Lonliness of crossdressing

[emmicd]

Are you good at pretending that you're not a crossdresser in your daily life.

How do you deal with the isolation imposed as a closet crossdresser?

How do you deal with the secrecy and with family and friends about it?

emmi

[susancheerleader]

I do well at living my day to day life in the world.

I am starting to have a hard time with the "closet" dressing. I just started dressing in May of '05. At first it was no big deal for me to just dress alone in my house. But now I am getting "ancy" about wanting to go out.

I just do my best at not talking about it. However, I did get caight by my sister one day when she made a surprize visit to my house. Shre made no issue of me in a skirt. All she said was "I don't have a problem with a guy if he wants to wear a skirt." That was a relief but the shock of getting caught made me scared as hell. The topic never came up again.
One day I was at a Christmas party and got too drunk .I told some friends that I wear a skirt at home. I really was too drunk to remember how the conversation went, but I do know it wasn't "bad" and the topic has never come up again.

[Marla GG]

Hi Emmi,

I hope you don't mind a GG answering this question.

I agree, it can be very isolating to have this huge part of our lives that no one else (except online) knows about. I love being married to a CD, but the need for secrecy and hiding gets me down sometimes because it makes something totally harmless, and dare I say beautiful, seem like this deep dark shameful secret.

I did tell the person closest to me in the world, my sister, a couple of months ago and she was wonderful. And we have been getting a little bolder about coming and going in front of the neighbors, so it's quite possible they know too. I hope one day we can be completely "out," but until then I agree with you, it's a lonely feeling at times.

Hugs,
Marla

[Helana]

I just do what everyone else does and pretend we are one thing when we are something different. This feeling is not just limited to CDs, there are many people who feel trapped by the roles placed on them by family, friends and society and are unable to express their true selves. It is a common problem and is a major source of unhappiness which is crazy when you think about what a fantastic standard of life we have.

So everyone has a social and private side to their personalities. The difference with CDs is that our private side is a bit more unusual and compulsive than others and is denigrated by society which often means we are unable to express ourselves even within the sanctury of our private homes. I really feel sad for those who have unaccepting partners, that for me is the greatest loneliness of all, to not be accepted by the one person who is supposed to embrace all of you and who you can trust to expose your vulnerabilities to.

[Maria2004]

Hi again Emmi

I delt with it by not pretending anymore and telling everyone about it, if they didn't like it, it was their problem not mine. Sounds simple but it isn't. You always have a choice if your willing to accept the consequences of that "choice".

Love
Maria

[windycissy]

Thank Heaven for this site! It has enabled me to "meet" other girls through the forums, and through private messages and email exchanges I have gotten to know some of my sisters even better....to the point where on more than one occasion, we have agreed to meet in person, which has been both scary and thrilling! After so many years of solitude, it has been wonderful to be able to dress up and spend some "girl time" with someone like me.

Windy

[gwenrob43]

Hi all,

I must admit I hate hiding and lying. I love it when I go out shopping, etc. But I wish I didn't have to hide my wardrobe and my shoes; as these things grow, I have a more and more difficult time doing so. If my wife weren't half blind I wouldn't be able to hide. I wish I could predict what would happen if I came out to her?! I love dressing, I like feeling pretty. I know of no one in my area to share with. It's tough! Hugs to all! :thumbsup:

[Helen MC]

I have always liked my own company and since childhood, even before my CD advent at age 12 have been used to keeping things to myself so loneliness is not really an issue with me. Don't get me wrong I do have friends , a small number of close ones, and a larger group of associates and can relate to them but even of my very close friends only three know of my wearing panties far less of my full indoor CD activities. It is a lot less of a problem to me to keep things that way even if it does mean being vigilant and mantaining a degree of security at all times. I very rarely have anyone visit me at home, and never unannounced so I don't have to worry too much about someone snooping where they should not go.

I am happy and stable as I am and I keep it that way.

[NinaV]

I was very lonely since my cross dressing was combined with TG feelings. It felt like I was a girl under cover within bunch of guys. It was scary when I was asking myself what would happen if they only new... The worst was when they would share their cheeting or other dirty stories and I could not go to their girlfriends and tell them the truth. Because buddys suppose to cover and support each other... Not so good memories! The only way out of this situation on longer run was coming out. The old buddies are long time gone out of my life!

