Advice

[Zoeeee]

Hey Everyone,

I hope you are all doing well and having lots of fun! I just needed some tips really, i want to come out properly to my GF so that she knows this is apart of me and it isn't just a phase.

Its just there never seems to be the right time to do it and i cant take that alone feeling i get whenever i need to talk about it all.

Zoe XXX

[natalie_cheryl]

Honestly there is never going to be a good time you just have to bite the bullet

[Chari]

It is good that you "want to come out properly" Zoe, but please think about your relationship with your GF. Asking yourself questions BEFORE you tell her is IMO the first step. What is her feelings/opinion of CD's, TG's, etc, as this may give you a clue as IF she is willing to accept and understand your need to express your feminine side. Once you talk to her (or anyone else) about your femme side - she may or may not decide she would be comfortable with this new part of HER lifestyle. Enjoy.

[Roberta Young]

Hi Zoeeee, I had to tell My wife after 26 years of marriage. It will be the hardest thing that You will do. I started to say" Mary,I have something to express to You. Now please dont say anything until Im completely finished with My thoughts and feelings". Be prepared to have a LONG talk and be honest with Your answers and feelings towards Her and You. Good Luck. Hugs Roberta

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Zoe

Read the link in my signature on telling your partner. It is full of great advice.

[Princess Grandpa]

Hi Zoe:

There are a couple really good threads here about telling. I would link them, but I'm not that bright. Hopefully some of the smarter girls will help out. I wish you all the best and will be watching for an update on how you handled it and how it went.

Hug
Rita

[Teresa]

Zoe I can tell you how not to do it !
I don't know your age but in my late teens I was staying at my GFs house helping with some renovation work, I slept naked but it was so cold I put on my GF's baby doll neglige set ! She came to ask me if I was still cold and I said not any more so she peeled back the bed clothes, she took one look and joined me ! Boy did we both love her nighties !!!

Sorry not much help but if you're young just enjoy it !!

[sometimes_miss]

Have you brushed over the subject at any time? What are her feelings about crossdressers, female impersonators, actors who have dressed the part of women in films, and gay people? All of these are topics that will give you a hint about how she MIGHT respond. However, even if she's o.k. with all of the above, there's the NIMBY syndrome, where it's just fine if it's about 'other people', but not so fine when it's about one of her own. Going into a situation where you know none of the important things about how she feels about crossdressers, you only have about a 1% chance of success by just blurting out that you are a crossdresser. Wishful thinking will not increase your odds (this I know from personal experience). Knowledge is your, and her best friend. Find out more about what she knows about the great gender divide; you can rent movies about crossdressers, light hearted ones with comedy involved and see how she responds. Some not so light hearted ones involve teenagers, such as 'Just one of the girls', starring Corey Haim (you can tell her you're curious about work by actors who killed themselves, to see maybe what if anything they might have had in common), robin williams did Mrs Doubtfire, and I'm sure you can find others, one of the monty python group died early, I don't remember if he killed himself or died of something else. There's lots of ways to bring up the subject sideways sort of, to get the feeling of what she thinks. But the big thing is, there will be no way to know how it will affect your relationship. People are either turned on, or turned off by things, and what we do know, is that women who are sexually turned on by a guy who crossdresses is rarer than winning lottery tickets. Good luck, you're going to need it. Use every method known to increase your odds. Again, knowledge is your best ally, but if you don't know why you crossdress, you're going in blind, and will not be able to explain why she should believe that you are not gay and/or will not eventually transition to transsexual and seek SRS.

[Emi_]

If there isn't a good time, make a time. Tell her you have something important to discuss and set aside the time to have that talk.

Keep in mind that you may be putting the nails on the coffin of your relationship by doing this, but don't let that scare you. It is important to know now how she feels and to be open and honest. Too many people hide this for too long and live miserable lives or destroy entire households because they could not muster the courage to face the hard consequences of their choices. As wonderful as my wife has been with me, I should have talked more openly with her about this at the beginning and she has always told me that it wasn't my being a cross-dresser that hurt her - it was that I didn't tell her the truth about myself to begin with. You owe it to your girlfriend to give her a fair chance to know the whole person you are, not just who you seem to be while you're hiding a big part of your total self.

[Isabella Ross]

Was going to offer some advice, but I think that Emi has nailed it. Make the time. Swallow your fears. I wished I had been so much more honest to myself and to my wife 20 years ago. Now I feel that it was such a waste of time...and that I squandered opportunities to be the whole person I am today by my denial and procrastination. And, like Emi, my wife also felt more betrayed by my lack of honesty all those years.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Zoee, The longer you wait the harder it gets, Also see my third signature line.

[NicoleScott]

The right time is when it starts to get serious. That is, seriously thinking about and planning a future together.

[kimdl93]

Shelly's link is a pretty complete guide. Other than that, all I can ad is to think about how you'll respond to the inevitable questions.

[Amy Lynn3]

You have gotten some good advise already and to add to what Nichole said about correct time to tell. You could test the water before then, by saying something like this....just come out and say ...you may want to know about this, but at times I wear panties, due to their comfort. If she blows her top...maybe not a good thing to go any deeper. If she is okay with you doing that, you may want to go into detail.

The best with whatever you do.

[nvlady]

Just remember, they were never able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Once you tell her, you can't untell her.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Zoeeee.
Some good ideas here.
I came out with a fun dress up game, it worked for me but not for everyone.
DO DO IT before getting hooked, otherwise she will think her life is based on a lie.

[Marcelle]

Hi Zoe,

Well if you have made your decision to tell your GF then a frank and open discussion IMHO is the best way forward. Let her know you want to discuss something serious which can affect your relationship (seems a bit daunting but you do need to set the stage). If she gives you a "HUH" look just tell her it is nothing bad but there is something she needs to know. Now I would not recommend just blurting out "I like to wear dresses" and then wait for the questions. You could start with asking her what she knows about transgender people. Now this will launch the subject and you should get a quick indication of how understanding she is at that point. If she jumps up and screams "What . . . you like to dress like a girl . . . not on my watch" and leaves then you have your answer. If she seems confused but is still listening . . . then go on to explain to her what Zoe means to you and how she fits into your life and how you would like her to fit into yours and hers relationship.

Give her time to process as you explain and encourage questions. Be honest with her and don't hide what you feel, what you need to do and what you hope for. Once the cat is out of the bag come clean with everything.

Last word of advice . . . be very sure this is what you want. Because once that bell is rung it cannot be silenced and you have now given some very personal information to a person who may if she wishes to, share that with the world.

Good luck sweetie.

Hugs

Isha

[MsVal]

Many are the times when one must present uncomfortable information, and few are the times that are "right".

The clock begins ticking once you have determined that you must disclose your crossdressing. After that, every day that passes makes the disclosure less about crossdressing and more about lying/hiding/distrust/sneaking....

The alternative, not disclosing, postpones the disclosure to "someday" or "never". If "someday", you will have to deal with the dishonesty issues. If "never", but you are discovered, then the discussion will involve all the above, but not in a place or time of your choosing, and certainly not when you're prepared.

That should be your incentive to get it done promptly.

Absent a "right" time, create your own "best" time. Follow the great advice you've already been given for the disclosure and get it done.

Be prepared for a tough discussion, but if you're really serious about her, you will be having many more of those as time goes on.