Curious about odd childhood experiences we might share

[Kris Avery]

I have been thinking about this topic as a possible discussion for a while now.

I'll start it off with a few of my own.


Mother always wanted "a girl". She constantly lamented about this - even through today
strong overbearing mother who was outright mean - and still is
was made to model /dress in female clothes when under 10 - hated it - or thought I did at the time
hated going outside/hated getting dirty
no older siblings
adopted at a very early age



Any others care to share any experiences that we might share?
This might be fun...:daydreaming:

[sandra-leigh]

Wendy, none of the above for me.

There might be grounds for claiming that I had a "weak father figure", in that my father was quite ill for several years and died when I was 13 (almost 14). I did not decide to "crossdress" until some point after his death. But as best I recall I was "playing with" nylons (nudge nudge) before I decided to "crossdress", and perhaps even before my father died (I do not recall now.) My father was a good father while he lived, and my mother was not at all overbearing: my sister and I had to help out in the house a lot because my mother had various illnesses (and worked full time.)

I really can't say why those nylons kept calling my name, but the rest of what I went through when young was grounded in love and respect.

[cdtasha]

I remember when I was little, I had to do some sort of pageant, I was dressed as George Washington, and my mother had me wear girls tights underneath the pants. Why I wasnt just allowed to wear socks, I'll never know, I guess historical accuracy? From that point on I had ballerina dreams just from the tights. Probably didnt help that both my cousins were ballerinas and got all the attention either.

[Tina_gm]

I had no childhood experiences with CDing. My 1st dressing happened at 22. I 1st felt a desire to dress at 17. I did not have a good relationship with my mother, and did not have any sisters. All likely would have occurred sooner I am suspecting in regards to dressing and desires to. Looking back to childhood though, I had some feminine traits. I always obsessed on how I looked and acted. I had to be dressed nicely. My hair always had to be combed. I always worried about how I treated others and that I came off being mean or disrespectful or rude. Not entirely feminine traits, but to the point I was obsessed with them, not typical boy either.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Wow, quite a few points you mentioned are quite similar to myself.

1. Mother always wanted "a girl" - I can remember on a few occasions, my mother outright telling me that she's wished I was a girl. I can't give a solid number, but at least 2 or 3 times that I can recall.

2. Strong overbearing mother - While I wouldn't call her 'overbearing', she did rule the roost. She was much more involved in my bringing up and set the rules of the household. But by no means would I call her mean, but she has no problem speaking her mind.

3. Dress in female clothes - This wasn't something that was forced, exactly. I was a pretty skinny kid for my age, and as a result, finding jeans for me to wear was difficult without alteration. One day my mom got the great idea that she would buy me girls jeans, I guess because they were slimmer? I don't know exactly, but the most definitely fit me better. Thing is though, she didn't tell me that they were girls jeans... I wore them to school not knowing this fact. I don't remember how long I wore them before I figured it out though... But it was at least a couple of months before I was made aware, and I can remember the experience well enough.

It was just after lunch hour (I'm going to guess and say I was maybe, in grade 3), we came into the class and every day after lunch, the teacher would gather us onto the carpet and read a chapter from some story book. While sitting in the group, someone brought to my attention that I was wearing the same jeans as the girl sitting directly in front of me. I looked at the tag, it read : 'MAC JEANS'... It was indeed a familiar tag. It was in fact the same tag on my jeans. I don't recall being embarrassed, in that specific moment, but I do remember being confused, but so damn sure, that I was NOT wearing girls jeans. I went home from school that day and telling my mother about my findings. She laid it out, told me that they were infact, girls jeans. Can't say I felt betrayed, but I did insist on her removing the tag.

And I continued to wear them. However, removing the tag was clearly not enough, because people could still identify that they were girls jeans. I don't remember how,.. must have been some fancy stitching on the pockets or something, because I can remember again, being called out and made aware that I was wearing girls jeans..

Now what's funny about this memory is that I don't recall what happened after realizing that the pants could still be identified. Whether or not I continued wearing them...But I have in the past, recalled this experience and believe that maybe that was my softened, entry point. Whatever she told me to warm it over... maybe something to the effect of, 'they're just jeans...who cares?'.. obviously worked. Enough for me to give it another go... Thought maybe I was being 'secretive'... Dunno.

4. Hated getting dirty - I still hate this. I don't like getting dirty...period. There are, and have been many activities that I will not take part in specifically because I don't want to get dirty...

