Michelle789
09-02-2014, 04:15 PM
When I woke up this morning, I was like thinking, wow, I cannot believe that I have been a member of this forum for a whole year. And a lot has happened in that year, a lot of changes for the better. I posted a six-month anniversary thread back in March, and I would like to talk about everything that has happened since then.
I have come a long way from wanting to end my life last year, and from seeing a toxic psychic who wanted me to “man up” and told me that “being a woman sucks” and that I’m “ungrateful to be a male” and that “gender confusion comes from the devil.” I fired her a few weeks before I joined the forum. I have also come a long way from worrying about people making jokes about me being gay or a girl, and I realized it’s not relevant how well I hid being trans from people. What matters is that I am going down a path that works well for me, a path that leads to happiness and a normal life as the woman that I am becoming.
Here is a timeline of events since the year I have been on this forum
September 5, 2013 – I posted a thread asking whether I’m a crossdresser or a transsexual
Late Sept to early Oct, 2013 – I worked on my wardrobe, I got a new wig from Godiva’s Secret Wigs in Thousand Oaks, and I got a makeup lesson from MAC
October 15, 2013 – I started my new job in Woodland Hills
Fall, 2013 – I started communicating via private message with some members on this forum about my gender issues
December 9, 2013 – After posting a thread about male privilege, this was the first time I had been suicidal since joining the forum, and was the last time that I was suicidal. This was my first realization that I am a TS and not a CD, although I would still continue to fight myself afterwards.
January 24, 2014 – I went to my first ever transgender support group. I attended in male mode, but introduced myself as Michelle, and said that I go by female pronouns.
February 7, 2014 – My first outing as my authentic self. I left the house in male mode, and changed to female mode at the LGBT center. I spent the rest of the evening at my support group, and we went to eat dinner afterwards, all in female mode.
February 26, 2014 – My first therapy appointment
February 27, 2014 – I got my whole body waxed (excluding my face)
February 28, 2014 – This was the first time I actually walked out my own front door as my authentic self. It was pouring rain that night, which is a rarity in L.A.
March 2, 2014 – My six month anniversary on this forum
March 9, 2014 – My first solo outing. This was the first time I left the house as my authentic self where I was not going to a safe support group, and I was completely on my own. I went shopping to Barnes and Nobles, Starbucks, and for a drive down Mulholland Drive.
April 6, 2014 – I went on my second solo outing as my authentic self
April 12, 2014 – I went to my first transgender conference as my authentic self
April 26, 2014 – I went clothes shopping for the first time en femme
May 6, 2014 – I came out to my, soon to be former next door neighbor, as being transgender. She was very supportive and told me congratulations. I was in male mode after work when I came out to her.
May 9-11, 2014 – I spent my first full weekend as my authentic self.
May 17-18, 2014 – I went to my first non-trans event as my authentic self. It was a travel meetup, and I went with a transwoman from my support group that is into travel. It was actually quite intimidating and I was really scared of how cis people would react to me.
May 18, 2014 – I started attending MCC – a very liberal church whose motto is love and acceptance, and is not about indoctrinating or dogma. I have been going to that church every Sunday ever since.
May 23, 2014 to June 1, 2014 – I spent 9.5 days as my authentic self. It was my first long stretch of time as a woman, and I really enjoyed every moment of this week. I went to MCC, my trans support group, celebrated my birthday, a Memorial Day picnic.
I went to another trans support group that I normally am unable to make it to because it’s on a weeknight and would require me a two hour drive from Woodland Hills to Torrance in rush hour traffic.
I went to a meditation garden, eat Indian and Thai food, to see “Lovely Bouquet of Flowers” which is a play about transgender people, and more clothes shopping.
June 2-6, 2014 – After my femme week, I dreaded returning to work in male mode. This was the most miserable week of my life, and I felt some of the worst anxiety I had ever felt in my life.
June 7, 2014 – I begun laser hair removal. The laser specialist told me that I handled the pain well, that I took it like a girl.
June 8, 2014 – I attended my first ever pride parade, and this year the West Hollywood pride put the T first, so it was TLGB.
