The hardest part about CDing......

[~Joanne~]

I just read a thread in the clothing section about Wigs. Wigs have always been my bane about My CDing. Finding the perfect one is such a daunting task. My first wig I actually bought at Janet's, which I loved but no one else (that actually saw pictures of me in it) did. They said it didn't have bangs and that it just didn't look as good as a wig could.

So bad wig after bad wig later, I finally found one that everyone says I look very good in and very feminine in. It brought together my overall look and I really do love it. I am most certainly going to be buying a few more in the future as getting to this one wig took an awful long time. I swear I have thrown out about 10 wigs so far , not to mention the money spent on them.

This was the hardest part about My CDing to date, finding my look. I think I do fairly well in the clothing department and have made leaps and bounds in the makeup department though it's still not 100% which it may or may not ever be. I would say my second hardest (bane) would be breast forms but after what I went through with the wigs, I decided to take a break before torturing myself again.

Your personal Bane of your CDing may be different though, It may be one of the following (or even a combination of a bunch of them):

1. Your still in the closet but desperately need out
2. You have a DADT relationships
3. You have a totally unaccepting wife/SO
4. You just have no time to dress
5. You just can't get past all your fears
6. You can't get past the front door and out and about
7. You get past the door but can't seem to again
8. You just can't browse the women's section alone
9. You can't find the perfect heels or in your size
10. You want to shave but can't...

The list here can seriously go on and on and each one of us have different needs, wants, and the like and most certainly have different elements about this we may never get past.

So what is it that is the hardest part about CDing for you?

[Kate Simmons]

For myself it's not really a life style, it's something I do for fun and it makes me happy to go out to the club to socialize and dance en femme. It's more about people being themselves to me and not being afraid or ashamed of my feelings. Besides at this point(since I'm retired), there's not too much more anyone can do to me so I just enjoy it. Works for me Hon. ;):battingeyelashes::)

[Ashley Lyn]

#10: I really want to shave in the Summer, but the SO objects.. What if my sister saw you?? What would the kids think?
I had the wig bane for a while, and went thru probably a dozen, but happened upon an online site, and with the SO's help have found two that I love..
One is a tad longer and flips up just on the shoulders.. the other is collar length! The longer one is my avatar!

[stephNE]

The only one on your list that I can identify with is #4, no time to dress.
As I get older, I am feeling as though life just keeps getting in the way.

[~Joanne~]

For myself it's not really a life style,

Bad choice of words for sure, I changed it to "CDing".


#10: I really want to shave in the Summer, but the SO objects.. What if my sister saw you?? What would the kids think?

I think a lot of SO's worry about people noticing but I am going to be honest, we say a lot of things here that sometimes just aren't true (or are true to each person's area they live but not to ours) but the one about shaving and nobody notices, is pretty much true. I have been completely shaven now for two years (last six months that includes my arms) and only one person has noticed. For the one that did I said " wait until I tell ~insert SO's name here~ that your checking me out, she's gonna flip on you" lol but I do back it with valid reasons.....I am cleaner, I don't sweat as bad, it feels better, and my favorite, you should try it lol

steph, it sure has been a hard and long summer. It's not that I couldn't dress but the heat has put a damper on it for sure. I told my SO when she asked why I haven't dressed in awhile "I usually am forced to cut back during the summer months just because of the heat but prepare yourself for the cooler/cold months" lol

[lydialeighTNCD]

wanting to keep my body shaved & freaking out about browsing women's sections/makeup aisles alone are the hardest for me right now. I somehow can buy nail polish myself now.

also, feeling like I'm dooming myself to a life of singleness. THAT seems to be my biggest issue.

[shawnsheila]

The hardest part for me is not being able to be about and free as whom I truly feel I am... some times I feel like a dude and some times I feel like a woman... It is absolutely not fear related, it is more out of respect for my wife and our kids... My wife is not ready for me to be fem out in public where all our friends would know. And I also don't want my kids teased because of it either.

