becomes more dominate, which is hard for her as she is so soft hearted. I'd say again she is too feminine to try to be a male.

[MatildaJ.]

We've gone to some parties with him dressed as a girl and me as the guy -- full on, guy jeans, "packing," and binding my chest. It was fun for an evening or two. But it's not a huge thrill for me, and I don't think it's a huge thrill for him. Just amusing, once in a while.

[Di]

I have twice:devil:

A friend of ours was putting on drag shows years back. In one we did a Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra song JACKSON and I had the guy part and dressed the part.:D and Sherlyn was Nancy :love:(we posted the vid from the show)
Second time it was a Sonny and Cher song I've got you babe
I had the Sonny part and Sher was Cher.
( we posted that vid as well)

It was fun for the show but would not dress like a guy prob any other time.....rather just be me.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Does this qualify ?

Styled hair? Never
Makeup? Never
Earrings / Jewelry? Never
Dress or skirt? Never
Heeled footwear or anything remotely feminine? Never
Any piece of clothing that actually fits/flatters her body? Never

What does that leave us with? Here are some of her favorites:

XL T shirts - I hate them
Oversized yoga pants - I hate them
flip flops - I hate them
Sneakers - I hate them

Those four items make up at least 90% of her wardrobe and daily attire.

Does that make her a F2M crossdresser? You tell me...

[MatildaJ.]

@Tracy, your wife not putting effort into her appearance obviously isn't the same thing as dressing male. If it bothers you so much, have you tried asking her to dress up a little bit for a special occasion, like your birthday? If she'll do that, then you praise her efforts, say how beautiful she looks, and show her a good time to reward her. If she is never interested in pleasing you at all, maybe your relationship has other issues besides clothes?

[Michelle colson]

I never dress in front of her and she doesn't exactly cd but she does love to rock her inner tomboy on the weekends. All week she wears dresses, heels and perfect hair/makeup for work. On the weekends however, she's been known to put on combat boots and camo pants and go 4 wheeling and target shooting with me and the boys in the jeep. Not really cd like what we all do but still not exactly girly. I love and envy her style.

[~Joanne~]

My SO shops in the men's section.....but she doesn't try a role reversal.

[Kris Avery]

My SO is not overly girly. We both see this is a huge advantage.

Isn't threatened with my fem side - at all
Gets ready quickly - nice
Doesn't mind all the clothes -as long as she doesn't have to wear them.
Is ever so slightly turned on by girls...hmmm check.:D
Likes to be the dominant in the relationship - especially at bedtime ... hmmm check :D

All in all, she is perfect for me.

[franlee]

This is one of my favorite "things." Role reversal and switching places have been part of my marriages. And has a special place in my start. So yes but it is not a frequent event.

[susmitha]

@Tracy (post no.11): No, that does not amount to dressing as male. If she puts in conscious effort to appear masculine by wearing men' pants and shirt. men' vest / inner garments etc. with chest binding and "packing", then that can be considered FtM crossdressing. In such a case, both of you can enjoy role reversal also, with you as the wife and she as the husband. You can extend this to intimate moments also.

[mechamoose]

My girl juts kind of does it without thinking. Sweats, shorts, baggy t-shirts. When dressing for work she does business-casual outfits with pants. She only wears anything skirt like if we are going out to some event like a concert or special dinner.

We are an unusual case, though. I think our 'normal' mode is to be gender/role flipped.

- MM

[Krisi]

A female wearing pants and a T shirt does not qualify as "crossdressing". A female wearing an Army or UPS uniform does not qualify as "crossdressing".

JessM's post above (#12) describes female to male crossdressing. Anything else is just wearing clothes.

