Any idea ??????

[deebra]

WHY do some women accept their men CDing and others won't??????

[Diane Douglas]

Why do you like some things and not others? The answer might be based on how they were raised, their willingness to accept change, religious beliefs, or one of hundreds of things people on this forum can think of. How did you approach your SO with your dressing?

[Chari]

Each of us is an individual, unique in our own way deebra, and there are as many different individual ideas/reasons/answers. Enjoy.

[Katey888]

In my experience, most folk (GGs included) prefer relationships to be uncomplicated, conventional and predictable...

I suspect the majority of relationships with CDers fall down on at least one count, and all three a lot of the time... but a big hand for all of those that are accepting or at least, tolerant... :clap:

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Depends on the individual woman my friend. :)

[SusanaO]

I think it all comes down to a combination of the woman's upbringing and personal preference. By personal preference, I mean the degree to which she enjoys her husband's femininity. If she's open minded but only wants her husband to be masculine, she'll probably only be tolerant but won't endeavor with her husband's feminine side. Of course, if she was brought up traditionally, it will be harder for her be accepting because, well, men wear blue and women wear pink by traditional convention.

[Andy66]

I dont understand it either. Some of it, Im sure, has to do with the possible side effects of the CDing... dishonesty, over spending, the husband being self absorbed, etc... in the relationships where that happens. On the other hand, I also see what looks like irrational hatred coming from some people.

[Nadine Spirit]

I think it has to do with the relationship, and not the individual.

People tell me often how lucky I am to have such an accepting wife. Like, one day I happened to tell her that I like to dress as a woman and go out in public oh and yeah I run a cding blog as well oh and yeah I wear my fingernails painted all the time and my wife said, "Oh wow honey that is fabulous, because I was raised to think everybody is awesome, regardless of anything!" And then we went off living happily ever after!

Wow, what a farce. It has taken years of openness and honesty and a desire to really know each other and work with each other through every difficult step that we have taken together so far. Trust me when I first mentioned much of this cding and gender non conforming stuff to my wife, she was not thrilled, she really flipped when I first started going out. But now it is really a non issue. We have our other problems but gender is not one of them.

But, I am not of the go slow, and wait for her camp. I push us to talk. And we talk a lot. I have always pushed us to talk and I have been honest. I was unaware of my gender tendencies when we first met, but as soon as I thought I would try out some things, I told her and then did it.

The magic recipe for everyone? Yes, No, Maybe, who knows, but it has worked for us so far.

[Tiffany Jane]

Why do some men where women's clothes and some don't? It takes a lot to accept yourself for who you are when society has trained you to think or be a certain way. The courage to look away from societal acceptance and learning to accept yourself can be a character trait that bestows openness, courage, and confidence. These traits are admired by all genders when looking for a partner.

I think the real hang up is in the disclosure process of cding. In most cases, it comes late in a relationship, putting all the traits and values we are perceived to have in question. Having a partner who can remain open and able to discuss the topic is the key.

Some topics in a relationship are easier to talk about than others. People hide drinking, gambling, fidelity, or money problems. All these can cause problems in a relationship. Not trying to characterize cding in this manner, but it tends to be hidden, grows, then comes out as the woman in the closet. Sometimes is more than a woman is expecting or possibly can handle.

[Joni T]

My wife accepts ME any way I come because no matter how I'm attired I'm still her man.
Jon(i)

[abbyleigh001]

All depends upon how strong societal role modeling affects a gg and how secure she is within her self...

[Kris Avery]

I agree with Nadine ..the truth is extremely important..in fact, it may be he MOST important thing.
It also depends on the SO. Mine is very loving, caring, nurturing, a giver, and sweet.

Most things are OK with her as long as we: don't call the plumber for SRS, go out in public dressed, or the real odd one...have have pierced ears.

Everything else is open for discussion including welcoming her girlfriend in bed.

She is a keeper for sure .. Even without the GD acceptance.:)

[kimdl93]

Seriously? Why do some women like tall men, or hairy men, or slim men, or very assertive men, or quiet, sensitive men? Women and men, as of course you know, are not a monolith. All women and men do not think identically about anything...

Even here, among people who have CDing in common, you'll see a wide range of attitudes and opinions - even about CDing itself. Why would we expect women to be otherwise?

[Marcelle]

Hi Deebra,

Well in my particular case my wife is accepting and supportive. It did not happen as Nadine stated in a "open arms sunshine and unicorn manner" but through work. When I first told my wife she was shocked, but understood how this thing I had supressed for so long could do what she had witnessed. It was small steps, lots of communication and education which got us to where we are today. The one thing I never loose site of is that I am still a man and her husband. I am there dressed "en boy" when needed and still there for her dressed "en femme". My personality does not change just the presentation. We are happy and she is supportive because we are still husband and wife and best friends regardless of how I am dressed.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Deebra, Why don't you try to figure out Creation it would be much easier.

[Rachel Morley]

My wife gave her opinion why in this old thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?21159-Accepting-GGs-What-makes-us-different)

Essentially, for her she said it was because:

A lot of it may have to do with the fact that I am a very empathetic and compassionate person. I find it easy to see things from other people’s perspectives, to put myself in their shoes. So when my first CD boyfriend told me about his dressing, I tried my best to understand. Even though I was shocked, I wanted to know more. It would have been unthinkable for me to shut down and turn away from him when he had revealed such a vulnerable part of himself to me. If you love someone, why wouldn’t you at least try to understand what makes them tick?


.. but importantly I will say that in my case she is "more than accepting" because:

Last but not least, I think I was predisposed to find crossdressers appealing because I had always been attracted to men who are soft, kind, caring, and emotional, rather than aggressive macho types. Once I saw a connection between crossdressing and these “feminine” personality traits, it made me much more appreciative. Even as a little girl I preferred quiet, shy, gentle boys. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of those boys I had crushes on were transgendered.