5. No other siblings - Not just older, I had NO other siblings...I grew up an only child. So I had MUCH freedom to snoop around closets, once I became old enough to stay at home alone.

[Danielle Gee]

Hello Friends

I was caught trying on my sisters clothes at the age of five or so. Her and my mother dressed me as a little girl from head to toe. They named me Melissa and took me downstairs so my father could see. Much to my surprise he really enjoyed Melissa much more than his only son! This resulted in me being dressed as a girl on many many occasions throughout my youth. Even though I wasn't overtly feminine in my youth, I had plenty of feminine mannerisms.

Danielle

[wanda66]

Interesting topic;
Around 10years old had a friend who lived in the same building.we played togeather often at his house His older sister would dress us in her panties and bras , makeup as well . It was so much fun. We often would role play , Mom and Dad but each wanting to be Mom we played sisters along with his sister. That was a pleasant time . One day my friend's mother found us playing and to my surprise called me her little Wanda after her sister. 50 years later ian still Wanda.
Thats the only experience i had as a child . Never put panties on again untill a young adult.

[JoanAz]

At about 5 or 6 I had a neighbor girl older than me who would take me to the Movies ,, Ginger Rodgers, Andrew sisters etc.
Upon coming home We would dress up and play the parts, it was naturally FUN,,so starts a live time of living in soft things..
JoanAz
(((HUGGS))))

[Diane Smith]

- I was an only child.

- My mom always said she expected a girl, and had no idea what to do when she was surprised with a boy baby.

- I used to hang out near mom when she was getting ready to go out, and sometimes, when I expressed an interest in what she was doing, she would put lipstick, nail polish and/or clip-on earrings on me. I even went with her to some friends' houses so decked out a few times. This started as young as age 2-1/2 or so and is one of my earliest clear memories. No actual clothing, though (that came later, on my own).

- Diane

[LelaK]

Mother always wanted "a girl". She constantly lamented about this - even through today
- It doesn't seem so, but she seemed to like me to help do girls' chores, like peeling apples together to make applesauce etc.

strong overbearing mother who was outright mean - and still is
- No, not very mean, just a mild disciplinarian. Dad was somewhat mean. Mom grew up a bit of a tomboy and she wasn't timid, but fairly outspoken. When I was very young I'm pretty sure I decided I wanted to be like Mom, not Dad.

was made to model /dress in female clothes when under 10 - hated it - or thought I did at the time
- I think Mom suggested I play a girl in a 4H play, which I did not object to and quite enjoyed and volunteered to do it again the next year.

hated going outside/hated getting dirty
- I mainly hated getting greasy, so I avoided mechanics more than my brothers did. They liked it. I disliked getting dirty somewhat, including dust, esp. since I got hay fever etc. But I enjoyed digging for the most part. I did flower gardening. I also did picture painting for 3 years.

no older siblings
- Same. I'm oldest of 7.

adopted at a very early age
- No, I was never adopted, I'm pretty sure.

- Like someone else said, I never liked to hurt anyone. I was afraid if I hit someone too hard they might be permanently injured or even die. I didn't mind slapping my siblings like my parents did when I thought they misbehaved. My brother was more aggressive and didn't mind trying to hurt anyone when he fought with them. He sometimes fought with me and I'd usually just grab his hands so he couldn't hurt me.

[sandra-leigh]

With regards to hurting others: I kept out of fights and hurting people. I wasn't "strong", but I had longer arms than typical, so I had more leverage than usual, so I had to be careful because if I held someone's wrists during play then I could hurt them even with what felt to me to be a loose easy grip.

[SheriM]

My mother always said I was supposed to be a girl. Don't know if that had anything to do with me being a CD and sometimes wishing I could be female but I have been interested in women's clothes for as long as I can remember. I fact, my earliest memories are from looking at female underthings.

[Joy3]

When I was 5 or 6 I played with a neighbor girl who liked to dress me in her clothes so we could be girlfriends. I loved it! From that time on I wanted so to be a girl.

[NicoleScott]

So many stories about parents who wanted a girl but got a boy, dressed up as a girl, treated like a girl, etc. To me, it looks like people are looking the the cause of their CDing. (I thought by now we all knew that CDing is caused by guitar-playing).
I experienced no treatment like a girl - just a typical boy doing boy stuff. I did, however, have an intense interest in catalogs and magazines with pretty women and their clothes, shoes, etc. When I got the chance I started to dabble - lipstick (without the knowledge of good removal), then high heels, and through the years a little more, something added, and by my early twenties I was transformed head -to-toe.
When I was a boy I was caught playing with lipstick, and punished by my dad who held me down, smearing it on my mouth while verbally humiliating me. Lesson learned: don't get caught again.

