From the Heights to the Depths

[Katy120]

Last night I spent a considerable amount of time building my wish list at Amazon.com. During the course of an hour I added a couple of dozen new items to my wish list. It's rather exhilarating, putting together a fall/winter wardrobe even if in the end the list will need to be pared down considerably. I went to bed a contented lady. Sometime during the night the harsh reality of life hit me like a baseball bat. Truth be told, I can't afford even a fraction of what I added to wish list. Truth be told, even though I try to be a smart online shopper, it's likely that the few items I will eventually order won't fit properly or won't look quite as I imagined. (A real downside of online shopping.) Truth be told, the end result will be less than stellar simply because I am not anything like the twenty-something model in the online photographs. Truth be told, silk purses and sows' ears might be an old saying, but at least for me is fairly apt. Who am I kidding? Does one need to suspend reality in order to think that what I am contemplating buying will actually look good on the likes of me? Does one need to be delusional in order to be contented crossdresser? Needless to say, it's been an emotional roller coaster inside my head the past twenty-four hours.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Seems to me Katy you now have a good insight into the real world of women. Venture into bricks and mortar stores and try on some clothes to get the best styles that suit you. (It's a fun outing too.) SAs will be helpful in providing advice. Lastly, accept yourself as who you are and what you look like; get comfortable seeing yourself as a 'man in a dress'.

[Jenniferathome]

... because I am not anything like the twenty-something model in the online photographs. ...

You and me both. I even do this: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?188669-Funny-I-thought-I-would-look-like-her-in-tis-dress&highlight=East+German+swimmer and this: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?203830-It-s-not-body-dysmorphia-but-is-it-more-than-rose-colored-glasses&highlight=East+German+swimmer

you just have to laugh it off. We're guys. Set the bar lower ;-)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katy, If I can't see & touch it I don't want it.

[Roberta Marie]

Hi Katy,

I have to agree with Michelle and Blue. I don't shop on-line. I even got so fed up with the way that clothes did not fit me properly that I learned to sew my own clothes.

But, more importantly, it's not so much about how you look, but it's more important about how you feel. This is a link to an amazing song by two amazing artists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4349g66G1W4

[Krisi]

I can't see buying clothes online as anything but problems and that's why I don't do it. I bought three skirts the other day, all size 14. One fit perfectly, another was too big and the other far too small. I was able to drive to the stores and return or exchange them. Doing that for online purchases means you've paid for shipping both ways and have nothing to show for your money and effort.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes we really don't need a lot of stuff if we pit forth our best efforts. We all would like a lot of nice stuff but sometimes the practicality of it just isn't there.:)

[CostaRicaRachel]

I know exactly how you feel. I've ordered a lot of items from amazon, old navy, long elegant legs, looking forward to their arrival.
But when they arrive, they don't fit, I go from elation to disappointment. I would love to go out shopping en femme, I'm not ready for that yet.
My therapist has told me we should not be ashamed of being transgender, but I still am.

[Cheryl T]

I used to order clothing on line. I just got tired of the buy/try/return cycle because what looked good on the model never looked that good on me.
Now I shop in person and try everything on first. How many times I've done this and found something fantastic on the rack that looked hideous on me. Then again the reverse has occurred also and I've found things that looked so so on the hanger that I loved on me.

[Wildaboutheels]

"Does one need to be delusional in order to be contented crossdresser?"

Not sure exactly what you mean by contented... but Delusional? YES if you or anyone else thinks that a MALE buying clothes designed to FIT FEMALE bodies is going to be able to try on one or two items in a store or off the internet and find something that FITS "well". Just because one can get something zipped, snapped or buttoned does not mean it fits. Ample proof exists in the P&V gallery every single day.

The chances of that are very slim and none. Possible but extremely unlikely.

An hour spent in any decent sized Thrift Store trying on "lots of stuff" will easily prove that and likely make you a "more" contented CDer.

[bobbimo]

Its a yin yan thing for sure. However
If you take the mental approach that I am a happy beautiful woman, and you make it a daily mantra, you will soon see a huge difference in you attitude.
However if you slip back to the who am I kidding mode then you will continue to drive yourself through hell.
Check out Mike Dooley:
http://www.tut.com/index/
I just love this guy.
Bobbi
PS
Like wild said, Go to a thrift store and have a ball, good cheap clothes and no one notices what you carry into the dressing room.

[Nikki A.]

I won't buy on line for the same reasons. Fit and sizing is so variable. There are times when I see something on the hanger that I love, but once I try it on it just doesn't look good on me.
There was this one dress at my friend's store that I liked, tried it on in drab and it did nothing for me, However a few weeks later I had the right foundations on and it looked simply smashing on me. Now it's one of my favorites.

[Katy120]

Thank you all for your responses. I recognize the weaknesses of shopping online, but it does afford the opportunity to window shop just for the fun of it. The fact that the fun went out of it has more to do with the emotional nature of crossdressing for me. I suppose one must simply learn to deal with the highs and lows. I'm in a better place today. Thanks again for writing.

