The REALITY thread. Dedicated to the Rookies and the closeted.

[Wildaboutheels]

As REALITY seems to be in extremely short supply lately around here especially in the last few days...

TWO simple questions for qualified CDers to answer.

1] About how many times have you been out "dressed" in the RW? Just make your best guess. And just how "fully" you choose to go in your "presentation" does not matter. Any CDer worth their salt knows there is no right or wrong way to CD.

2] Have you reached the point yet where you have learned that Society is not the enemy?

None of the above implies in any way, shape or form that anyone should go out or needs to go out or that going out makes someone a better or more serious CDer.

And feel free to respond of course, even if you don't qualify but realize that complaining about something in which you have little or no experience is a bit silly and self defeating.

[KimberlyJean]

1. I have been out probably a little over a dozen times movies, shopping, book stores, I dress to blend in, although the last time I gave in and wore my favorite 4" black pumps. I realized that I had never worn them out.

2. I realize that society is not out to get me, embarrassment and recognition are my enemies. I have a large dose of aversion to being embarrassed, if it can be avoided I am good without it. Being recognized by someone I know would be pretty bad, I would survive but I don't think my marriage would.

[Martha G]

I have been out only three times - but it was to a costume party which really doesn't raise eyebrows. I dressed as Mrs.Bates, a Mother Superior and as Martha Stewart. I will be a midieviel Duchess this year for Halloween.

I don't find society the enemy, but out ( other than a costume party) it would be bad for someone to recognize me.

I make a much better looking and younger woman than a man, but..........

[NicoleScott]

Dozens. Best guess: 100
I don't worry about "society", just those random individuals who see me as the enemy.

[Cheryl T]

Over the last 10 years I've been out about twice a month, sometimes more.
It took about 4 or 5 times before I realized there was no sign on my back saying "CD ogle me". I watched others and saw they were in their world with their business and I was just another person in the mix. Now I never even glance at others...I've got my own business to attend to.

One time was really cute. A CD friend and I were shopping in Kohl's. I spotted this little old lady peeking over the rack at us. Then she motioned her husband over and they both were peeking and whispering. I just smiled and gave a little wave and they ran like the boogie man was after them. Sometimes it's a "reversal of fortune" you might say...LOL.

[Wildaboutheels]

So has anyone [thus far] seen even one pitchfork or baseball bat... wielded by a "disgruntled " member of Society?

[Crista]

I've never gone out the front door, but I spend a lot of time on my balcony. I'm happy sitting at my picnic table with an iced tea and a good book. People walk by all the time (I live in a garden apartment). I ignore them, and they seem to ignore me.
I'm comfortable with my choices; I don't feel that I'm missing anything by not going to the department stores or movies or anywhere else when I'm dressed.

[Kris Avery]

We are all dots on the spectrum of behavior.

Could it be that no one is replying that they were actually chased with pitchforks and beaten to death - because they are dead? :devil:

[Crissy Kay]

I have been out "dressed" twice in about ten or twelve years. Both times were on are close to Halloween. No, nothing bad happened, and I remember having a nice time both times. But I still have no desire to go out enfemm.
I think that is because regular woman's clothes have no appeal for me. After all this time, I still prefer the fetish, or sissy style rather then anything else.

[Lucy_Bella]

Once out fully dressed and not a problem with society at all even though it was considered a " T.G. friendly " place I still had to get there and get back while dressed..

Now , did I get anything from going out finally ? Yes , a hell of a lot !! One I felt very out of place, Two I did not enjoy the company of those who I thought where my Piers .. I felt out of place because being dressed in Femme did not feel natural to me at all even though I completely forgot I was even dressed a time or two.. I just didn't feel right at all even though I was made to feel welcomed ,in fact, my Piers ( the T.G. group I was suppose to be with ) welcomed me with opened arms..

I no longer have the urge to "get out dressed enfemme" that one time cured that feeling ,for me anyways.. Do I still like to go outside while dressed? Yes but no further than my backyard just to feel the air on me and what I have on.. Dressing up , is something I do for myself and only for myself ..

I prefer that society stays out of it..

[Butterfly Bill]

1 I have been out just about every day since 2000. I have a beard and make no effort to make people think I am female.

2. I have found mostly friends in Society, but I have encountered people who have kept me out of small social groups because they disapprove. A regularly meeting old -time fiddle jam session in Lawrence, Kansas, and a Celtic jam in Tulsa are two examples. Most people act like it's totally normal, but it ain't always roses. About once every two or three months someone will yell "faggot" at me out of a window of a passing motor vehicle. I once made the mistake of trying to visit a museum that happened to full of elementary school children with lots of cell phone cameras and giggles. Just about everything you might be afraid of will happen at least once, sooner or later. A few people will snicker and point, a few will whisper to each other. But these are rare enough that you don't have to care. As for pitchforks, I have not yet been the victim of overt violence. (But I have always had a construction worker's physique, and I usually walk like I know where I'm going.) I don't go anyplace a woman would feel comfortable in.