June 10, 2014 – I got laid off from my job in Woodland Hills. This was a major God shot in that I was able to live close to full time as a woman from that night forward. In fact, I was living 165 ever since then. This is because I was still going to my Friday night AA home group in male mode every other Friday. I allowed 6 hours for changing to male mode, driving, the AA meeting, fellowship, and driving back home, and divided by 2 since I go every other week. I also went to a graduation party that night – it was a transwoman from my church who was graduating college.
June 13-14, 2014 – I attended trans pride, which is a separate pride event for the transgender community and our supporters. Sadly, a bomb threat sent us home early on June 14. Friday the 13th actually went very smoothly, so we can’t blame Friday the 13th here – the threat was on Saturday the 14th.
June 18, 2014 – I was asked out by a transgender man who goes to my support group
I also came out to my other neighbor, who is a GG.
June 25, 2014 – I accepted, and begun my first ever relationship in my life
July 1, 2014 – I celebrated 7 years sober
July 3, 2014 – I bought a new wig from Godiva’s Secret Wigs. This one is much longer, and I actually like it a lot better. This is my main wig that I wear most often.
July 6, 2014 – After not going to any movies in 2014, in fact I had not seen any movies in two years, except when I went home to visit my family for the holidays. I guess my gender issues contributed such anguish that it kept me from going to any movies. But after a long time without going to any movies, I went to my first movie with my boyfriend. I have been to like 6 or 7 movies ever since then.
July 17, 2014 – I went to see the doctor about hormones
July 18, 2014 – I started attending WorkSource for my job search. They are a job finding agency that was trained by the LA LGBT Center and is supposed to be very trans friendly.
July 22, 2014 – I went to eat Korean BBQ, in male mode, with some friends whom I was not out to yet. I was very out of touch with myself, and felt lots of anxiety even though I was doing something I really enjoy, with people I really like. By this point, I knew that I couldn’t keep up the male persona much longer. Once or twice every two weeks for a few hours in male mode was becoming intolerable. I knew there was no way I could go back to work in male mode – that would just be complete torture.
July 26, 2014 – I got my second laser hair removal session. The laser specialist did notice that the beard was thinner than the previous time, so the laser is working.
August 1, 2014 – I started on hormones!!!
I also went to a mechanic for the first time en femme.
I also went to allies night at my transgender support group with my former next door neighbor, who had been awaiting this night for several months.
August 4-7 – Lots of drama with WorkSource. What I thought was a possible trans discrimination case against me turned out to be some bitchy drama queen just trying to make trouble.
August 8, 2014 – I got rehired at my old job in Woodland Hills. I came out as trans and have been working as my authentic self ever since then. It felt really great to go to work as a woman.
August 15, 2014 – I went to my AA home group that night in male mode. This would be the very last time I would ever be in male mode.
August 18, 2014 – I came out to a female friend who lives in San Francisco. Last year, I had spoken with her about the psychic and about my gender issues. She recommended that I start going to a transgender support group.
August 20-26, 2014 – I came out to my closest inner circle of friends from my Friday night AA group. Everyone was very supportive, and they were all there for my coming out event on August 29.
August 27-29, 2014 – I came out to three friends who are not in AA, but I know them through one of my AA friends. Two of them were very supportive, including a very conservative Tea PartyRepublican. The third one, who is a liberal Harvard graduate, tried to talk me out of transition and made up a zillion excuses on why I wasn’t ready for transition. I spoke with my therapist about this, and with several people from the trans community, and everyone agrees that he is being transphobic. Oh well, no one escapes transphobia, we all encounter at least a little bit of it.
August 29, 2014 – I came out to my AA home group, and I went as my authentic self for the very first time. This was truly the best night of my entire life, it felt really special to me to be able to go to my home group and share this moment with them. We also went to fellowship afterwards and continued our celebration.
Here is a link to my coming out to AA
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?218221-I-came-out-to-AA-last-night
Here are some pics from Friday night
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?218270-Coming-out-at-AA-Pics
I would like to thank everyone on this forum for your support, for listening to my story, and for being open to my viewpoints on various trans issues. I hope that I can help the next TS, CD, or anyone else on the TG spectrum, that is suffering and questioning their gender identity so that you can take the right path towards congruence between body and mind, and towards personal happiness and authenticity.
