I just outed myself to my mom need some support please.

[Natasha V]

I just had a one to one talk with my mom about my Crossdressing it felt as if i was Damaged goods, She started telling me that maybe i need to see a psychologist or that maybe it was just temp. If it happenned because I dressed as a girl one halloween many years ago. To all this i told her no that I was Happy the way i was and I showed her some of my pictures. She then insisted that it would probably fade away not to tell anyone. Now I feel like i might have made a mistake by telling her and now I'm feeling total regret. I can't shake it off. Will it get better. I really hate feeling this way. But I really do enjoy the way i am. Thank you all..

[PaulaQ]

Natasha, as best we can tell scientifically, you aren't damaged goods. You were exposed to the wrong hormones at the wrong time in utero. It affected the development of your brain. You need to express yourself as a female because of this sometimes.

A gender therapist will help you feel better about yourself. No amount of therapy will remove these feelings from you. Indeed, nothing short of destroying your mind works. Of course that stops you from doing all sorts of other useful things, too.

It would probably be helpful to schedule a visit for yourself with a therapist, and then bring your mom in with you a time or two. Depending on where you are in Texas, I can recommend some good therapists, at least if you are in the DFW area.

[Kate Simmons]

Now that the cat is out of the bag so to speak, you have to deal with your Mom. We can only support your decisions from the sidelines.:)

[Suzanne F]

Ok so now comes the hard part. Let go of how she should react. You can't control that. You have given her an opportunity to grow. Give her time to take it. You have done a good thing in sharing who you are. Keep your head up!
Suzanne

[Rachelakld]

yes, let go of your mums reactions, she should be filed in the DADT zone, until SHE next mentions it.
Some wives also react the same way as well as other people, so your not alone in this situation.

[Nao]

You are a strong person for talking with her and letting her know, I'm too afraid to talk to anyone about it at this point. But try to be strong and there's no way your damaged goods, just human :)

[Jorja]

Your Mom has only just found out. You have known for quite some time now. Allow her reaction, it is normal. I would also guess Mom is a lady of about 40 or older. Her generation just wasn't brought up with things like this. From this point forward, it is totally up to you to show her how much better you are. Show her how being a woman has changed you for the better.

[Katey888]

Good points already Natasha - but you can have some hugs as well... :hugs: :hugs:

Jorja point is right that few people of any generation really understand this condition we have, but give her time and let her make the next move or ask the next question. She's your mom and she cares for you but you need to give her a chance to absorb this revelation... :)

Katey x

[Natasha V]

Thank you all for the support, I fully understand now that i Need to give her time. She is over 60+ and told me she was open minded which I dont feel she truly accepts it at this point, i do believe eventually she will ask me for more info. She also wanted to blame me having to much time to fool around online. Your correct at file this under dadt.

[Jaylyn]

Natasha, I would just let it ride for a while. After it all soaks in she will come back to you and want to talk more either in a helping way or in a negative way. You probably shook her up some and the negative was the first things she thought of. Give it time. You are not damaged goods but might feel like what was I thinking at the time. Keep your chin up and let things simmer a little just don't over react till she makes the next move. She may be behind you in your decision later.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Natasha V, After my Mom found out about my dressing she got very depressed and tried blaming herself because she wanted another girl so badly. She thought that it was her fault. Nothing I could do or say could ever convince her that I didn't know why I dressed so how could she?

[Nadine Spirit]

Good for you for being honest! How tough that must have been! And then to have her be not quite so accepting, tough stuff indeed!

Will she change her mind given time? Who knows? Maybe. But even if she doesn't, I still think it was best for you to be open about who you are. We should not feel shame for who we are and how we were born. If other's can't accept that, that is unfortunate for them.

[Annaliese]

When a child goes to there a parent for help, or advice, and the parents reject that child, it not the child's fault. There is nothing wrong with you, if I was there I would give you the hug you need.

[phylis anne]

:hugs:Hi Natasha V,
Sounds like you had a rough day you deserve some hugs :hugs: it had to have been real hard after all these years ,perhaps her reaction is that she feels responsible in some way , I know when things go bad my way on occasion my mom will start to regret all the things she did with me as a boy growing up saying she was a bad mom , but I always tell her not to worry I turned out ok anyway . . I have experienced this sort of thing with my mom not about c/d'ing though although at 94 maybe she would get a real laugh out of it. Is it also possible as she is a older that she is concerned about what others would say? would be about right with those of us in the older generation . Good luck on your journey and have patience with mom she is the only one you have
hugs phylis anne

[Genifer Teal]

I was still back in High School when my parents first found out. I thought I was too smart at the time and convinced them I did not need psychiatric help. I was not "damaged goods" either. Life went on and they forgot about it for a while.

