How many of you lost jobs after transitioning?

[Charla]

I had a phone conversation with someone who had transitioned a couple of years ago. One comment she made stuck with me and that was, if you transition, be prepared to lose your job, your house, your friends-everything.

I brought this comment up to the past two therapists I have gone to, and the reputedly more experienced one agreed, while the current one only agreed at first that losing your marriage was likely. She argued the point that there are laws out there against discrimination on the basis of gender and sexual orientation, but we both agreed that in an "employment at will" state, the company doesn't need a reason to get rid of you. A conservative company could decide that they don't want someone who is TG on board. Of course, if you are a "rock star" in your company, they can find ways of looking the other way.

So if you don't mind - what are some opinions or experiences on losing jobs as a result of transitioning?
Thanks all!

[Angela Campbell]

When I transitioned on the job my HR rep got an award for helping me. Seems that I helped out the diversity score in two ways. I am one of 3 women in my position out of several hundred and being a transitioned one as well.

[Charla]

Angela, thanks!

[stefan37]

I own my own business and we have more work today than before I transitioned. I have not lost any clients from my transition. If you are good at your job and make the company money, you will retain your position. I have many friends that transitioned on the job and only one has lost their job. That instance was a massive company layoff and not transitioning would not have saved her job. It had been my experience that those that have transitioned on the job, have become much more successful than before they transitioned.

Yes I have lost my marriage.

[Frances]

Losing your job does not necessarily mean getting fired. People can make the transitioner so uncomfortable as to want to leave or to make the person go through a burnout. Finding a new job can be challange afterwards. I went through something like that. I took a couple of years to get over it.

[PaulaQ]

I have several friends who've lost high level, high power careers when they transitioned. They were in conservative industries, they dealt with the public, or were high level executives involved in business negotiations. None of them have ever found work in their prior careers subsequently. One was a moderately big deal radio personality - the day her wife outed her at work was the last day she ever worked in radio. They don't even return her phone calls now. She had a 30 year career.

I have another friend who was VP of Marketing for a major department store. She is a sales clerk now.

On the other hand, if you are in a backroom type position, typical of a tech worker or engineer, your odds of keeping your job through transition are really good. I've kept mine so far, and know many others who have. So yay tech.

A lot of it depends on your company. Large, public companies are likely to care about their diversity / HRC scores, stuff like that. Smaller, private companies probably won't.

But yeah, you have to be prepared to lose everything. Me? I lost my marriage, a home, my lifelong hobby (all equipment stayed with the home I lost), my old friends, and realistically, my kids. I kept my job, car, some 20 year old furniture, my clothes, my mom and sister, and my life, of course. I count myself pretty fortunate.

[MonicaJean]

I’m not in a high power career but do run my own biz. Have one client that is very LGBT friendly and plan on talking with the CEO this month. I suspect they will be T friendly. It would be a huge step to retain clients rather than losing them. I’ll know more in the next week or two.

[DebbieL]

In 1989, when I was working at Federal Express, I started to transition and I was harassed into resigning. I found out later that the VP of IT, a Navy Captain, had told my boss "I want IT out, as soon as legally possible". What I didn't know is that one of the "Safe" places for Debbie was a 12 step meeting that met at 10 PM, which gave me time to change after work before coming. One of the people in the meeting was telling his brother about my escapades as Debbie, the brother then told his girl-friend - who happened to be competing for the same promotion I was - she was riding with the VP to Memphis every weekend and giving him updates on my adventtures as Debbie.

In 2012, when I started transition again, I had carefully chosen a company with a strong diversity policy, had joined the LGBT support group online, and when I started hormones, told my supervisor about my intent to transition. The company and management have been very supportive and have given me great support and encouragement.

There are a few co-workers who are obviously uncomfortable with me, and I do my best to put them at ease. They didn't realize that I had once been male, and accepted me until they realized that I had been. One was muslim and another was hindu. Both are not openly disrespectful, but they don't want me to sit next to them and they try to avoid helping me with technical problems as much as they can. I've learned to work around it with various other options.