[AllieSF]

Hmmm?? I really don't have any major issues or "banes". I dress and go out when I want and can, I buy what I want and I live with the obstacles to enjoying life as they unwantedly pop up every now and then. Your intro to this thread on finding that perfect, or most acceptable, wig just rings so true for the more or less beginner trying to decide where to buy that first wig. Many people strongly recommend going to a true wig shop and get all the personal attention that they offer at a very high price when the wigs cost 2-5 times what one may find on line or a cheaper less personal service type of beauty supply stores. I have gone through a lot of wigs trying to find styles, lengths and then qualities I like and work well for me. If I would have done that by continually going to those better wig stores, I would have spent thousands of dollars and be more than frustrated, how about almost broke? That is why I recommend to buy on line or cheaper beauty supply stores to inexpensively experiment, get comments from trusted friends first. Once one finds the style, etc. that works for them, then maybe it would be time to step up to the higher priced and higher quality wig stores. I am glad you found one that you and your friends like on you.

[Katey888]

Easy to answer Joanne... #1 - the party girl in me just NEEDS to party... just not so easy to fix, for all sorts of reasons... :(

But I agree finding a look is... challenging for us. I think I must have just got lucky with wigs... :D

But shouldn't we allow ourselves a little latitude given that most of us have not had the benefit that GGs have in experimenting and perfecting their look so that by the time they hit 34 (the perfect symbiosis of style, experience, sexuality and career progression, imao... ;)) the whole package is together and firing on all cylinders... We just need a couple decades longer - part-time - to get to the same stage... perhaps that's why I'm still trying to look like I'm 34... ? :lol:

Katey x

[Zylia]

Some of the above, I definitely suffer from fail-to-pass anxiety: getting read feels sucky, getting recognised probably even more although I'm not 100% that happened to me yet. That however is easily remedied by staying inside the closet. Finding nice heels that fit can be a bitch and I really need to cake up my face to get my beard semi-covered.

My CD'ing bane however is having to keep it a secret in many situations. I have said this before: I don't want to go full time or whatever, I'm perfectly fine with being a 'normal' guy and I'm too lazy to get pretty more than once or twice a week anyway, but I just wish I could talk about it with other people as if it's just a hobby of mine. I know I'll get there eventually, but I don't want to do it in a way that's going to freak everybody out.

[sometimes_miss]

also, feeling like I'm dooming myself to a life of singleness. THAT seems to be my biggest issue.
While I won't likely ever be getting married, I don't spend all my time alone. There are plenty of lap dancers, call girls, etc., to be had for the right price. You don't have to tell them about the crossdressing, you can get what you need affection or sex wise (which you pick, and what you need) depending on who you 'hire'. Yes, it's expensive, but losing everything in a divorce along with alimoney is far worse. I try to keep that in mind whenever I splurge on some paid for female companionship. And, they don't argue, complain, etc.. You get what you need, and ONLY when you want it. While I may never enjoy the high of falling in love again, the pleasures of the life WILL be enjoyed. And, I will keep hunting, talking to prospective mates, should I ever find a woman who truly is OK with having a crossdresser for a mate, well then maybe something more long term will be possible. But for now, if I can't find Miss Right, I will settle for Miss Right Now.

[Anna H]

The one thing that i Really do miss is being near a place where
there are others like me.

I've met some here that I'm getting to be real friends with...though
not in person, yet. But it'll happen eventually.

I'm used to bigger cities where there are places CD's hang out. I
sure do miss that a lot. I was always too scared to go dressed myself
and now that i'm not anymore...there's nothing to go to.

Oh well, at least i can dress as i please and go shopping online
anytime i like...lol!

[Kimkandy]

I was size 16 with shoe size 8 but I take heart tablets and feet swell so shoes don't always fit anymore plus put on weight so dresses don't fit either... So somewhere between 16 and 20 now. Dresses seem to be more forgiving than jeans to extra weight.

[lexivanderpump]

The hardest part about CDing for me is not being able to do it 24/7. I wish I could go to work dressed up en femme and everywhere else for that matter. Women are so lucky because they can wear women's clothes and men's clothes for that matter without judgement. I love the color pink and anything with bows on it. But the most frustrating thing about CDing is:
Not being able to find beautiful heels in my size(online only-but I love trying them on at the shoe store.)

[Adriana Moretti]

having to change OUT of the clothes...sometimes I stay up till noon the next day...then attempt to sleep...only to get out of bed and start the process all over again. I hate when its bedtime/ ...

I cant stand nails either....I love them when they are done...but hate doing them...ohh and eyelashes...they look great but jeez... zippers....they can be frustrating too.

