A truly great moment in my life

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

I wanted to share what has recently happened in my life. However in true Isha fashion there is a background story that needs telling first :battingeyelashes:.

As some know here, I have been completely open about my TG in my personal/private life (family knows, friends know) and because my personal life is so intertwined with my work life (many of my friends are work colleagues) there has been cross over into the work place. In addition, given certain aspects of my job there were those in my direct chain of command who needed to know about my TG. Now I was not naïve enough to believe it would never get out en masse so I was prepared for that day and it finally came so I felt I owed it to the Command Team to hear it from me, not through the rumour mill as I respected them far too much not to do so. So I came out to what would be the civilian equivalent of the CEO of a company and the board of directors. Some knew already and there was a bit of shock and awe but for the most part there was total support . . . it was truly cathartic for me to share this. Now I am going through the process of talking to others so they hear it from me. This does not mean Isha will be going to work any time soon as my work is the domain of "boy me" not "girl me" and will remain so through personal choice. It is just nice that people know so I don't have to wonder who is going to hear something and start a rumour.

Now added to the background story, when I first started coming out to friends I came out to my oldest and dearest friend, we were more like brothers than friends. When I told him, he freaked and cut off all contact . . . in effect he told me "I was dead to him" :sad:. I cannot tell you how much that hurt and while I tried to make contact with him through his wife (another dear friend) he refused. A while back he indicated he might be willing to meet but nothing ever became of that. So as much as it hurt I let it go and went through the grieving process of loosing a good friend. That was six months ago.

So yesterday I was taking an Isha day and just finished dressing when the phone rang and to my surprise it was him. The conversation went something along the lines of "I just heard what you did." . . . silence . . . "Let's meet." I was a bit stunned and after an awkward pause I said "I am dressed today so if you want put this off to another day that is fine" . . . more silence . . . "No, let's meet today." :eek: So we agreed to meet at the Starbucks where we used to share coffee and confidences as guys. I have to admit I have been in this Starbucks plenty of times "en femme" with no trepidation but as I approached that door my heart was in my throat and I could feel my pulse quickening. I did not know what to expect. Would it be friendly? Would it be confrontational? Would he even be there? I was going to wear a maxi dress that day but purposely dressed down in yoga pants and a top as the dress might have been a bit disconcerting. When I entered he picked me out immediately and I search his face for any inkling of what he might be thinking but there was nothing. I went and got a coffee and then sat. He stared at me for a few moments and then said one thing "Help me understand why you need to do this" I have to admit I was a bit thrown by the question as I had run multiple scenarios over in my mind on what to say to a whole host of questions but having someone ask me to make him understand when I have a hard time doing so was daunting. I tried all the standard academic approaches and nothing resonated then I hit on an analogy I had used once in response to another post. So I told him:


Consider your core identity (what makes you who you are) as a music hall. The orchestra is compose of all the various identities you take on in your life "husband", "father", "brother", "sporty guy", "military guy" etc. etc. (they are all different for each of us). Now in a perfect world those identities would work together in sync to weave a tapestry of music and sound that would resonate harmoniously. They do this because nothing is missing. In my case while my identities all tried to work together, you might say the string section was missing and the only music they could play was chaotic, loud and out of sync. Along came this part of my identity, the lone "girl string section" and her simple and melodious sound slowly brought order to chaos and the tapestry of music returned to harmonious balance.

I qualified this analogy with stating that while I spent 32 years suppressing this part of me, my life slowly disintegrated. It did not happen over night but took time as I was able to keep things together by throwing myself into my work. However over time my private life and eventually my work life suffered and then it imploded . . . a symphony of chaos with no harmony (like an orchestra warming up) loud pointless noise running in all directions. At that point my emotional control ceased to exist and I entered a very dark place. Out of that darkness came a lone simple sound . . . the one piece of my identity I had refused access to the world. I held on to that sound, embraced it and integrated it into my core identity and then one day chaos ceased and harmony reigned. I was truly happy, my life was good, my relationship with my wife was stronger than ever. I had reached a place of coexistence and I could never go back to the dark chaos of before or I would truly cease to exist.

It took him a minute to digest everything . . . the silence was deafening. Then he smiled and said "You always did have a grandiose way of explaining things why should this be any different" :). I laughed, he laughed and then we just talked and talked and talked. Now I am not saying all is good but the first steps have been taken so I am hoping that I will soon have my good friend back in my life.

Hugs

Isha

[Melissa18]

Hi Isha,
That was a heart warming story, I can see the joy in what you have written.
Your friend is a true friend.
Hugs Adelaide

[Donnagirl]

Isha,

Again a wonderful oratory... I do hope it works out well. You certainly deserve the best that karma can deliver, you've earned it!!! A true friendship should be able to overcome this and it looks like you're well on the way.

