Second Therapy Session, First Time Out Dressed

[Brianna_H]

Yesterday was a weird and awesome day.

Work was strange. I'm the information systems manager, responsible for this huge software change the company is making. One of the managers i work with blew up over the amount of extra work involved. Long story short, I may be taking over that person's job. It sounds great, but is also pretty scary. I'm not an accountant and the position would put me in a major role preparing the companies books.

I left that madhouse early to go to my second therapy session. I stopped at home to dress first. The therapist said last time that many of her clients come to sessions dressed. I've never been out driving anywhere in women's clothes, but it felt right. I wore a rose and black top, a black skirt and tights. My only women's shoes proved to be awful to walk around in. No heels, but they actually flopped around too much for comfort. Hard to find shoes wide enough for my feet that are not way too long. *shrug* I'll get there.

Anyway, it felt good to go out with makeup and clothes. Nothing earth shattering, but nice. It was my first time using a purse, too. Though I used to carry a backpack with me everywhere, so it wasn't real strange.

Therapy was good. We're still getting to know each other. She listened and asked questions, mostly about how I've been feeling. I've been having a lot of revelations about my past behavior and interests. It turns out roleplaying games were a way to become someone else for a while in a safe environment. She asked me to start a journal of my feelings and thoughts.

At the end we talked about goals. Right now, my goal is to understand myself better. I have a strong drive to have a more feminine shape and lose my body hair, but the cost, pain and sensitivity have been a problem. I am very interested in HRT, but want to make a wise decision. I don't think this is just a phase or anything like that, but I want to give it time to make sure.

Afterwards, I had to pick up glasses for me and my wife from the optometrist. This was a bigger deal in some ways than going to therapy en femme. But it was just no big thing. I even tried my new glasses on to make sure they fit right and the staff person was very nice.

Then I went home and cooked up a storm for my wife and I to share a nice dinner, since I was home early. She's been really cool and accepting of her new girlfriend.

Awesome day!

[LeaP]

It does sound like a great day. The first time I went to my therapist dressed was a terrific validation. Most of all because she didn't recognize me! She answered the door and it was like… "Yes?"…

[Kathryn Martin]

It does sound like a great day. The first time I went to my therapist dressed was a terrific validation. Most of all because she didn't recognize me! She answered the door and it was like… "Yes?"…

I can see that...... I told ya

Brianna, what a great experience.

[Jorja]

Great experience for you today, Brianna. But... if you are really going to do it, get out dressed on a regular basis. Live the life of a woman. Progress into living 24/7 for a year or two before making any major decisions about what path you need to follow.

[Leah Lynn]

Some days can be a real rollercoaster! Glad to hear it ended on a good note!

Hugs,

Leah

[MonicaJean]

Good to hear your day ended on a wonderful note! Yes, we do seem to have some things in common for sure, just starting out therapy, wanting to lose weight and look more feminine. I’m VERY happy for you that your wife loves you no matter what.

[PretzelGirl]

Very nice! I am with Jorja. Once I decided transition was my goal, I did everything I could presenting as Sue. So I didn't at work and I also attended group therapy in my male presentation since I had to leave work early for it and couldn't squeeze in changing. They have seen Sue, so there is nothing hidden. But it has given me confidence as I have now interacted with everyone but work and my optometrist (don't exactly see him that often). Strangely enough, the commitment also gave me more confidence.

[Suzanne F]

Brianna
Congratulations on your first outing. I knew I was home that first step out. For me I can't hardly not be out as myself now. Work is the only place I hide. Fortunately I work from home a fair amount so it is tolerable. It has taken me almost 2 years to get to this point. I have taken that time to decide about HRT. I wanted to make sure I could function in the world as a woman. Good luck with your journey! If you would like to meet some of us girls in San Francisco let me know. My wife sometimes comes with me to meet my girlfriends from this site.
Suzanne

[Michelle789]

Brianna,

Congratulations on your first outing as your authentic self. Doesn't it feel liberating? I wish you many more wonderful outings like this, and the best in finding your true self.

Hugs,

Michelle :)

[Cheryl123]

I'm happy for you Brianna. Judging from your picture I think you will present very well. Like others have said, try to go out as much as you can. The more often you go out, the more confident you will feel, and the more confident you feel, the more accepting others will be. I just starting presenting in public a few months ago, and I'm surprised at how quickly it became second nature. I get upset now on those occasions when I still must present as a guy. Good luck to you. (Also I've found a feminine pair of glasses does wonders for my presentation.)

[DebbieL]

Many therapists want to see you in your current gender and your desired gender. It helps them to assess differences in your personality, as well as helping them assess where you need to start in terms of Real Life Experience (RLE). They can also get a sense of who you are emotionally.

There is no "right" or "wrong", only an ability to establish where you are currently on the spectrum, where you would really like to be (where you REALLY are), and what steps you need to take to get there. If this therapist appointment is your first time out ever, then it will probably take a bit longer for you to get the Real Life Experience you need before starting HRT.

Normally, the therapist will recommend that you gradually increase your outings in both duration and visibility until you can pass as female for most of your non-working hours. The therapist will ask you to talk about your outings, and your feelings, and your awareness. It's a gradual process, but you may be able to accelerate it by taking the coaching aggressively.

One of the other things you will learn from RLE is whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life as a woman. If you are a cross-dresser, the process of having to wear situation appropriate, age appropriate, and size appropriate clothing at all times will cease to be "fun". On the other hand, if you are transsexual, you will embrace it, along with the wig, if you need it, and make-up, and prosthetics. You won't know your true nature until you have been been living RLE at least 80 hours a week, which means all week-end, all evening. By then, you will have sorted out your finances, your family, your friends, and your family. Some of your assigments will include things like getting both of your ears pierced, getting a manicure, getting a more feminine haircut, and other things in slow steps. These are things that can't be hidden, but will prepare you to let people in your life know about the changes you are planning.

Enjoy the process and trust that your life will be sorted out as it should be.

[Starling]

Brianna, I couldn't wait for my second therapist visit to present in my true gender, and in fact I hated the one time I had to change in her bathroom. It was very important to me for her to witness the comfort and "rightness" I felt, even though my initial visit was the first time I had ever been out as myself. Once I had taken that step, of course, I began to go more places, including the LGBTQ Clinic, where I began HRT. Then it was electrolysis, shopping and dining out with friends. I was too scared to get my mani-pedis while dressed, because of my fear that I'd piss someone off. But that would be next, once I knew I was fully committed to transition.

The saddest day of my life was when for some compelling reasons I decided I had to stop HRT. Even after that, I found it necessary to visit my regular therapist as myself, which I found especially liberating, as with her I had always pussy-footed around the question of my gender identity.

I hope you are able to carry through with your transition, Brianna. That your wife is standing by you is a most encouraging sign. I wish you all the luck, strength and determination in the world.

:) Lallie

[Brianna_H]

Thank you so much for the wisdom and kindness.

I think my painful shoes undermined the thrill of being out. I'll work on that.

I spend most of my time outside work with some form of women's attire on. The funny thing is, that after a couple of months of crossdressing, my style relaxed a great deal. My ears are pierced. Toes painted. Nails glossy, but not colored. I almost always wear eyeliner. I feel like me (girl me) even when I'm sitting in a t-shirt and shorts at home.

But, yes, going out more will help alot. Right now money is tight, so I don't have all the clothes I would like. But that will improve, too. I'm much more patient now than at the beginning.

The one thing that hasn't changed is the desire to dress and be perceived as female at work and everywhere. It makes me nervous and a lot shy, but I still wish I could wear a skirt here at work and just.. be a woman doing the same stuff I do as a man. It just feels more right.