[Angie G]

I dress every day to some extant I don't go out dressed.This is what makes me happy. If someone wants to go out just do it. If someone gives you a hard time thats life deal with it or stay home.My wife is the only one who I dress infrount of And I'm good with that.:hugs:
Angie

[docrobbysherry]

"I'm a crossdresser". Not trans. Altho it took me well over 2 years here at cd.com to figure that out!

1. In the last 5 years, I've been out in public countless times.
a. Most times as myself. A man in a dress.
b. Maybe 15 or 20 times as Sherry. Who, no matter who's looking, is NOT seen as a "man in a dress".

2. My worst enemy is myself. Because I dislike how I look dressed. I much prefer dressing as Sherry. But, that is even LESS practical than going out dressed as myself!

Life is all about choices. There easy ones and hard ones. You'll recognize those rite away.

Then, there r rite and wrong ones. U may have to look back over time at your life to realize which were which!

[Bria]

I've been out probably 25 times in the last eight month and never had a single bad comment.

Hugs, Bria

[flatlander_48]

Two ties for me: the first at Halloween and the second this past winter while on vacation. The thing that I find interesting is the difference in how people interact with you, regarding male versus female. It makes a very strong point as to how sexism works.

As far as society being out to get me, I would say yes that probably exists. However, I try to stay away from those places.

[PaulaQ]

So has anyone [thus far] seen even one pitchfork or baseball bat... wielded by a "disgruntled " member of Society?

Read this thread:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?215038-quot-Pass-or-Die-quot/page5

I am fulltime. Understand that violence against us is real. Also understand that society IS part of our problem.

Sorry Wild, I <3 you, but reality is not quite rosy - far from it. I have other stories like this, some worse. A lot of us get killed. Sorry to ruin your Sunday.

[Nikki A.]

I've been out at least times in the real world and if I count going to "TG" friendly events events probably closer to 100.
Society is not our enemy, sometimes we are our own worst enemy. I use judgement in not going to dangerous places but I have been to restaurants, malls shopping and fast food places and never felt uncomfortable. Biggest piece of advice I can give, be yourself, be confident and things will work out fine.

[Anna H]

Some of us live in areas where there are no choices of "safe" places
to go out. Sure, there are restaurants and grocery and clothing stores/etc.
But, it's not hard to get a sense of whether or not it's a good idea to go
out as a clearly identifiable cross-dressed man.

So...if it's not safe in your area...then go somewhere where it is!

But isn't that the same thing as recognizing that "society" isn't always
so blind and/or welcoming to us? (or willing to even overlook us)

There are a lot of places we can "find out the hard way". That could be
very costly for some of us.

For every one of "us"...there are at least 95 of "them". Chances are pretty
good that a few of them aren't going to like "us". In some places, some
of them may act upon their dislike of us.

I've seen it happen.

[Wildaboutheels]

There ARE 2 questions here. Not answering those 2 questions does not help the Rookies one bit.

Does it?

[Anna H]

Neither do leading questions.

"2] Have you reached the point yet where you have learned that Society is not the enemy?"

[CynthiaD]

I've been out fully en femme at least a couple dozen times, probably more. Recently, I've been making an effort to go out completely en femme once or twice a week. By "going out" I mean dressing at home, driving somewhere, parking, getting out of the car, and going inside somewhere where I have to interact with other people. I don't go to bars of any kind, and I never go to trans events. I go where women normally go. Without exception, my trips have all been pleasant, I have been treated well, and I almost always get called "ma'am", or "dear" or something similar. I've done this so much that it has begun to feel perfectly natural. I often find myself wondering why I was hesitant to do this in the past.

If you add the times I've been out in my yard completely en femme, it would be hundreds. I sit out in my back yard en femme almost every day. I'm completely visible to the neighbors. I also sit out on my front porch en femme quite often, and wave at the passing cars, joggers and bicyclists. I've made hundreds of trips in 50/50 mode. This includes obviously feminine jeans, obviously feminine top, red nail polish, and nude lipstick. No wig or forms. I don't do that so much anymore, though. I now prefer to go out completely en femme.

As to your second question, the public has never been my enemy.

[Dianne S]

1) I've been out in the real world about a dozen times so far.

2) Yes. I have never yet had a bad experience. Everyone has been very friendly to me.

[Kate Simmons]

1, More times than I can count.

2. I don't give two hoots about what "society" thinks.

:)

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've been out dozens of times, about half the time to semi-private events, the rest in the RW. The first time I went out was to the Maryland Renaissance Faire, in front of 10's of thousands of regular folks.

I have not had any bad experiences worse than the occasional stare, but some trans people have been killed because of it, so I'm always careful.

[JessicaJHall]

Yeah really... WTF? Classic example, like "have you reached the point yet where you quit beating your wife?"

[muslegirl]

been out twice...only on halloween


great response!!

[Tiffany Jane]

I have underdressed in panties and hose at work. Made those rough mmoments at work a little easier to get through.

As I have seen cders at my work shopping, some more obvious than others I would say that I was more uncomfortable to see them, given my secret. The more I saw them, I thought good for them to be comfortable enough with themselves to be out in public. As an introvert, I find my full alter ego to be calming when at home and my inner sense of being judged in public leaves me to underdress.

