Negativity from others and dancing

[chelseababy]

Hi,

So I got my first bit of negativity from someone yesterday, a few weeks back I came out on Facebook (not as trans, but as someone who wears womens clothes, not ready for people to know the whole truth just yet!) because someone was trying to threaten a friend with letting that out of the bag unless she did something, I got tons of supportive messages and all round good feeling at the time. But yesterday I commented on a friends status about a gig he was going to and got a daft reply back about the lead singer not wearing dresses :( It made no sense and there was no reason for him to come out with it, I replied nonchalantly with "Well he should try it one day, **** trousers!" and haven't heard anything since.

This has kinda took the wind out of my sails a bit though, with my referral coming through from the GIC and my wife starting to come round to things I think I got caught up in all the good things about transition and completely forgot that there WILL be negative reactions to this also, I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with stares and piss taking :( I live in quite a small-ish town, if not in size definitely in the mindset of the people that live here, people will know what I'm doing when I start going full time and it only takes one person in the room to tell a whole load of other people when I'm off for a night out or something and it could turn sour quite quickly.

I'd like to hear from the members here who have transitioned, or have recently started going full time, with how they deal with joe publics reactions if they are unfriendly? Where do you find it in yourself to stay strong throughout and let the haters hate, because its something I've never been able to do even as a guy tbh, and this realisation has definitly knocked my rose tinted transition glasses right off my face :(

Also, to lighten the mood a bit, my wife and I were out last night and she tried (unsuccessfully!) to teach me how to dance like a girl lol, I'm not the greatest of guy dancers anyways but I would like to look nice and feminine when out and dancing away :) Has anyone put any effort into changing the way they dance? I've been fretting over my voice and how I'm going to train that, but totally forgot about the other little things that you wouldnt even think about, like looking hot whilst on a dancefloor! :)

Thanks for any advice x

[arbon]

Being true to myself is my best defense.
what choice is there other then being strong about it? You can't really run back to where you were once people already know.

I never knew how really strong I was capable of being until I transitioned.

[KellyJameson]

My emotional temperament strongly affects how I react to personal attacks. You could call it how my mind works "automatically" and has since childhood.

I tend to worry about hurting other peoples feelings and this can interfere with my defending myself. If you have this tendency it will help you to be aware of it.

Others don't seem to be nearly as restrained by this concern as I am and have more freedom to react strongly to personal attacks. Some people even thrive on conflict and find it entertaining.

I'm not passive in that I fear conflict for my personal safety and I can think of scenarios where I would risk my life without thought to defend it or someone I love.

Words hurt but they hurt different people differently. I can be cut deeply by cruelty and I'm sensitive to words but I'm also profoundly affected by a sense of justice as right and wrong.

Try to understand this side of yourself in relation to words and be clear in your own mind what you will ignore and what you won't. These guidelines become your boundaries and I think for those who are emotionally sensitive it is important to have them clearly established within your own mind.

Being transsexual and transitioning is a powerful trigger for peoples fears. The reasons are complex and live deep within our psyche.

Some may think you are doing it for attention. Others may think you could'nt cut it as a man so want to change sides or that you are doing it for purely sexual reasons.

Transsexuals by their very nature threaten the gender identity of others and some can react violently to this threat, particularly men if you are a MtF.

Many transsexuals are hardened by the trauma of being transsexual. This saddens me because in this hardness they are cut off from themselves emotionally and than from everyone else.

For me one of the primary purposes of transitioning was not wanting to be cut off from myself and others so to have this happen from all the self defense mechanisms built because I'm transsexual for survival would than actually rob me of what I most needed.

Our gender lives within our emotions so you can only live it to the degree you can feel it.

How you protect yourself from the slings and arrows that will be thrown at you during transitioning could prevent you from knowing yourself because you will not express yourself as natural to you. It is within this natural state of being that your gender is found.

In my opinion gender is not an act but an attribute of your core persona and why we suffer from not being able to express it when we are wrong bodied.

The body imprisons by what it prevents but there are other potential prisons that could also prevent knowing and living ones actual gender.

And in my opinion defense mechanisms are a big one.

There are no easy solutions to the hurt others cause us and what to do about it but in the long run be sure not to lose yourself because of it.

[Angela Campbell]

People will respond to a crossdresser differently than someone who is transitioning. Personally i have only had two bad responses and that is two of my kids ignore me now. Other than that i have not had a single instance of any negativity. Then again I am very careful about the situations i allow myself to be in.