Accpting who I am

[jennigrace]

I started wearing panties (Mom's) when I was about 6. Started because one of my girl classmates in first grade was on the monkey bars and I saw her colorful panties and was hooked. Continued to do it in secret all through grade school, always in secret. In high school I worked up enough nerve to buy my own colorful nylon panties at the local Woolworth. As I got older and braver I branched out into fuller dressing and make up, still in secret. When I got married I told my wife but she was never very accepting so I still dressed when she wasn't around. I've gone through many purges. She passed on a few years ago and I was able to dress whenever I wanted. I've still had a few purges, probably because of my Christian faith. I've finally gotten comfortable with the fact that God doesn't care what you wear. I still have to do it in private because of my positions in the community and the church. Other people aren't as liberal minded as God is. In my home I dress all the time and keep the blinds open taking a chance. I wish people were more accepting so I wouldn't have to hide who I am in front of them.

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you jenni for your excellent post. Love & Best Wishes !

[aussie cd]

a very good post jenni and agree with the comments about God doesn't care what you wear

[charlenesomeone]

Jenni,
I agree 100 percent. Have a blessed day.
Char

[Sarah Doepner]

Maybe someplace down the road there will be an opportunity to take more steps. But you have paced yourself and it's obvious you have thought about it a lot, so you know that patience is a virtue. Getting to where you are is a major accomplishment that many crossdressers never quite achieve, so you are to be admired for that progress.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jenni,

I am glad to hear you have come to accept who you are and have reckoned that acceptance within your own faith. Yes it is unfortunate that many are not open minded and can't understand that while we are all different, we are still people with wants, desires, dreams and emotions. Perhaps some day the rest of world will catch-up. Until then enjoy your Jenni time as life is too short to skimp on happiness.

Hugs

Isha

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

jennigrace, I also started at a young age and because of a strict church up bringing I was sure I was going due south when I died as I was an abomination in the church and Gods eyes. Then many years ago a gay friend helped me get my head right.... He said God don't make junk or mistakes, you are what you are supposed to be. As the old saying goes: "NUFF SAID"

[Candice Mae]

One thing to remember is that if you don't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?

[Rachael Leigh]

Very good jenni, it is difficult as a person of faith to come to an acceptance but you figured out that we have just be our best at how we are created, learn to love others and not to condem.
Hugs Leigh

[Georgia_Maine]

Other people aren't as liberal minded as God is.

All I can say is AMEN!

[MsVal]

I am sorry to read of the death of your wife. I'm sure those were dark days.

Without self acceptance, the combined weight of faith, community standards, and our own image of manliness make us ashamed of ourselves. They tell us we are strange, perverted individuals who have a dark secret that must remain hidden.

When we are able to embrace the truth that those are fallacious beliefs, that we are not flawed, then we are able to begin to enjoy life. I'm glad to read of your self acceptance and inner peace.

[Annaliese]

I started to read this, then I got to "Other people aren't as liberal minded as God is" I sat back in my chair, and I smiled, still am smiling. Eight word so powerful.

[mechamoose]

Liking to wear pretty things isn't a crime, as much as society tries to tell us that sometimes.

I was raised as Christian (Protestant), I spent more than one summer at a local Seminary school. At this point in life I identify as Pagan/Wiccan.

(Mods, I'm apologize in advance. I know religious discussions are a '3rd rail' here. I think it is relevant to our sister and our members)

1) Please show me in any version of the Torah or the Bible where it says *anything* about male or female clothing or appropriateness.

2) In your religious system, you will have to answer to god for your *actions*, not if you were pretty while performing them.

"God has ten billion names"

- MM

[Gypsy Sam]

Enjoyed your post,and share similar behavior patterns. Me time is a valuable part of living. Choosing a feminine expression has it's rewards. Enjoy them and do good work.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Peace be with you.

[Teresa]

Jenni,
Sorry about the loss of your wife, you don't mention children, so I guess you are on your own.
I had to attend school chapel every morning and studied World religions but I'm not a religious person. I guess comming across clergy every weekend for thirty years while photographing weddings left me with the feeling that if these people represent god some do a pretty bad job !
The point I'm making is I'm glad I don't carry the guilt of what my religion would think of my dressing ! There have been some dreadful stories of the pressure exerted on CDers through their family saying what horrors they would face from their church !

I'm sure if I was in your situation my CDing would be more open, if you accept yourself you will find greater happiness, surely you deserve that now !

[Dorit]

Just for the sake of accuracy I want to reply to what Mechamoose wrote: 1) Please show me in any version of the Torah or the Bible where it says *anything* about male or female clothing or appropriateness.
In the Torah (Old Testament) Deuteronomy 22:5 "A women shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a women's garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God." It is a fairly good translation of the Hebrew text.
First, women have certainly been given a lot of leeway on this verse! Second, in the previous chapter there are four verses describing how you should have a stubborn or rebellious child stoned to death!!

So obviously different religions have picked and choose over history what verses to take literally and what verses to ignore.
These type of verses represent a primitive society from thousands of years ago that are not applicable today. Unfortunately most religion has given the Bible a bad name, but under the surface reading I believe is a message of love, inclusion, and acceptance!

[mechamoose]

The point I'm making is I'm glad I don't carry the guilt of what my religion would think of my dressing !

As a student of religion from an anthropological standpoint, can you please point out where 'dressing' is described as an affront?


Just for the sake of accuracy

Thank you. I was overlooking that.

Kind of puts the kibosh on 'same sex' clothing though, doesn't it?

- MM

[Prissy Linda]

I have had several discussions over the years with three Catholic Priests about the fact that I have always had the desire to dress and how it feels so natural, that I have felt this way since I was a young child but never felt guilt or shame because I have never felt it was wrong. I knew at some point in my life that society didn't approved so I would keep some of these feminine feeling and desire somewhat hidden but never kept it from my wife who supports me or even my parents to some degree when I was growing up at home. I asked them what their take on this was concerning the church and their personal view, I was pleasantly surprised that not one of them condemed me in any way. One comment that one of the priests made summed it up for me the best was that "The Lord knows his sheep". God knows what is in your heart and in your mind. He told me that he didn't think God really cares what you wear but what is in your heart and how you live your life and how you treat others. He made it sound so simple. I have no shame or guilt about how I feel or dress, I just try not to let it impact the lives of the one I love.

Linda

[jennigrace]

I am very religious and I have one married daughter. She doesn't know. Thanks for your comments.:)