I can identify with the need to let 'command' know and not hear through the rumour mill... I'm just waiting on the best moment to let my one star know... He's a real old school conservative so it should be interesting!!! I've got to time it right though, he's been so angry and grumpy of late don't think he'll take it well... Heading out 'on the piss' (Aussie vernacular for having a drink or several) as a command group on Friday so, maybe???? Or maybe not.... I'll post good news.

Cheers and hugs,

Donna

[Roxie]

Isha,
So glad to hear that your best friend is back in your life,hope that your relationship with him grows back to what it was.Nice to see that people can accept you for who you are even when it takes time.All of us here can hold hope for acceptance by the ones we love
Have a great weekend and of course HUGS
Roxie

[Dana3]

Good things happen to those who have the strength of mind and will to exert patience. I HAVE always subscribe to the line of thought that relations and thus "Love" ~ be the love of a parent spouse, a child to a parent, a friend, family,............................

Be Un-conditional, without limitations, and restraints. That said however, and all relationships require a clear definition AND understanding of boundries which in and of themselves should be fluid, with a great deal for flexibility in longitude and latitude. Life itself is "fluid" and so any and all that goes with including relationship should be fluid, for under the hand of rigidity they simply do not work and cannot flourish to blossom and mature to the level and in the manner which they not only should but need to do.

I am very happy for you Isha, and I do know and fully comprehend the "special bond" of comrades in arms. The simply fact of your friend attempting to understanding and wrap it all around his heads speaks volumes as to the value he places in and on your friendship with him, as well as his character as a person, human being and spiritual being.

Dana

[Laura912]

Is it not nice when old friends prove to be truly friends? Another instrument has joined your orchestra to help with the harmony.

[Jaylyn]

Good job Isha, that had to be a hard conversation to have with a best friend. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. In My part of the world it seems the deepest feelings we feel are best left inside. I know my life long friend is a tough old buzzard and he would be totally blown away and I'd loose his friendship for ever. To me a friendship is more important than me enjoying my dressing.

[JenX]

Very cool

[samantha rogers]

Isha, that is so touching and wonderful. I can feel the emotion in your story, and easily tell how much it means to you. If it had been me I would have been crying I am sure. But Im a soft touch. I cry over commercials..Lol. Heck, Im crying a little right now just from happiness for you.
I am sure with your military training and experience you did not reveal your heart quite that way to your friend, but I can see that you were still feeling the same inside. Big hugs, sister. What a great day indeed. I am so happy for you.

[Heidi Stevens]

Isha, I am so happy that your relationship with your best friend is on the mend! May I suggest you treat him the same way you would treat a spouse that has just found out? He needs a strong dose of your male side to reassure him that Isha has not killed the male side of you.
I know that you have a very diplomatic personality and will handle this close relationship in a proper manor. If you can win over the confidence of your closest outside friend, you'll have no problems with Isha ever again with any one!
Way to go, girl!

[Kris Avery]

Isha,
I totally agree with Heidi. You need to have the next interaction be a male to male one.

I did have to wipe back tears on your story this morning......I hope my SO doesn't see me having a moment..again:o

Love the story and also the balance that telling others has brought you. Fantastic, but not for me.

[cosmolovesph]

great to hear and hope you get back towards the relationship and he accept you for who you are.

[kimdl93]

That's a marvelous story and a really elegant, if not grandiose, way of relating the dynamics of being transgendered. As I read about the discord and the disintegration into chaos and cacophony, I really could see it in myself, because if had a similar disruptive period in my own life, a time when my life spun out of control.

I must say, your friend really had your means of expression pegged ;). It's nice to know that, for the moment at least, he has re entered your life.

[MsJulie]

Hi Isha

I am so very happy for you...what a difficult experience...but it certainly seems to be back on track...I have been struggling with sharing with my longest male friends...none are bigoted in any way but this still terrifies me...I am so impressed with your integrity and fearlessness with your work colleagues...The whole story warms my heart...and the symphony analogy is brilliant! By the way...your background information is very helpful...thank you.

julie

[Robynts]

Isha,

I am glad that your orchestra is all playing from the same page. You are an inspiration for many of us. I hope things continue to improve with your friend.

Robyn

[LaurenS]

What a great analogy. Can I use it? :)

[tictac43]

Wonderful story!!!! I'm so happy for you

[Ally 2112]

Great story Isha you have a lot of courage and it so nice your friend wanted to talk and listen .I can understand how hard it can be for people to understand this lifestyle and especially being TG :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Isha, very happy for you. Your so brave for the way you put yourself out there. And if I've never said this thank you for your service it's much appreciated

[Melissa in SE Tn]

The "Isha saga" continues to educate, amuse & encourage the masses. Much peace, mel

[Suzanne F]

Isha
I am so proud of you! As more of us come out people will better accept us. Thank you for your service. I too have a male friend wih is struggling with my gender issue. He told me he jus can't accept this. However, we continue to be in contact with one another. We can only give people the opportunity to grow. We cannot control what they do with this opportunity!
Suzanne

[Isabella Ross]

I'm also blown away by your account, Isha. Congrats. I can't help but wonder how many people would be accepting, given some time to digest what they can't initially understand.