Management has noticed an improvement in my ability to listen and support the team, and have noticed that I seem to be less isolated and withdrawn. I've also been taking on more management duties as a result.

[Dianne S]

I think it depends very strongly on where you work, both in terms of jurisdiction and the actual workplace. Where I live (Ontario), gender expression is a prohibited grounds for discrimination in the human rights code. I have three friends who have transitioned on the job and all of them have kept their jobs and their seniority: Two work for the Government of Canada and one works for a large private enterprise. They all report no problems related to their transition.

I suspect things would be much stickier in smaller organizations or less-enlightened jurisdictions. Also, as DebbieL wrote, the reactions of individual co-workers may not match official policy, so you need to deal with that.

[Kimberly Kael]

Aside from the more overt examples, it's hard for anyone to say for certain how transitioning affected their career. Would changes at the company have affected them even if they hadn't? Were they in line for a promotion they never heard about that failed to materialize because of transition? Even the best case, that they were treated just like any other woman, could result in institutionalized discrimination.

Of course, to be honest we should also admit that it's extremely unlikely that anyone in the midst of transition is on their "A" game at work. The distractions include time commitments and unbelievable emotional stress. As an employer it's something of a gamble that your employee will eventually be more productive and focused because they're no longer dealing with gender dysphoria. Just an ex-spouse, custody issues, parental disapproval, etc. Legal protections don't hold when it comes to anything that actually affects job performance.

So a companion question might be: how many here are working for the same company they were when they started their transition? I'm not.

[Nicole Erin]

It can be summed up by this - It is a case by case scenario.

Here are some thoughts -
We tend to want to blame all our life struggles on the fact that we are TG. It is like our own monster in the closet.
You almost have to guess that if a TG gets fired over being TG, there were probably a lot of other problems going on besides that.

Will you lose YOUR job? Only you know enough about the policies, co-workers, your position, your boss, etc to answer that.

Though my own job is quite modest, I kind of believe being TG is a big reason I am there. "hey look, we believe in diversity!"

[Donna Joanne]

My case in itself is quite unique. I am a full time minister. The denomination I am affiliated with does not allow female clergy, let alone transsexual ministers. I love what I do and am considered very good as a minister and speaker. But once I fully transition I will be in effect "ending my career". I am constantly thinking about this, and what my options may be. I have additional ways of earning a living, but none I enjoy or am as passionate about as this.

But I do have faith that HE will provide me with the opportunity to serve HIM and continue to serve my fellow believers; while being able to provide a living for myself and my family. But this may be the cost I personally have to pay to become complete.

And no matter what, I know that this all will be worth it, and so much more. The inner peace and clarity of thought that transition and HRT has brought me has made me a better person, companion, parent, and minister. In the words of the old song...."I know who holds tomorrow, and I know HE cares for me".

[arbon]

They tried to get me out of where I work, it sucked.

[jordyn.wayne]

I have an active member of the lgbt group with my where for over 2 years now. our company has one of the highest rating when it comes to diversity.I hope when I decide its time to transition everything goes smoothly.

[DeeDee1974]

I didn't lose my job, but I feel that I lost out on an opportunity for a new job because I was transitioning.

When I started hrt I was not out at work. 4 months in my company was sold and our office closed down. The only way to stay employed was to relocate. Nobody in our office relocated.

Before my last day, my boss made sure to get my contact info. She said she really would like to hire me again when she got another job. About 10 months later she contacted me and said her company was hiring a position that was perfect for me. At this time I was full-time. I explained my situation and she said it wasn't an issue with her. We met for lunch to catch up and talk about the position. About a week later she said they decided they were not going to fill the position for budget reasons. Maybe it was true, but it gave me a bad feeling.

I also feel it wasn't her decision because we have remained in contact and meet for lunch or drinks occasionally.

But she could have been afraid to explain my situation to others while being fine with it herself.

[Rachel Smith]

I have found the same thing DeeDee. I kept both part-time jobs I had prior to transition but finding new full time employment seems next to impossible. Some of that is due to my age ,59, I am sure but compound that with transition and it becomes a double curse.