[Tina955]

For me it's #1 still in closet, but DESPERATELY need out. And #5 can't get passed fears.
Due to those two, I have been looking for a gender therapist, and think I have finally may have found one who is local thanks to this site. I will be calling them in the morning, already sent them an e-mail. I really hope they can help.

Tina

[JessicaJHall]

Time, time, time is not my friend, I would so love to spend a whole day getting ready to go out, and just stay in. Plus, always having to have a contingency emergency inflatable evacuation chute ready for bail out.. nerve wracking.
I love my step kids, but I never considered moving back to my mom's after age 18.. they are 21 and 23 and they love it here... WTF?
Thanks for the bitch session! Sorry I'm such a bitch!

Oh, and I hate my wig too. I wanted to spend a little more this time, it's a human/synth blend and I like the fullness and style, but after much agonizing over the color and I went too light. Thank god for Copic markers or it would look even worse. My next purchase will be a darker one, and I can't wait... hope it looks OK on me.. it's a gamble for sure.

[GenieGirl]

Money....to buy ALL the pretty thingies!!!

[Thrymr's Bane]

Having a hard time reconciling who I am publicly and who I am privately is probably my biggest hurdle. When I started to building a persona for working with a fairly hyper-masculine culture I never thought I could get away with revealing everything that I was into publicly, but I now realize that it wouldn't have caused nearly as much potential friction if I was up front about things to begin with as it would if I came out now. I'm almost certain that I will take that leap and deal with it eventually, and just deal with whatever fallout it causes.

Money is a big issue as well of course. I can afford something nice every once in a while, but without a good grasp on what looks good together and what looks good on me specifically, the whole Russian Roulette thing can get a little too expensive.

[Amanda1128]

I fear my so wont accept. I am terrified of walking out the front door. And my belly. I would need maternity clothes.

[Amandartv]

You know ladies there is A lot of the above' s for me. All the concerns and be free to be you without any worries it sure don't come easy. Plus finding the people you can trust that goes along with it.

[~Joanne~]

feeling like I'm dooming myself to a life of singleness. THAT seems to be my biggest issue.

I understand the feeling but just let me tell you that there is a woman out there that will be accepting and understanding, You just have to find her. If You take the CDing out of the picture, You would still be looking for that woman, one that is willing to be partners in a life together no matter what one likes or the other.




I'm used to bigger cities where there are places CD's hang out. I
sure do miss that a lot. I was always too scared to go dressed myself
and now that i'm not anymore...there's nothing to go to.


This statement made me think about the place I now live. I am happy here as it is a nicer community than the apartment complex I use to live in BUT at the apartment, I could get dress and actually walk out of the building and get into the car without almost anyone seeing me. Here it is impossible so I have to dress on the road if I go out and I hate that.




I cant stand nails either....I love them when they are done...but hate doing them...

Believe me, I understand what your saying here. I should start a sister thread to this one asking "what do you waste the most money on?" I love nails also, they finish the overall look but the money wasted on them because they come off when the clothes come off is really out there. I mostly use Broadway press on's but every now and then I will glue some on but either way, they go wasted a few hours later and these things aren't cheap.My toes thought are always painted but that's easy to hide, finger nails aren't.



I will give everyone the money issue, even without the CDing, for a lot of us it will always be an issue. Having two separate wardrobes doesn't come cheap, or in my case 3 wardrobes because I make the money in our house so my SO wardrobe makes the third but hey, we have fun with shopping and money isn't everything ;) it would make is easier though lol

[CynthiaD]

My biggest problem is deciding what to wear. I have tons of clothes that look good on me, but I can only wear one outfit at a time. I often look at something, and think, "Gee, I should wear that more often." But I'm already wearing something else that I like just as much. It's not that I don't have time to dress. It's that there aren't enough days in the week to give my wardrobe the proper justice. I haven't bought much new stuff lately, because I keep thinking that I don't need new clothes. I need to wear the ones I've got more often.

