for those who are married

[julie marie1]

Many of us are married but have SO's that are not ok with the crossdressing. Some of us, however, have very supportive spouses/girlfriends. For those that do, what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing about the crossdressing?

[MatildaJ.]

Most wives who are okay with crossdressing are still not enthusiastic about it.

Some find that their husbands are happier, and so they like that.

My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants.

[AletaHawk]

My wife is incredibly supportive (made it clear that she loves all parts of me), yet we often have a very hard time talking about it. She doesn't understand it (I barely do). I'm certainly hoping she becomes more intrigued, as it would definitely make things a lot easier!

[Gillian Gigs]

JessM, you about said it right if my wife was to write a comment. She is ok with it and knows it is a part of me, for what ever reason, acceptance because she loves and wants my happiness are the biggest reasons. Supportive in the sense that she helps me buy some of my clothes, but not to the point of wanting to see me go out somewhere, let alone go with me.

[MatildaJ.]

@Gillian, I'll go out with my husband dressed, but I've learned to avoid alcohol on those dates because otherwise I'm in tears by the end of the evening.

[carahawkwind]

I can't speak for her with complete accuracy, but I think she likes clothes, make up and shopping and it allows her to do more of that. I think she's probably at least slightly attracted femininity every now and again.

[Lux]

Since I am laying in bed with my very supportive wife while reading this on my laptop, I just asked her. Her list; 1) makes me happy 2) the advice on women's clothes I give her 3) make up tips (like contouring) I've taught her 4) A great dance partner 5) The amount of bonding we have shared with this rather 'quirky' side of me!

[KlaireLarnia]

My wife is not "supportive" as such but she understands it is a part of me that will not go away. She also recognises that thanks to my dressing I am a much calmer and balanced person who is no longer liable to big and prolonged depressive episodes, but have become more relaxed and happy for it. She places limits on my dressing which are abided by and additional restrictions when out with her (no dresses/skirts or obviously female bags unless we are at say a carboot sale when a shopper style bag is fine as it looks like I am carrying it for her).

I have always been able to choose clothes for my wife and give her advice on what looks good on her and she also understands that this is where it comes from, and she will sometimes see something I get and try it on to see how it looks and then get something similar in her size if she likes it enough. It is about balance which enables us to co-exist on a better level which we do.

[BillieAnneJean]

WOW!
JessM sure hit the nail on the head!
"My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants."
For me they are very similar. My wearing women's stuff is to me like my SO wearing pants. To her it is no where the same level because women can wear anything they want but men can only wear what their women let them.

[Jenniferathome]

First, my wife is entirely supportive. She knows that this is a part of me. She loves me. That stated, she is not "intrigued" and doesn't "like" my cross dressing. She doesn't hate it mind you but she doesn't understand it any more than I. There is no doubt she'd prefer I was not a cross dresser but I am and she can handle that fact. Because she knows this is not some weird thing I invented, but rather it is something genetic, in me, she does not fault me for it.

There is really very little upside for a wife.

[Dorit]

I think I have a special situation. My wife of 44 years is entirely supporting and encouraging! For us it is much more than the dressing, but the relationship and intimacy we share as like two close sisters. We have wonderful "female" talks about feelings, friends, children, clothes and makeup. I regularly do her nails, blow dry her hair, and we go shopping for clothes together. She is the one encouraging me to go out with her dressed some day. This is very much a two way relationship, and she is very grateful that I am sort of a TG husband that is a gentle, tender, loving companion.

[CDJessie]

My wife is supportive if me, she just wasn't ever expecting this side of me. I mean I mostly do it when we are having fun in bed cause it puts a twist into our sex life which is always good. I'm not one to really go out and showboat around in women's clothes but she very much supports me and what she calls my "fetish" lol only thing she told me was that since she wasn't expecting this side of me that it will take some getting use to which I am totally in agreement..... I'm still getting use to it as well

[CastleCD907]

If I were married I would definitely want my SO to know about it because I honestly can't imagine the guilt that is felt by those who have yet to divulge their secrets (rightfully so especially for those who are in long term relationships). I hope that I am able to meet someone who is supportive of my "fetish/hobby/passion". To those out there with supportive SO's and also for the SO's who are apart of this community I just want to say YOU ARE AWESOME for being there for your CD/TG spouse. If only everyone where like you all.

[Marcelle]

Hi Julie Marie,

My wife is fully supportive because she loves me and she can see beyond the clothes and make-up . . . I am the same person. However, I don't think she would use the word "intrigued".

