After 15 years, I'm divorced

[Julia Red]

That was a month ago. Technically, not a divorce, since we never married. We began our relationship 15 years ago, lived together for most of this time and made a pretty daughter on the process. We ended our relationship at peace with one another, didn't have any fight, no lawyers were involved, and we're "sharing" our daughter without complications. We're still friends and talk to each other almost every day.

The main reason for the divorce was my crossdressing, of course. I've been visiting a psychoanalist for more than a year now, and it made my guilt go down and my confidence go up. As a result, I started doing more and more girly stuff, like shaving my entire body, using panties everyday, telling our daughter of my cding and doing it together with her, and other "smaller" things, like letting my nails grow a little longer to look better when I paint them. My wife stopped seeing me as the man that she falled in love. Can't blame her. She is free now to look for a "manlier" one.

Anyway, I'm happy. I'm living alone now, and this opened up a lot of space for Julia. I think she will eventually take over, but I still have to take one step after another and see how it goes and how far it will go.

I've been away from this forum for a good time, have a lot to talk about, but I don't want to write a book in one post, so I'm looking forward to your comments, girls.

[docrobbysherry]

I can tell u from personal experience that your breakup could have been a $$ crippling nitemare.

I'm happy that u both handled it like mature adults. Instead of spiteful children as many who split up here seem to.

[SamanthaSometimes]

I'm very happy you've gained some freedom and hope you enjoy it and use it wisely.

[LelaK]

You seem to have rather good taste in dressing, like I do: short ruffled skirts.

What will you tell us next time? Ask your exGF and daughter to say something too. They can join. How's Brazil? Still annoying Uncle Sam I hope.

[charlenesomeone]

Glad you are happy. Hope you can stay in your daughters life.
Hugs

[Marcelle]

Hi Julia,

Divorces are never an easy thing in one's life but they are made easier when it is an amicable break and from what I read, yours was such a break. Loosing your SO to this thing we do is hard but then you have gained a sense of self and are now free to explore and your daughter is still in your life so that is a bonus. I wish you luck and welcome back to the forum.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your relationship. My divorce was final one month ago. We'd been married for 18 years.

I hope that one day you find a love in the future who loves you as a person, not a gender.

[Teresa]

Julia with no real marriage and no real divorce you could still have a very flexible relationship with your ex partner, she may realise the CDing side of you wasn't so bad after all !
I'm glad you've given your daughter an easy time with it between the two of you , I hate to see children suffer over things that isn't their fault.

[natcrys]

A divorce or break-up is always a sad story.. but in this case, you've both handled it like sensible cool-headed adults. Which is a very good thing, even more so because you both have a daughter that have to raise. :)

As a possible side-effect, the girl will hopefully grow up as an open-minded person and finding nothing strange about crossdressing. And that's a win!

[Lynn Marie]

There seems to be this incredible drive to find a mate and procreate. To spawn and prove our manhood. And, of course, there's this fantastic abundance of desperate single mothers out there doing everything they can to hunt down almost any available man to be a father to their children. Finding a mate isn't the problem, avoiding a mate is! Trust me, life can be very good with all the closets being yours and a few CD girlfriends to hang out with. I wish you well in this new adventure.

[CarlaWestin]

Gee, Lynn Marie. I completely agree with you. I see everyday in Las Vegas the expensive and frustrating courting ritual. Whether driven by hormonal urges by the males fueled by alcohol or the lurings of the females implied prospect of coitus as bait. I have had an abundance of fleeting moments of passionate carnal pleasure in the past but, at a substantial financial and emotional price. Bottom line, it's the companionship that I desire. But, not all the time. Maybe with understanding and acceptance my attitude would be different but, it seems that there's this predisposed expectation that we need to be some kind of macho, money pump whose only desire is food and sex. I love my wife, dearly. I do wish she would accept my female side.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Julia, I think that the most important thing in your life now is to be a wonderful father for your daughter
and don't overwhelm her with Julia.

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out...or more accurately, survive your evolution. I hope each of you maintain the friendly contact and mutual support of your child.