[TanyaWonder]

Hi, interesting topic which could explain and uncover a lot of stuff, so, my :2c: :

My mom used to say I was supposed to be a girl - now she is saying it was because of my behavior as a child (mild and passive), but I tend to not believe her :)

My dad used to work alot when I was a child, so yeah, we we basically raised by our mum. IMO a boy needs a male model - the lack of him can be manifested in not knowing how to be a man. If you know what I mean, its a really hard to explain, emotional feeling.

I was at a fancy dress party as a cat - with a skirt etc. - at around 5 yrs. When I was 9 or 10, Id go to the very same masquerade dressed as a girl - I remember I had a feeling I knew, but this time it was very strong and more particular, and maybe that was when I realized I liked something unusual. Started dressing around 13, dunno.

I dont usually mind getting dirty, I only mind if I have new/clean clothes, so I dont destroy them right away. But this got better, there were times when I would do anything not to get a little dirty, not knowing or realizing where this feeling came from...

I am the older of two, no adoptions. Also, im aware of some ppl here who are not the oldest.

[kimdl93]

My family setting and experiences were pretty much the opposite. Mom was quiet, reticent and reserved. Dad was much more outgoing and outspoken, and at times a bit harsh but fair minded. I came from a large family, mostly boys, and spent the majority of my childhood working and playing outdoors. Dirt and manure were just part of the environment.

Inside,there was a part of me that didn't quite jive with the outward trappings and experiences it all.

[Lea]

My mother always wanted a girl. My dad worked twelve to fourteen hour days so in my early years mom was the primary parent.

When my father was dying I took a picture of my daughter in a dress into the ICU. The picture was when my daughter was a year old so old. I asked my dad if he recognized the picture. He said it was me in a dress with long hair. When I told him that it was a girl he said that is how mom dressed me.

I remember stories of mom telling me she wanted a girl and the name she had picked out. She also told me how hard it was for her to have my hair cut the first time as she liked it longer.

I was raised with extremely strict gender roles. As a boy a was taught to always stand when a women enters the room, never show emotions and never talk about your problems.

When dressed as a girl I think my mom spent a lot of time giving me attention and then when I got to old for her to continue that and I went to being a boy I did not have that.

As mom gets older and her memory is fading she will let thing slip confirming what my dad said.

[Ina Girdle]

Wow, I am often amazed at how similar many of our life experiences are. I was very lucky to have been raised in a loving family, but my father worked long hours and travelled for business a lot. So my mom was the central figure, she always wanted a girl, but never ever said that she wished I had been born a girl. My best friend in the neighbourhood growing up until I was about 8 was a very bossy little girl. So there was a lack of a male roll model and strong female influences. I had an interest in cross dressing from a very early age.....off and on for the next 50 years. Finally out to my wife a year and a half ago and although not given free reign, I am thrilled and enjoy dressing in some form, everyday.

Wendy, thanks for the thread and sharing your journey!
Ina G.

[Angie G]

I started at about age 11 or so. I think I got it from my Dad. But he never knew iknew about his dressing. And he never knew I knew he dressed.:hugs:
Angie

[Rachael Leigh]

I was pretty much a normal boy growing up but later in life was told they thought I was a girl before birth. I think my mom would have liked that since my sister 3 years older would have been close in age and I would wear her hand me downs.
Wasn't to be and no was never dressed as one when younger but there were times I liked their clothes would want to try on my sisters stuff when I was like 8 or so but her stuff was a little small.
My dad was in sales so he did travel a lot or when he worked as a policeman for several years didn't see a whole lot of him .
My mom was firm but not harsh and very feminine.
I think look back I wanted to emulate her or my sister but really didn't get into dressing till marriage

[Stephanie47]

My mother said on numerous occasions that I was "suppose to be a girl." Like I had control over my dad's sperm? I did not know about sperm or procreation at the time. When I was very very young, maybe five, those comments really hurt. One day I donned my mom's nylon floor length nightgown and cried on her bed that she did not love me because I was not a girl. The nightgown obvious swam on me. She cuddled me and told me that she loved me. After that she no longer said anything about me not filling out her idea of her perfect family; mom, dad, older brother and younger sister. Putting on that nightgown- did that become thereason behind my cross dressing later? Later on I started wearing my mother's full slips that she hanged to dry in the only bathroom in our apartment. I really enjoyed the feel of the fabric.