[Amanda22]

It's not an abnormal question at all! I encourage my spouse to express herself however she wants. If that included cross dressing as a male, then I'd be all for it.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

@Tracy, your wife not putting effort into her appearance obviously isn't the same thing as dressing male. If it bothers you so much, have you tried asking her to dress up a little bit for a special occasion, like your birthday? If she'll do that, then you praise her efforts, say how beautiful she looks, and show her a good time to reward her. If she is never interested in pleasing you at all, maybe your relationship has other issues besides clothes?
@Tracy (post no.11): No, that does not amount to dressing as male. If she puts in conscious effort to appear masculine by wearing men' pants and shirt. men' vest / inner garments etc. with chest binding and "packing", then that can be considered FtM crossdressing. In such a case, both of you can enjoy role reversal also, with you as the wife and she as the husband. You can extend this to intimate moments also.
Sarcasm is not always easy to portray with purely text.

I am fully aware that she is not a F2M crossdresser. But her regular appearance is one that is not far off. And say, from across the street, you'd have a hard time trying to determine gender. And you are very correct that there's more wrong about this relationship than just clothing. Try everything.

I didn't actually want to get into this kind of detail, but some of it is required for me to properly explain my hell.

YES, it bothers me. But I have given up trying to motivate her. As far as asking her to dress up for a special occasion? Yeah right, she didn't even dress up for her own graduation. She sure as hell doesn't give a rats ass about my birthday. Besides, it would most likely result in an argument. (She loves arguing about everything) Never mind the fact that she owns no clothing that could even be considered dressing up. I am not exaggerating, she owns only one dress, and of the 2 or 3 times that she has worn it, I told her I liked it. Does she care? Nope. She might own 1 or 2 skirts (of which I have never seen her wear).. that's about it. Everything else is oversized tops and pants. Shoes? Nope, refer to my initial post... flip flops during the summer, sometimes sneakers, and in the winter, clunky snow boots.

Praise her efforts? LOL. What efforts? As I mentioned, I used to try and do this, but it made no difference. Something is broken in her brain that turns anything and everything said to her, into an insult (thanks to her a-hole father who is also VERY broken). Even when you try and pay an honest compliment, she will find a way to take offence. She is always in attack mode. She is highly judgmental of others, and pretty much has no friends as a result. She has alienated ALL of my friends, and would not care if they all died tomorrow. And likewise, all my friends think she is a queen B. I don't take her anywhere because she is an embarrassment (visually and socially). She is incapable of any kind of friendly social interaction, and generally gives off negative vibes toward everyone around her. If she is upset about anything (which is most of the time) she makes no effort to hide it from others, and brings down the mood of any group. Why would I want to bring poison like that to a social event? No thanks.

Intimate moments? We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Why not, you ask? Because I want to sleep, not fight. I got tired of her taking fits whenever I would come to bed and accidentally wake her up. Which doesn't take much, she's a very light sleeper, and likes to plop her fat ass right in the middle of the bed. How am I supposed to get into bed without waking her if she's right in the middle of the mattress? Never mind that she snores like a freight train. And lastly, she is incapable of sleeping under the blankets without pulling them out from under the mattress and twisting up the covers. All of these things together make it nearly impossible to come to bed without waking her. Then she has the nerve to get pissed off when I don't sleep in the bed. Not caring that SHE is the reason why I don't sleep in the bed. Idiot. Intimacy? What's that?... She's a dead fish. There is nothing she could do, that would ever make me interested in being 'intimate' with her. That boat hasn't just sailed, it was never in the harbour to begin with.

How did this relationship even start? Well, picture two absolute loners, never had serious relationships all through high school. Then in their late teens, early 20's, meet each other. Never having a real boyfriend or girlfriend prior to this, they opt to enter into a relationship. In the start it was good. Just having a girl to talk to was very new and, dare I say it, exciting. She was never a 'looker' but I believed she would evolve as she matured and started a career and gained more financial freedom (career? yes, change? nope). Two years into the relationship, her mother died and was an emotional wreck because of it. Even though I never planned in staying long term, I opted to stick around while she recovered from her loss. It just didn't feel right to dump her right after her mom died. SO we stuck it out some more. things didn't improve, but they stayed relatively stable. For most of our relationship, we still lived at home with our parents. We opted to take full advantage of our parents generosity and stay at home until we had enough money to buy a house of our own. Things were not bad right up until this. However, once we got into our own place and started 'living' with each other, that's when everything went to shit. The only reason I opted to father a child was because I was kind of bullied into it. Nevertheless, we both wanted a child, and thought that having one would bring us closer together...wrong. In fact the relationship has never been worse. Now I just feel like I've been strung along, all this time, just so she could get a house and a kid out of me. Now that she has that, I am of no use to her.

