candacegates
09-19-2014, 11:16 PM
After being a part of this forum for many years and reading many stories (esp the sticky about SO acceptance) about folks hiding/revealing their dressing to their SO, I finally have a story of my own to share. However it is quite long (I wanted to try to provide the full context and the feeling of the situation)
In my CD life, the last couple of months have been quite a whirlwind. Yesterday I finally had the courage to reveal my dressing to my GF. I have been dressing in some rudimentary fashion since I was a teenager. My GF and I have been together for just over 6 years now and during that whole time I did everything in my power to shield her and hide from her that part of my life.
Fast forward to last night where we were both sitting in the car listening to the radio and just talking. The conversation found its way to how I feet about when she goes out to clubs and events and such. She was under the impression that guys talking to her while she was out might make me feel uneasy. I was honest with her and said that her going out doesn't bother me at all and that the attention that she gets from guys just comes with the territory. I told her that I knew that her desire and enjoyment from going out isn't from picking up guys, but that the PROCESS of going out is what makes it fun for her. We both agreed and came to the conclusion that the process of shopping for an awesome outfit, getting hair nails and makeup done, and getting acknowledgement (from guys and girls) that the whole effort and end result is beautiful is what drives her. The club just happens to be a convenient place to go to get the desired acknowledgement at the end of the process (even with jerk guys around). It was at that point that I started to reveal more about how I felt about my role in that process. Since we've been together, I'm typically with her when she goes shopping for outfits and shoes an such I play a very active role in picking stuff out and helping her get good deals in the process. On many nights when she goes out I've sat with her and watched as she goes through the process of doing her hair and makeup and dressing, helping her make sure that everything is just right. I let her know that even though I'm not necessarily going out with her, that I probably got as much enjoyment out of the whole process as she did. I described the feeling that I feel during the process as sort of a curiosity into seeing and feeling how the other half lives. That feeling and level of understanding was actually refreshing to her.
After that, the conversation turned to other things, but the whole time I kept thinking that I had had come really close to telling her everything. I was thinking that the context and the timing of the conversation couldn't be more perfect and kept debating on whether I should go all the way or not. After talking a bit more on other stuff, the conversation turned back to the previous topic. It was at that point that I took a deep breath and finally started to let the words come out. I told her that I wanted to tell her something but then I hesitated and told her that I was afraid to tell her because I would be embarrassed and that she might think differently about me. She reassured me that she would be understanding, but she also didn't press. After a couple moments of hesitation, the wall finally came down. It told her that the process of getting pretty isn't just an experience that I live vicariously though her, its something that I have gone out and experienced for myself.
After pausing for a moment, she said she didn't believe me. I told her that I was serious and telling the truth. She actually revealed to me that she has a slight suspicion, but never really thought too much about it. Surprisingly, her reaction was overwhelmingly positive. My GF is very steady in her belief in truth, honesty, and understanding in relationships. I knew that by hiding such a big part of myself, I was not being completely honest with her and it has really eaten at me for quite some time. Her background in psychology and counseling had already given her a great understanding of the spectrums of gender and sexuality, so it really shouldn't have come as much of a surprise as to her level of understanding as to how I felt and why I dress without many of the other preconceived notions that SOs have had in other coming out scenarios that I had read.
She actually had very few questions. One of the questions was if I considered myself a CD, TV, or TG. I honestly let her know that it was just CD and really considered it as more of a hobby than anything.
I also told her that I had gone out in public dressed to which she expressed disbelief, but I told her I had pictures to prove it if she wanted to see for herself. (I definitely was careful to not to try and push pictures and stuff on her to try and not overwhelm her) After I showed her a couple of pictures from SCC, she still didn't believe me. She was asking "For real, what girl's picture is this?" (which was the ultimate compliment) Then after telling her its definitely me, we laughed about it and looked at a couple more pictures. She gave me a ton of compliments on my look and style which was incredibly flattering. She did rib me a little bit about how I had definitely borrowed from aspects of her style to which I replied that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
Overall I have such a sense of relief that I was able to speak to her freely about it and her be understanding. She expressed to me that she actually felt that by my showing her this side of me, that it brought a whole new level of trust and intimacy to our relationship. The reassured me in my fear that she would think differently about me by telling me that my dressing doesn't comprise all of who I am, that its just one part of me and that its not bad. In hindsight, she thought it was funny, reminiscing at the time when she asked me to try on a size 11 shoe in a store or when she practiced putting makeup on me while I feigned resistance.
Going forward I would like some advice and opinions on where to go from here. My big fear now is that now that the door has been opened, that I may have the urge to reveal and dump all the years of pent up hiding to her too fast and overwhelm her.