Throughout my cross dressing angst I have wondered if cross dressing was my attempt to gain my mother's favor. On a subconscious level?? She passed on this year and I have found less desire to be en femme. Was it because she cannot be approached any longer... at least in this world.. and thus i no longer need to be her little girl? I guess a shrink would have a field day analyzing me. Cross dressing also became a very nice self therapeutic manner to escape the effects serving in the infantry in Nam had on me. Little women hiding from the ultimate manly adventures?? My PTSD shrink would love to hear of my cross dressing as a therapy.

Yes, my mother was very overbearing. I think she no longer said I was suppose to be a girl. But, she had a good time whipping my ass and thighs with a leather belt. These days child protective services would remove me from the home. I truly believe she hated me. She even concocted lies that I hit her so my father would discipline me. It did not work. I suspect my father realized my mother was a little off in her head about me. My older brother could do no wrong. I could do no right! I rebelled in my own way. Heck, she even did not like my selection of a bride.

I loved being outside and getting dirty. I was all boy. I played all sports through college with friends and the guys. I served in the infantry- the ultimate of all manly things when my life was on the line. Nothing like killing those trying to kill you! I think my platoon leader would drop his jaw if he saw me in a dress.

[Michelle colson]

I had a pretty normal childhood with a strong father figure. Dad taught me how to shoot, hunt, fish and work on cars. All hobbies I still enjoy today. I guess I'm a tomboy trapped in a mans body. I'm not sure when I started dressing, probably age 6 or 7, but I did it on my own with no influence from anyone. Mom caught me wearing some of her lingerie and told me not to do it again. I didn't really dress again until my teenage years.

[Kate Simmons]

I never experienced any of that. A lot of what I do in connection with CDing has been and is my own choice to do over the years.:)

[Vanessa5]

My mother made it clear that I was supposed to be a girl. Very dissapointed when I was born only to find I was a boy. Once I was congnitive enough to realize what was going on I realized just how much this was true. When my sister came into being I was an afterthought. Left alone to my own devices and watched as my sister could do no wrong. This went on even into adulthood. Left them to themselves for my own wellbeing. Dysfunctional even to this day.

[wilt575]

With me it was the mother wanted another a girl story and then some. She and my older sister used to dress me as a girl at home and on vacation trips I was always a girl. They use to buy my girly clothes. Mostly the only time I was a boy was at school, otherwise I was Starla. Mom was a health nut always making sure we had vitamins etc. through our early teens. Well as it turns out I found out (don't remember how) the "vitamins" were not vitamins. they were hormones, need I say more. Well I develop a little different then the average boy. I think I turned out okay, after all it was not easy for mom being a single mom and raising two girls. I love having to personalities being two persons sharing one body

[Kris Avery]

Thank you everyone for your insight and responses.
This is why I love this place.
I always feel just a little less odd after a post either affirming how others feel or hearing others do the same for me.

You girls made my weekend :D

[jeank]

Nothing like this for me - parents very normal - conservative thinkers for whom conforming with the demands of society was a goal.

I never felt very comfortable with that. I wanted to be me. I xdressed first with my mothers clothes when they left me in charge of the house as they went on vacation when I was about 17. Then later I experimented a bit with wearing dresses with my first wife - but it was 1974 and anything went back then where I lived.

Then a second marriage and years of career, kids and responsibility where it remained hidden/suppressed.

But then I found myself living alone during a long relocation between countries in 1994 and it came back and I started dressing again. It didn't go away - I just feel comfortable in femme attire. And now, whenever I have a few days to myself it is just the way I am. It makes me feel comfortable and I enjoy the feeling of relaxation it gives me for a few
days.

So long rant, but nothing to do with childhood repressions or mother/father figures. I have a strong feminine side and I just love letting it out when I can. I've absolutely no idea where it comes from, and it doesn't really matter. There is nothing to justify or rationalise - it's just who I am.

I do wish I could share it with my wife though - but that's another thread.

[JamieG]

I don't know if Mom wanted a girl, but she definitely expected one. I was recently told that they only had girls clothes for me when I was born, and she specifically mentioned a pink kimono. However, I've never seen pictures of me in these clothes.

