Same Complaint Different Details Warning Rant Below!

[Sarasometimes]

Last night I was watching American Ninja Warrior and a pretty female contestant was set to go and they had an interview with her and showed how she was a gymnast and now a rock climber and how good her technique and such was and how if she works at it she can be as good as the guys at many of these things. Then they show her in these cute and beautiful dresses and wearing super high heels. She explains that she likes to do both things.
Here lies my burden, I'm the male equivalent but for me and those like me there isn't this positive support or even widespread tolerance. i had to vent and to all those who say suck it up and don't worry about what others think, you aren't in my shoes or situation
I would love to be able to act like a woman en male and be thought of as "so what" then the need for all this crossdressing would be a non-factor for me, I think.

Thanks for reading my rant.

[Allison Chaynes]

You just described so many of us here.... I felt every word you wrote!

[Rhonda Jean]

If it's not the crossdressing, what is it you want to do that you don't feel you can?

[Wildaboutheels]

I've watched all of the ANWs. And they have had some amazing women on there. I guess you musta missed the guy wearing BLACK PANTYHOSE a few weeks ago?

And it WAS NOT PART OF A COSTUME.

But I fear that you still have not figured it out yet even after 7 years here and 2291 posts later. You are in good company though.

Society is NOT the enemy. The REAL enemy is as close as your nearest mirror.

Wear what you want/present how you like and treat people right... and almost every person will "pass" you. MOST won't care if you" fooled" them or not. And neither you or anyone else will ever know that for sure.

It's not complicated.

[Jenniferathome]

Remember that she made the point that while she trained with the guys, she is a "girly-girl" in her own words. So the show accommodated her as a background piece as they do with all the contestants who have background vignettes shown.

You live on the planet earth in 2014. You are complaining that reality should not be as it is but as you want it to be. Kinda pointless really. Reality wins every time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sara, After a long day of wearing a cape and flying around the city fighting crime I like to return back home
and take a shower and get all dressed to the 9s' have a mixed drink and enjoy watching America Ninja Warrior.

[Sarasometimes]

Wild,
Thanks so much for keeping track of the number of posts and the years I have been here, that is very helpful. I also want to thank you for disregarding my request not to profess to know my circumstances and to tell me just do what I want. I'm glad all is good with you and that you have the answers. I see you 1955 posts in just 2 years so clearly that qualifies you as the expert.

[Emi_]

Nice rant. Truly a classic of the genre around here. So, now what do we do? Do we all bow our heads in dismay or do we stand up for ourselves and demand the change that we long for? If our reality isn't panning out with our expectations, it is up to us to do something about it. What can and what should we do? I dress openly and freely and just live my life that way. That is my action to change the perceptions about myself and to affect my reality. We need to really find a way to become a community and to act collectively to make real change happen.

[Katey888]

Members... Poster has been polite enough to warn you this is a rant AND that there may be personal circumstances that preclude her taking unilateral action the way others here can and have done... so please try to keep it non-snarky or I might be going all unilateral Ninja-Warrior mod on those who do... :bringiton:


Sara,

I hear what you're saying and I think it's just one of those 'life and society isn't actually equal' things... personally I sometimes find it better just not to immerse myself in things that I know are going to hack me off - that way I have a much calmer life and I don't have to feel like I'm 'sucking' too much up... :)

... kinda makes me wonder why I come back here sometimes, but hey! This place has it's funny side too... :D

Katey x

[stefan37]

The only thing holding you back is you. You can do anything you want as long as your are willing to own what you do. And you'll need a thick skin to fend off any comments spoken to disparage you.

[Emi_]

True, we can all choose to live in hiding and no one will ever hurt us or judge us or make fun of us. Or we can begin to work on changing people's minds about us. Avoiding difficult circumstances may be effective, but it doesn't improve anything for anyone. Lots of us want to simply live our lives as we see fit and not be "closeted" anymore but we can't do it until there are enough of us willing to stand up for our rights. These rants tell us that there are things we are dissatisfied with can we find a way to address these things and make change happen? And, can we do it without upsetting those who just want to keep a low profile? Maybe the original rant is just about letting off some steam, but there has to be a better response than just saying, "hey, that's just reality."