[Krisi]

Because every person is different.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
From my own experience the simple, basic answer is sex !
Maybe I was lucky to hit on two GFs who didn't mind CDing, the second realised what it did for me and made the most of it !
My wife is much straighter and has no interest in CDing ! If I look at my examples, background and family attitudes were the major factor in their acceptance level .
You only have to look at some web sites to realise some women like it because they make money out of it !!

[cassandra54]

Hi Deebra, Why don't you try to figure out Creation it would be much easier.

Amen to that. But let's back up the bus here. Back in the 60s, we had the civil rights movement, the peace movement, sexual revolution, women's liberation, the war on poverty and a whole bunch of other things. Even though I was younger, (I graduated high school in 1972), I took these things pretty seriously and it helped shape who I would become later in life.

So a few years later when I left my home in Connecticut to venture to California to become a famous writer, (which never happened), I decided that I wanted to have sex with a guy. Since I was 21 and pretty good looking for my age, that wasn't a problem in Hollywood back in the 70's. I lived with him for over a year and we drifted apart. He started seeing other guys, and I started seeing other women. There were some days when I would have sex with him and sex with a woman I met (not at the same time). It was an "anything goes" vibe in Los Angeles during those times. I wasn't really into dressing up at the time so much so that never happened.

Fast forward about 12 years, when I was married to my second wife. We got some sex toys, and I tried my hand at dressing up a little. She was not at all into it and was very unhappy about the whole thing. It stopped when she came home from work early and found me dressing and was just furious.

Fast forward another 15 years or so. I was divorced and living with a new girlfriend. She had some major issues in the bedroom and with intimacy. She wouldn't open up to me and it was just a guessing game as to what the problem was. I remembered when she met she had some books on dominance and submission. I thought that she might be into that. So once again, we got sex toys and I started to dress up, but mostly in the bedroom. After dressing in the bedroom, I decided that it might be fun to dress outside of the bedroom, and so began a long journey to where I am today, where I can dress and go out in public, even in the daytime.

We did have some encounters if you will, but the sexual aspect of our relationship was pretty much dead. Try as I might, nothing could fix it. I was resigned to accept her for who she was, because I realized that even though she had some major issues, she still needed love and companionship. So I came to her one day and told her we needed to have an open relationship. She wasn't happy, but she agreed as long as I didn't bring anyone into the home. I took one of the spare bedrooms as my own and so it went. We still had sex on occasion, but it was very rare.

So, here's where I'm starting to get to my point. I realized that being in an open relationship could be a good thing. And because I was bisexual it could be even better. I joined an adult dating site and thought good times were just around the corner. Let me tell you what I found out.

1. Even though men think women who are bisexual are hot, women do not think that way about men. Moreover, while women might be stepping out on the husbands or boyfriends, they will not date a man who is an open relationship. And while I thought that finding a nice open-minded woman on one of these sites who might be into cross dressing or different things sexually, I found that they are not at all receptive.
2. Guys who claim to be bisexual might be in the strictest sense of the word, really do not want a "complete" sexual experience. They might want to meet in a car or someplace clandestine for the crudest of encounters, but not to have an intimate experience in of all places in a bedroom.
3. The same things would apply for couples, who were supposedly "swingers".

I tried a lot of things for almost ten years, without much success. I wasn't desperate or needy about it. I had pretty high standards and boundaries and resigned myself to the fact that these things would never happen. I was happy to know that even though the rest of the world was not, I was pretty liberated and in touch with myself. I was also proud of the fact that I would not compromise my standards just for the sake of sex.

So fast forward once again to the beginning of this year, when my girlfriend passed away. I have a nice home and lots of time to do whatever I want. I thought this would be the golden opportunity to play. I heard that women were attracted to feminine men, so I place a couple of ads in Craigslist. No matter how I worded them, explained who I was and why I was doing what I was, there were absolutely zero responses. The same thing went for guys too. Whether or not I was in an open relationship or living alone, the whole thing was so not happening. I actually came to enjoy living and being alone this year.

I was lucky to meet the girl that I am with now. Time will only tell whether she is just desperate or really accepting of who I am. But the reality is that with all the social movement towards liberation and open-mindedness, people have not really changed. People's attitudes and mindsets are the same as they were 60 years ago. Sad but true.

I've shared this with you and this forum so you would know. Hopefully someday we will be accepted, but I am not holding out hope. I know tolerance will come soon. You can go out in public, people might notice you, but the won't say anything, which is still better than nothing.

[susan jackson]

True love is blind

It doesn't see gender, colour, race or age

[Suzanne F]

I guess I am just lucky. My wife and I have struggled but are in a good place at the moment. She goes out with me on a regular basis. I live as me, Suzanne most of the time except work. My wife helped me begin this journey 2 years ago when I finally confronted my issues around gender. We quickly realized it was much more than dressing.

As many have shared it was not all sunshine. We have she'd many tears and there have been angry outbursts. I spent one night in a hotel. However, as we shared with our children and friends we found support and love. I think that has helped my wife more than anything. Our son has totally accepted Suzanne and actually prefers me that way. This reassured my wife that it could be ok.

So now I am headed toward fully transitioning. I promised my wife no hormones until next year. I am seeing an endocrinologist soon to get ready for that day. I expect a year later I will undergo SRS. My wife says she doesn't want to leave me. Last night she made me promise I will not leave her to save her from going through this. I made her promise she won't stay if she is miserable. We love each other!

I guess I am saying that I am lucky. My wife and I were so close that she sees what the suppression was doing to me. She knows I am not doing this because I wanted a diversion. It is who I am. I cannot hide from it anymore.

Suzanne