[Julie Denier]

Definitely a great moment - sign of a true friend ...

[AlanaG]

I love how you told him. I wish you well with that friendship.

[Alice Torn]

Isha, Thanks for sharing all of this. I think if i ever am asked why i do this, i will try to remember the orchestra analogy, as one way to explain it! But, most of my friends are conservative Christians, and will never accept this, so i must keep it hidden.

[Marcelle]

Hi all and thanks very much for your kind comments. It has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster but hopefully all will go well.



. . .May I suggest you treat him the same way you would treat a spouse that has just found out? He needs a strong dose of your male side to reassure him that Isha has not killed the male side of you.

Hi Heidi. Exactly what we have planned. We will be doing so climbing later next week (something we always used to do) followed by a BBQ at his house.


What a great analogy. Can I use it? :)

Hi Lauren. Most certainly you may use the analogy.

Hugs all

Isha

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Isha,

That is truly inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. When I finished reading, I almost cried. Have you ever considered writing a book? You have a nice way with words.

[JocelynRenee]

Wow. What a great story and a testament to your character and the wonderful life you have built. Enjoy and thank you for sharing!

[vicky_cd99_2]

All I can say is wow. That was very inspiring. I can only wish to have the courage you have. Being that open and honest would not only lose me some long time friends, it could get me seriously hurt. Those not so open minded bikers can be a funny group. Again I applaud your courage.

[Genny B]

As always I truly enjoyed your writing Isha. I am curious about the informing your superiors bit though. I am retired so I may be out of date, but to my understanding such action in the American military would be grounds for an immediate discharge. Would I be correct in understanding that this is not true in Canada? I keep waiting for it to become a non-issue for many reasons and hope that what I am getting from your writing is true!

Genny B

[Katey888]

Good progress Isha... :)

Maybe that just demonstrates that really good friends remain really good friends, they just need a bit of time to adjust...

Did he compliment you on how you looked, or is it perhaps too early to expect the normal male-female presentation courtesies...?

Good luck with the rest of it too... :D

Katey x

[phylis anne]

Hi Isha,
Wow very nice story . I think both of you are headed in the right direction ,having been long time friends and confidants etc. I think your friend just showed that he values your friendship very much and is willing to start taking the steps to his accepting you as "Isha" good luck most of us are not that lucky
hugs phylis anne

[Stephanie Sometimes]

That's a wonderful story Isha and congratulations on getting your dear friend to reach a level of understanding and hopefully increasing acceptance of who you are. You were brave to meet him in Isha mode and I wonder if your openness in that regard may have been influential in impressing on your friend how important being Isha is to you? Good luck on your effort to restore that friendship to it's previous level and thanks for sharing your story.
Hugs,
Stephanie

[Persephone]

Your actions and your post are incredibly inspirational. You are a great lady and a wonderful human being!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[bridget thronton]

Sounds like things are going well

[Dana does shopping]

Be certain he was feeling the 'loss' of his friend ... and You have allayed his fears that You have gone nowhere ...just 'kitted' up as Yourself! All the best, hopefully this friendship will morph back into your "new normal!"

[Eringirl]

How wonderful Isha, soooo happy for you! :hugs: Looks like a nice start. Patience....time will tell.

Erin

[JessicaJHall]

Wonderful story Isha! Many thanks for sharing your journey with us, and I love your new avatar, BTW!
I thought it might end with him coming out too!! Sometimes it's a shock for us closet cases to hear about our friends coming out, and we might be afraid of being exposed so we can't be honest. I have a friend who's out in a big way, and I just kind of didn't say anything.. I didn't express any shock, and we're still great friends, but I feel really bad about not being supportive. But at the time, Julie was on an eight year hiatus, and I just didn't know what to say, because all I could think was "me too!, but I'm a big chicken!" She probably knows anyway?
I might have that story to tell soon!

[Marcelle]

. . . I am curious about the informing your superiors bit though. I am retired so I may be out of date, but to my understanding such action in the American military would be grounds for an immediate discharge. Would I be correct in understanding that this is not true in Canada?

Hi Genny,

You are correct in the Canadian military being TG is not grounds for dismissal. In fact there is policy which protects the rights of TG persons to continue in their job.


... Did he compliment you on how you looked, or is it perhaps too early to expect the normal male-female presentation courtesies...?