I finally want to give a very special thanks to PaulaQ, you have been a real inspiration for me and have been of great help to me in the past year. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your support.
I have come a long way from wanting to end my life last year, and from seeing a toxic psychic who wanted me to “man up” and told me that “being a woman sucks” and that I’m “ungrateful to be a male” and that “gender confusion comes from the devil.” I fired her a few weeks before I joined the forum. I have also come a long way from worrying about people making jokes about me being gay or a girl, and I realized it’s not relevant how well I hid being trans from people. What matters is that I am going down a path that works well for me, a path that leads to happiness and a normal life as the woman that I am becoming.
Here is a timeline of events since the year I have been on this forum
September 5, 2013 – I posted a thread asking whether I’m a crossdresser or a transsexual
Late Sept to early Oct, 2013 – I worked on my wardrobe, I got a new wig from Godiva’s Secret Wigs in Thousand Oaks, and I got a makeup lesson from MAC
October 15, 2013 – I started my new job in Woodland Hills
Fall, 2013 – I started communicating via private message with some members on this forum about my gender issues
December 9, 2013 – After posting a thread about male privilege, this was the first time I had been suicidal since joining the forum, and was the last time that I was suicidal. This was my first realization that I am a TS and not a CD, although I would still continue to fight myself afterwards.
January 24, 2014 – I went to my first ever transgender support group. I attended in male mode, but introduced myself as Michelle, and said that I go by female pronouns.
February 7, 2014 – My first outing as my authentic self. I left the house in male mode, and changed to female mode at the LGBT center. I spent the rest of the evening at my support group, and we went to eat dinner afterwards, all in female mode.
February 26, 2014 – My first therapy appointment
February 27, 2014 – I got my whole body waxed (excluding my face)
February 28, 2014 – This was the first time I actually walked out my own front door as my authentic self. It was pouring rain that night, which is a rarity in L.A.
March 2, 2014 – My six month anniversary on this forum
March 9, 2014 – My first solo outing. This was the first time I left the house as my authentic self where I was not going to a safe support group, and I was completely on my own. I went shopping to Barnes and Nobles, Starbucks, and for a drive down Mulholland Drive.
April 6, 2014 – I went on my second solo outing as my authentic self
April 12, 2014 – I went to my first transgender conference as my authentic self
April 26, 2014 – I went clothes shopping for the first time en femme
May 6, 2014 – I came out to my, soon to be former next door neighbor, as being transgender. She was very supportive and told me congratulations. I was in male mode after work when I came out to her.
May 9-11, 2014 – I spent my first full weekend as my authentic self.
May 17-18, 2014 – I went to my first non-trans event as my authentic self. It was a travel meetup, and I went with a transwoman from my support group that is into travel. It was actually quite intimidating and I was really scared of how cis people would react to me.
May 18, 2014 – I started attending MCC – a very liberal church whose motto is love and acceptance, and is not about indoctrinating or dogma. I have been going to that church every Sunday ever since.
May 23, 2014 to June 1, 2014 – I spent 9.5 days as my authentic self. It was my first long stretch of time as a woman, and I really enjoyed every moment of this week. I went to MCC, my trans support group, celebrated my birthday, a Memorial Day picnic.
I went to another trans support group that I normally am unable to make it to because it’s on a weeknight and would require me a two hour drive from Woodland Hills to Torrance in rush hour traffic.
I went to a meditation garden, eat Indian and Thai food, to see “Lovely Bouquet of Flowers” which is a play about transgender people, and more clothes shopping.
June 2-6, 2014 – After my femme week, I dreaded returning to work in male mode. This was the most miserable week of my life, and I felt some of the worst anxiety I had ever felt in my life.
June 7, 2014 – I begun laser hair removal. The laser specialist told me that I handled the pain well, that I took it like a girl.
June 8, 2014 – I attended my first ever pride parade, and this year the West Hollywood pride put the T first, so it was TLGB.
June 10, 2014 – I got laid off from my job in Woodland Hills. This was a major God shot in that I was able to live close to full time as a woman from that night forward. In fact, I was living 165 ever since then. This is because I was still going to my Friday night AA home group in male mode every other Friday. I allowed 6 hours for changing to male mode, driving, the AA meeting, fellowship, and driving back home, and divided by 2 since I go every other week. I also went to a graduation party that night – it was a transwoman from my church who was graduating college.