Hugs

Isha

[EllenJo]

Julie, I asked this of my wife and we had a nice chat about it. Our situation may be a little different but then we are all individuals and so are our spouses. She said that she always loved my caring side, and she loved the fact that I would go shopping with her and had good taste in women's clothes. The reason that she was non supportive (we were DADT for many years) was that our sex life was just awesome and she did not want my cross dressing to interfere with that. She felt that my wearing panties was kind of sexy but she wanted her man and believe me her man wanted her. I still do but a couple of years ago her health changed and our sex life ended rather abruptly. It was when she realized that it was not going to return that she sat me down and told me that she had no problem with my dressing around the house. Of course there are boundries, she is ok with her man in a dress but really does not want to see the complete woman, (wig and makeup). This is fine with me and we are very happy with our arrangement. She is not intrigued with my cross dressing but she does like my taste in clothes. She is happy that I am happy.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Raychel]

I am married and my wife is supportive, I am not sure there is anything that she really likes
about it, She understands that this is part of me and does not want to change that. so she accepts,
not really liking it.

Although she has made a friend thru me and this forum, that part she does like.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I came out to my wife of then 27 years ,3 years ago and for a while it looked like divorce.
since then my wife has become tolerant after researching the subject, sometimes she seems
to be mildly amused by my crossdressing but still doesn't really understand it.
she realizes that I am easier to live with now but still wishes I didn't crossdress

[Kristyn Hill]

my wife is cool with it and will allow me to dress whenever and I still do not push it down her throat all of the time....except with shoes. she has known my love for shoes since day 1. she is attracted to women as well and that makes it much easier for her to get into all of this when I am wearing something girly.

[devida]

My wife, when I told her I was transgender, said that not only was she happy for me that I had discovered this but that she thought it exciting that I was embarking on a journey of self exploration.

My wife and I are in business with each other, are each other's best friends and are together 24/7. It would have been an absolute disaster in our lives if she had not been supportive. Fortunately she is mature, compassionate and rational. Certainly she finds me a better person since I recognized my gender identity. She likes to discuss clothes and make up with me, and she likes to opine on the way I dress. But really it is her clear mindedness and lack of interest in playing power games with me that seem to be the most important reasons for her acceptance and support.

[Di]

Our love story is a bit different:love:
We met here then dated as Sherlyn and Di
Prob 6 months in I had a holiday spent a week together( keeps guy side for work and we were dating long distance so just weekends before that) and was the first time I got to meet the guy side....and I remember we were both nervous.:heehee:
All these yrs later we are married and to answer your question,
what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing
I just find my partner sexy, fun, my best friend and the love of my life.Plus loves me for me.

[samantha rogers]

Hard to say as it is still evolving. The entire dynamic of our marriage has altered as a result of my gender issues. On one hand she has lost and mourns for parts of me she considered her husband. But after so many years together, some of those aspects she rarely wanted anyway anymore. Sigh...:daydreaming:
However, she seems to honestly like that she has gained a girlfriend.
She still loves me, and I still love her.Its different, but its still real.
And we both work at making it work.
Compromises on both sides.
But that is marriage anyway, isnt it?
Where we will be a year, or five years, from now is anyones guess. But for now...it is ok. Not great. But good. Much better than I could have hoped for.
Today at least...lol

[NicoleScott]

I have no feminine identity that dresses to seek congruence. I identify as a male who likes to transform occasionally in dressup sessions because it is exciting to me. No biggie for my wife who isn't threatened by my diversion. She has hers, too. She is neither excited nor repulsed by my crossdressing but is mostly indifferent about it and does not participate, which is fine with me. Crossdressing is personal. She has seen me transformed and is supportive in spite of the over-the-top style I prefer. My crossdressing doesn't drain valuable time nor resources from family needs, and when I'm not in one of my occasional dressup sessions, I'm just a typical husband, dad, handyman, lawn service, grillmaster, hunter, fisherman, TV sports consumer, etc.

[Krististeph]

My wife is supportive, yet not crazy about it.

What she does like:
1. I'm not a macho a$$wad, despite the many typically male associated hobbies and interests i have,
2. I can and do help her shop.
3. I always have pantyhose, panties, and spare feminine accoutrements as needed.
4. I wash and bathe more frequently
5. i am more prone to doing housework.


what she does not like:

1. That i look at other women's outfits of makeup.
2. That I would consider 'going all the way'- full sexual reassignment- if it were not something she opposes.
3. That i would like to be more 'out' (she does not want attention drawn).
4. That i spend more on clothes than she does.
5. A significant amount of time is spent crossdressed, rather than crossdressing being something done in my 'spare time'.