[~Joanne~]

Cynthia, if your biggest problem is your clothing choices, your in a lot better shape than the rest of us ;)

[shelly1]

#2and #6 my wife does not want to see me all dressed up and if she ever does accept it I do not think I would have the courage to go out in public

[Tiffany Jane]

Time first and foremost. Work nights, wife works days. This is so we can watch our son grow and the fact I don't want him in daycare. Anyone with kids knows that naptime is a relative term and not an actually length of time. Keep legs shaved and nails painted more now and wife does allow a little girl time for me now and then.
Shopping is a close second. Shop in stores at christmas time as I can just say I am looking for a gift for wife or sister. Shop mostly online otherwise. Did buy some panties with my son (10 mos) but I felt like I was using him for my own protection. Bad Dad!

[Nadya]

The biggest problems I have are shopping in the women's section alone and a different one where I find it hard to find anyone like us nearby. I really wish it was easier for me to not care what I was shopping for at a store but feeling that shame is hard to overcome when i'm by myself. If I had friends nearby that encouraged/supported me, I'm sure I'd feel less ashamed of what I love to do.

[mbmeen12]

1. Your still in the closet but desperately need out? Not really in closet, but have a few friends and wife who know.
2. You have a DADT relationships? I do, the poor gurls:(
3. You have a totally un-accepting wife/SO? No
4. You just have no time to dress? So much to do so little time...
5. You just can't get past all your fears? Doing better with my councilor..
6. You can't get past the front door and out and about? I have been out to the club?
7. You get past the door but can't seem to again? N/A
8. You just can't browse the women's section alone? Bingo thank goodness for ebay
9. You can't find the perfect heels or in your size? I have lucked out
10. You want to shave but can't..N/A

[njcddresser]

For me it's not being able to dress as much as I'd like. My wife knows about my dressing but prefers not to see it. I call it our out of sight out of mind.

She works nights and. Gets home about 1030.

This leaves me a few hours a couple times a week. After showering, shaving and fixing my make up, this doesn't leave me much time for Jackie.

[Felicia Dee]

The hardest part about CDing for me has to be that I -- so far -- have not met other CDers locally. It would be nice, as I'd like to be able to have a gurls night out from time to time and work towards developing a supportive CD community. Book club? Weekly wine and dine?? Movie night???

Please don't misread this, BTW -- having access to an online community (here) has been GREAT and I am so thankful to be able to meet and become friends with you all! :battingeyelashes: But I'm old fashioned in that I need actual human interaction from time to time, lol.

xox

[MonicaJean]

1. Your still in the closet but desperately need out
3. You have a totally unaccepting wife/SO
4. You just have no time to dress
5. You just can't get past all your fears
10. You want to shave but can't...




Fears is the big one for me. A close second is a wife that would create a hell storm if she ever found out.

So I learned how not to feel and try to not feel at all. Helps quench the urge but never solves the problems.

[FantasyFreeMe]

The hardest part for me is shopping and trying to be discreet while not really knowing what would fit best on me since I'm new to this.

[Stephanie47]

When our daughter lived in the mid west my wife visited her each fall for seven to ten days. I have ample time during the day when my wife works to be en femme for seven hours each day. But...I really miss her trips out of town. I had the opportunity to hang my dresses in the walk-in closet; toss my male undergarments in a box and replace them with bras and panties in my dresser; hang my favorite slips on the hangers with my dresses; and line my shoes up at the foot of the bed. It was great to be en femme 24/7. I was able to turn the porch lights off and slip into my car for a drive to a residential neighborhood miles away for a leisurely evening stroll. I am looking forward to the winter. My wife's cousin is relocating to the southwest at the end of December. She is driving with her. I hope to be able to spend at least a week with 24/7 femme time.

[Della]

Yes to many of your questions. I shave several places, because it looks, better. Although the snow hasn't fallen, today I felt like shaving my legs. I will see if I can get by in the next few months without anybody noticing. Wigs---never had one. Forms---ditto. But I would like to see have I look with both.

[autera24]

i can't find heels in my size i wear a shoe size 13us men

[Seana Summer]

For me my size and shape makes it difficult to CD. Wide shoulders, my height and big feet don't always fit into the cloths I would like to wear.

[charlenesomeone]

For me, Makeup.
and Makeup.
Oh and then theres makeup.

