SusanaO
09-14-2014, 09:26 PM
Given that we often underestimate the intuition of our fellow GG's, I think we're suspected of being CD's more often than we think.
About a year ago, I was moving into a new apartment. My mother came to help me pack stuff into boxes, and silly me didn't tape shut the box full of my lady stuff. It was somewhat a large box, and the lady stuff was under some books. The books weren't how I left them, so I'm sure she saw the contents underneath, but she didn't say anything. My guess is at the moment she thought they weren't mine.
Fastforward to a few months ago... I cut my hair in layers, fairly feminine. Not only that, but for a short while I was sporting the straight look and flat ironing my hair, and it looked even more feminine (and of course, I loved it!). Then, I started painting my nails again - first black, then dark blues and reds, and then bright red. Toes as well, and I'd wear fiip flops leaving my painted toenails exposed. I also started gradually making my eyebrows thinner, though no one has said anything yet (keep in mind all this in guy mode).
It got to a point where I decided to embrace my androgynous image. I'll leave my facial hair stubble for a few days when I know I'm not going to dress up, but sport my bright red nail polish and feminine hairstyle with masculine clothing. But when my mother saw my nails, I was expecting to get the "you went a little too far" attitude I got when my sister saw my nails - and I decided I wasn't going to care. However, I got quite the opposite response. She complimented me and told me my nails looked fabulous. Not only that, but that they reminded her of when she met my father (the story goes when they met, my mother first noticed his finely shaped feminesque fingers). It's worth to note that as a guitar player, I keep my left hand fingernails short but leave my right hand fingernails long. As we mature as guitarists, we tend to take good care of our hands and fingers. As such, I'm constantly keeping them at just the right length, and as a result I've gotten fairly good at my self-manicures.
The reason why her positive reaction was somewhat shocking to me is she was raised conservatively (think Hispanic machoism). Although she failed in passing down those conservative traditions to me, I still have witnessed some of her narrow-minded opinions. She's pretty much anti-gay marriage (ironic since she's had gay friends, and was close my dad's gay brother until a family dispute) and when a girlfriend was living with me some years back, she told me it was going to have to be her responsibility to make sure my clothes were clean and ironed - and it felt good to tell her we weren't traditional like she wishes we were. And perhaps her most relevant ignorant opinion here is: she cannot differentiate between TG, TS, or CD, and doesn't understand gender identity is indpendent of sexual preference (I know all this through conversations over the years with her).
That said, you might see why I'm confused about coming out to her. I actually didn't remember about her running into my girl stuff. But I'm sure she hasn't forgotten, and when you add my feminine hairstyle, bright red nail polish, the fact that I was a girl for Halloween twice in recent years, and the fact that she has not met a girlfriend in more than three years, it would be foolish of me to think she doesn't think something is up.
As much as I'd like to be a woman sometimes and although sometimes I can be very woman-like behaviorally, I still cannot imagine exactly what's going in her mind as a mother. Does she think it's just a phase, a fetish, or does she think her son is transgendered? She never caught me wearing her clothes when I was young. I'd be so paranoid about her finding out that I would always be sure to put things back exactly the way they were, but I couldn't say for certain she never suspected something.
I think the logical thing to do is to sit down and explain everything to her, and explain to her in detail that I simply have a feminine side that I like to fulfill by dressing up, and that I have no desire to transition and that yes, I will one day want to get married and have children. I'd like to tell her she always had more than one daughter, and although I do enjoy working on cars and building things, her son has always wanted to have mother-daughter moments with her.
As always, input is greatly appreciated.
About a year ago, I was moving into a new apartment. My mother came to help me pack stuff into boxes, and silly me didn't tape shut the box full of my lady stuff. It was somewhat a large box, and the lady stuff was under some books. The books weren't how I left them, so I'm sure she saw the contents underneath, but she didn't say anything. My guess is at the moment she thought they weren't mine.
Fastforward to a few months ago... I cut my hair in layers, fairly feminine. Not only that, but for a short while I was sporting the straight look and flat ironing my hair, and it looked even more feminine (and of course, I loved it!). Then, I started painting my nails again - first black, then dark blues and reds, and then bright red. Toes as well, and I'd wear fiip flops leaving my painted toenails exposed. I also started gradually making my eyebrows thinner, though no one has said anything yet (keep in mind all this in guy mode).
It got to a point where I decided to embrace my androgynous image. I'll leave my facial hair stubble for a few days when I know I'm not going to dress up, but sport my bright red nail polish and feminine hairstyle with masculine clothing. But when my mother saw my nails, I was expecting to get the "you went a little too far" attitude I got when my sister saw my nails - and I decided I wasn't going to care. However, I got quite the opposite response. She complimented me and told me my nails looked fabulous. Not only that, but that they reminded her of when she met my father (the story goes when they met, my mother first noticed his finely shaped feminesque fingers). It's worth to note that as a guitar player, I keep my left hand fingernails short but leave my right hand fingernails long. As we mature as guitarists, we tend to take good care of our hands and fingers. As such, I'm constantly keeping them at just the right length, and as a result I've gotten fairly good at my self-manicures.
The reason why her positive reaction was somewhat shocking to me is she was raised conservatively (think Hispanic machoism). Although she failed in passing down those conservative traditions to me, I still have witnessed some of her narrow-minded opinions. She's pretty much anti-gay marriage (ironic since she's had gay friends, and was close my dad's gay brother until a family dispute) and when a girlfriend was living with me some years back, she told me it was going to have to be her responsibility to make sure my clothes were clean and ironed - and it felt good to tell her we weren't traditional like she wishes we were. And perhaps her most relevant ignorant opinion here is: she cannot differentiate between TG, TS, or CD, and doesn't understand gender identity is indpendent of sexual preference (I know all this through conversations over the years with her).
That said, you might see why I'm confused about coming out to her. I actually didn't remember about her running into my girl stuff. But I'm sure she hasn't forgotten, and when you add my feminine hairstyle, bright red nail polish, the fact that I was a girl for Halloween twice in recent years, and the fact that she has not met a girlfriend in more than three years, it would be foolish of me to think she doesn't think something is up.
As much as I'd like to be a woman sometimes and although sometimes I can be very woman-like behaviorally, I still cannot imagine exactly what's going in her mind as a mother. Does she think it's just a phase, a fetish, or does she think her son is transgendered? She never caught me wearing her clothes when I was young. I'd be so paranoid about her finding out that I would always be sure to put things back exactly the way they were, but I couldn't say for certain she never suspected something.
I think the logical thing to do is to sit down and explain everything to her, and explain to her in detail that I simply have a feminine side that I like to fulfill by dressing up, and that I have no desire to transition and that yes, I will one day want to get married and have children. I'd like to tell her she always had more than one daughter, and although I do enjoy working on cars and building things, her son has always wanted to have mother-daughter moments with her.
As always, input is greatly appreciated.