Advice ( would be going out for the first time)

[DianaWales]

Hi All,

I think I may have finally overcome all fears and might be going out dressed next week. I would be going alone. Can anyone one please me any advice and what I should avoid. I am thinking of having dinner at some place and a movie. I am planning on wearing a skirt and a blouse. Any advice would be really helpful for me.

Thanks,
Diana

[JayeLefaye]

Hi Diana,

First off, Good on you!

Second off, and probably most importantly: Google LGBT Friendly bars/restaurants/Dallas, and see what comes up. And then head there! There is a a lot of info available, and with a little research, you'll be able to pick and choose what kind of food, etc you want.

It's always extremely brave to go out the first time, so make it easy on yourself, and find a place where you'll be comfortable once you get there.

Once you've been out a few times, then go ahead and push your own boundaries!!! But for the first time, I would recommend to find a comfort zone. Nothing better than to be a nervous wreck and walk into a, ahem, Gay bar, and be greeted with "What can I get ya Maam"?

Hope you have a hoot!...But seriously, Google first:-)

Jaye

[Yoshisaur]

hmm... I also live in the Dallas Tx area but I have never been brave enough to show my secret side to anyone. I'm sorry I can't exactly give you any advise atm Diana but I really would like to hear about your first experience going out dressed.

[JayeLefaye]

I'll elaborate just a tad, regarding the first time.

1. The excitement stage: where you spend hours getting all dolled up, and I'm sure you'll look gorgeous!!!

2. The panic stage: Getting from your home to the car, and then arriving at your destination and building up the courage to get out of your car.

3. And here is where Googling comes in handy. You can either A: Walk into a place where you'll feel every eye on you in judgement, or B: Walk into a place where you at least have a fighting chance of being accepted for who you are at the moment.

A little research goes a long ways towards having a wonderful night.

Jaye

[Kate T]

Diane

Look I agree with Jaye that a GLBT friendly environment might be a good idea to go to for your first time out. I am not so fussed on the GLBT bar idea but do you have a local support group or something?

I live a long way from local support groups so have tended to go out mostly to standard places. Luckily my wife and children are very supportive so I tend to go out with them. But certainly early on I did go out a bit on my own. Here are my thoughts:

1. A food hall / court is often a better choice if going out on your own. Even a cis Guy / Girl will attract attention if dining alone in a restaurant.
2. Don't go to a bar / club, especially late at night. Alcohol = idiots in my experience.
3. What to wear? Check the places out you are thinking of going, have a look at what other women wear there. A skirt and blouse is fine to go to a movie but put the heels away. Nothing screams cross dresser like a set of high heels in a casual setting. Get a pair of flats or sandals.

Good luck and hope you have a good time.

[Rachel_B]

Diana,

Good for you for deciding to see the world! The advice the other girls is pretty good My advice is for what you are planning on wearing. I would think that a low heel would be a acceptable choice. For your skirt, go with a A-line or a skater skirt. A pencil might be okay as well but if there are going to be steps you have to walk up or down if you are not comfortable with wearing it, it might draw unwanted attention to you just because you can't navigate some steps. As far as the blouse, as long as it covers what you want/need it to and it coordinates with the skirt and shoes, wear it! Keep in mind that you prep yourself before hand.

[JayeLefaye]

And I'll expand on Adina's excellent advice, and clarify mine.

Alcohol & CDing don't mix!!
A food court at a mall with a movie theater would be good.

But there are a lot of LGBT friendly "restaurants" in Dallas.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that for your first time out, keep it simple.

For what it's worth, also piggybacking on Adina's advice, my first time out, was with a local meet-up group. Safety in numbers while I learned the ropes.

Jaye

[Dianne S]

Do you have a friend who knows you dress? If you go with someone, your first time out will be 1000x easier. It took me a few times going out with someone before I felt confident enough to go out on my own.

As others said, a food court is probably a better bet than a restaurant if you're alone.

[char GG]

Don't wear bright blue eye shadow and walk confidently :)

[Jenniferathome]

And Char's comment can not be stressed enough: Don't wear blue eyeshadow. The 1980s are long gone.

Seriously, Diana, reach out to a friend on this board. There are many from the Dallas area. Go with a friend, it really, really, makes it easier. Then, go to a mainstream place. You don't need gay bars or neighborhoods. Own it! It's fun.

[Cindi Johnson]

I lived half my life in and around Dallas; also several years in Houston. My #1 suggestion: don't worry!! Even in Big D, the buckle of the Bible Belt, people could care less about a transgendered girl being herself in public. Suggestion #2: go out during the day, and do typical female tasks (such as grocery shopping, clothes shopping, "washateria" chores, etc.). Face it, in Texas women don't often venture out after dark if they are alone; if you do, you will be scrutinized. Suggestion #3, which you maybe don't want to hear, is that to fit in, you've got to dress and act like other women. Unfortunately, few women wear dresses. Even skirts are rarely worn nowadays. Given the September temps in Dallas, you'll fit right in if you choose culottes and sandals. Oh, I used to love to sit at the Bachman Lake Starbucks (in Target store) and just watch people! Free wi-fi with good pastry. Nobody ever cared, and most barristas and cashiers are really nice to us. Especially the latinas. But remember suggestion #1: don't worry!

[Rachelakld]

Yep, don't wear blue eye shadow (& keep makeup to the basics - painted up people get noticed really quickly)
I tend to go out early before all the teenages wake up (7am - mid day), unless it's dinner & cheap movie night

Art galleries
Museums
Coffee shops (where you can drink and run if it gets scary)

I tend to keep away from bars - lots of people drink bottles of courage and lose any form of manors they may have had.

If people look at you - Smile politely back (they will either be nice in return or think you mad and stay away)
HAVE FUN !!!