TL;DR - Revealed my dressing to my GF of 6 years who ended up being completely understanding and accepting.
In my CD life, the last couple of months have been quite a whirlwind. Yesterday I finally had the courage to reveal my dressing to my GF. I have been dressing in some rudimentary fashion since I was a teenager. My GF and I have been together for just over 6 years now and during that whole time I did everything in my power to shield her and hide from her that part of my life.
Fast forward to last night where we were both sitting in the car listening to the radio and just talking. The conversation found its way to how I feet about when she goes out to clubs and events and such. She was under the impression that guys talking to her while she was out might make me feel uneasy. I was honest with her and said that her going out doesn't bother me at all and that the attention that she gets from guys just comes with the territory. I told her that I knew that her desire and enjoyment from going out isn't from picking up guys, but that the PROCESS of going out is what makes it fun for her. We both agreed and came to the conclusion that the process of shopping for an awesome outfit, getting hair nails and makeup done, and getting acknowledgement (from guys and girls) that the whole effort and end result is beautiful is what drives her. The club just happens to be a convenient place to go to get the desired acknowledgement at the end of the process (even with jerk guys around). It was at that point that I started to reveal more about how I felt about my role in that process. Since we've been together, I'm typically with her when she goes shopping for outfits and shoes an such I play a very active role in picking stuff out and helping her get good deals in the process. On many nights when she goes out I've sat with her and watched as she goes through the process of doing her hair and makeup and dressing, helping her make sure that everything is just right. I let her know that even though I'm not necessarily going out with her, that I probably got as much enjoyment out of the whole process as she did. I described the feeling that I feel during the process as sort of a curiosity into seeing and feeling how the other half lives. That feeling and level of understanding was actually refreshing to her.
After that, the conversation turned to other things, but the whole time I kept thinking that I had had come really close to telling her everything. I was thinking that the context and the timing of the conversation couldn't be more perfect and kept debating on whether I should go all the way or not. After talking a bit more on other stuff, the conversation turned back to the previous topic. It was at that point that I took a deep breath and finally started to let the words come out. I told her that I wanted to tell her something but then I hesitated and told her that I was afraid to tell her because I would be embarrassed and that she might think differently about me. She reassured me that she would be understanding, but she also didn't press. After a couple moments of hesitation, the wall finally came down. It told her that the process of getting pretty isn't just an experience that I live vicariously though her, its something that I have gone out and experienced for myself.
After pausing for a moment, she said she didn't believe me. I told her that I was serious and telling the truth. She actually revealed to me that she has a slight suspicion, but never really thought too much about it. Surprisingly, her reaction was overwhelmingly positive. My GF is very steady in her belief in truth, honesty, and understanding in relationships. I knew that by hiding such a big part of myself, I was not being completely honest with her and it has really eaten at me for quite some time. Her background in psychology and counseling had already given her a great understanding of the spectrums of gender and sexuality, so it really shouldn't have come as much of a surprise as to her level of understanding as to how I felt and why I dress without many of the other preconceived notions that SOs have had in other coming out scenarios that I had read.
She actually had very few questions. One of the questions was if I considered myself a CD, TV, or TG. I honestly let her know that it was just CD and really considered it as more of a hobby than anything.
I also told her that I had gone out in public dressed to which she expressed disbelief, but I told her I had pictures to prove it if she wanted to see for herself. (I definitely was careful to not to try and push pictures and stuff on her to try and not overwhelm her) After I showed her a couple of pictures from SCC, she still didn't believe me. She was asking "For real, what girl's picture is this?" (which was the ultimate compliment) Then after telling her its definitely me, we laughed about it and looked at a couple more pictures. She gave me a ton of compliments on my look and style which was incredibly flattering. She did rib me a little bit about how I had definitely borrowed from aspects of her style to which I replied that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
Overall I have such a sense of relief that I was able to speak to her freely about it and her be understanding. She expressed to me that she actually felt that by my showing her this side of me, that it brought a whole new level of trust and intimacy to our relationship. The reassured me in my fear that she would think differently about me by telling me that my dressing doesn't comprise all of who I am, that its just one part of me and that its not bad. In hindsight, she thought it was funny, reminiscing at the time when she asked me to try on a size 11 shoe in a store or when she practiced putting makeup on me while I feigned resistance.
Going forward I would like some advice and opinions on where to go from here. My big fear now is that now that the door has been opened, that I may have the urge to reveal and dump all the years of pent up hiding to her too fast and overwhelm her.
TL;DR - Revealed my dressing to my GF of 6 years who ended up being completely understanding and accepting.