[Eringirl]

Zero support, zero tolerance here. As was commented by Klaire "She also recognises that thanks to my dressing I am a much calmer and balanced person who is no longer liable to big and prolonged depressive episodes, but have become more relaxed and happy for it." but she wants that without any dressing at all, none, period. She cannot get her head around it and doesn't want to. She likes that we can shop together for her, and only her, and really enjoys those outings.

Much like Billie Ann Jean stated: "My wearing women's stuff is to me like my SO wearing pants. To her it is no where the same level because women can wear anything they want but men can only wear what their women let them."

So, I continue to be a work in progress....just not a lot of "progress" right now...

Erin

[Isabella Ross]

Julie, I came out to my wife of 24 years about six years ago. It wasn't a complete surprise...she knew that I dressed in her lingerie for years. She was immediately supportive, but it did take her a while to become comfortable with it. She completely understands that I am a better person when I have opportunities to dress. She loves shopping with me and for me. We both have similar tastes in lingerie and clothing in general, and along with the fact that we now both realize there are no more secrets, this has created a new level of trust and love in our relationship. I have yet to appear in public, but we enjoy special "pretty" nights at home...I'll dress before she comes home and have a gourmet dinner and drinks planned. When I'm en femme, she says I am a more sensitive and caring person. We talk about things we would never have discussed in the past...I believe she sees my feminine persona as a "girlfriend". She sometimes suggests I dress for bed and seems to enjoy how much this turns me on. I know that being dressed for bed doesn't do much for her in itself, but she is a caring and gifted lover so enjoys the pleasure that it gives me. I do know that she actually enjoys the sight and sensation of me in snug panties (she's told me that she's disappointed when she sees me tuck!). However, she is very much a girly girl and loves masculinity, so I strive to find the balance and present myself in this manner to her as well...and since I love my male side, I have no problem with this. Bottom line is that my wife is a generous and understanding woman...and I am entirely grateful for this.

[Allison Chaynes]

My wife identifies as bisexual but hasn't ever acted on it, so this side of me kind of fills that for her to a degree. That said, she'd prefer overall if Allison didn't exist outside of the bedroom mostly because she fears the social consequences. She does like shopping together, and that I can give her opinions on clothes and stuff, plus there's the benefit of a second warddrobe to raid when she finds something of mine she likes (if it fits).

[Lorileah]

I have two stories for when I was crossdressing. I my wife didn't care as long, as she said , I didn't embarrass her in public. She bought me clothing on occasion and she knew I wasn't Mr Macho when we met. When she was fading from teh cancer and I was stressed out a lot she would often tell me to "go put on a skirt".

My GF knew the whole time we were together and she not only supported it but encouraged it...as long as I remained within the realm of looking like a real woman and not a drag queen or hooker (which wasn't and issue since I don't dress as either one). Just before she died she, I had intentionally not dressed because I was more worried about what others thought of HER when we went out and didn't want her to be the object of scrutiny, she asked why Lori didn't come around more often.

I guess my major point here is, life is too short for either person to not be happy. I thought I had forever. I didn't and now I look back at all the time wasted worrying about what I was wearing. I know there is no way for wives to read this and understand but even if you are not thrilled, you should be supportive. For the CDs the same thing, don't be selfish but know she (as one person said) doesn't get what's in your head and try and compromise. You only get so long together (if they are your life mate) don't waste it on trivializes

[Beverley Sims]

Julie,
At one time it was the sexual interaction, these days just the satisfaction of someone who understands I think.

My wife is less supporting these days though.

[Princess Grandpa]

Julie and I have had many discussions on this topic. The only answer she can offer is "it tickles my weird spot." She certainly enjoys the many benefits of bring in a relationship with a cross dresser. We shop together, we get mani pedis. She does my make up for me when we go out. It's a very up close and intimate process.

Until a couple of years ago we worked 24 hours a day seven days a week in our home based business. We had two weekends off in four years and those came with the high price of hiring respite workers. Our daughter became old enough to work shortly before the appearance of Rita. We took a night off to go to Tgirl Tuesday at Hamburger Mary's. I was hooked. I had to go back! We arranged the work schedule so that everyone gets one evening and one day off. We now have date night every Tuesday whether we take Rita out or not and time off on Saturday.

Because of the life we lived, working all the time we didn't have any friends. All of our encounters were with Adults with developmental disabilities or the people who take care of them. We now have an active social group. We take Rita out to the club a couple times a month. When our friends have outings on our day off we attend those. For the first time maybe in our lives we have an active social life with surrounded by some of the most amazing human beings we've ever met.

There are several GG's in our group that come out with their Tgirls. Not a lot. Maybe five or six. But then again the group isn't all that big. They all enjoy a celebrity like status. I won't say they are worshipped but they are shown the appreciation they deserve. We all know how much loneliness there isn't our community. These women are seen as a sign of hope maybe. Julie describes herself as having been a dorky kid who got picked on. I can't pretend she doesn't enjoy the popularity.