[Alice Torn]

At first, i made mistakes and bought stuff that did not always fit. After a while, I got my dress size right, and seldom have misfits now. I had the least success buying tops and blouses on Ebay. Usually too short, small, sleeves way too short. Thrift stores are best, but, i have had a lot of success on dresses at Ebay. I have to cut back on all online and new purchases, as i simply have too low an income to buy ANYTHING, now, except life essentials. And, i have too many dresses!

[CynthiaD]

Shopping on line isn't the problem. You didn't buy anything. The problem is that you're beating yourself up for having a little fun. So, you've put a hundred times more stuff in your wish list than you could ever afford. Who hasn't? So, you've imagined yourself being stunning and beautiful, like all the models. Who hasn't? Being femme means you have the right to be a silly girl once in a while. It's not a bad thing. It's just part of our charm!

[Kris Avery]

Absolutely.

The part that I'm slowly getting to is just like a maturing GG I am training myself to be more...discriminating when buying clothes. Needy have the advantage of their friends and family as they mature...we do not.

I'm working hard to buy nice higher quality things rather than pretty things that aren't so nice.
I'll let you know how it works out...if I'm ever successful.

[MsVal]

Window shopping. That's what it used to be called. That's the recreational part of the shopping experience that can be so much fun. That is, it can be fun if you approach it as fun. We can get into trouble if we take it seriously. Financial trouble, trouble with the wife/SO/girlfriend, emotional trouble to name a few.

My advice is to approach it as a good time playing make believe, and rationalize it as a learning experience as you gain knowledge of how to put together outfits.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Connie.Marie]

Katy,
All of us (OK, maybe only most of us) & most GGs have exactly the same problem, namely, we aren't built like the models.
I have been looking at ladies in the office who are about my height, & built (when padded) & see what they are wearing & trying to figure out why it looks good (or not) & then emulate what I like. Makes for a fun mental exercise. Unfortunately it sometimes takes trial & error.. Do your early shopping at a thrift store, that way you won't feel so bad when something doesn't turn out right. And you'll see what sizes you really are..




@ Jennifer at home,
I think the black & white dress looks good on you. If you would twist your shoulders, cross your legs & tilt your head like the other model did, you'd be almost exactly alike !! It looks good with the jacket too but I like it better without. .. Love your hairstyle in that one.

Hugs to all,

Connie Marie.

[NicoleScott]

I shop for a LOT of clothes, shoes, wigs, etc. online, but don't often complete the purchase by paying. haha
Still, it's a good exercise, and pretty enjoyable. It allows me to fine-tune my purchases, and knowing I can't have it all it helps me to make better decisions.
Once I decide, I do often purchase online. Sizing problems happen, but exchanges are usually easy if you jump through the required hoops.

[SO1Adam12]

Connie Marie is correct....I was in Kohls and picked up 3 pairs of slacks for myself, all identical styles, manufacturer and sizes but 3 different fabrics. One fit perfectly, one was a bit tight and the 3rd didn't even come close. This happens all the time with female clothing. There are so many different cuts and styles and although males have different shapes it's usually more of a size issue for them vs. a cut/style issue.

I'm curvy/hourglass shaped. I see so many cute dresses but I just can't make them work with either in the bustline or the waistline. I end up with separates. As for online, I do buy my SO some things online. I stick to things that are not form fitting and always go to plus size. Somethings haven't worked out but I know what to look for now.

Welcome to the not so wonderful world of women's clothing! :D

[Katy120]

I've done the same kind of mental activity. The translation from observation to purchase is a deep chasm. Hopefully in time I will get better at bridging the gap.

Thanks, Connie Marie and all.






Hugs to all,

Connie Marie.[/QUOTE]

[devida]

As far as I can tell the sizes of women's clothes bear only a passing similarity to what they are meant to be. It is the same for men but men, in general, don't seem to care that their clothes don't fit. Actually, they are so beat down by the drab they have to wear that most of them give up any sense of fashion around about their 30th birthday. Almost any woman I know would have exactly the same complaint as you. It has nothing to do with being a cross dresser and everything to do with the way that women's clothes are made (mostly in Bangladesh, Pakistan, China and anywhere else the manufacturers can pay as little as possible for labor). I think it's almost worse shopping in the malls. After a while of shlepping around stores and trying on clothes I am nauseous, crazed, and have clearly gained at least 50 pounds and twenty years.

[Katy120]

I think your right, Devida, about the sizing issue. One clothing manufacturer's "medium" is another's "large" and still another's "small." Even numeric descriptions are relative.

I hope the references to "nauseous, crazed, and gaining fifty lbs and twenty years" are hyperbole and not what lies ahead ... Thanks for writing, Devida. Your kindness is appreciated. Katy