What's that? Maybe she should seek therapy? Great idea! NOT. She's been seeing a therapist for the last two years, and so far it's done absolutely nothing. I'd also like to point out that I tried to get her to find someone to talk to many, many years ago. However, it wasn't until SHE decided that it was a good idea, that she started going. Typical. My opinions mean shit.

Why do I stay? Because I have a son that is the world to me. It's very painful to imagine coming home from work, and him not being there waiting for me. But I have been driven to the point where I would rather be alone then to be in this highly abusive relationship. As painfull as that sounds, I am realizing that it might be required to maintain my own health and sanity.

She also enjoys throwing in my face negative comments about my dressing (something that she was FULLY aware of before we entered into the relationship), and has on a number of occasions threatened to tell my parents and friends...Recently I have realized that in order for me to get away from this, I'll need to 'out' myself (something else I'm not looking forward to). This will remove a lot of her power. Secondly, the debt that I put myself in while she was on maternity leave (of which she feels is not her responsibility to help with), I have not yet fully recovered from. In a couple of years, when I am financially able, I'm going to tell her that it's time to sell the house, split the balance, and say goodbye.

END RANT

[Amylou2014]

@tracy

Does this qualify ?

Styled hair? Never
Makeup? Never
Earrings / Jewelry? Never
Dress or skirt? Never
Heeled footwear or anything remotely feminine? Never
Any piece of clothing that actually fits/flatters her body? Never

What does that leave us with? Here are some of her favorites:

XL T shirts - I hate them
Oversized yoga pants - I hate them
flip flops - I hate them
Sneakers - I hate them

Those four items make up at least 90% of her wardrobe and daily attire.

Does that make her a F2M crossdresser? You tell me...


This REALLY sounds like your putting your SO down. Reading this kinda made me mad/upset.

I work outside all day, I work on a farm.
I'm in boots, shorts/jeans, no makeup,no jewerly, my hair tied back with a ball cap on.
I come home to my husband in dresses/skirts and heals.
He doesn't put me down like that. Ya sometimes he asks me to dress up, but most of the time I don't have the desire or energy. But dang.

You just need to realize that your SO doesn't have the same fashion as you do and she may not have the desire to dress up. I mean looks like you do enough dressing for both of you.

Also have you ever thought that your wife doesn't dress u becausee she knows you look better then her so what's the point.

You just sound like a terrible person. You call her a "fat ass". Way to actually care if she has a bad body imagine.

[mechamoose]

A female wearing pants and a T shirt does not qualify as "crossdressing". A female wearing an Army or UPS uniform does not qualify as "crossdressing".

JessM's post above (#12) describes female to male crossdressing. Anything else is just wearing clothes.

Do you/we only qualify as 'girls' if we are in sparkles & heels?

My wife is a guy with tits. That is the basest most direct way to put it. She has *no* fashion sense. Has *no* clue about makeup. Doesn't associate with girls at all. She is more comfortable around guys. She doesn't *get* females.

You need to try and widen your view beyond clothing & presentation, sweetie.

It is about your/our *head*, hon. I don't care what bits you are born with, it all comes down to how you identify.

You don't *really* think it is about clothing, do you?

- MM

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

@tracy

This REALLY sounds like your putting your SO down. Reading this kinda made me mad/upset.

