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Persephone
09-02-2014, 12:45 PM
We all probably dream of miracles, hoping to wake up one morning to discover that we’re now women (or men for the FtMs).
I know that I always hoped and fervently prayed for that huge miracle.

In first and second grade, whenever we were divided by gender, I always tried to move to the girl’s side, fervently praying for the miracle that the teacher would finally see that I was really a girl.

Later, one of my GG friends told me that if I kissed my elbow I would turn into a girl. That one even appears in a children’s book, Marvin Redpost #3: Is He A Girl? By Louis Sachar (http://books.google.com/books/about/Marvin_Redpost_3_Is_He_a_Girl.html?id=WiJ9n9J0VOIC ).

After learning that, I spent days trying to kiss my elbow; pretty much nearly tore my rotator cuff trying to get to my elbow (I actually wondered if it would work if I tore my arm off and then kissed it).

But that big miracle never happened. Here I am, many years later, and despite all the prayers and the attempts, I still have some man bits.
But this week I experienced a Miracle, one that has been happening for me for several years, and which I never really thought about – it is The Miracle Of Ordinary.

I’m out for an evening with my spouse, Eryn, and Mimi. We’re waiting in line for an event. There are a few seats and they’ve sat down, but another woman, someone I don’t know, and I have struck up a conversation and we’re standing and talking for about thirty-five minutes (in 4” stilettos!). Her husband joins the conversation and, as husbands sometimes do, he contributes a particularly masculine comment to the conversation. She and I glance from him to each other for a split second and exchange one of those uniquely feminine “What do you expect from a guy” looks. The Miracle of Ordinary.

The next evening I’m again waiting in line, this time I’m with my spouse, my son, and a male cousin. I’m chatting with another stranger, the guy seated next to me, asking him questions about his career as an environmental photographer and letting him brag about all the wonderful places that he’s been that are closed to the public for environmental reasons.

I mention that I was at the same venue last night for a Girl’s Night Out and that we’d enjoyed it so much that we’d invited my son and young cousin for a return trip. I say “We could have brought my cousin last night but it would have been hard to stuff him in a dress.”

He laughs and says, “Yeah, that would never work.”

“Some bits just wouldn’t fit,” I giggle.

“Definitely!” he laughs at the seemingly preposterous idea, apparently never guessing that he’s chatting with someone who didn’t exactly grow up in a female body.

Sunday my spouse and I went to a Gem and Jewelry Show at the L.A. Convention Center. Lots of fun and lots of bling! As one of the vendors hands me my bag of purchased goodies he says, “There you go, Luv.”

The real Miracle doesn’t come in the form I expected, after all, I never did manage to kiss my elbow, but it turns out to be the best Miracle of all -- The Miracle of Ordinary.

Hugs,
Persephone.

Kate Simmons
09-02-2014, 12:48 PM
When we dress because that's what we normally do and it's no big deal, we've experienced the miracle of ordinary Barb. :battingeyelashes::)

Sarah Doepner
09-02-2014, 06:59 PM
I love that attitude and it does reflect a little of where I'm trying to go in life. I think it's a miracle that I can drive my car down a crowded freeway at 65 mph and it's not total carnage or mechanical bits and pieces flying off everywhere.

People talk about religion and describe Heaven as an amazing place somewhere we may or may not ever see. I try to explain that we may already be there. Regardless of what you think of as a miracle, and even if you know all the science and sociology and psychology behind what we see here on this earth, ain't it just astonishing? The Grand Canyon, the Sistine Chaple, a new child, an old friend, a narrow escape, a family treasure, memory found in a photo or a piece of music, it all just flabbergasts me. And being able to enjoy a view of the world from a gender fluid point of view is in that list somewhere too.

Thank you for your post, we need occasionally to step back and appreciate all we've been able to do, and even if it's not everything you want, would you have ever thought it was possible in the first place? Let's not set our sights so high that we miss the important stuff within our reach.

kimdl93
09-02-2014, 07:03 PM
Seems like it sneaks up on us, doesn't it? All those years of wishing...and elbow kissing (somehow I missed that one) with no results. Then, one goes out and makes the best of what you have, and 'viola!' It's happened without your even noticing.

Eryn
09-03-2014, 01:46 AM
...I’m out for an evening with my spouse, Eryn, and Mimi. We’re waiting in line for an event. There are a few seats and they’ve sat down, but another woman, someone I don’t know, and I have struck up a conversation and we’re standing and talking for about thirty-five minutes (in 4” stilettos!)....

I had also chatted with the "Palm Springs lady" just before the time you talked about and she was indeed charming! I was surprised at the length of your conversation but she was really interested in what you were saying and it did make the wait go by fast. While you were doing that I was chatting with the Australian gentleman that you spoke to later on that evening!