June 13-14, 2014 – I attended trans pride, which is a separate pride event for the transgender community and our supporters. Sadly, a bomb threat sent us home early on June 14. Friday the 13th actually went very smoothly, so we can’t blame Friday the 13th here – the threat was on Saturday the 14th.
June 18, 2014 – I was asked out by a transgender man who goes to my support group
I also came out to my other neighbor, who is a GG.
June 25, 2014 – I accepted, and begun my first ever relationship in my life
July 1, 2014 – I celebrated 7 years sober
July 3, 2014 – I bought a new wig from Godiva’s Secret Wigs. This one is much longer, and I actually like it a lot better. This is my main wig that I wear most often.
July 6, 2014 – After not going to any movies in 2014, in fact I had not seen any movies in two years, except when I went home to visit my family for the holidays. I guess my gender issues contributed such anguish that it kept me from going to any movies. But after a long time without going to any movies, I went to my first movie with my boyfriend. I have been to like 6 or 7 movies ever since then.
July 17, 2014 – I went to see the doctor about hormones
July 18, 2014 – I started attending WorkSource for my job search. They are a job finding agency that was trained by the LA LGBT Center and is supposed to be very trans friendly.
July 22, 2014 – I went to eat Korean BBQ, in male mode, with some friends whom I was not out to yet. I was very out of touch with myself, and felt lots of anxiety even though I was doing something I really enjoy, with people I really like. By this point, I knew that I couldn’t keep up the male persona much longer. Once or twice every two weeks for a few hours in male mode was becoming intolerable. I knew there was no way I could go back to work in male mode – that would just be complete torture.
July 26, 2014 – I got my second laser hair removal session. The laser specialist did notice that the beard was thinner than the previous time, so the laser is working.
August 1, 2014 – I started on hormones!!!
I also went to a mechanic for the first time en femme.
I also went to allies night at my transgender support group with my former next door neighbor, who had been awaiting this night for several months.
August 4-7 – Lots of drama with WorkSource. What I thought was a possible trans discrimination case against me turned out to be some bitchy drama queen just trying to make trouble.
August 8, 2014 – I got rehired at my old job in Woodland Hills. I came out as trans and have been working as my authentic self ever since then. It felt really great to go to work as a woman.
August 15, 2014 – I went to my AA home group that night in male mode. This would be the very last time I would ever be in male mode.
August 18, 2014 – I came out to a female friend who lives in San Francisco. Last year, I had spoken with her about the psychic and about my gender issues. She recommended that I start going to a transgender support group.
August 20-26, 2014 – I came out to my closest inner circle of friends from my Friday night AA group. Everyone was very supportive, and they were all there for my coming out event on August 29.
August 27-29, 2014 – I came out to three friends who are not in AA, but I know them through one of my AA friends. Two of them were very supportive, including a very conservative Tea PartyRepublican. The third one, who is a liberal Harvard graduate, tried to talk me out of transition and made up a zillion excuses on why I wasn’t ready for transition. I spoke with my therapist about this, and with several people from the trans community, and everyone agrees that he is being transphobic. Oh well, no one escapes transphobia, we all encounter at least a little bit of it.
August 29, 2014 – I came out to my AA home group, and I went as my authentic self for the very first time. This was truly the best night of my entire life, it felt really special to me to be able to go to my home group and share this moment with them. We also went to fellowship afterwards and continued our celebration.
Here is a link to my coming out to AA
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?218221-I-came-out-to-AA-last-night
Here are some pics from Friday night
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?218270-Coming-out-at-AA-Pics
I would like to thank everyone on this forum for your support, for listening to my story, and for being open to my viewpoints on various trans issues. I hope that I can help the next TS, CD, or anyone else on the TG spectrum, that is suffering and questioning their gender identity so that you can take the right path towards congruence between body and mind, and towards personal happiness and authenticity.
I finally want to give a very special thanks to PaulaQ, you have been a real inspiration for me and have been of great help to me in the past year. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your support.