Charla
09-18-2014, 08:17 PM
After my last experience with the transition Nazi, I looked for a new therapist. I wanted a PhD psychologist, and I found one within my work commute and my insurance plan. I met with her on Monday. I actually had two things to talk about - my youngest son committed suicide at age 22 about two years ago, and, of course the gender issue.
Suicide is a horrible thing to do to your family. My son killed himself on April 21st, five days before his 23rd birthday, and we still suffer. You don't get over it, and you don't get used to it, but you get used to not getting over it.
After the tears had flowed and I went through half a box of Kleenex, we got to the gender issue. I was completely honest with her, as honest as I could be with even myself. I told her things that I've never told anybody before - my desires, my thoughts at an early age, my transgressions, everything. To summarize, I told her that I have always wanted to be a girl or a woman depending upon the age I was. As I sat there and talked to her, I thought "what in the world brought me to this situation?" Here I am, a grown man, and I am talking to a pregnant thirtysomething female about wanting to be a woman. We talked about that some more. I began to realize that I have a problem with self acceptance and self esteem. The situation that I am in is because I am who I am. It is neither right nor wrong, it just is.
After I got to that point, we talked about a path forward. I need to talk to my family about this. That is the largest hurdle that I can see. After that, comes work. How do I handle work? I work in a very conservative atmosphere, as a scientist inside a plant. Everybody else wears flame resistant clothing.my supervisor is a fiftysomething female who is external to the plant, that is I don't see her on a daily basis. I have a high-profile position in a professional organization outside of work.
So the journey begins. I have a lot to think about. Any advice is appreciated. I decided that one of the first things that I will start working on in this transition period is my voice.
I also talked with her extensively about socialization. There are all these cultural things that women do that we as men are not privy to. She said that she would think about it some and get back to me, but I should come with my own thoughts. So I did some reading on male privilege if you can't realize how different the world looks to me woman. As I pondered this, I passed a Macy's on I 10 at Memorial, to do U-turn, and went in to buy my favorite panties - Maidenform style 40848. I even got the sales price of 8$ instead of 11.50$ each!
Next appointment is September 25. I will let you all know how it goes.
Suicide is a horrible thing to do to your family. My son killed himself on April 21st, five days before his 23rd birthday, and we still suffer. You don't get over it, and you don't get used to it, but you get used to not getting over it.
After the tears had flowed and I went through half a box of Kleenex, we got to the gender issue. I was completely honest with her, as honest as I could be with even myself. I told her things that I've never told anybody before - my desires, my thoughts at an early age, my transgressions, everything. To summarize, I told her that I have always wanted to be a girl or a woman depending upon the age I was. As I sat there and talked to her, I thought "what in the world brought me to this situation?" Here I am, a grown man, and I am talking to a pregnant thirtysomething female about wanting to be a woman. We talked about that some more. I began to realize that I have a problem with self acceptance and self esteem. The situation that I am in is because I am who I am. It is neither right nor wrong, it just is.
After I got to that point, we talked about a path forward. I need to talk to my family about this. That is the largest hurdle that I can see. After that, comes work. How do I handle work? I work in a very conservative atmosphere, as a scientist inside a plant. Everybody else wears flame resistant clothing.my supervisor is a fiftysomething female who is external to the plant, that is I don't see her on a daily basis. I have a high-profile position in a professional organization outside of work.
So the journey begins. I have a lot to think about. Any advice is appreciated. I decided that one of the first things that I will start working on in this transition period is my voice.
I also talked with her extensively about socialization. There are all these cultural things that women do that we as men are not privy to. She said that she would think about it some and get back to me, but I should come with my own thoughts. So I did some reading on male privilege if you can't realize how different the world looks to me woman. As I pondered this, I passed a Macy's on I 10 at Memorial, to do U-turn, and went in to buy my favorite panties - Maidenform style 40848. I even got the sales price of 8$ instead of 11.50$ each!
Next appointment is September 25. I will let you all know how it goes.