Genderqueer?

[KatieKaboodle]

I've been reading up on a lot of genderqueer and non-traditional gender theory lately - somewhere either between or outside of the typical binary gender system - and realize that I'm probably not quite one or the other. I think a lot of it is fear of being pigeonholed and feeling like I am forced to act one way or another that might be contrary to who I am. I can be kinda crass and curse like a sailor sometimes, and would rather not become totally submissive to a heteropatriarchal society.

I'm just at a weird place right now. I still feel more comfortable in a female-type body (even pre-op), but the stereotypes of 'male' and 'female' just bug the frick out of me. Both are restrictive in their own way, and although I'm quite feminine, I would at least like to have the option of keeping some of the more traditionally masculine parts of my personality.

Sometimes being seen by society as female is also restricting. Sure you get to be all soft and squidgy and all, but there's also the comments from guys, getting hit on and being seen as 'less than' men. I'm not saying that I want to reclaim any sense of 'male priviledge' or anything, but at least keep the option open to... well, to be who I am instead of a label or gender stereotype.

All of this drek is still kinda new to me, but... *sigh* I dunno.

Rambling,
Katie

[Kim E]

Post deleted..

Kim

[MandyTS]

What you discribe is the plight of the intersexed person. We just do not feel like we are both sexes but actually are. It is very hard to be caught in the gender continium middle but for us it is finding our place, somewhere between the masculine and feminine roles.

[KatieKaboodle]

True, although for those that don't have a physical reason for being off the gender spectrum, wouldn't it be called 'genderqueer'?

To the best of my knowledge, I was born XY, so... *shrugs*

[CaptLex]

Katie:

Gender is in your head (not your body) and you are whatever it is that you feel comfortable being. Don't listen to anybody else trying to tell you what or who you are. Only you know that, and whatever that is, is just fine. If it doesn't fit anyone's label, so much the better.

Personally, I'm somewhere in between myself. I identify much more with my male side (although I have a female body), but some days I feel more of one and some days I feel more of the other. This drove me crazy for a long time because I wanted to find out what label I fit under. Turns out I don't have to fit anyone's label. I'm just me. Whatever that is.

Hope this makes some sense to you. :bs:

[Kieron Andrew]

Katie:

Gender is in your head (not your body) and you are whatever it is that you feel comfortable being. Don't listen to anybody else trying to tell you what or who you are. Only you know that, and whatever that is, is just fine. If it doesn't fit anyone's label, so much the better.

Personally, I'm somewhere in between myself. I identify much more with my male side (although I have a female body), but some days I feel more of one and some days I feel more of the other. This drove me crazy for a long time because I wanted to find out what label I fit under. Turns out I don't have to fit anyone's label. I'm just me. Whatever that is.

Hope this makes some sense to you. :bs:

This makes total sense to me hense the reasons for not having gone for SRS or to see a Gender specialist YET!.......yes I am genetically female.....but I live in the male role pretty much 24/7 except the odd week here or there where thru natures ways i am forced to feel female or slip into the female role.......but just cos i have a female body doesnt mean my brain isnt male as I know it most definitely is! although I know there will come a time i cant wrestle with my male feelings anymore and have to do something about it and that day is coming closer most definitely

[Maria D]

Yeah, I agree with The Cap. It's better to just 'be', which for you would be somewhere between the male and female roles.

I know that, as I transition, though I am becoming female, I am not becoming a stereotype of 'woman'. I fully expect 'society' at some level to request or sugest that I do, in fact, behave like the woman I want to be. Society will be told to politely do nasty things to itself.
Interestingly, before the Women's Liberation movement was highjacked by equalitists*, that's what they wanted: not equality, but liberation to be who they wanted to be. Like us, they are still waiting for it...

It is very interesting really, if you think about it. The people who seek to label us and put us in boxes, including those of this community, are simply people who are in boxes but ARE HAPPY WITH IT. It is expected that you be in a box, and it is expected that you are happy with it.

In that sense, I'm not genderqueer, I'm societyqueer.

* = I don't know if that's a word, but if it wasn't it is now, and it's ™ me. ;)

[NinaV]

I wrote this post for different thread “Confronting Our Dichotomy”.
I forgot to mention that sixisam goes both ways. For the same reason as you Katie I am not willing to follow stereotypes of either gender.

For me there are only extreme or stereotypical expectations that some people might push upon me that I am not comfortable with and I do not obey them. These expectations are artificial anyway.
I personally am excluding the gender specific expectations but rather look for logical expectation of somebody's or my own skills or behavior.
If I go into gender specific expectation then I am being sexist, and that is something I am actually fighting against. Weather with social behavior or physical skills I am not thinking gender specific and that pays off frequently. As a born male one is growing up with sexism being a normal behavior and it is really hard to break out of it. It takes a lot of self improvement work and then it becomes clear that there is something like human behavior and it does not require one to be male or female to behave that way.
The differences between male and female behavior is then so insignificant that they are for me more of personal than gender specific differences from person to person.

Nina

[Maria D]

Funny isn't it, though, that after all said above, we want to, in whatever form it is for you, cross genders.

So what IS it about? I mean, honestly? Is it really just about the body and nothing to do with society 'seeing' you as your chosen gender? And if you want to be seen as a certain gender, why complain about having to adopt those gender stereotype markers?
Could you be a 6 foot 5 beefcake bloke with a beard, shaved head and bovver boots, who choses to call himself Cindy? Of course, I wish that choice existed properly for those that want it, but how many do?

By becoming more feminine I am inherently assuming the visual characteristics of a female, and if females didn't have any markers to assume, how would I transition? That is, we have to have male and female gender roles to be able to swap between. But then, most people occupy a middle ground between the two to some extent, and perhaps that middle is denied to us because we 'chose' instead of taking what was given.

I ramble too much.

Maria
xxx

[KatieKaboodle]

Well, I can say that while I'm more comfortable in a female body, my mind is somewhere in between. I think seeing things through these eyes has opened my mind to the possibility that it's fine to transition physiologically, but you also make a different transition mentally, and the end result can deviate from society's expectations and that doesn't make you any less of a human, regardless of gender pronouns.

Ahhhh, pronouns. My archnemesis. LOL :bs:

Katie

[Gilded Graper]

You all may be interested in reading Joanna Maguire (hermaphordite) story here:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/member.php?u=3353

She had no friends outside of work until she came out as a CD - see last post at
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21905

I was very impressed by how she's managing her life now.