My mom was definitely not overbearing. She's a kind woman who was very supportive of me. I was never "made" to dress. In fact, even when I came up with a reason to dress (wearing tights for a play), she talked me out of it.

I liked playing outside. I was really big on riding my bike, swinging on swings and playing pickup games of soccer or two-hand touch with other kids in the neighborhood. I wasn't big on getting dirty, and I do remember breaking into tears one time because someone tore my coat while we were playing football. I did like playing inside too, especially with my Star Wars figures, and when I got older playing D&D and reading comics.

I have an older brother and (as far as I know) wasn't adopted.

Here's a few other things about my childhood: Early on I had many friends that were girls, but I don't remember playing any games that were particularly girly. I was fairly sensitive, and generally well-mannered. My mom raised me to be a gentleman and treat women with respect.

Jamie

[Ally 2112]

Yes i was also told i was supposed to be a girl .But other than that i was expected to be all boy from both parents .I was also very sensitive and a lot of pressure was put on me to hold it all in and to be tough and masculine .In the end i think it backfired because by the age of 11 i was cding and it has only progressed from there

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Although I don't have any memories of anything odd. I did overhear my mother telling a story about me when I was very young. Apparently I had gotten into her makeup and came down stars with lipstick on and acted like it was nothing at all. She laughed and scrubbed it off and that was it.

I do remember being envious of the clothes my sisters wore from an early age but never did anything about it until my teenage years.

[CastleCD907]

I grew up with two older brothers and I'm the youngest of three boys, and I started playing with my moms underwear when I was about 11 or 12 years old. First I'd wear her bras and panties when no one was home and then I started paying trips to the retail store when I was old enough to drive and I started buying my own stuff. I've always had lots of friends who were girls primarily because I perfer the company of females over males in regards to friendship and with my job now (I'm a flight attendant) I get to cross dress a lot in different cities where no one knows me and it's perfect.

[Marcie]

I know now, that my mother expected a baby girl, when I was coming into the world. All the baby clothes she had purchased prior to my birth, were little girls clothes. When I was born my mother always dressed me as a baby girl and kept doing this apparently for the first, and part of the second year of my life. These facts were things I found out when I was older. When I was in my early teens I was excited whenever I picked up or touch feminine clothing. At approximately 15 years of age I started trying on some of my mothers panties and bras. I felt totally comfortable and very aroused in these things, but never told anyone about this. Today, I love to dress in feminine clothing whenever I get the chance. I wonder if my early experience as a baby would have anything to do with my life today.

[vicky_cd99_2]

My mom wanted a girl, she got four boys. I heard a lot of I always wanted a daughter. I found her lingerie drawer at 8 or 9 and it was all over from there. I dressed anytime I could. At 12 I went as a girl for halloween. Mom dressed me up , did my makeup, wig the whole nine. I even had on her lingerie. Oh to still be that size. I wish I could find the pictures from that night. I was in heaven. Even back then it was a struggle and as I filled out it got to be a real struggle. In my mind I see one thing in the mirror something different.

[sometimes_miss]

Mom wanted a second girl, not a boy. She dressed me in my sister's clothes as a toddler, also I wore hand me down girl's underwear and she left my hair long until I had to start school.
After first grade, I was molested, told that god made a mistake, and that I was really supposed to be a girl. He would dress me up in his sister's clothing, and made me into his private little girlfriend for the next seven years. By the time I reached high school, I was psychologically a mess.
I don't know anyone else who went through something like this. However, even after all that, I'm still only turned on by women, and find the idea of sex with a male almost physically sickening, so I suppose that might give some indication of genetic influence on sexual preference.
Being conditioned over all those developmental years to associate being dressed, and behaving like a girl, with the only physical source of affection available to me, has stuck with me throughout my life.

[lpjamey]

I'm the baby of the family and that's where I was supposed to be. Every thing changed when my older sister developed kidney disease. Being the baby no one told me shit as to what was going on. It was at this point I started my own world and dressing. Things get really twisted from here!

[MeredithG]

I'm the oldest on our family, and unfortunately my dad was an alcoholic and very critical of all of us. I wasn't mechanical like he was, so I'm sure he was disappointed that he didn't get a son who was similar to him. He favored my younger sister as she was cute and funny. I remember being jealous of the attention she received, and of her baton and cheerleading outfits. I started fantasizing about being female probably around 9, and started wearing some of my mom's clothes in secret around age 10. My mom encouraged all of us to be ourselves, which helped us have some support in our childhood.