Identity in Dreams

[becky77]

Hi

Sounds like a stange question but have you noticed a difference in your identity within dreams before and after transition?

Last night I had this dream that I was a first time mother being handed my new born baby, later in the dream I put my child in a pram and left the hospital with a couple of other new mothers, at the same time I felt like I was a fake in their midst, that I hadn't let anyone know I wasn't born a female (crazy huh?). It was strange but the motherly part was so natural and right and I have never dreamed this before.

It just made me wonder what with identity and everything, how people perceived themselves in their dreams? And has it changed at all?

[kimdl93]

fascinating dream. alas, mine are utterly indecipherable or incredibly boring. I once dreamed about placing a piece of porcelain floor tile on a stairstep. That was it. Home remodeling in my dreams.

[Jorja]

As Kim said,fascinating dream. I haven't had a dream I can remember after waking for so long, I question whether or not I do dream at all.

[DeeDee1974]

I've never had a dream about being a mother, but I did have one where I was an exaggerated version of what a woman should be.

I think it all related to comments from my ex-wife. She is very fashionable and feels I dress too conservatively. I met up with her one night for drinks after working kind of late. I had been helping an intern with a project. He's a young very attractive guy, the kind you don't mind working late with.

I mentioned to my ex wife that I felt he had been flirting with me. She snipped back "only if he likes Amish women". I had thought my outfit looked nice, but upon further review it was very plain jane.

Not long after that I had a dream where it was my head, but on a Kim Kardashian body. My outfit was revealing, too revealing for me to wear anywhere. And to sum it up I was really flaunting it to the intern at work.
All of this is way outside my norm of a shy, conservative type.

[LeaP]

I can't speak to post-transition, but I can tell you that I have a lot of what I call "trans dreams" these days. There were a very few instances throughout my life before a few years ago where I was female in a dream. I know I had a few, but can't recall any specific ones. Then BOOM - I had a spectacularly long and vivid dream where I spent the day in Boston's Back Bay. I can still recall the details, down to the shops and streets as well as what I was wearing, my hair, people's reactions, traffic ... all kinds of things. Since then, they have become more and more frequent (if less spectacular) to where they seem to make up about half my dreams.

One has to distinguish dreams from reality, of course. I might like to wear a dark blue sundress with white polkadots, spaghetti straps, and matching blue Mary Janes, as in that spectacular dream, but in truth, it would look like crap on me ...

Many dreams don't really have a gendered aspect at all. Most of mine are simply activity-based, where I don't see myself, the focus is on what I am seeing.

[becky77]

I'm surprised so many people don't dream. I have dreams regularly, just the interesting ones that stay with me though.
Maybe I have too active imagination.

[Kimberly Kael]

As LeaP describes, many of my dreams don't have a gendered aspect. During my early social transition it was far more common that my anxieties would reveal themselves in dreams with complex gendering storylines, but that has generally faded along with my anxieties in the real world.

... but I've always had vivid and interesting dreams. My favorite from the past year or two for its creativity was one in which I was showing someone pictures of the homes I've lived in, each of which was a place I'd occupied only in previous dreams over the years! Suddenly I had vivid memories of many of these places that were only fleetingly present in a dream, sometimes as much as a decade or more back. These were memories that I wouldn't have been able to retrieve consciously. It was decidedly odd, and fascinating.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

very rarely do I notice my gender in a dream..i have had all kinds of them tho over many years...when I do notice I have been mostly male...a couple of times female and a couple of those horror dreams where i'm the tranny...in one of those I got my old job back and had to go to work naked!!!! in the dream I darted from office to office...I yi yi you don't need a degree to figure that one out..

[Marleena]

Quite the dream Becky.:)

Pre-HRT I had lots of nightmares that I'll blame on the "T". There were always gory with lots of blood. I do remember one wonderfully relaxing, vivid dream where I was in an old mansion being led by a beautiful woman in a white gown through the rooms like a tour. Eventually we entered a large hall where hundreds of beautiful women surrounded me and I felt a sense of happiness and woke up. That dream may have been a message.

Since HRT they are usually me as a woman out and about and looking/ hoping for acceptance by others. So far no lynch mobs.:)

[Jorja]

No lynch mobs are a good thing! :)

[becky77]

..in one of those I got my old job back and had to go to work naked!!!! in the dream I darted from office to office...I yi yi you don't need a degree to figure that one out..

I have had three recurring dreams over my life.
First one was early teens and a friends Mum came to pick me up, however I simply couldn't get ready, it would take ages, not able to find clothes and eventually my friend drives off leaving me behind. Real frustration dream that thankfully disappeared when I could drive myself.

Second one is an occasion where say my parents have thrown a big party and I'm still in a towel from the shower or underwear or just naked. I just can't seem to escape the people and cover myself up. That one stopped many years ago.

