E-Harmony question

[Aubrey Skye]

Hey all,
Was on e-harmony dating site and came across a question that you can answer to see if yours matches the other person's, to create a better compatibility. When going through these questions I came across one that immediately struck me. The question was something along the lines of "If your little boy asked to wear a dress, would you let him?" The answers were yes, no, and I'm not sure. This really intrigued me that this question would be on a dating site. I answered with I'm not sure. I really don't know how I'd feel about it. Obviously I like to wear dresses, but is that something I'd like to introduce to my child?

Curious to see how you all would have answered it and what your thoughts are on the question.

[Kris Avery]

Odd way to ask someone if they are open to it.
Perhaps they were interested if through a child of marriage - you would be.

[Sheila11]

The reason that eharmony can claim such great success with their matches is because of questions like that one. They throw out ten percent on the top and the bottom and tell them they are outside their match parameters. Answer yes and say goodbye to eharmony.

[DebbieL]

If you answer no, then you would only be a good match for others who said no, and would probably say no to you wearing a dress.

If you answer "I don't know", it suggests that you might be open and should be matched with someone who was also open minded.

If you yes, it hints that you mind be transgendered, and should only be matched with a woman who answers yes. The problem is that e-harmony might just decide that because you are transgender, that you are not "e-harmony material".

My understanding is that they are looking to weed out those who seem to be looking for "a few hot dates" rather than a long term relationship hopefully leading to marriage.

My guess is that that question alone would not weed you out, but inconsistencies in answers might score you as "out to score".

[Eryn]

That company is hardly a friend to our community, and as soon as they find out about you they will be shunting you off to their "Compatible Partners" site.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/15/neil-clark-warren-eharmon_n_2694711.html

[docrobbysherry]

I found E-Harmony extremely frustrating when I tried them. By the time they go thru all their complicated rigmarole and let u contact each other? My potential date and I were usually bored to death!

[MelanieAnne]

When going through these questions I came across one that immediately struck me. The question was something along the lines of "If your little boy asked to wear a dress, would you let him?" The answers were yes, no, and I'm not sure. This really intrigued me that this question would be on a dating site.

Awright, which one of you hacked the Eharmony site? :heehee:

[Wildaboutheels]

What color dress and how old was the boy? Would he be wearing matching shoes?

Seriously, I joined the site many years ago out of simple curiosity as to their methodology and their claims to "success". Their questionnaire was both a joke AND self defeating. Throw in pricey to boot. And their most recent claims of success on TV? 400 plus marriages per day because of them if I heard them correctly. I have a very tough time with that number.

I would love to see how already married couples would fare compatibility wise with each other if they were to fill out EH's questionnaire separately. I'm not convinced in the slightest that seeing precisely eye to eye on a hundred different likely trivial things is any better than agreeing on basic principles and having respect and Love for each other.

I don't remember seeing that Q but would check yes if it's something my kid requested and was mature enough to articulate why.

[Krististeph]

The reason that eharmony can claim such great success with their matches is because of questions like that one.

You have got to love statistical data mining....

After adding an industrial technology sheepskin to the wall, I've come to understand that statistics is perhaps the most pure form of math, naturally occurring and constantly self re-affirming. If you play to statistics, you simply cannot lose. Nor can you guarantee any single thing. It's like a bunch of four year olds in a gun shop-- you know what is bound to happen in the long run.

Sam Clemens said it well. But Stats are only as good as the framework which with they exist in... you have to lay good foundations to get good data. Still, a ton of data is better than no data. Whether it contains information or not, is anybody's guess.

Lao Tzu said if he were given a great number of years added to his life, he would spend 50 of them studying the i-Ching. That's a lot of time for only 64 "parables"... I would devote 50 years to the study of Stats. In fact, despite that I tested out of stats, and despite that i had to take the classes in order to get the degree, and in spite of the fact I have strong straight "A"s in stats- I will re-take the classes- even at significant credit hour cost, it will be worth it.

Pafnuty Lvovich is one of the true unrecognized (or accredited) geniuses, and e-harmony is using that genius. I think they are jerks, but i admire their math.... I wish i had thought of that.

please forgive me for any boasting, i have tested and established via real world effect and result: a pretty high IQ. What i've found, if anything, statistics is the touchstone you should use. But you have to do it well, meaning attention to detail in multiple dimensions. Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring... and all that.

Excellent analysis of e-harmony methods, BTW. Snaps to you, majorly!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I guess I'm one of the few that found success through E harmony (BECAUSE I AM THAT DIFFICULT AND FINICKY:D) . Yes I had to fill out the 500 or so questionnaire, and got rejected by the vast majority of matches, during the various match phases, sometimes as soon as I would be receive a match, it would be immediately followed by DENIED!!! In the end it all worked out along with my eventual understanding of honesty is one thing, being honest to a fault revealing far too much, far too soon does not always go well. For example I felt it was not necessary nor would have gone well for me to immediately add in my profile my CD status at the time, which my wife agreed with, would have resulted in an outright rejection. Just food for thought!:2c:

[kimdl93]

With a yes. I would wonder, just as I'm sure my parents and siblings wondered, but I wouldn't overtly repress a child's desire to explore. It leaves a sense of being "wrong".

[Vale]

Nice post Kristi. From my experience and others, I have come to respect the work behind the E-harmony site. I actually did meet my wife there 8 yrs ago, and we married 5 yrs ago. I answered the subject question yes. Told her of my CD dimension on the second date. It hasn't been easy -- CD stuff never is -- but in fact she is a better match for me than anyone else I have ever met.