For me, even thou I am out of closet today and cross dress pretty much on a daily basis and go outside, the lonelyness has not stopped entirely. Sure it is nice to get support from your friends and partner and it helps. As much as it is nice that my friends do not treat me differently and respect me after my coming out I am still not able to share my “new” interests on a level that would satisfy me. We got to know each other through some other common interests than CD or TG.
One must meet new friends (or have old friends with large interest in Cd and TG) who are going to get to know you from the biginning on as a Cd or TG. In my case that would be preferably a GG or any form of TG person who is sharing some of common interest.
Nina

[TGMarla]

It's discouraging at times, but I'm pragmatic and practical. I realize that I'm not going to change the world all by myself, and I just deal with it. I sometimes wonder if much of the ridicule that is pushed our way by mainstream society is because some people who really don't care about whether someone crossdresses or not realize that it is considered socially unacceptable, and they chime in on the derision because it is expected of them. It's easier for me to just ignore the situation and pretend I'm something other than what I am. It's not a matter of shame so much as it is social survival.

[Stephanie]

I personally don't have a problem with "pretending" that I'm not transgendered/crossdresser in my everyday life (work, school, etc.), although I don't really feel like I really go out of my way to "pretend" I'm anything other than what I am. Most people would never even suspect that I am transgendered/crossdresser unless I flat out told them I am. I COULD probably tell just about any of my friends or even my family without any real fear of reprisals or disownment if I really wanted to, however I've never really felt that telling anybody at work or within my family (other than my wife) about my crossdressing is that important, mostly because I generally keep to myself and I can't really think of a good enough reason to tell anybody else. While I'm not ashamed of being transgendered/crossdresser and would not deny it if I were asked to admit it and I may be a little more vocal about it if I feel like somebody is being rough on other crossdressers, I don't really have any particular need or desire to tell everybody about it. I am not ever planning on living full-time "en femme" or transitioning, so I won't ever NEED to disclose this information to anybody, so I guess don't really think about talking about it with the rest of my family or at work. Of course, if I had my choice, I'd certainly want to do it a lot more than I currently do but it's simply not practical nor is it really necessary. Personally, I just look at it as being one of my own private "hobbies" that I do on my own time I know that there is always a SMALL chance that I might accidentally get "caught" by somebody I know while I'm "en femme" somewhere somehow, however the chance is really so unlikely that it's not even worth worrying about and even if it does happen, I'll just 'fess up and move on. I might feel a little embarrassed about it at first but I can't imagine that it would be "THE END OF THE WORLD" for me, at least not with any of the people that I know.
I wouldn't say that I feel particularly "lonely" about being transgendered/crossdresser as my wife and one good friend both know about my crossdressing and are supportive of me. My wife is also an active participant in my crossdressing, which makes it even more fun for me. My wife especially likes the fact that we share this "secret" together.;) Having this forum and knowing there are plenty other people like me helps a lot as well.:angel:
I DO wish sometimes that I could at least tell my stepkids about it so I could more freely enjoy my crossdressing around the house, but neither I nor my wife feel ready to address the issue with them right now.

[kristytv]

well i am just lonely becaue of being single, i long to have someone in my life. i have a very small group of close friends and they all know and in fact are trying to help me find a girl who will be accepting of this, in fact they have all told me i have a better sense of fashion and taste than they do . we all went camping labor day of 2004 and spent the whole weekend with them in femme , in fact i had a guy from a neighborign campsite come and flirt with me, and i dontthink i look that good! i have to tel a another part of my friends that dont know, but it will be soon, as kristy needs to come out more . just wish i could be more presentable sometimes

[Cathy Anderson]

> [emmicd]Are you good at pretending that you're not a crossdresser in your daily life.

Yes, I think so.

> How do you deal with the isolation imposed as a closet crossdresser?

I try to make constructive use of it. For example, using the opportunity for reading and personal spirituality.