Third one there is some kind of monster, or Alien like Predator or Alien from the Sigourney Weaver films. I am always in a situation where I can't get away like a giant warehouse with no doors to be found despite searching for them desperately, just keep finding hiding places. Although this monster thing isn't specifically after me the danger feels very real. Sometimes I have family I have to try find and protect even though I can't.

I think the dreams have links to my anxieties and insecurity, but are influenced by my liking of Sci-fi and Fantasy.

[Michelle789]

I can identify with what a lot of you say here about dreams and gender. Most of my dreams I am genderless. I had a handful of dreams where I was a woman prior to 2013. Starting in 2013, I have had a number of dreams where I am a woman, I am coming out as trans, or am speaking with someone about my gender issues. Last night was my latest trans-related dream, where I was talking with my mom and brother about my gender issues. In the dreams they both suspected I had gender issues since I was a child and my brother told me that he felt that I had feminine energy, although he was reluctant to admit that in the past because he thought my feelings would get hurt.

[Frances]

Sometimes I am as I am now. Sometimes I am like I used to be. Sometimes I am disembodied. It varies from dream to dream. I don't ascribe much meaning to it.

[Aprilrain]

My gender in my dreams is almost always apparent even if it's irrelevant. Like Frances, sometimes I'm me now and sometimes I'm me from the past.

[whowhatwhen]

Same, I used to get upset at it but now I figure that it's better to not pretend that the past didn't exist.
Few if any are gender related though, think of being in a movie where going through a door/looking around/anything changes the movie to an entirely different genre.

It's kinda neat actually because it pulls in fragments of previous dreams to create a fragmented sort of story that is out of sequence and really abstract.

TL;dr:
I have awesome dreams.
Sometimes.

[I Am Paula]

Good thread.
I have completely mixed dreams. In some I am Paula, in the present.
In others I'm Paul, in the past.
The really weird ones, I'll be dreaming of some past event, in my current identity. (My fifth birthday, and I'm a girl, for example)
The most infuriating tho' are current day, something that happened at work for example, and I'm a guy!!
I think all TS women (and men), have moments of doubt. I have come so far, and certainly can't turn back, and suddenly pow, a really vivid dream comes along that momentarily messes with my gender identity.
Luckily, I take little stock in the importance of dreams. Anti-Freudian. If I tried to interpret my dreams I'd go nuts, so I try to write them off as the subconscious mind having a little r'n'r. I just wish that my subconscious mind would quit misgendering me!

[sarahcsc]

Hi all,

What an interesting topic! Dream interpretation is very funky and I do it for my patients from time to time when they bring them to me although they are open to all sorts of interpretation.

Most of my dreams consists of me in a third person perspective, looking at my male self doing things. The male self does boring things and its probably not worth mentioning without any context.

My most exciting, and also embarrassing dream, involves me being a woman kissing a celebrity (whose identity I'm not going to disclose in public because its too embarrassing!). This one was dreamed in first person however. I remember wearing a gorgeous long evening gown in red, and posing in front of him as though he was a fashion critique or something. He then walked up and kissed me (on the lips) which was totally unexpected! I remember feeling very awkward but at the same time did not resist him as well. I woke up with a smile until I realized I had to get ready to go to work.

There were numerous other dreams of me being a woman but they were mostly boring. :)

[DebbieL]

I've had dreams about being a girl since I was very young.

One of the most disturbing was a recurring dream starting when I was about 5 years old. In the dream, I'm a girl, and I'm with my boyfriend in a blue convertible of 1950s vindage. I'm wearing a full skirt, and we are trying to make out together. I even remember having sex with him. Then I saw someone hit him, and right after that, I felt myself being strangled. When I had that dream, and woke up as a little boy, it was really strange, like "what happened?".

I've also had similar dreams of the girl while she was younger, wearing a party dress to church.

Many of my wet dreams were of me as a girl with another girl.

My most frequently recurring dream is that I'm a trying to fly, but It's more like swiming. Once I do get into the air, I start flying higher and faster, until I can't land. I keep flying over the houses of my family, unable to land because there are too many telephone and electrical wires. Most of the time, I'm struggling to swim as a boy, and when I'm soaring, I'm a girl.

[KellyJameson]

My dreams changed once I stopped fighting my identity and accepted it. That was about four years ago.

I had an internalized self image of what I was meant to look like that I had been subconsciously trying to make happen without admitting that I was a woman because I did not want to be a "transsexual woman" but a "real woman". (its complicated but I like to torture myself and I'm good at it)

Once I stopped fighting myself this inner image emerged that I realized later was always there.

In my opinion I have found this image is very important to transitioning because it worked as my guide so I did'nt do anything stupid such as getting double D implants that would contradict this image.

The mind is a mystery.