[AnitaH]

Haven't been on the forum in a long time. I must make a point to come back. I was a minister for a conservative church. I was asked for my resignation the day before I started HRT. I had just had a review and they had nothing but good to say about my ministry and my work but the interview was over when I mentioned I had an appointment to see about HRT. One could argue that I didn't need to tell them but I needed to get that over with.

The new company that I work for has been very good to me even as I transitioned on the job about six months ago. My supervisor has noticed that, like some others here, I am more open, outgoing and generally friendlier that I was before. But it is a very large nationwide company. Most people there seem to be good with it but at least one person that I was friends with before transition will not even look at me now.

And yes I lost my job, wife, home, transportation, and pension, so transition can be costly. I count myself fortunate that most of my family are at least accepting of Anita, many have lost family too

[KellyJameson]

I think it depends on the " world you transition out of " as to how severe the consequences.

I'm a geek so you are expected to be "odd" plus no one could ever pin a label on me. Gay or straight ? No one really was sure including me. I also looked very androgynous which added to being perceived as weird. I usually lived in the gay section of whatever city I was living in and all my friends are "fringe" plus I intentionally only live in very tolerant cities/states as a survival instinct. Never married but dated lots and lots of both men and women.

Anyone who associated with me already knew I was "strange" and impossible to label.

It is much less shocking for someone who lives this way to transition than say the married republican with 2.3 children who goes to church every Sunday and drives a Buick.

If you live a conservative life than I would think the change could be shocking to those "who thought they knew you"

Also I'm very protective of people I care about so instead of worrying about them being insensitive to me in their behavior I tend to be extremely tolerant and place the emphasis on "how I'm affecting those around me" I told my employer that if I'm ever a detriment to the company to tell me and I will leave. I never want to waste a minute being somewhere I'm not welcome regardless of the reasons.

This attitude helped everyone relax and I tried to make it seem like it was no big deal. I kept the explanations simple and brief. The changes happen so slowly and I did nothing to accentuate them. I never gave a coming out party, thats for sure.

Emotions are contagious and transitioning is highly emotional so I made and make it a point to be subdued in my relations with others concerning being a transsexual and transitioning. In my opinion "keep it light " because "heavy" makes others nervous and puts you in danger or at least at a higher risk for unpleasantness.

My goal was to protect everyone from feeling uncomfortable and if they were than they could feel free to talk to me without concern that I would be offended or become emotional and that they always had the freedom to not associate with me and there would be no hard feelings.

[becky77]

I don't know if this does me any any good to read this thread! I have to tell work soon and I can't really control the outcome, what will be will be.
Surely the outcome relies on area, size of company, type of job, individuals perspective, your own approach etc etc, too many variables to predict.

[PretzelGirl]

Becky, to me that is the first step, not trying to control the outcome. I try and treat everyone well and I believe that I have considered others during the course of my transition. That's all I really "owe" anyone is consideration of their feelings and circumstance. I can't own their feelings though. If they want to go off on a tangent, that is their problem. Likewise, if I was to get totally selfish and not think about anyone else, I can set myself up for a fall too. I think this is working for *me* as things are going great. What works for each person can differ based on who they are and their situation. But I always believe if you treat people right, you have put yourself in the best situation and have done the right thing.

I am in the heat of transitioning at work, so we will see how it goes. I get along great with my management and co-workers and have a great reputation. That is all I can impact. The rest we will see over time.

[Nigella]

Becky, fortunately the UK has fairly strong laws against discrimination, but only if you can prove it.

My advice would be to gather evidence of your performance etc prior to informing them, that way you can "show" any discrimination that occurs after is potentially due to your TS

[DeeDee1974]

Just to clarify - I did not lose a job, and I am now and was then gainfully employed elsewhere. My story above was just my perception of not getting a job that was all but offered to me.

Also my current employer embraces diversity and I have had more success professionally on the 4 years since transition then I did in the previous 10 or so.

I don't want to discourage anyone from moving forward.