My wife actually used the word CD in a sentence

[Sometimes Steffi]

Why is this important? Because my wife doesn't accept my crossdressing, although she does tolerate it.

Some background. My wife shops at this smaller regional grocery store. There's a GM there who works at the customer service desk there, who started coming in with some female presentation. He would sometimes wear nail polish, a girly bracelet or a girly beret.

My wife was talking about the store and said something about K. I ased her who K was, and she said, "Oh, you know him. He's the guy in customer service who is CD or TS or something." I was almost too shocked to say anything, because she was discussing CD so casually, like it was his hair or eye color. But not wanting to totally waste an opportunity, I told her that, "It's great that he is comfortable with himself to let the girl out, and it's great that the company supports him in doing that."

So maybe if she can accept K, she can eventually accept me.

BTW, I deliberately used the pronoun "he" instead of "she", because I didn't want to get my wife thinking about the gender identity conundrum.

[Stacy M.]

Well, this has to be considered good news. I'm always optimistic that our loved ones will become more accepting over time.

Stacy

[Stephanie47]

Years ago, really decades ago, my wife for very legitimate personal reason would say some very adverse thoughts about lesbians. If you knew the back story you'd understand. Over the years she mellowed and realized through personal contacts with some very ordinary women who are lesbians that they are normal every day folks. Me? Whenever cross dressing subject appear in the news or on a variety show or any television show, she is totally mute. I guess that is an improvement over casting dispersions upon cross dressers. It's funny that she can have a very outgoing business relationship with an obvious gay man for year, yet, when it comes to hubby it's total silence. Sometimes I wish she would throw a pair of panties at me when I forgot to put them away before she come home.

Anyway, hang in their Steffi.

[JamieG]

That does sound like a positive sign, Steffi. I'm rooting for you!

[SamanthaSometimes]

So maybe if she can accept K, she can eventually accept me.

Outstanding imaginations and hope springs eternal in the CDing world. I truly hope her attitude is changing and things get better for you!

[Jenniferathome]

...my wife doesn't accept my crossdressing, although she does tolerate it....

So maybe if she can accept K, she can eventually accept me....

Two interesting statements here. I would argue that "tolerance" is acceptance. And what makes you think that she is "accepting" of this other person as opposed to "tolerating" it? Try to be objective. Why is the grass greener for him? Or is it?

[Tina_gm]

I agree Jen, if someone does not leave you for CDing, then that to me is a sign of acceptance. Liking and accepting are two different things. If my wife was on this forum, I am sure she would tell you that lol

[Rachael Leigh]

That's great and hope it gets better, I too am in a what I call non accepting situation even though she knows all about Leigh we do occasionally talk about my other self but for her to really accept I'm not optimistic but it is good to always keep the line of communication open for sure.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

I have found that a lot of people can accept or tolerate someone that they know or have to do business with, doing something like crossdressing but can't stand the thought of someone in their family doing the same thing. It might have something to do with the "stigma" of everyone elses acceptance or non acceptance of the crossdressing.

[Roberta Marie]

There's an acronym that is used by sociologists, NIMBY, meaning Not In My Back Yard. It's OK to do build that toxic waste dump in the next county, but not in my town. A similar acronym for us would be, NMH, for Not MY Husband. It's OK for her husband to dress that way, but not my husband.

[kimdl93]

Incremental evidence of increasing general tolerance. It of course is easier to accept from casual acquaintances than a spouse, but in hopes of progress perhaps she is lightening up.

[stacey.eyes]

Steffi, that's great -- sounds like progress to me.

[Sometimes Steffi]

...
I would argue that "tolerance" is acceptance.
...


I think that there are shade of different meaning between tolerate and accept

Tolerate:
to allow (something that is bad, unpleasant, etc.) to exist, happen, or be done

Accept:
a : to endure without protest or reaction <accept poor living conditions>
b : to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable <the idea is widely accepted>

To me, tolerate means, "Go ahead, if you must", while accept means, "That's fine with me."

[Jenniferathome]

So let's look at your own words:

Tolerate:
to allow to exist, happen, or be done

Accept:
a to endure without protest or reaction

These are synonyms. You could interchange these descriptions. And yet, I do think that "tolerate" has a more negative connotation and "acceptance" a more positive one.

[candykowal]

Those times when the subject of male femininity comes up, usually is very few and far between.
So it is pretty cool to hear you had your wits about you to make a accepting comment.
Too often, it's usually Dear in the headlights time...well, at least...sometimes, in my case.
I try to think of things to open up the subject but most times there is no interest from my wife.
A few times she has said, some things I do, she doesn't want to know.
I think I'll go take a soak in lavender bath oil beads and shave my legs...contemplating more witty and insightful replies to male femininity!

[Krisi]

That was a good comeback from you but I wouldn't read too much into this as far as thinking she will be more accepting of your crossdressing.

I think one of the fears our wives have is that we will at some point start letting neighbors, friend or family in on our dressing and this would embarass them. This "K" person would be an example.

[Teresa]

Steffi women are good at that, she can talk about another because it doesn't affect her, it's someone elses problem ! She knows the difference between a CDer and a TS but she's put them in the same box as acting out of the ordinary !

She's living with your CDing but can't talk the same about it because she's worried what box you fit in !
You're probably like me, I've had talks and made progress but you want to progress more and are concerned you're pushing too hard, she doesn't talk about it and you can't make it the subject of every conversation, but you want to until you're out about your dressing !