I work outside all day, I work on a farm.
I'm in boots, shorts/jeans, no makeup,no jewerly, my hair tied back with a ball cap on.
I come home to my husband in dresses/skirts and heals.
He doesn't put me down like that. Ya sometimes he asks me to dress up, but most of the time I don't have the desire or energy. But dang.

You just need to realize that your SO doesn't have the same fashion as you do and she may not have the desire to dress up. I mean looks like you do enough dressing for both of you.

Also have you ever thought that your wife doesn't dress u becausee she knows you look better then her so what's the point.

You just sound like a terrible person. You call her a "fat ass". Way to actually care if she has a bad body imagine.I completely respect your situation, and would not have any issues with your desire (or not) to dress up. Given the scenario you just described, I WOULD be an ass for expecting anything beyond what makes you comfortable. However, this is NOT the same as what I have to live with.

It sounds like I am puttng her down, because I AM. I'm not claiming to be any 'better' than her in this regard, but enough is enough. The filter is OFF. I am tired of the constant crap and insults I take from her every day!

Let's just forget I even mentioned anything about her appearance or wardrobe, my attitude has NOTHING to do with her not being girly, or what she is wearing. It is her outright dis-regard for anything that I value. THAT IS WHAT I'M POINTING OUT HERE.

Even if she ticked all the 'girly' boxes on my list, that wouldn't change the fact that she is hateful, and psychotic. Did you miss the part about the continuous hate I get from her? The fact that she thinks my friends are bunch of a-holes? The fact that nothing I do is good enough, or I get yelled at about something nearly every day? And she is unwilling to accept that it's her over-exaggerated, violent, and explosive reactions to everything that causes 95% of our conflicts. And they can happen AT ANY TIME.

How about this... Purposely scheduling my sons birthday party on a day that she is fully aware that my friends are incapable of attending, and when asked to move the date she responds with ' I don't want your asshole friends at MY party anyways, they don't celebrate my birthday, why should I care about them?.. Oh and did I mention that this all went down at the dinner table at my parents place? Yeah, that's the kind of 'class' I'm talking about.

And I'm accused of being the terrible one? Forget about walking a mile, 25 feet in my shoes and you would understand where my frustration comes from. And after being called a 'usless piece of shit' by your significant other, on many occasions, maybe then you can get back to me on this.

[Amylou2014]

@tracy

Ok I get that we all have different situations that we live with and yes yours sounds bad.

But the main part I have a problem with is just the bashing. Your bashing a women on the Internet in a place she cannot defend herself in any way.

I'm sorry for the things you have to deal with.

[Eryn]

I'm the one with gender issues. My wife doesn't so she dresses as she desires.

[mechamoose]

Tracy, there is a difference between annoyance and anger.

I get that you have issues which are not resolved in your current situation. My wife is a sexual abuse survivor. TONS of issues which have nothing to do with desire or commitment.

You (I think) want *acceptance*, and you are angry that you don't have that, yes?

PM, me sweetie!

- MM

[LelaK]

Tracy, you're obviously very frustrated with your relationship. People don't know well how to communicate their emotions, even though some psychologists figured it out 50 years ago and wrote widely about it. Active listening is the first thing to start with and then I-messages. Active listening is reflecting back what someone's emotion seems to be when they're upset etc. An I-message is telling others your emotion when you're upset, what the emotion is about, and what tangible effect the cause of the emotion has on you.

[MissTee]

Not our thing. Besides, I buy most of her clothes for her so she can look as beautiful clothed as she does naked.

[ArleneRaquel]

Sometimes while doing yard work on colder days she would wear my flannel shirt.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

If I offended anybody with my obvious 'bashing'. I apologize. This is the last time you will ever have to read anything like that from me. I can agree that it's not exactly 'fair' to be bashing someone that can not defend themselves. But trust me when I say, there is nothing 'fair' about the way I am treated at home. She gets to push all my buttons knowing that I can't do a thing about it. Anybody that gets pleasure out of doing something like that (in my books) is evil, and undeserving of anything fair.

