Coming out to a client of mine later today

[MonicaJean]

Later today I'm going to tell the owner/client of mine that I plan on starting my transition sometime in the next few months (exact date TBD, need a plan of action with the therapist). I'm soooo nervous as this is the first venture into the arena of telling anyone outside the confines of my therapist's office and my own heart & mind. Yet I shouldn't be so nervous....

See, the owner is big into the LBGT community and a very nice person and we have had highly confidential talks between us regarding business matters before...the owner is good as gold in keeping things confidential.

But I've noticed not everyone who is or supports LGB adds the 'T' on the end. That's my concern. Most people are rarely, if ever, exposed to a trans person (that they know about) in their inner circles. This may be blown-up in my mind as it's a big step for me to open up to the owner, of course.

Hopefully by tonight I can report "no big deal here, everything went as expected". Yes I'm nervous, yes I'm excited, and yes, I hope the meeting isn't postponed :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Is there a specific reason you need to do this now? Reading your posts this all super fast.

You have only recently had this realization. Things could change, even if today you are sure they wont, its no guarantee that events or other obstacles or new realizations will occur that delay or change anything going on right now....

Also, from purely a professional standpoint its risky. You don't have a plan. What is this person supposed to do with this info???

You can start transition(hrt, hair removal, getting out and about) and make sure its right for you without telling anyone. This phase can go on a very long time.

I think its a better action plan to work with your therapist to come up with a plan FIRST.
With real goals and including a schedule of when to start telling people...I didn't tell people until well into my HRT, I was presenting weekends and most evenings as a woman and knew that I needed to transition..i had been out 100's of times literally...
I could tell people with conviction exactly what I was doing.

Not being a party pooper but please make sure this is the right thing for you to do right now.. I admit i'm a risk averse person

[MonicaJean]

Kaitlyn, you make great points, slowing things down is a good idea.

Forgot to mention in the OP is that of all the people I know, there are two I feel confident enough to share with them deeper aspects of my life w/o being judged, this owner is one of them. Another is a dear friend of mine, who doesn't know yet.

I'm in your court with risk aversion, given that I implicitly trust this person, it doesn't feel like the mountain of risk as if I told my parents or my spouse. Low risk, maybe even zero risk (that would be very nice).

[Angela Campbell]

I didn't tell anyone until they had a need to know.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I understand and respect your point of view Michelle...

I'm just going to leave it at this

What you are going through right now is super fast (only based on your post history)..no matter how good the friend is, its a big deal ... no matter how tight lipped the friend is, this is a big deal...

you have been thinking this way for less than 2 weeks...your transition will be measured in years and a lifetime

[Jorja]

My personal opinion is that unless there is a reason for them to know right now, at this point, keep your mouth shut. As mentioned, you are very early on in the discovery stage. There is no reason to let the cat out of the bag just yet because once you do, you can't put kitty back in the bag because she will quickly become a lioness. You can do all the fun things like hrt, hair removal, going out as Michelle and making sure this is right for you. A million things can happen between now and the day you decide to go 100% 24/7 with it.

[stefan37]

I will give this cautionary advice. Transition is a very public process. Once the information is out there is no going back!!. I had been presenting androgynously for many years and my customers, friends and family thought I was just eccentric. I was well into hrt (about a year) and I disclosed my transition when I started the legal process to change my name. I had been out to my family, friends and employees well before that. No matter how tight lipped you think somebody may be. Once out it spreads like wildfire.

It is such a liberating feeling to accept yourself and you want to shout it out to the whole world. Well temper that thought and disclose as needed and do not dwell on it. It is natural to want to talk about it ad- nauseum to anyone you think might listen. Wrong approach. I and many others I'm sure were guilty of this.

Do as others have suggested. Get a plan together, start facial hair removal. (It never ends, and is extremely expensive). Work on your voice, hair, presentation etc. Then when you are sure this is what you need and you are comfortable. That is the time to publicly declare your intention to transition.

[arbon]

Problem is once you start telling people and it goes well you will want to tell more and more people.

[MonicaJean]

You all are right to say I should wait, looks like I'll take that approach.

Thank you!

[Michelle789]

I agree with what others have to say here. There is no need to tell anyone. There are only two things in transition that are completely irreversible. Coming out, and SRS. I'm not even thinking SRS until two years from now. But in terms of everything you would be doing in the early phases of transition: coming out, hair removal, hormones, presenting in public - coming out is the only thing that is irreversible. I would seriously wait until you know for sure that you're going to transition and that it's absolutely necessary before you come out to anyone.

I would definitely start hair removal, hormones, and presenting in public on nights and weekends. See if this path is right for you. Spend some time getting comfortable presenting in public. I found that the more I present in public the more confidence I gained in myself.

Now if for some reason you feel you have no choice but to go full-time right away, which may be the case for some of us, you will have no choice but to come out to everyone.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Trust me Michelle its worth it!!!

When you do tell it will be a much better experience for both of you!!!

I guess it may hard to concentrate during the meeting tho!! :heehee:

[MonicaJean]

It was indeed hard to concentrate. Used some humor to make it through to calm my nerves a bit.

Wow, the adrenaline flowing through my veins with the excitement of (finally) seeing this happening and the strong concerns for how to come out to those close to me is quite the mixture. Those concerns keep me up at night. I fear the worst for sure for the marriage. It's breaking my heart :(

[kimdl93]

I came out to a business associate several years ago, rather impulsively I might add. It turned out fine. Like me, she works in healthcare within the LGBT community so I expected her to be quite tolerant as she has been. It's proven to be a non issue on a professional level.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

So would you advise people hoping to transition to just impulsively tell people their business?

Especially as it relates to gender issues? Because it was a non issue for you?


And if you are transitioning it is far far away from a non issue (unless everything goes well, which takes smarts, planning, and hard work)