Close Encounters

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife and I are in a DADT agreement.

We went out of town for a couple of days last weekend on short notice. I don't know if I was terribly brave or terrible crazy, but I just got this WTF attitude.

I have kind of an underdressing streak going. I've been wearing Hanes white cotton panties for a couple of months now. I didn't really want to break my streak, so I took a few pair along and underdressed surreptitiously, as usual. I even slept in them.

I just got a pedi and had my toes painted red. Even if I had wanted to remove the nail polish (which I didn't), I didn't have time. So, I hid my brightly painted toes under my socks as usual.

I usually bring along a book to read. This time the book was "She's Not There", which is the autobiography by Jennifer Finney Boyle of her transitioning. My wife asked me what I was reading, and I said a book. She asked me the title, and I told her. I was surprised she didn't ask what it was about, but she didn't.

It was a little difficult to get thru the weekend without getting caught, but I did it.

So, brave or crazy?

[Jenniferathome]

Seems to me that you are trying to be caught. Given that the ONLY outcome would be your DADT becomes a TELL, why not attempt to address the DADT status? The problem with DADT is that neither you nor she know what the other is thinking.

[Nyla F]

I don't think a WTF attitude is the same as wanting to get caught. Sure you're more likely to be caught, but the intent is to be oneself regardless. Brave or Crazy? I'd say yes to both!

[charlenesomeone]

With DADT, doesn't that say that both parties know about it but don't talk about it?
Only you know how your SO might handle finding you dressed, so only you can decide how
far to go.

[Katey888]

Steffi,

She didn't ask and you didn't tell - so doesn't that just make it successful...? :)

But yeah - probably a bit crazy brave... ;)

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

All of my "close encounters" are with Reticulans. Sounds like you were hiding in plain sight. :)

[Teresa]

Steffi you get to a point where you wonder if your wife has noticed and is ignoring it or not at all !
I had this over my shaved legs now I have it over my chest ! If she'd persued why I wanted to shave my legs, it could have got interesting, the stockings look better so you must be wearing a suspender belt and what else ? Where do you buy your stockings ? You mean youv'e been out shopping for womens clothes ? ...............You can see what I mean !

[Krisi]

I think you are trying to get caught. I don't know how you could possibly conceal red toenail polish from your wife for very long. Do you sleep with socks on? Shower with socks on? And reading a CD book in front of her?

I would say it's time you and your wife sat down and talked about your crossdressing and figure out which way your relationship is going.

[Sarasometimes]

Steffi, only you know your situation and how things may play out. I'm DADT as well and with 2 kids I try to stay on the conservative side of crazy/brave. I think we don't give our wives enough credit to know more than we think they do. I mean unless she wants to confront you her only other choice is to sort of play dumb.
My wife has found makeup leftovers on my eyelids, a computer history (computer ignorant back then!) with this site on it and 5 years during dating where I dressed as a female each Halloween. It has to be DADT with this history

[NicoleScott]

If you are in a DADT relationship, that means she doesn't ask, and you don't tell. When you told her the book title, she didn't pursue it further. Why were you surprised she didn't ask? After all, that is her responsibility under DADT. But your WTF attitude is an indication that you don't like the DADT deal. That's fine, because changes happen. However, you shouldn't start breaking the deal by unintentionally letting your guard down or intentionally revealing. You should, instead, keep your word but approach her for re-negotiation.

[Genny B]

Steffi, I had to laugh at your post, because I can relate! Knowing you gives me an advantage over the others too! I think there was a mixture of wanting to be found and really not having time to correct anything! LOL! I painted my toe nails pink a month ago when my wife was out of town and did NOT remove the polish and she has yet to notice or say something. Who knows!

Genny B

[Stephanie47]

DADT usually means each party avoids the cross dressing issues. It does not mean the guy tries to slip one by his wife. And, it does not mean the wife makes obvious negative remarks concerning the husband cross dressing. I'm in a DADT marriage. On occasion I have left some garment out, and, my wife has found it. She has tucked it out of sight of visitors and she tells me where it is. No barbs are thrown.

I really don't think your wife has not noticed the women's panties, even though they may be rather boring. I don't think she has not noticed under dressing. I would suspect she wonders why you don't take your socks off. You may just be trying to push the envelope in your DADT marriage. I guess the test will come when you forget where you are and you pull off your socks to reveal your painted toe nails at a neighbors pool party.

Wives are not stupid.

[kimdl93]

I guess you gotta do what works for you. Getting a pedi is fun and not a violation of DADT. Gotta allow yourself some enjoyment in life.

I am curious about the choice of reading material. Is this something you're secretly contemplating or simply a way to live vicariously through the experiences of the author? That's the question your wife may soon ask, after she looks up the title.

[Jorja]

Oh my, I had to read a few post to make sure this wasn't about alien encounters. Whew, I have had plenty of those! DADT relationships, sorry I can't help you there never had one.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think you are trying to get caught. I don't know how you could possibly conceal red toenail polish from your wife for very long. Do you sleep with socks on? Shower with socks on? And reading a CD book in front of her?

I would say it's time you and your wife sat down and talked about your crossdressing and figure out which way your relationship is going.


Toes have been painted 3 and a half months. Yes, I sleep with my socks on. No, I don't shower with them on, but that's only 5 minutes a day that I'm at risk. I get up later than her, and shower after she's gone down to breakfast.

But, you and the others are probably right about talking with my wife again. I'm not really sure if painted toes and underdressing in panties are outside the agreed boundaries.



Steffi, I had to laugh at your post, because I can relate! Knowing you gives me an advantage over the others too! I think there was a mixture of wanting to be found and really not having time to correct anything! LOL! I painted my toe nails pink a month ago when my wife was out of town and did NOT remove the polish and she has yet to notice or say something. Who knows!

Genny B


Hidden in plain sight?



I guess you gotta do what works for you. Getting a pedi is fun and not a violation of DADT. Gotta allow yourself some enjoyment in life.

I am curious about the choice of reading material. Is this something you're secretly contemplating or simply a way to live vicariously through the experiences of the author? That's the question your wife may soon ask, after she looks up the title.


No. I have no intention of transitioning. Mostly educating myself, although I do think that there are some parallels between CD and TS. I met Jenny in person, and she is quite a funny speaker.

Being more introspective about it, I'm convinced that I'M a CD, not a TS. So I can read the book and look at it from the sidelines, not as if I will soon be following in her footsteps. It makes it a lot less scary.