> How do you deal with the secrecy and with family and friends about it?

I just don't tell them.

Consider: Many or most might agree that labels like "crossdresser" are very limiting. I am neither a "crossdresser" nor "not a crossdresser." Neither label strictly applies, because the label itself includes all kinds of surplus baggage that doesn't apply to me individually. My "issue," whatever it is, (and clearly it involves more than the mere wearing of female clothing), is a fluid, dynamic thing. And that's an important part of it.

But the moment I tell another person, "I crossdress" a new level of reality is introduced. Namely the need to be consistent to another person's concept of me.

Before telling another person, aside from another crossdresser or a counselor that is, I would want to have a pretty clear idea myself of what I "am". Otherwise I could not give the other person a clear or accurate explanation of myself. Even if I merely say, "sometimes I wear female clothing" that is bound to conjure many incorrect associations, so I cannot simply leave it at that. The only truly constructive and innocuous thing I might say is that "I have certain puzzlements concerning gender and feelings--both generally, and concerning my own nature." But in saying that I would tell them nothing that probably isn't true of most people.

Also, telling another person potentially places the burden on them of having to deal with this revelation—a responsibility they may not want and which is perhaps unlikely to benefit them, or you, in any case.

Cathy

[Sarahgurl371]

Are you good at pretending that you're not a crossdresser in your daily life.

How do you deal with the isolation imposed as a closet crossdresser?

How do you deal with the secrecy and with family and friends about it?

emmi

1. I would say that most who know me would never suspect. Although I am having some increased difficulty in hearing people make rude or hateful comments about all those who are different, including us. If something is in good fun, I can easily laugh at it, but when a remark is just plain meanspirited, I find it very hard not to stand up and defend people like myself. I still have a great fear that I will say something or act in a manner that everyone will read right thru me. Which creates my confusion - If I believe that I am OK, why should I be afraid of what others will think?

2. I dealt with the isolation completely wrong in the past. This is why I say now that its best to get it out with your SO (even though we are having serious issues). I firmly believe that all the deception, and not being honest with oneself creates, causes us to act in very undignified ways. I think that most of the "compulsive" behavior comes from not being able to be who we are, and having to steal away the little moments that present themselves.

3. I told my wife. Its been extremely difficult, but in the end most all of the guilt is gone. At least she knows, and I have removed fear of the unknown. Even though she pretty much hates it all, at least now I don't have to worry about being caught or how she'll react. My parents know as well and are OK with it. As far as friends go, I am pretty much a loner, and close friends of the past have drifted away as the result of all that goes on from day to day in all our lives.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Emmi

I'm pretty much out of the closet now, except at work, that should come to an end soon. I wear all of my bracelets and rings there so I can keep some level of sanity about me. It's just a matter of time before someone asks me what the deal is with that, they're already talking behind my back, and I'm not going to lie or hide anything, I'll tell them the truth about me. Should be interesting and such, I'm a Team Leader at work and the top dog in production. No more hiding, no more lies, no more guilt, no more shame! If they don't like it, well boo hoo for them, it's not my problem.

GypsyKaren

[insearchofme]

On the outside I'm doing great no one I know would ever suspect. My wife lest of all. On the inside it is getting difficult and I have been going over and over in my mind on how to tell her. I am going to let her know ones of these days when I get enough courage. It may be all over when I tell her. wish me luck!

[maid phylis]

dear girls i see what you all mean about being lonely in our rolls as being women.after many years i finally told my wife and she took it pretty well but even though my kids know i just cant come up to them and say hey i am a cd.just yesterday i told my next door neighbour and she really took it very good and so i showed her pictures of me in my outfits and she couldnt believe that it was me ,so i guess we sometimes have to tell someone just to say that we exist .love phylisanne:cool: :gorgeous: :hello:

[Joanna Maguire]

Just about every one I knows I am a CD and have seen me enfemme since I came out of the closet. Family and friends. Im still loely. But I was more lonely before I came out of the closet. As a male I had virtualy no friends away from work. Now I am out in the open at least I have a few friends-Mostly women-real girls. That upsets my wife at times even though they treat me just like I am a woman.
Joanna