Hey Katey,

LOL ... once we got the initial conversation out of the way and we were talking he did say that when I walked up to get my coffee he saw three dudes checking me out from behind and he found that a bit weird because he knew I was a guy but he couldn't help but sneak a peak and realized that from behind it would have been a hard call (I guess yoga pants can make anyone look good :battingeyelashes:). So I guess in a way that was a bit of a compliment.

Hugs

Isha

[Trishpdxcd2]

I do envy and admire you for being out the way you are.

[justmetoo]

Great story, Isha! (a little misty-eyed myself) It's cool that he was willing to give it a try even if it took him a while to get there. And awesome of you to go there, en femme (and for him being open to that), and give that great analogy and explanation. Seems like everything bodes well for your friendship.
(I also like your new avatar - great smile, as always)
You are an inspiration. :)

[Sally24]

Very nice for you Isha! It's not unusual to lose friends. I think it is unusual to get them back. He must be a good friend.

[Jamie Lynn]

Congratulations Isha! It sounds like he's missed your companionship as a friend and you've just shown him why he needn't have. Cheers!

[charlenesomeone]

Isha,
What a great story. Hope your friend can accept you.
Love the analogy.
Hugs

[Teresa]

Isha thanks for sharing your story with us ! I'm so glad you have a good friend back !
It's stange how something like that can make you nervous, the friend must have been a close one !

So what was the orchestra playing when you left ? Serenade for strings ? or a bit of Beethoven's fifth ?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Wow, Isha, I have goose bumps. I was reading and thinking 'yep, I'd ask the same question as your friend' and yet I'm also here hoping and loudly cheering that he will just be your friend again! I feel like I'm reading the excerpt of an exciting novel. Only better, as I feel I might know the protagonist a little :)

Anyway, I'm emotionally drained after all that, lol. You sure know how to live life to its fullest and I seriously admire that. I hope you both can be the friends you always were, with just a little Isha in the mix. x

[BOBBI G.]

Isha,
I have now committed your post to memory. I am sure it will pop up in my life somewhere. So, I am writing the reference/credit linen now. This will surely be used, someday, an someone willing to try and understand who we are.
I am a transgender female (girl) and have been on HRT for just shy of a year, so a lot of people I see on rare occasions have question marks on their foreheads.
Thank you for your colorful way so story telling, and thanks for your insight.

Bobbi

[mykell]

hello isha,
as always your story was inspirational, have lost many friends throughout my time with this,
none have ever tried to understand, you have a good friend, congratulations on the rekindled friendship.....

[Talisker]

Wow. At first just the amount of text was a bit daunting but glad I read it now.
He could have lots of reasons and thoughts going on for cutting you off. I would bet you will be friends again someday.

Hugs

[Henriette7]

Hi Isha

I get tiers in my eyes when reading this, that an overwhelming story, I hope all the best for you and your true friend :-))).

Love
Henriette

[jackiebleu]

Great analogy, Isha. You are an inspiration and this world is a better place because of you. Good luck with you friend.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

What an awesome story. I'm so glad things went well :)

[JayeLefaye]

Oh Isha, you brought tears to my eyes in the best way possible!

Bless you!

Jaye

[Bria]

Isha, I think that you have a true friend there, it took a while for him to process the information and to find that he missed the friendship as much as you did. I sincerely hope that he is able to make the leap to a level of understand that will let him reconnect with you and renew the close friendship that the two of you have shared in the past.

Thanks for relating a very personal part of your life.

Hugs, Bria

[Terri Andrews]

Ishia, Thank You for sharing this wonderful story ,I am in the process of sharing my story with my friends and so far so good but I am sure that I will come across some that don`t understand .

[MsVal]

I envision your friend, himself at a loss over the breakup, reaching the point of contacting you and hoping you can give him a rationalization he may use to reestablish the friendship. He may have wanted to call you many times before, but the disclosure to the officers was enough to put him over the edge. He needed only to hear your voice and receive something - anything - that he could use for justification why you should be friends again.

You, of course delivered on that, and delivered in true Isha quality.

[AngelaYVR]

Wow, what an amazing, uplifting story. An incredible demonstration of the old adage "time heals all wounds".

Angela xx

[Annaliese]

That is heart warming, I am all teared up after reading this, thank you.

[Michellegryl]

Isha, this was one of the most heart warming stories I have read is a long time. I do not know you except through your posts, but through those posts we have all come to know you to be a wonderful and inspirational human being. I am sure that should you ever decide to leave us here that we will miss you very much and I am not surprised that your friend probably missed you as well and decided to try and understand and rekindle a valuable friendship.
Congratulations.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us all.

Hugs
Michelle

[Athena_]

Wow Isha!

Your description of how you felt going into Starbucks, and not knowing how the meeting with your friend would go, gave me the chills. The trepidation you describe must have been hard to overcome. I admire your courage. I think that your desire to attempt to mend this friendship, when it would be easier to keep your distance, show you character. Thank you for sharing your stories, fears, and successes.

Athena