I suspect in the end she's mostly happy to see me happy. I feel so much better being who I am today. I didn't even realize I wasn't being myself before. I don't think given a choice this is the way she would have chosen things to work out. But she is certainly enjoying it. At this point if something happened to me and she found herself dating, it wouldn't surprise me if she found herself another CD or TSrather than a straight male.

Hug
Rita

[EyeSingle]

Interesting thread.

My wife is incredibly understanding and encourages me to dress often even though I actually don't very often (few times a year).

She does this in my opinion because she notices the pink fog quickly and knows what the best medicine is. So from the standpoint, I would say that her primary reason of supporting it is based on the fact that she wants me to be happy. I recognize of course that I could take advantage of this, but do not do so, and feel like, our relationship, etc is better by having mutual respect for each other, after all isn't that what marriage is about?

The other benefits she recognizes and appreciates is that she now has a greater desire to enjoy her femininity and even though she's still not a girly-girl (and thank heavens she's not!), she wants to be beautiful and she knows more now how to become beautiful. Part of this is due to her self-confidence, which has sky-rocketed and I really believe this confidence is the most important factor in outward appearance. She credits me with helping her gain this.

An example of this was the fact that when we were married she wouldn't do much more than throw her hair in a ponytail, but I've helped her see that even models can look good regardless of what they're wearing, how their hair looks, etc, and she can look the same. She believes me now and this has paid off huge dividends for her self-confidence. It's something her sisters are all envious of, but they do not have spouses that help them, even though they are all equally beautiful women.

And while she's not really turned on by the activity, she is turned on by my happiness and a certain cute element of it all. For example, she'll get a kick out of seeing some left over glitter or eyeliner that I didn't remove all of the way.

Her teamwork approach to this has made me want to be a much better man and husband. I think society puts way to much emphasis on sex in marriage or in some of our cases, crossdressing, when in my opinion shouldn't define us or our relationships at all.

[franlee]

That I am more relaxed and happier due to her indulgence. And that make me want to cater to her feelings, needs and even wants. Just simply she sees me as I want to be not as the world pressures me to be, and she likes the happy me and see gets to be happy too! As far as intrigue I'm always thinking of so off the wall fun thing to do or some where to go if we don't have company, in either mode.

[Kris Avery]

I must have one of the most supportive and wonderful SO on here.

She is totally accepting of me and everything I do so long as it doesn't shame her or her (our) family in a small town. That's a fair enough request for me.

We have a great relationship based on active communication and everything being a two way street. I prefer to try to give more than I take and we both feel we won the lottery by finding each other later in life.

I can't imagine a better relationship for a person in my situation to be in.

She loves her new member of our marriage and likes the modifications that I have undergone so far. Win/win.

I feel sure she likes me calmer and happier.

She doesn't like shopping and fashion shows, but because she loves me....she puts up with both :heehee:

[lexivanderpump]

My wife is supportive. She tolerates my CDing. So that makes her tolerant in my book. However, she is not intrigued by my CDing whatsoever and I fully respect that. I respect that because I am a firm believer that you can tolerate someone's lifestyle, beliefs, or views but it does not mean you have to accept it.

Love,
Lexi V.

[mechamoose]

I'm lucky in that my wife not only supports me, she *likes* my female side. She calls her 'Kitty'.

Yah, she steals my tops and jewelry. I get over that when she gives me feedback on what I wear, and tells me I'm 'pretty' (In my big, furry, beastial way) in a mini, cami and heels. Her eyes don't lie.

She is a guy in a female body, I'm a girl in a male one. Doubters/pessimists: It *is* possible, it *does* happen. 22 years together, and she knew what she was getting into, I have always been an 'odd bird' (an important factor).

Those of us working out the middle: Sorry for the troubles. "It *can* get better, honest.

- MM

[Nadine Spirit]

My wife and I have sort of evolved with this together. Heck we have known each other since eight and dating since fifteen. For me the gender non-conforming stuff came first and much later occasionally fully cross dressing.

So... What does she like? She likes me, and this is just another part of me.

[MissTee]

My wife is supportive and understanding, and as JessM pointed out she sees how it affects my happiness. Neither of us can explain why I cross dress, why I feel I need to, and why it make me happy. We are likewise not caught up in needing an explanation for it.

She appreciates that we can enjoy mani/pedis, massages, and facials together as well as shopping and exploring sales. I do her nails and help pick out her clothes. All of that is bonding time for us as a couple, and my wife is quick to point out "it's just clothes." That said, she enjoys lots and lots of man time with me and I provide her with one heck of a lifestyle. In short, and using her words, she has never felt she lost her man. That's very important.

