The death and re-birth of Alexa

[alexakennard]

Crossdressing is something that's really interested me and taken me over this summer. I had bought a wig, forms, and started a lingerie and heels collection. But then I started feeling bad. I starting feeling like it was wrong to hide it from my fiancé and family. I sold my forms, starting selling the shoes, and hid my wig. However, it's something that I can't seem to stop being interested in. I like the feeling of being a girl sometimes. The sexuality, the power. I don't know what it is. But this is something I can't walk away from. I can keep the secret and enjoy this. Alexa is back.

[DonnaT]

Welcome back.

I can keep the secret and enjoy this.

You say that now, but things tend to change over time.

Best to let your fiance in on the whole you.

[Dana M]

welcome back Alexa.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alexa, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, you just can't quit.

[Penny Lane]

Like a lot of us have found out the hard way, it is practically impossible to keep it a secret. It escapes in so many stupid silly ways that you think you have covered. Wives are so much more observant than you can possibly imagine, and that's without the use of a Sherlock Holmes style magnifying glass!

I told my fiance' thirty-nine years ago, its not been easy but we've been married for thirty-eight years. I've lied and said that I'd stopped dressing when I hadn't and that's bad enough, I dread to think what may have happened if she'd discovered this side of me "cold". So it's a difficult position but surely, if you love her, your fiance' deserves to know who you really are does she not?

[Jorja]

Welcome back Alexa! Sounds like it is time to have a talk with your fiance.

[alexakennard]

Well, we won't be living together for another 3 years. She's off at school and I am graduating and getting a job. I plan on getting the most out of it before I have to slow down when we live together. It's not something that I want to hide, but it's not something I'm sure I'll do forever. I think if I can't fight the urge when we live together and are married, I will tell her. But for now, it's Alexa's little secret. ;)

[Melissa18]

Hi Alexa,
The good news is, you have signed up for life as a CDer, there is is no escaping!
You'll know it yourself when and if you'll ever tell your fiancé
Good luck which ever way you go,
Hugs Adelaide

[Paula Siemen]

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Relax and join theCollective. BTW...keeping your CDing a secrete for three more years is a very bad idea. What if your fiance bolts after all of that time? Just MHO.

[Annaliese]

It is part of who you are, and you can't walk away from that.

[MsVal]

First off, I want to welcome you to the best run forum of its type on the 'net. Congratulations, too on being able to state that you are a crossdresser. Putting that in writing is a really big deal. It appears that you are not yet comfortable, and perhaps ashamed. Hopefully the day will come soon when you can accept this as a normal part of your personality, and you can begin to embrace it.

Others have noted the danger of hiding this from person(s) closest to you. If discovered, the conversation could be more about dishonesty and lost trust than about crossdressing. Others, whose opinions I respect may advise otherwise. You would be wise to consider theirs too.

[LelaK]

Maybe you could ask her for some of her dresses etc to remind you of her.

[Nadya]

I'm glad you didn't purge completely. It is a waste and a futile move to try to just "play it normal." Keeping secrets can definitely strain your emotions. You may not feel it at first but you'll know when you finally tell someone and lift that burden from your shoulders. Just follow your own moral compass </cliche>

[AmyGaleRT]

I've said before, once the crossdressing bug gets in your veins, the only thing that gets it out again is embalming fluid! :)

HUGS from another Colorado gal. :hugs:

- Amy