I'm not looking for 'acceptance'. I already have as much freedom to dress as I want. And surprisingly so, my dressing activities are very seldom the reason we fight (almost never actually). In fact, it's most commonly when we are arguing about something else (something FAR MORE trivial), she likes to throw in jabs about my dressing. So, I'm not actually 'looking' for anything. I'm just tired of the abuse, and needed to vent.

As far as the communication thing goes? I have no issues communicating with anyone else in my life. As I already mentioned, there is something broken in between her ears and her brain. You could be communicating as clearly and calmly as possible, and with no malicious intent, but she will still find a way to spin it around and make it negative. This, is the number one reason why we argue. The smallest, most insignificant details can totally set her off. And there are no separate increments in between silence, and rage. From zero to all out WAR in 0.5 seconds. And the most frustrating part of all this is, there is never any warning.

SO...as I said....I will never speak of these things on here again. (Unless it's something positive)

[Lorileah]

The question was Does your SO crossdress" Not does she wear jeans and men's shirts. Wearing men's clothing to APPEAR male is the question. Most women have or do wear clothing from the men's department or their spouses closet. Answer the question without bashing how women look or whining about women in flannels shirts etc. Get it? Got it? Good. (This thread is riding a thin line with the fighting here)

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Copy that...

[SabrinaEmily]

That, Tracy, is called an abusive relationship. You are being emotionally abused.

I've been there myself. I know that I wasn't a saint in what I said either. I also know that not being perfect yourself doesn't mean you just have to sit there and take it.

I hope you get out, as soon as possible.

[Jeninus]

Even if she ticked all the 'girly' boxes on my list, that wouldn't change the fact that she is hateful, and psychotic. Did you miss the part about the continuous hate I get from her? The fact that she thinks my friends are bunch of a-holes? The fact that nothing I do is good enough, or I get yelled at about something nearly every day? And she is unwilling to accept that it's her over-exaggerated, violent, and explosive reactions to everything that causes 95% of our conflicts. And they can happen AT ANY TIME.



Tracy, for your own well-being and sanity, you need to/must remove yourself from this toxic relationship that, inevitably, is causing emotional anxiety for your son. Clearly, a first step is to have some heart-to-heart talks with your family and close friends and gently out yourself to them. You may find that your mother, especially, will be a strong source of support, along with your sister(s) - your Dad and brothers maybe not so much. Then you really need to see a good domestic relations attorney to ensure that you will have reasonable visitation with your son...after you have moved out of the marital home. The bottom line is that you need to muster the courage to make the break and rebuild your life. It sounds like you're in a depressive cycle that could end very badly unless you make the change.

Best wishes to you, Jennifer

[heatherdress]

No - my wife loves to dress girly, girly. Whe dress, she enjoys "helping me' with my clothes, make-up and hair.

[AdrianaCD]

Nope! We have worn the same Halloween costume to bed tho

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Thanks for the support people... I truly appreciate it.

I have already (mentally) made the executive decision to get out. But until I am truly ready to make the move, I'm going to act like nothing is out of the ordinary. If I make any hints at my desire to separate, things will get unbearably bad (yes, even worse than it already is). I have only mentioned my plans to people I completely trust. And they will not say a word to anyone until the time is right. They all have personal accounts of her outbreaks and unjustified behaviour (the recent birthday fiasco was the final slap in the face, of which everybody was made aware), so I am pretty confident that my friends and family will go to war with me if it comes down to it.

Thanks again.

[Kate Jennings]

I had a gf who dressed in male attire a few times while I dressed en femme. We found it sexy to push the gender envelope a bit.

We took some drives and brief walks but never really came across others during our explorations. I went all out, she wore one of my suits, ties etc...great memories!

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Not in a strict sense of the word, but I love teasing her about being a cross dresser as she loves wearing my T-shirts to bed as a night shirt