[JMO2]

As REALITY seems to be in extremely short supply lately around here especially in the last few days...

TWO simple questions for qualified CDers to answer.

1] About how many times have you been out "dressed" in the RW? Just make your best guess. And just how "fully" you choose to go in your "presentation" does not matter. Any CDer worth their salt knows there is no right or wrong way to CD.

2] Have you reached the point yet where you have learned that Society is not the enemy?

None of the above implies in any way, shape or form that anyone should go out or needs to go out or that going out makes someone a better or more serious CDer.

And feel free to respond of course, even if you don't qualify but realize that complaining about something in which you have little or no experience is a bit silly and self defeating.

Let me tell you about reality. I live in a part of the US where there ARE rednecks and I look nothing like a female. To dress would be to as you quoted it above "You reached the point where you have learned that Society is the enemy?" (Minus a few words)
It would be self-suicide. My dads quote to me when he was told (back when he was alive) "I need to take him out behind the barn and beat this nonsense out of him". This part of the country where I currently live it is at least 50 years behind the times. Anything out of the norm is considered extremely strange and you are "ousted" out of the town by the towns people. Sorry if I have offended anyone but the reality of what would happen to me is something that I deal with every day. Moreover I have a family to protect more than my desire to go out dressed.:confused3:

[Nadine Spirit]

1 - too numerous to count. Somewhere in the thousands according to your qualifications.

2 - and yes, long ago. Any enemy I do real battle with, exists solely in my mind.

(Interesting WAH, I agree with you for a change.)

(And I am still on the lookout for the pitchforks, I keep swearing it is going to happen one of these days, but alas, no pitchforks, no angy mobs, no torches.)

[Princess Grandpa]

I live my life in women's clothing. The wig and forms however only come out two or three times a month only. While I agree that as a rule the general public doesn't much care how we present I say it's ridiculous to pretend there aren't dangers out there. I see lots of acceptance, and my painted nails seem to draw plenty of attention from the young hotties, I am also met with plenty of scorn and ridicule. And occasionally hostility.

It strikes me as irresponsible in the extreme to preach to the newbies that going out in public doesn't carry risk of humiliation or worse. I have seen countless reports of girls hurt just for being who they are. I attended the funeral of a lovely young girl who was murdered because she was a transwoman. I don't understand why you would want to pretend everything is just so wonderful and all the dangers are in our mind?

Going out, just being who you are is one of the most empowering things you will ever do. Mostly Johnny Q public will be courteous to your face but not always. As many times as I've seen you rant about the irresponsibility of "forum induced courage" I would think you would be more honest about the possibilities out there. One might have a great time. Or they might be seen by someone they preferred didn't know their secret. Or they might be laughed at or even hurt.

Hug
Rita

[Samantha_Smile]

Some of us live in areas where there are no choices of "safe" places
to go out. Sure, there are restaurants and grocery and clothing stores/etc.
But, it's not hard to get a sense of whether or not it's a good idea to go
out as a clearly identifiable cross-dressed man.

So...if it's not safe in your area...then go somewhere where it is!

But isn't that the same thing as recognizing that "society" isn't always
so blind and/or welcoming to us? (or willing to even overlook us)

There are a lot of places we can "find out the hard way". That could be
very costly for some of us.

For every one of "us"...there are at least 95 of "them". Chances are pretty
good that a few of them aren't going to like "us". In some places, some
of them may act upon their dislike of us.

I've seen it happen.


Spot on...



There ARE 2 questions here. Not answering those 2 questions does not help the Rookies one bit.

Does it?


Neither do leading questions.

"2] Have you reached the point yet where you have learned that Society is not the enemy?"


Exactly. Pushing your opinion in the form of a question is a pretty cheap trick.
Just say your opinion rather than asking condescending, leading questions that really don't help the 'Rookies'.

And while we're on the subject...


As REALITY seems to be in extremely short supply lately around here especially in the last few days...

TWO simple questions for qualified CDers to answer.


You need a qualification?
Oh s**t, have I been practicing un-licensed all this time?
Why did no-body tell me?
How do I obtain my qualification, I don't want the gender police to come and slap me in cufflinks and a tie!

As you can see, sarcastic rhetoric doesn't come across as polite as you may think.
If you have an agenda, fine, but at least own it and come out with it.

[Katey888]

I wasn't convinced this thread was dedicated to anything other than promoting one opinion and despite letting it run I see that we come back to that premise a little too often... Before it falls a little too far into complete squalor, and for the benefit of the 'dedicated Rookies and closeted'...

FACT: Many members here have gone out in all states of attire, completely safely, some for decades - and will probably continue to do so... :)

FACT: Other CDs, TGs, TSs, TVs, GQs, Trans* folk (etc.) go out and are regularly verbally or physically abused - and yes, some have been murdered... :(

Knocking this ping pong ball back and forth further is not going to change the world or make reality any safer for those who do live in less liberal and misunderstanding environs - but so that those to whom it is dedicated can read and make up their own minds, I'll be closing it now...

Thanks to those members who contributed both perspectives of opposing but equal validity... :)

Katey
Moderator