[6inchheels]

Sara,
I completely agree with what you are saying. Where I notice the same concept is in the children's books I read to my kids. They basically say that it's great if a girl wants to be a princess or a tom boy but I'm still waiting for the one that says it's cool for a boy to wear a pretty dress if he wants. In my honest opinion, I think we're jealous. Ladies wear jeans and baseball hats and it's ok. Ladies wear beautiful shoes and dressed and that's ok. If I wear pretty shoes to work I'll get fired. I'll even admit it outright; I'm jealous that girls can basically present male or female depending on their mood that day and I can't. I'm sure I could probably live life as a female if I dreamed of it, but I don't. That's not what this thread is about I don't think.
Some may say that we are the only ones stopping ourselves and so on. This just isn't true though. I have a really good job and I make enough to care for my family of four. I'm not going to show up in a dress on Monday just because the guy in the mirror said that I could.
We should try our best not to be jealous though. We are all different and we all have different advantages and disadvantages. We should strive for more equality in all areas more than anything.

[Amanda L.]

A lot of posts have words like " I wish", " when will", "I hope", "if only" . Words that describe a desire for an outcome which seems to be motivated by an action outside of our control. I am/was ( still unsure) one of these people who would like to wake up one morning and read on the front page of the paper that all discriminations against crossdressers and the like no longer exist. Disappointingly it isn't going to happen so we come to the fact that we are the only ones in control of our actions and we have a choice as to how we exercise that control.
Sara, I and everyone else on this forum share your frustration and feel the injustice that surrounds this double standard and i dont think its a case of sucking it up. I also admire those who thumb their nose at convention and live how they choose. So to suck it up implies we just put up with the status quo and continue to feel frustrated. The only answer then that I can see is for more of us to take control, frock up and get out amongst it. The more frequently people see us the more the get used to it and, though at glacial speed, the tide may turn.
So in my mind choice is the key as well as the courage to step out that door.
Luv
Amanda

[Sarasometimes]

To those who understand and showed regard to my request not to judge me, I thank you. To the others who know what I should do better than I, I say you just think you know! If you were in my situation and just walked out the front door, dressed to the nines or went to my job with brightly painted fingernails, you would have two teen children being teased and picked on and be unemployed for behavior unbecoming. But hey some people wouldn't care about that if it pleased them. That is not me.
I'm not hidden away either but i do need to temper my actions.

[Zylia]

I get what you're saying. I'm not interested in going full time or even cross-dress at work, but I do wish it was easier to talk about it with other people as if it's a hobby or just something I do, but I feel like where not there yet. Probably like you, I cannot afford not to care about how other people think about me, personally or professionally. Unfortunately, cross-dressing still is considered eccentric at best, but more likely sick and disturbing.

However, as a side note, I haven't seen the TV show, but from you post I don't see how the lady's situation is analogous to ours. She doesn't cross gender barriers, she's just good at sports. I'm not really going to pin this on anyone here, but it is kind of sexist of the TV show to highlight the fact that someone can be physically fit but still look like a woman. Did they expect her to wear those dresses and heels while rock climbing?

[Stephanie47]

Zylia, you sum the issue up perfectly. I don't watch any of those reality shows because the shows are really boring. There's enough going on around me that over shadows guys and gals orchestrating some peril. Among my acquaintances and former co workers and friends there are a host of women who wear the uniforms of the armed services. No longer are the women confined to desk jobs or hospitals. They are out there flying combat missions in jets and helicopters, driving fuel trucks, being tankers, combat medics. Frankly, there is something sexy about a woman in uniform. I married one. She did not marry a guy in a dress. The world is still like it was forty plus years ago. There may be some inroads made at a coffee shop in Seattle, but, there isn't going to be too many guys showing up at work in heels and a dress. As I have seen on this forum it is possible, but, it is not widespread. In Washington State the law protects cross dressers, transgenders, gays and lesbians from discrimination in the work place and housing. All are covered by hate crime legislation. So, come to Washington State.

[Sarasometimes]

Zylia
Well put. I think the contestant was highlighted in the show for her skill and that she was also a sort of girly girl and how that was just fine. As others in this thread who have shown support have stated you don't see a male counterpart for this. The "women don't cross dress" idea is , in IMHO because they don't have to to be openly and fully allowed to express both their masculine and feminine aspects of their personalities. Yes there are some ways for guys to express feminine interests and traits but generally they are still looked down at.
In my little corner of the world my opportunities are quite limited. And trust me that I have been looking for opportunities for most of my life. I also think that I'm not the only one here that has very masculine aspects as well as very feminine aspects to my personality. If I was more in the middle or to one side the conflicts wouldn't be so intense.
Other threads ask well why don't we cross dressers transition and the answer is because we don't want to be female we want to be ourselves.