[Kimberly Ann]

Intrigued is probably not the word I would use when describing my feelings towards my SO's CDing. For myself...I hate dresses...skirts...make-up...shopping...you get the picture. Therefore, sometimes I get upset when my SO wants to constantly change clothes...shop...etc... and wants my input. It is exhausting for me.

With that being said...I am EXTREMELY supportive and encouraging mostly because of the happiness it brings my SO. We have been together a little over 7 years. In that time I have seen my SO transform from a very uptight easily angered person to a gentler kinder person. My SO is happy and that makes me happy. I read the posts on here and am saddened by how many people do not support their CDing SO. Every relationship involves compromise and understanding....some more than most. If people could make the effort to be more accepting and supportive I think they would be surprised at the love and devotion they will receive from their SO. My SO treats me like a queen...and I treat her like a queen...sorry...couldn't help but throw in a little humor ;)

When my SO is dressed....they feel more attractive and sexy and I find that to be a huge turn on for me. I would say 90% of the time...I get very turned on when my SO is dressed. Not because I am attracted to females, but because I am attracted to my SO who feels sexy and desirable. I do, however, have the other 10% of the time where I am just not feeling it. Usually when I'm not feeling very sensual myself. At these times I just tell my SO to get undressed and that has worked out for both of us.

My SO is my best friend. I get a lot of enjoyment out of our talks where I know we are both being brutally honest. I had a lot of dishonesty and betrayal in my previous relationship and cannot imagine a DADT situation ever working for me. I feel honored that my SO shares his inner most self with me. He tells me things that he has never shared with anyone else. He trusts me with her vulnerabilities and that is very flattering and sacred.

One thing I have noticed when reading this forum is that some CDers feel like CDing is something they are going to do no matter what and they don't care what their SO thinks. I think if you start off with that attitude, then you are fighting a losing battle. There has to be some compromise on the part of both people involved. It's like I tell my husband....I am a heterosexual.....to expect me to be turned on by a female is a little unfair. I happen to find it erotic most of the time (I have no explanation for this), but sometimes I crave pure maleness in my SO and he is more than happy to oblige. I do not abuse this compromise and probably only make the request once every 3 months or so. I think my comfort level comes in knowing that he is willing to do this for me upon my request.

On the flip side I have read a lot of posts about GG's who don't want to know and don't want to be involved on any level. I feel like if they would just try to understand that CDing is a reflection of the person's inner self....there would be a lot more understanding. When I first learned about my spouses CDing...I thought it was a fetish. For some reason understanding that it was my SO being able to express himself and how he feels on the inside really helped me be more understanding and accepting. Sometimes I rationalize it for myself like this...If someone told me I had to wear a dress...hose...and heels every day...I would be completely miserable and depressed. So why is it such a stretch to say the opposite is true for my SO?

I wish everyone in this community could strike a balance that allows everyone to be loved and accepted.

Much love to you all....Kim

[mechamoose]

So... What does she like? She likes me, and this is just another part of me.

And *THAT* is the core of all of this 'stuff' we deal with.

Do they like *YOU* or do they like your *image*?

You be *YOU*. The rest will follow.

Not to suggest it will be painless, but it *will* follow.

- MM

[CherylFlint]

I read your question to my wife and she answered that she likes me better when I’m “dressed” because I’m more relaxed and easy going.
When we first met she wasn’t any too sure about the “dressing” but she invited me to her apartment on a Saturday to have me “dress” for her to see how she handled it. Well, she took to it immediately by doing my makeup over.
She likes dressing me. She picks out what she wants me to wear and does my make-up. She even plucks my brows. She very often buys stuff for me to wear for her. I think she thinks I’m a doll to dress but I don’t have a problem with it at all.
She enjoys taking me into the women’s section of stores and taking a skirt off the rack and telling me to hold it against me waist high, and she gets a kick out of the SA’s reactions to it all.
She has me clean the house in lingerie, and I have no complaints with the way we live. She has a husband and a sister, a man and a lesbian all in one package.
As she says, “Who could ask for anything more?”

[JocelynRenee]

I couldn't ask for a more supportive wife. She understands this is an innate part of me and loves me despite my dual nature. We go out as "girlfriends" a couple of times a week and have a good time. However, she definitely prefers to spend time with her husband and wouldn't be upset if Jocelyn was no longer part of our lives. I get that. And I appreciate the fact that she accepts my need to present as female. It works for us because we keep an open line of communication and work hard to maintain a balance that works for us both.

