A little upset need advice

[shawna0289]

I want to dress more and have my girlfriends help but I don't know how she would react in meeting "Shawna". It upsets me that I am unable to talk to her about my dressing. I would love it if would help me with makeup.

[Candice Mae]

Be truthful and do not hide anything from her, talk things through but do not be forceful . Baby steps to start, discuss how you both feel about your CDing and maybe ask her for suggestions. Communication is key, listen to her and pay attention to her body language if it looks like she doesn't want to it just wasn't ment to be. We all can't live in a perfect world where everything goes the wat we want.

[Marcelle]

Hi Shawna,

My one question . . . Does your GF know about Shawn at all? If not then coming out is a big decision and one you should not take lightly as it will only go two ways "acceptance/tolerance on some level" or "non-acceptance relationship ends". It can be easy for those who have come or are not in committed relationships to say "tell the truth" but to be honest we don't know your personal circumstances, your emotional state or your GFs understanding level. Once that bell has been rung it cannot be silenced. However, if you feel deep in your soul you are ready to tell you GF and can deal with the potential of losing her should she not be accepting then do so. I would not just blurt it out over dinner but tell her you have something serious and personal to talk about, take a deep breath and tell her. Give her time to process and just because she walks away does not necessarily mean she is leaving, she just may need time to process. If she is accepting/tolerating, then continue to communicate and tell her all about Shawna. Don't force the issue and allow her to be part of the conversation not just the person receiving the news.

Final advice though . . . be very sure you truly want this though.

Good luck sweetie and hugs for moral courage.

Isha

[hope springs]

You have likely read enough posts to know these usually dont go well. Even if they are initially accepting, over time the SO's attitude can change. So be really sure you want to share this. Id been married 12 years before i discovered i was a CD. The wife is accepting, but alot of that im sure that has more to do with time invested, kids together and love... not enthusiasm for CDing.
As usual, Isha's advice is solid. Could turn out ok, but expect a bumpy ride

[I Am Paula]

I'll give a simple truthful answer. I have come out to three SO's in my life. Two of them are now Ex's. The third has stuck with me thru' transition, and now admits to being in a same sex marriage. Those odds don't suck, but aren't encouraging either.

[docrobbysherry]

If you're TS? U may need to tell. If you're a CD? U should tell only on a "need to know" basis only.

My advice? If u r getting "serious" about your GF, tell her. Gradually, using baby steps. U shouldn't keep secrets like that if u want to stay married!

If you're not serious and your relationship is going well? Why tell her and maybe ruin it?

[MatildaJ.]

It's a fantasy to think that the result of telling would be to get your gf's "help" with dressing and make-up. If you want help, go see a professional. If you want a "BFF", then go to transgender support groups and meet someone there to be your bestie.

But if you want to open up to your gf about the real you, and you're prepared to support her through the ups and downs of her reactions, then telling her can be a good step forward. My advice is to introduce this as something you've recently found out about yourself, rather than a whole secret personality you've been hiding. That way, she can feel she is exploring with you, rather than having to get to know a new person out of the blue.

[MelanieAnne]

Most women want you to be focused on them, rather than them helping you become a better crossdresser. Odds are 10 to 1 this won't end well. Proceed at your own risk.

[Anna Fakley]

Honesty is the best policy ALWAYS.

[stefan37]

Jess has given you solid advice. If you continue to keep it secret and were you eventually to get married. It will only create more problems. Better to get it in the open now and allow her to make her decision to stay or bail.

I don't know your circumstances or your girlfriend's. You realize you have a need to dress and it will not go away. Not disclosing and giving your girlfriend options would be irresponsible.

[Teresa]

Shawna,
Just a thought but you could try relating makeup and clothes by commenting about attractive GG pictures in magazines ! Something like , " I like what she's wearing or she looks pretty in that dress ! " and maybe make some off the cuff comments about makeup and see how your GF reacts.
It's just a way of testing the water before you work round to her thoughts on CDing.

[Beverley Sims]

Start by talking about the suject in a non specific way and then lead into it if the response you receive seems positive.
Honesty is always the best but can destroy a relationship also.
It is something you need to think hard about and if you are going to get married, you do need to broach the subject sometime.

[SusanaO]

Shawna,

First of all, I'm confused as to whether you're referring to a girlfriend (dating), or girlfriends (friends). I'm assuming friends...