In retrospect I took a negative view on what a therapist could do. It might be a good idea at a young age to figure out what and how much all this girl stuff means to you. The sooner in life you find out, the quicker you can follow the correct path to happiness.

Remember, we never get younger or get to retake years past. Enjoy each day to the fullest.

[marshalynn]

When I told my mom, she was upset that I had not told her earlier, she though she was a bad mom for me not having the trust in her, for her to understand. You never know what will happen when telling anyone. I am sure your mom will understand and love you more than before, give her time to think about what you told her, you have had your whole life to try to understand, she had a few minutes.

[Isabella Ross]

Natasha...the advice you've already received about giving her some time is, I think, rock solid. I told my mom (almost 80) earlier this year. Her reaction was muted at first. Several days later she came back and wanted to talk about it. When we talked, she was much more receptive. She then said she felt sorry for me because of this. I laughed, and in no uncertain terms, told her that if there were a switch to turn my TGism off, I wouldn't even consider it...it gives me too much joy in life. That really, really surprised her. She thought it was a burden to me (in fairness, it was a burden to me for part of my life). I set her straight. She's completely okay with it now, as is my father and brother.

[Angie G]

It's done now you must live with it. Maybe you can find some info on it so she may understand it better. Don't be so hard on yourself. I wish I could tell you it will get better theres no way to tell hun. just hang in there girl.:hugs:
Angie

[kimdl93]

I will throw my lot in with those who advise patience. As noted above, evidently this was her first awareness that you were a CDr. The initial reactions are typical, maybe even predictable reactions. Give her some time to metabolize the information and be ready to speak with her again, prepared for the usual questions and perhaps with some resources where she might learn the real, unvarnished facts about us.

[SamanthaSometimes]

You may think this was a bad day but it could be, in retrospect years from now, one of the best. Take her up on the offer to see a psychologist because someone helping you sort of how important this is to you at your young age would be extremely useful - for many reasons. I highly recommend you choose a clinical psychologist preferably with a Ph.D so as to weed out less experienced or less educated counselors. It would be also useful to find one with gender experience as well. This could be difficult depending where you are in TX but it's worth looking. You can bring up the psychologist idea anytime, e.g. you don't have to wait for her to bring up the subject again. Your CDing must be pretty important to you if you discussed it with your mother. You've made an important step by revealing your feelings to someone who has an enormous impact on your life. You have to deal with the situation now. And to your question, "Will it get better?". Absolutely. But it may be a difficult road to travel but simply that you had the courage reveal now says a lot about your good qualities.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Natasha, It's like the third line of my signature says.:daydreaming:

[kkaye]

Hello Natasha:
Me. I,ve been a suspect all my life. If , I told my mother it would blow her mind because she told me that when she was carrying me before, I was born she had a lot of gay and crossdresser fiends and she was told, I would come out like that because she hung out with those types. Hum. I wonder. Is this why, I suppressed most my life wanting to be a woman sometimes?

[lexivanderpump]

Natasha,
I admire your courage. All I can say is I believe in time your mom will be more supportive and accepting. I know its hard, but give it time. She will come around. She needs time to absorb what you told her.I hope things improve for you in time. Be strong.

Love,
Lexi V.

[Dena]

Coming out can be like that. I told two of my sisters, there wasn't any negativity. It didn't go anywhere and never came up again as it just is not a part of our relationship.

[Nadya]

I haven't told my mom about this so I don't think I have any advice to give but it was definitely scary to come out to my fiancé. Try not to get dejected from your mother's initial reaction. We as a community understand and are here for you. Feel free to message if you feel you need to.

[carahawkwind]

I haven't told my parents, but for a long time I had a fairly toxic relationship with my mother due to some issues related her divorce from my father. It's not the same thing, but it's something that drove us apart and had us not understanding each other, but time has helped and letting go of whatever disappointment we had in each other has helped and just accepting we are family and love each other that's not going to change despite whatever other problems we had, helped as well.

[Cara Lacey]

There us a lyric to an old pop song that applies here:

'But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself''

Rick Nelson - Garden Party

[Natasha V]

Oh my, you all are the greatest i really appreciate the replies. Thank you all so much. I wish I could hug all of y'all.