[mechamoose]

my wife is quick to point out "it's just clothes."

No, it isn't. Clothing is an outward expression of internal feelings. Dismissing it as 'just clothes' is selling it/us short.

- MM

[Robyne Rocks]

I am a GG married to a CD who is also a member of this forum. I am supportive & enthusiastic about my husband's CDing.

We are both bisexual. I am more attracted to femininity than masculinity. I like a lot of things about my husband's CDing:

1. I like how hot he looks when he's dressed
2. I like thinking about him secretly being in panties when he underdresses
3. I like his boobs when he wears his forms
4. I like shopping for clothes with him
5. I like buying him pretty things as gifts
6. I like watching his feminine side blossom & his overall confidence & wholeness building
7. I like making love to him as a woman, making him *feel* like a woman
8. I like holding him & caressing silky, lacy, or soft fabrics over his skin
9. I like doing his makeup & nails
10. I like that he & I share this thing together

I really could keep this list going, but 10 is a good number on which to finish. :)

[CherylFlint]

Dear Kimberly Ann,
The way my wife and I have found an equiliberian is that when she wants Cheryl to be around, she’ll just say to me, “Get dressed”, and off I go to the 2nd bedroom where she’ll have laid-out whatever she wants me to wear.
Now if it was up to me, I’d be 24-7 “dressed”, but at the inception of our relationship she laid-out the rules:
1. When she is not home, I can “dress” or not.
2. When she IS home she’s the only one who can give the permission for Cheryl to enter and I am never to ask if she would “like to see Cheryl” or if she would mind if Cheryl “visited”.
3. Sometimes weeks will go by between her telling me to get “dressed”. Sometimes she’ll have me “dress” everyday for a month.
4. Sometimes she tells me to sleep in my bra.
5. When we go out she does the driving (mostly) and ALL of the talking to SA’s and waiters.
6. We’ve been married for over 10 years and are happy with the way things are working out.
7. She’s allowed to “borrow” any of Cheryl’s things while I’m to leave her stuff alone, which means mostly makeup since what I wear is “too girly” for her, she says.
I share with her everything on this blog and she gets really ticked-off about the other wives not “getting with the program” about their husband’s crossdressing. She says they’ve got the best thing possible going for them but are just too damn blind and stupid to see that maybe it’s the society that’s out of whack and they’re the lucky one. She doesn’t think much of the girl friends and wives who don’t support their man being a CD 110%. She understands it a part of them that makes them the person they fell in love with. She had A LOT of other things to say about the women who get freaked-out about crossdressing but you get the point.
She also said that if she knew men liked to “dress” and that it be so much fun for her she would’ve been looking for a guy like me from the start.
Cheryl

[Tina B.]

I can't say why my wife is so accepting, but from the time I told her about Tina, she was on board, in fact in the beginning she accepted me, better than I did.
She has been a great help in getting me to accept myself.
The day I told her, her first reaction was lets go shopping and get you something to wear, as I had purged everything I had years before and had nothing at the time I told her.
Since that day, many years ago, she has celebrated my birthday, Christmas, Anniversaries, Valentines day buying gifts for both, my male persona, and my female persona. While I've never been shy about shopping for myself. I love going shopping with her. The lady just won't let me give up and walk out of the women's department empty handed, she says failure is not an option.
It used to be, I didn't dress all that often, but she has always been able to tell when I start to show signs of depression, her first reaction is to tell be to take some time to myself, (code for go put on a skirt) and she will see the need for it, even before I do.
Living in a small town, we both agree it's an indoor, at home thing, but within that limit, there really is no limit, and that works for both of us.
What it is she likes about my dressing, I can't say, but her level of acceptance has given me a very happy life, and I can't imagine having gotten this far without her.

[genevie]

I haven't been here in a very long time. I have a difficult time believing all the support talked about here. In my situation, early in our marriage she supported a little as part of sex play. Then later it was absolutely not. Last year I went through a phase of shaving, plucking and grooming in a more feminine way and basically she told me that going in that direction would be the end of us. Purging happened and I left here. Feelings came back recently but I know nothing can be acted on. It's either G or she, no choices.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

My wife completely supports me. She has said that I am a different, softer, and more lovable person. She likes the fact that I'm not out chasing women or siting in a bar, or glued to sports games on TV. She herself is conservative in many ways including the way she dresses. She could even be a female CD for her love of jeans and T-shirts. And she wears no makeup. I know she enjoys shopping for me with something new on occasion.

I do my best to make her life the best it can be. Maybe it's a payback for her acceptance. I strived to make us financially secure and she does too. I take care of any of her needs like a secure home, etc.. In turn she wants me to be happy because it all comes around in a nice circle of love and respect. I don't interfere in anything she does. She loves her home comforts and doing her crafts and watching her favorite shows. We hardly go out and are just happy at home together or with spending time with a friend.