I do like the "sense of normalcy" that seems to settle over me now. On the way home from dinner this evening I had to stop for gas and the automated station that I normally use was down for repairs. As I was quite empty, I had to stop at a ordinary station and interact with the clerk. Not that long ago it would have terrified me to do that, but now it feels quite normal.

There's quite a lot of talk about authenticity and I think that a feeling of normalcy is a big part of being authentic.

Marcelle
09-03-2014, 08:41 AM
Great story and wonderful insight into the world of just going out and doing things in the Vanilla world. Sometimes is just the "ordinary" things which can have a profound and extraordinary effect on our well being.

Thanks for sharing.

Hugs

Isha

Jenniferathome
09-03-2014, 09:13 AM
We all probably dream of miracles, hoping to wake up one morning to discover that we’re now women (or men for the FtMs).
....

Nope. You lost me with this sentence. We "all" do not dream of such. "Some" may but more likely "few." A cross dresser does not want to be a woman.

sometimes_miss
09-03-2014, 01:29 PM
Nope. You lost me with this sentence. We "all" do not dream of such. "Some" may but more likely "few." A cross dresser does not want to be a woman.

Well, some do, some, not all the time, and some don't. It's not a static thing, for many, what we feel changes perhaps not just from day to day, but minute to minute. It all depends on the situation. For example, how many have said quietly to themselves at some point in their life, 'What I wouldn't give to be her right now' when seeing a particularly enviable woman doing something we will never be able to do, no matter how hard we try, simply because we are men, and not women. Some things will always remain out of reach because of who and what we are.

Katey888
09-03-2014, 02:01 PM
You do have some splendid outings, Barbara... and it's nice of you to share your feelings around why it is so special for you and those close to you... :)

I don't know about miracles, but I think your story is very much about pragmatism and perseverance over just wanting or waiting for a miracle to pop up... and there's a lesson in life there for all of us... along with don't bother trying to kiss your elbow - or any other inaccessible part of ones anatomy... :D

Katey

Mimi
09-03-2014, 06:44 PM
From the perspective of the spouse, it is the feeling of normalcy that calms me. We go out and do normal things--a shopping mall, dinner at Dennys...going out does not have to be fancy dresses or clubs every time. Eryn and I can enjoy the company of each other and of our friends just by doing these day-to-day things as well as the special events.

Kim_Bitzflick
09-03-2014, 07:01 PM
I understand what you are saying and I think I am getting closer to that. But it's funny, I never really thought of it that way. Thanks for pointing out the obvious to those of us (ME) who don't always see it.

Di
09-04-2014, 04:20 PM
There's quite a lot of talk about authenticity and I think that a feeling of normalcy is a big part of being authentic.


Eryn and I can enjoy the company of each other and of our friends just by doing these day-to-day things as well as the special events.

I totally agree with Eryn and Mimi:D
Sher and I have a Di and Sher life and Di and guy side life.......we go to clubs once in a while but just normal:D things most the time like going for coffee, out to eat,shopping basically whatever two woman feel like doing.:D
Just being who you are....the freedom to just be.

The Miracle of Ordinary it's the best!

Love your post!!!

charlenesomeone
09-04-2014, 04:28 PM
Nope. You lost me with this sentence. We "all" do not dream of such. "Some" may but more likely "few." A cross dresser does not want to be a woman.

Jen, I was thinking that today. Watching GG's in the airport and thinking, I like how they are dressed. Then it hit me, I am me even though I would like to be dressed differently, but dressed only.

CynthiaD
09-04-2014, 07:10 PM
I sooo agree about the miracle of the ordinary. There's nothing more ordinary than being female. Half the world is female, after all. From my experiences being out and about, I feel ordinary as a female. But marvelous all the same.

Eringirl
09-04-2014, 08:37 PM
Great story. The miracle of being able to be you...

Thanks for sharing.

Alice Torn
09-04-2014, 09:46 PM
Well, at age 60, with my 94 year old bitter, negative, people hating father, never got to marry, had to give up my little business near Seattle, to move 2000 miles to a redneck town, and on disability low income, eating one and a halfmeals a day, no chance for a girlfriend, with depression all my life, but i have served others often, I am learning to accept, that I will never have a lovely wife, cannot afford to drive much. But, I love my cats, ride my bicycles a lot, love to dress up as the pretty tall lady I wish i could have been, but can transform myself into, temporarily. I do wish i had been shorter. Being six foot six has draw backs. I would have liked to have been ordinary height wise, not someone who sticks out like a scarecrow, hitting my head daily. I do pray for a world to come, where and when all that is wrong will be righted, and healed. It is good that things are going so well out in public for you Barb. That is very rewarding.I hope it grows all over. Redneck areas are very challenging yet, though.

Rogina B
09-05-2014, 06:24 AM
Short or tall,big or small,interacting as a human with other humans is a self satisfying thing...Because you know that this is the way "it's" supposed to go.