My hat's off to some well done soft science.
Vale

[Nadya]

I've heard about eHarmony being discriminatory towards LGBT people. It always seems that the most wholesome people on TV are the worst at discrimination.

[MissAmy]

I've heard of them for years, was until very recently I learned of how religious the owners are.

[LelaK]

If my little boy asked to wear a dress, hell yes I'd let him. Just as I'd let my little girl wear pants, if she wants to.

I'd enjoy discussing our good tastes in fashion and so on too. Etc.

As for joining any dating site that costs money, forget it.

[Beverley Sims]

For me a hypothetical question.
I would answer maybe but why?
For the same reasons as you Ashley.
If he wanted to wear a dress I would let him and give guidance if necessary.

[StarrOfDelite]

That company is hardly a friend to our community, and as soon as they find out about you they will be shunting you off to their "Compatible Partners" site.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/15/neil-clark-warren-eharmon_n_2694711.html

lol! I read the huffington post article, and was appalled at the pious idiocy spouted by neil clark warren. anyway, out of curiosity, i then clicked on the link to compatible partners. the site advertises itself as promoting lasting relationships for gay and lesbian singles, and h as but two choices of sex: male or female, no transgender. so, in the final analysis, neither eharmony nor compatible partners specifically address our community.

[Lorileah]

tread carefully, going into religious dogma nd flaming won't be allowed

[Natasha-cd]

I'm not sure. If my son asked to wear a dress, then first I'll ask him why he want to do it? And yes or no will be depend from his answer.

[2B Natasha]

Stickng strictly to the question you asked. I would let him wear dress for sure. Play with dolls. Wear a dress. Have a tea party. Knit. Fine. What meters most is that he is happy. Learning and maturing at the standard rate or excelling. That is most important. Not the clothes he wears.

As an aside note. I myself have never found a sport that I won't try and try as hard as possible to excel at. My son on the other hand has never met a sport that interests him. He likes video games and Legos. I don't really understand the draw of most of the popular video games really. But to each their own.

[Richelle423]

I think it's their way of saying ""are you open minded to CD?" IMO
I think it's a good way to find a partner who is accpting to Xdressing.

[carahawkwind]

I met my wife through an online dating site, but a free one, I never considered using a pay site, I didn't see the point when a perfectly good free one was available.

I didn't mention anything about dressing in my dating site profile, my general rule was to only bother talking about it after dating for a while seeing real potential for a long term relationship.

As for the son in the dress thing, definitely. My daughter constantly shifts gender when she plays pretend and even though she doesn't know about me dressing, she occasionally demands I put on one of my wife's dresses as part of her games.

I'm pretty much going to have to out myself to my daughter at some point, she's just too smart, too curious and too good at finding things she shouldn't to not find out on her own, so I'm trying figure out the best way of doing it.

[Aubrey Skye]

Yeah I probably would let the son do it. I don't see why it is fair that girls are allowed to be "tomboys" and guys can't be "girly". Double standard for sure. I definitely am not going to pay for it though. I thought I'd try it till I saw the ridiculous price for their service. I'd had better be guaranteed a wife if I pay that much :P haha. Anyway, I answered maybe. Definitely a tough question. I wonder if there is or could be a question of "How would you feel about your significant other participating or enjoying crossdressing?" or some question along that lines, and how people would answer it. Obviously based on the company's views that's not going to happen but hey lol

[Eryn]

I ran into a real-life example of this. I was at DSW in the clearance racks and in the next aisle was a woman and her small son. Well, put any small child in the same place with high heel shoes and within a minute you'll have a small child clacking around in oversized heels. They're like amusement parks to wear on your feet! :)

So, the little boy was having a ball and pretty soon Mom had made her own selections. She said "put the shoes back where you found them, you can wear mine when we get home!

What a Mom! I could have hugged her! :)

[Jenniferathome]

That company is hardly a friend to our community, and as soon as they find out about you they will be shunting you off to their "Compatible Partners" site.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/15/neil-clark-warren-eharmon_n_2694711.html

You know Eryn, there used to be a little thing called "separate but equal" just a few decades back. That didn't work out too well. Surprised that E-Harmony has;t made that connection.

[Eryn]

My thought as well.

Mr. Warren, the fundie founder of E-harmony isn't happy about having to run that site but it was a business necessity if he wanted to continue to do business in New Jersey.

[sometimes_miss]

I applied to eharmony twice, both applications virtually identical, one mentioned crossdressing, the other did not. The one that mentioned crossdressing was replied to with something to the effect that they had no possible matches for me. no POSSIBLE matches. None. They didn't even try; I got the response within about 6 hours; I had applied in the middle of the night, and the response came back around 8 a.m.. Eharmony is not a TG friendly place.

[Tanya+]

Would i let my son wear a dress? I simply would add dresses to the dress up box, and not give any value judgements. I have daughters and i tell them "Anyone can wear anything" when they get a bit older i will tweak that message a little. But i think he wants to wear a dress, because i wants to try it..or he feels like a girl, or he wants to sample the world..i am not going to give repression any extra energy. For me i think i got hooked because it felt really forbidden. So let the play. Older kids of course need some tips to navigate the reactions of other.

[NicoleScott]

Aubrey, I'm glad to see that you answered "don't know" because that is your honest answer. Formulating an answer based on your thoughts on what the site would do if you answered a certain way won't help achieve the goal: getting a compatible partner. If you don't trust the site, don't play. But if you play, play right.
To the question, it's a tough one and my answer would depend on several factors such as the boy's age, reasons for wanting to wear a dress, and other clues hinting at sex/gender non-conforming (or not). At some point, we would need to have a serious talk about it.