[LeannS]

I myself I can go shopping for clothes without to much problem still nervous though. wish the wife was more accepting at least she calls when she is on her way home from work. Just wish I could shave all this dam hair off so I could finish this look I want hard to do with a mustache It would be a fight if I shaved it.
I do have the wigs and forms.
Nails are fun spend to much on them though for a weekend of enjoyment when shes gone.
Hard to get all of the glue off lol
Tried to glue on the forms here couple of weeks ago (warning put drinks down and swallow first before going further)) felt good but a mess trying to get off with all the hair and yes it was all stuck together lol
shoes do fit I have small feet size 8 1/2 10 womens shoes
can' go out all dressed except for halloween dam

Leann

[~Joanne~]

Shop in stores at christmas time as I can just say I am looking for a gift for wife or sister. Shop mostly online otherwise.

This is the best time to try and shake a few fears when it comes to shopping. Though your using an excuse to actually wander the racks if you pay attention, no one is really watching you. I am so happy I am past all of this, since your SO knows, maybe you should have a few shopping trips with her and you both can get some nice things and look together.


I really wish it was easier for me to not care what I was shopping for at a store but feeling that shame is hard to overcome when i'm by myself. If I had friends nearby that encouraged/supported me, I'm sure I'd feel less ashamed of what I love to do.

I think this is one of the many stages alot of us go through or have gone through. In time, when you accept yourself for who you are, it won't matter if anyone is with you or not.



The hardest part about CDing for me has to be that I -- so far -- have not met other CDers locally.

I agree with you. Before the net, we all thought we were alone. You might want to look online and see if there are any groups near you. They may not be local persay BUT, for me, traveling a bit out to one would be easier than finding a group right on the next block.

LeannS Good news, Halloween is right around the corner ;) I don't go out right on the date but up to a week before hand. If seen, it's the go to excuse but that hasn't happened yet.

[Wildaboutheels]

Honestly? My hardest CDing decisions occur at odd times. I go out "dressed" [WRONG according to most here] at least once a week if not twice to normally two or three different stores at a crack, and sometimes 4.

To tuck or not to tuck? I am almost always wearing either some flavor of "Hawiian" shirt or a Tshirt. So, depending on the shorts and the size/length of the shirt tail, it can be a monumental decsion, whether I tuck my shirt in or just leave it out.

Life ain't easy being a CDer but as I live [and will die] by the KISS principle it's not that complicated for me.

I just wish I had not lost/misplaced my copy of THE Crossdressers Handbook they gave me when I joined this site.

So... I will just have to keep on winging it to the best of my ability.

[Bobbett]

# 8, Wanting to shop and look and feel all the pretty and shoes. I want a pair to call my own . Some thing crazy red and 6 in heals.Could I walk in these I have no clue.

[Tina_gm]

Hmmm.... for me it is basically that it is difficult to be in such a minority. Even if the entire world was completely accepting, we still would have so few people that we can truly connect with and relate to about it.

That most people are wired in such a way that even with acceptance, they will still find it difficult and awkward. Women generally will not find it appealing and likely seek out those who do not cd's long before those that do.

Lastly of course is society being strongly against the idea of it and basic beliefs that we are deeply flawed people and a failure of our born gender.

[Stephskk]

For me its a number of things.

The fear of getting caught by others besides my SO prevent me from ever going out in public.

I read some others and can see I have one great thing going for me.

My SO and I are about the same size both about a size 10. We actually wear the same size shoes so I get tons of hand me downs from her. I don't get to dress as much because of a busy life. (We are getting married next week) So I guess one thing I have to deal with is when I get a chance to dress I have a hard time picking what to wear. I am certainly not complaining its a good problem to have but staring at the closet in the spare room for 20 minutes can get a bit annoying.

[BeckyAnderson]

The hardest thing for me is seeing and feeling the pain of those closest to you who don't understand crossdressing.

[Lucy Lou]

For me there are several.

Getting caught, by the wrong people.
Not having a body that can easily look like a woman, big shoulders, feet, hands and face.
Not having like minded people near me to share this with.
Not being able to dress more often and go out dressed. To be honest, I would prefer to dress every day but that is not possible.
Being lonely and wanting to buy more things.

A few to be going on with. Lucy Lou. xx

[MariaA]

The hardest thing for me is seeing and feeling the pain of those closest to you who don't understand crossdressing.

Yes I would have to agree with you. My soon to be ex wife is leaving me because she can't understand it. It sucks and it is hard!!!

[MariaA]

For me, Makeup.
and Makeup.
Oh and then theres makeup.

When dressing this is my hardest task!!!