[Katey888]

Julia, I can empathise having gone through a similar separation many years ago - so while congratulations is not quite the right word, I think you can both feel some satisfaction that you've handled this separation maturely and with a positive outcome for your daughter, in still having both her parents in her life amicably. So a hearty well done for that! :cheer:

I'm afraid counsellors can have that effect on relationships as their function and prime consideration is to look after their clients mental health - I suspect we all may face that challenge to differing degrees: not quite pink fog but I know what you mean... It's a toughie...

And while I can be envious of your relative freedom I'd also suggest a good deal of restraint on your part... kind of like dating on the rebound, getting too immersed in our other sides can be destabilising to other parts of our lives - I wouldn't wish that on anyone... So please be prudent with how you carry this forward - why not look at it as if you now have boundless time so absolutely no need to rush into anything... Pace yourself and all things in moderation.. :D

Good luck - Keep Calm, and have fun...

Katey x

[Jenny Elwood]

Julia, I have to concur with what Katey said. Please try keep a balance, the "I think she will eventually take over..." bit does not sound like a good idea to me.

[Eringirl]

Julia...so sorry that your relationship came to an end. Though as others have stated already, it would appear that cooler heads prevailed throughout the process. Take the time to allow yourself to heal, enjoy the time with your daughter, she sounds amazing ! Take your time, smell the roses and don't rush into anything before you are ready....

Erin

[laura.lapinski]

I am very impressed Julia. It takes a courageous person to do what you are doing. I think you will be happier living your life out the way that burning desire inside wants to live it. Keep us up to date. I loved reading your post.

[Bria]

Julia, I'm sorry to hear that your 15 year relationship has ended. Be the best parent for your daughter that you can be and look to the future for tranquil times!

Hugs, Bria

[GingerSeti]

My first relationship ran quite a few years longer than yours and ended in misery for both of us. The divorce was messy and she said I was too kinky for her and aired all of my dirty laundry in court. So be forever glad that yours was so benign! My second has now gone on longer, and what a difference between these two women. So there is potential happiness ahead for you too. Good luck!

G

[Jaylyn]

Julia I am sorry that things couldn't be worked out in the marriage. I am glad that it was settled as you say though. Remember your good attitude towards the daughter. Too often the children are the ones that suffer in a divorce. Don't let your CD get in the way of your daughter needing a good caring father. She will love you as her dad and dads are special to their daughters. Don't hurry things with her but let her grow and mature knowing that your love for her is above any cd needs you have. Good luck to you.

[Julia Red]

Whoa, there's a lot of interesting inputs. It's good to be able to speak to like-minded people such as you all. Thank you. I wanted to answer each one of you individually, but I take more time to write in english than I'd like to, so I will try to keep it short.

I'm glad our divorce turned out this good. We knew how these kind of things can end. But my ex is a wonderful person, and the decision was not one-sided - I understood perfectly her reasons and saw a better future to both of us if we split. So this made things easier. We came to the conclusion that we didn't need to hate one another and that we could still be friends. And that's what's happening. After the break up, she already went on dates with another guy and I felt no jealousy. I was more worried about if the guy could be trusted than anything. I love her like she's my sister now. Also it's great that we won't use our daughter to hurt one another as a lot of people do in these cases.

As for my daughter, yes, she is incredible. She's 13 years old but she's showing a lot of maturity. She supports me on everything, and just love to see me as Julia. Even before that, we were very close, and now she sees me both as a father and as a girl friend. She knows that she can talk to me about anything, from make-up to school. I think we got closer since I moved. When she is at my house she just loves to chat and show me stuff on the internet. I give her my full attention while she's here, because I know it won't be long until she gets older and starts to build her own life, so I'm enjoying our moment together.

About my future, the last thing on my mind now it's to find another woman. I just want to enjoy myself and catch up on things. I'm also loving to have my own house, and just being alone, at peace, doing my stuff. I've always been a "lone wolf" kind of guy, so this is not so different to me. Eventually, I may stumble upon somebody and maybe start a new relationship, but I don't feel any urge to do that. Probably the girl would need to fall from heaven, right into my arms, 'cause I won't be looking for it.