I'm actually in a similar situation. I have come out to two friends because one is genderqueer and the other is gay, so I knew they would be accepting. But there are two other GG frends I want to come out to, and I have begun my objective by laying out hints. I'll look through girly magazines with them, we do our nails, and they even waxed my legs (because they thought it would be torture, but I had the last laugh). Oh yes, and shopping! They love having me as a shopping buddy, and they've told me I have taste in women's clothes.

I'm just waiting for the moment to tell them. And I think I'll do it the way Bridgette came out to her mother - by showing her a picture. At this point, we've been through a lot that I'm certain it won't change our friendship. So why don't I do it? Because it's not easy. I do, though, notice I have much more courage than from when I had just realized I was more than a fetish crossdresser. I'm shooting for Halloween, as I will be dressed as a girl.

The other girls are right. Don't make it about it being a woman's duty to help you. If she or they really care about you they will help you, but don't push it. Let it be a gradual move.

[shawna0289]

Well actually SusanaO I am referring to girlfriend dating....
I appreciate all of the advice I am going to take it slow and test the waters before making a choose of telling her or not.

[Badwolf]

The only way to find accepting people is to put yourself out there somehow. Be aware not all responses are positive, but if it's something you feel you need you do need to start telling people at least somewhat.

[charlenesomeone]

Shawna
If dating, then that is up to you. As others said, it may end there.
But if you get serious, then it seems better to be upfront. Only you can
know the person you want to tell, so weigh the advice and make your decision.
Char

[Angie926]

Have you ever tried like being on line and saying oops look at this and say you've stumble somehow on a CS site by mistake. Ask her what she thinks of that or judge by her reaction what will happen. I remember coming out to my 1st wife now ex. Surprisingly my CD wan't the cause of the break up. I sorta did that just came by accident across a non sexual CD site and after she looked at it and said that she thought it may be ok for some I kinda hinted at the fact about mme and asked her since she thought it would be ok for some what would she do if I did that. She said it would be a real shock but well the rest was history. We had a great time as Girl Friends though the frequency of when I wanted to dress was somewhat of a hassle and she really didn't want me shaving any body hair. So maybe that route could help!!:)

[Confetti]

Get the crossdressing part out of the way, in the long run you will see if she is the right person to begin with.Why waste 25 years with a person who detests a portion of you.My dear it isn't easy to deal with someone who reveals it is not acceptable.Being open will be a happier future rather than a miserable hide game.

[SO1Adam12]

If you're talking about someone you are just dating and not in a committed relationship with I would be very wary. You may not know this person as well as you think and it could go very, very badly. My SO revealed himself slowly and it was restricted to the bedroom. He still tends to let me know his desires in a fantasy type of situation so at first I thought it was just a fetish that helped him get in the mood. He's still letting me know there may be more to it than that.

Having said all of that...this is a very personal, very intimate piece of information and your goal in sharing that with someone should not be to help you dress and apply makeup. Being a girl is not all about shopping and makeup. We are there because we want a partner. We have plenty of GG friends we can shop with. If she feels like she's losing her male partner she may not be able to handle that. My SO remains very much in male mode when we are out and I need him to stay that way.

[JessicaKasey]

I dropped hints for a while and then told my ex during the time she wanted to put makeup on me randomly one night. She was cool with it and wanted to explore my CD side. However, please make sure you trust each other completely! I can't stress this enough. I didn't truly trust my ex for various reasons and after I ended the relationship she told her mother about it! This could have had devastating consequences due to Facebook since I can't block her from my entire friends list, but I made sure that even if they messaged my family or friends it would have no effect. We split just as the "no make-up" photos were doing the rounds and men were putting on makeup to join in. Of course, I went a step further and posted a photo as Jessica. It went down brilliantly! So now, if my ex or her mother decide to reveal my secret, I can just say "Oh yes, for the make-up challenge. That was fun!".
Lucky timing ;) x

[Kate Simmons]

The decision to tell her or not has to be entirely your own. :)

[Rachelakld]

I would ask her, maybe this Halloween?

If your getting serious with this girl, let her know about your CD'ing before getting engaged.
1) your CD'ing will probably get more "out" in later life - definitely a journey that is best with someone who understands
2) non-understanding SO often run out the door, with your children & money
3) not telling a serious SO, is the same as lying - screws up 2 lives in the long run.