[Babbs]

You don't have to be gay to go to a gay bar. My first time out I went to a gay bar assuming I would be treated better than in the general public...I was right! no staring, the bartender called me things like "dollface" and "lovely lady". Also big was the unisex bathroom there. If you go to a general public place, where are you gonna pee? sounds simple but why complicate things on your first time out? also if you have blue eyes and like blue eye shadow, I say go for it! lol

[Adriana Moretti]

go to any bar playing football on the tv and serves spicy chicken wings by hot women.....your good.....not really but really not

[CherylFlint]

I take it you're driving your car; not taking a taxi; not riding a bus.
Pack a duffle bag with your drab shoes, socks, jeans and shirt.
Pack some Handy Wipes to clean your make-up off.
Call it a survival bag in case, JUST IN CASE, you have car troubles.
Take it from one who learned the hard way.
Play it safe.
Good luck but, above all, have fun!

[Lillyasia]

Be aware of your surroundings if going out alone. Women rarely go out alone, especially at night. Pick a safe place so if you get rattled and let your guard down then at least you have other people nearby.

I walked around Costco a couple of times, fully dressed in a skirt and heels, and really enjoyed it. My favorite part was waiting in line at the food court. I had women in front, behind, and all around me and they all carried on like I was one of them. They also stood closer in my personal space then when I am there as a guy. Costco is very progressive so I am sure you will be treated with respect by the employees. And the shoppers are too busy filling their shopping carts to care.

[joanna4]

Be cautious just as you would in guy mode and most importantly, have fun and don't forget the experience. Like Nike, just do it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Diana,

Lots of great advice already. I was a solo flyer myself and my first time out was a drug store . . . simple walking in, walk out. From there I progressed forward as I gained confidence. You need to pick a venue which is safe and where you will feel comfortable. If you decide to go mainstream, I recommend family restaurant establishments with no bar or pub attached. Sweetie, I won't lie or sugar coat this as going out public is a big thing and a lot of folks will tell you "own it" and you will be fine. That statement is true but what some fail to tell you (depending on how well you pass/blend) you need a thick skin to get to a point of confidence (owing it). People will stare, people will giggle, guffaw and you may hear comments . . . not always but sometimes. However, if you can deal with that then each successive venture out will only get easier and easier and you will begin to care less and less.

LGBT friendly establishments are a good idea as a lot of the judgemental pressure is off. But if you wish to do the Vanilla World, take a deep breath and step out (the hardest step is the first) but if you can find a wing gal that would be great and takes a lot of pressure/angst off of you.

Hugs

Isha

[Claire Cook]

Yes, lots of good advice. I'd probably stress not to overdress or overdo the makeup. I think I did on my first excursions, and looking back that probably drew more attention than I wanted. My first tries were by myself, but a major step (and my first time in a restaurant) was with a CD who was really helpful and encouraging. You might try practicing at home dealing with your purse, taking smaller bites at dinner, and other things that women do when eating out.

You'll be nervous, you'll be anxious, but you'll love the rush and the experience -- go for it!

[sherri]

Interesting that you're prepared to plunge right into the mainstream world without getting your feet wet in a TG-friendly place, but if you don't need that initial phase then atta gurl. It takes some of us awhile to grow into that, so I admire your pluck. Don't dress outlandishly or get carried away with the makeup, yada yada -- stuff you've prolly already thought of. Personally, I would avoid places with young kids as people seem to get a bit irrational about protecting young innocents from what they perceive as sexual aberration. And I would prolly choose a brand restaurant where I could count on company policies mandating tolerance rather than some hole-in-the-wall place where I might run into prejudice, unless of course you happen to know of a particular place that's cool. I don't agree with the teetotaler advice -- a drink can help calm your nerves and help you relax, just don't over-imbibe, especially if you're driving.

I've never gotten up the nerve to go to the movies for fear of bumping into someone from my home town but I think it would fun and is something I intend to do sometime on a road trip. You can also have fun with little errand type stuff while you're out -- getting gas, popping into a convenience store, etc.

Above all, relax, don't skulk around, try not to show how nervous you are, etc. And if you do run into a little negativity, blow it off, walk away, and please please don't let it ruin your fun. It's the cretin's problem, not yours.

[bridget thronton]

Thick skin and being please the to everyone - is very good advice (so is going to spaces with more women than men)

[flatlander_48]

Attitude is VERY important. People pick up on how you feel. Your nervousness is not unlike people talk about dogs sensing the fear in humans. Be as calm as possible. Please and Thank You. Smile and be pleasant.

[Blynda52]

My first outing was with my ex at a gay bar, a guy passed us and said whatta know to real women.

[StaceyJane]

I've been out en femme in the Dallas area. I've ridden the TRE and the DART light rail, Visited Dealey Plaza and in a really big burst of courage took the stadium tour at AT&T Stadium home of the Dallas Cowboys. Now I'm not recommending you do all this, my point is I've to several very public places in the DFW area and have never had a problem. So take it small for your first step just to get some confidence but don't be afraid to explore your city in a whole new way.

[DianaWales]

Thank you for all your advice. All your comments makes me feel a little worried and at the same time also got an idea of what it feels like. I am part of another local group and I had requested help there as well. Fortunately one of them said that they can meet me. Hoping that she can make it. I would be going to LGBT area of Dallas (Cedar Springs). Unfortunately I cannot go during the day time and have to go out when its dark. I will be cautious and will try to blend with the crowd. I will be wearing a very long skirt and blouse and sandals with a very little heel.

I really appreciate all your advice.

Thanks,
Diana

[Claire Cook]

Diana,

We're sure you'll do well. Maybe it's like riding a bicycle -- the first time without training wheels is the hardest, and it gets easier and better each time! Enjoy, and do let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

Claire