Cheryl

[Jenniferathome]

Gen, you'll note that the successful couples communicate about the subject frequently. It's never one way

[Teresa Monsivais]

In my relationship she has told me that she loves me... despite being dressed as a woman she still sees me. She would find it difficult for her to demand me not to do something that makes me happy. However, we too have had our share hurt feelings. Problems arise when Teresa gets carried away and focuses on her things (mostly shopping) and loses focus on her (gf). But Teresa only exists with my gf so would would probably never see me without my better half. Including her to events and her doing my make up etc allows her to involve. The secondary gain for her is that she sometimes feels she has a girlfriend to hang out. But the main reason is she know it makes me happy.

[Lorileah]

I think some sort of acceptance is common (even if you don't think she knows...she knows and if she doesn't say anything doesn't mean you are getting away with it). What we see here as far as the people whose spouse is unaccepting is more the phenomenon or the squeaky wheel. If everything is good at home, you don't see posts in the other areas of this forum. So I am not surprised at the various levels of acceptance here. As Jennifer said it is more communication than anything. Being as upfront as you can be is what works

[Eringirl]

Being as upfront as you can be is what works

Hi Lorileah:
I appreciate your comments and agree with you and Jenn that communication is always the best option, but for some, that is not "what works". Communication is a two way street, otherwise it is just one person talking at another. If the other person is not willing to engage, then it does not work. This is my case. Having said that, I don't know if over time that will change, but right now, the subject is closed, not to be discussed. So while I was being upfront and honest, that didn't work. Now, that being said, I guess it would depend on your definition of "what works", e.g. getting support, staying together, or is separating "what works" ? In which case, ya, then being up front works. Just my thoughts....

Respectfully.....

Erin

[Jaylyn]

I have to agree with Lorileah on both her post. I concur that we have a very little time in this world and we should just enjoy the time we have. My wife and I agreed from the start that we'd never keep a secret from each other ( exception is presents) that agreement has got us thru many stormy times. Marriage is tough to say the least but with the love we have for each other it can be the greatest thrill we have. Just knowing we have each other's backs in our older ages makes every thing much more comfortable.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Let's suppose that crossdressing is not part of the formula. ANY relationship whether a marriage or simple friendship, is based on communication. For any relationship to succeed, there has to be honesty and trust no matter how dark the shared secrets are. Then comes acceptance for what is shared. If a relationship counterpart can accept what the other discloses about themselves, then the relationship becomes a firm bond. Our CDing pales in comparison to what others might share about themselves with another. Yes it becomes more intense where the committment of marriage is involved because each partner has certain expectations of the other. Trust and honesty can easily become the deal breaker if the relationship will succeed.

Cheryl

[DebbieL]

I didn't tell my first wife until after we had moved in together, and she had fallen in love with me. She liked that I was gentle, patient, kind, and a generous lover. As a result, she seemed to accept as long as we kept it at home in the bedroom, as a special treat. Later, I found out that she had never been comfortable with the dressing, but loved who I was as a person, mostly BECAUSE I had such a feminine and submissive personality. She liked the girl inside, but was uncomfortable with the wardrobe. Even after we got divorced, there were a few times when she would say "Why did I divorce you" and I would grin and say "wardrobe problem?".

After that, I was out. I ended up meeting a few women who were bisexual, and they LOVED having a guy who worked and was a geek in the office all day, then came home, put on her pretty clothes, cooked dinner, helped put the kids to sleep, and then gave them the pleasures and sensuality they liked from women. Even their lesbian girlfriends would tell me they loved that I was a lesbian in almost every way. For the lesbians, the issue was the half inch between my legs. However, once they realized that I related to it more as a clit, often keeping it hidden under tight panties, that wasn't a problem.

After a 15 year long distance relationship with a bisexual who was very supportive and loved playing with Debbie, at home or in public, we realized that we both wanted more, and couldn't find it together. The love was still there even to the end.

Then I met Lee on match.com. I had put pictures of Debbie and Rex on my profile, including the front picture of me in a top hat. She saw the pictures of Debbie and sent me an e-mail that said "Dude, you're wearing a dress, what's that about". I wrote here a detailed message explaining that I was transsexual, that I had lied to my first wife and it caused a lot of pain for both of us, so this time I was going to be honest about it up front.