[Aubrey Skye]

I just had a one to one talk with my mom about my Crossdressing it felt as if i was Damaged goods, She started telling me that maybe i need to see a psychologist or that maybe it was just temp. If it happenned because I dressed as a girl one halloween many years ago. To all this i told her no that I was Happy the way i was and I showed her some of my pictures. She then insisted that it would probably fade away not to tell anyone. Now I feel like i might have made a mistake by telling her and now I'm feeling total regret. I can't shake it off. Will it get better. I really hate feeling this way. But I really do enjoy the way i am. Thank you all..

Props to you Natasha for telling her. I don't think it was the wrong idea. Parents have a hard time accepting it, especially in my area because it is the Bible Belt. My parents reacted very similarly. Albeit they found out themselves by invading my privacy on my computer instead of me telling them. But they gave me the same excuses as it was a phase, it would pass, I'd get over it etc. I'm even seeing a therapist now about it...It's definitely tough. I don't think my parents think it's really an issue anymore or they ignore it. I've contemplated many times telling them again and saying I still enjoy/want to do it. I don't think they'd react very well. So I'm keeping it on the down low until I discover myself more. Hang in there though! You'll get through it! You have us :)

[Cara Lacey]

Something else you may want to consider.
It took me many years to realize that my parents did not have a loch on knowledge.

[CherylFlint]

Not "damaged" in the least!
So we're not somebody's idea of "perfect".
Mom or not, it's her problem dealing with you, not your problem dealing with her.
We are a very rarebreed of people in that, as men, it is we who can really relate to women and how they feel and are treated by the world.
Don't dispair, celebrate who and what you are and go out and buy a new bra or wig or something.
You're okay. You're you and not "damaged" at all. Don't even think it. Me? I consider it lucky to be a happy CD. Some people smoke, drink alcohol and do other drugs. Me? I dress.
Good luck and, above all, relax and have fun. All of us girls on this blog do, and you should too!
And to PaulaQ: I don't think of it as "wrong hormones". I think of it as "differnt", no "right" or "wrong" about it.

[Beverley Sims]

Now she knows your mother should be coaxed around to accepting it and giving you support.
It will take time, don't lose the dialogue as others have suggested, just keep letting her see you and communicate.

[LelaK]

I would not discuss it again with anyone who isn't comfortable with it. People can't be forced to be comfortable with anything, as far as I know.

[Badwolf]

I got outted to my mom not by choice. She got more therapy than I did. She had the normal questions. She is from a slightly different generation being only close to 50, but still your going in the right direction. She needs time and space to figure out what this means.

I would suggest that you offer to answer questions if your up for it, conditionally say you might need to think about some of them.

[kkaye]

Hi Natasha:
It would only be a confirmation if, I told my mother. I been a suspect all my life and became an expert in concealment. I think it is more of the context you out yourself. Ok, look at this. There has been many notable people like Milton Berle, Flip Wilson, and now Tyler Perry who have an avenue to do it and get away with it by being funny. While when we do it outside of a holloween gag. We will be seen as gay, or having some strange fetish. I think if you haven't told her your motivation you should. Your motivation, I feel set the theme. Like in public. When a straight cross dresser is seen it is likely he will be perceived as gay until otherwise explained. We don't have that option out on the street to explain to the world our motivation. But with your mother. I am certain you can express this and how it makes you happy. Good luck

[immike]

Angie-
I feel somewhat guilty because I never told my mother of my CD problem&for years,secretly went into Mothers closet&tried
on all of her dresses,and her skirts&tried on all of her tops&blouses&her business wardrobe.She passed away several years
ago&I harbored the secret,only because I would be petrified if she ever found out.I would wait until she went to work,in the
morning&one day I took a fresh pkg of pantyhose out of her drawer&put them on&dressed fully in one of Mom's expensive
skirtsuits&a pair of her heels&borrowed one of her blond wigs&actually sat at her makeup table&did my makeup

[abbyleigh001]

Now that you apprised your mother of your true gender feelings give her room/time to understand who you are... Let your mother determine the appropriate time to re-engage this conversation... I've had too many friends/mothers that were confronted with similar situations i.e. daughters being lesbian or sons being gay and with time they all seemed to arrive at similar conclusions... Not my cup of tea; however, if I don't accept my child's lifestyle then I lose a child... Few are the mothers today that wish to lose a child...