Lee showed my profile to her daughter, who was in College. She said "Well mom, you won't have to worry about hurting his fragile male ego when you start taking charge of it". Lee told me what her daughter said, and I laughed, saying "you're daughter is a very wise and brilliant woman, like her mother". We spent 2 weeks talking on the phone before our first face-to-face meeting. The turning point for Lee was when we went to the beach and she lost her key. Her first husband would have gone ballistic, but I smiled and said 'Let's go find some flashlights!". We didn't find the keys so I said "I can think of three options, we can go back to my house and come back tomorrow, I can book a hotel a few miles away and we can come back tomorrow, or we could sleep in the car, which would YOU like to do?".
That's when she decided "She's a keeper".

She knew that in the ideal world, I wanted to transition, but there were so many logistics issues. She was concerned about what her father and her brother might do or say when they found out (not IF), and she didn't want to start a firestorm at church, but we regularly went out as Debbie and Lee. I struggled with my weight and Lee did insist that I stop "dressing like a ****". She had me watch several episodes of "What Not to Wear" with her, and eventually, when I lost about 80 lbs, we actually did the whole "What not to wear" scene. We went through my wardrobe and ended up thowing about 95% of it out. It was hard to let go of many fond memories, but I had boy clothes I purchased in the early 1970s, and girl clothes I bought in the early 1980s. It was time to let the clothes go.

Then Lee took me shopping, and helped me pick out a wardrobe that was age appropriate, size appropriate, and situation appropriate. We spent about $500 on the first trip and I was a bit of a brat. Then I went on a road trip and went shopping at the mall in one of those outfits. I didn't get read by ANYBODY, even the teenage girls or the little kids. I actually experienced the FREEDOM of being ME in public without fear of exposure and humiliation.

In the bedroom, Lee realized almost immediately that Rex was asexual, not responding much at all, but Debbie was VERY responsive. I won't go into the details, but when she came to my place for our first night together and I was able to please her without using what was between my legs, and was so easy to please as Debbie, she realized that she liked Debbie a lot in the bedroom.

When my father died, I decided I wanted to transition. Lee got a bit freaked about that, but when we went to the therapist together so she could assess my family situation Lee said "I'm not a lesbian". The therapist didn't argue, just asked what we did together, what she LIKED about what we did together, and then asked "have you had similar experiences with men?". Suddenly the lights went on and she said "Oh my god, I've found the perfect girl for me".

When I started growing breasts, Lee found out that I didn't have to be dressed to be Debbie. I was much more responsive, and she found that I really enjoyed it when she was sexually aggressive, when she would "sweep me off my feet". She loves that she can create passion whenever she wants it, but at the same time, I can be very seductive and mischievous in my own ways. At the same time, if she doesn't want to do anything, she knows all she has to do is offer to cuddle and I'll just snuggle right into her, usually with her behind me and holding me.

When her friends ask her how she feels about that, she says "Debbie is so happy now, and she loves to make me happy, and I like her so much more than I liked Rex". As for family and friends at church, they like Debbie much more too. Rex was like a character in a play, intellectual, hiding feelings, and avoiding almost any personal feelings or information. Even when Lee's mother died and my father died, I appeared almost cold. Lee knew that as Debbie, I was crying frequently, even struggling with the loss, and grieving, but Rex was like a suit of armor.

When Debbie came to Thanksgiving, the family liked her so much that Debbie got all the Christmas presents, which thrilled me, I even broke down crying because I was so happy when they mentioned it. At church, friends had seen me grow my hair longer, laser my face, and become more feminine in many subtle ways, and Lee told them about Debbie. When Debbie finally showed up, men and women hugged me and welcomed me like I was a member of their family. The minister even preached sermons on acceptance and diversity, on giving up old traditional beliefs, the good Samaritan, Mathew 25, and so on.

[Lorileah]

Erin, you are fairly new here but this has been discussed many many times before. NOT saying anything and keeping it hidden is a recipe for tears and hurt feelings. Look at it from a spouses point of view. You are keeping a secret. You are 1) not trusting them to make a decision of their own. You are playing with their life and their choices. If they are accepting or willing to try, you have already decided they cannot make that decision. You are treating them with less respect. 2) You are not allowing them to either try and live with you, accept you or you are taking years that they could be working toward a different happiness. I call it equity. When you start a new relationship, you don't have a lot invested in it. You don't own a house or car together, you have separate bank accounts. No children, no in-laws. If at that point you decide you cannot accept something the other has you can walk away rather easily. You have the chance to make a happy life elsewhere. Now if you keep this a secret for whatever reason you rationalize, you start to build things that have substance. A house, money Children whatever and you have a spouse who built that whole relationship on something they didn't have all the facts to. So of course your SO is going to be angry, hurt, vindictive. You have children to consider, the years she gave up to make and keep your marriage. You don't give her the chance to decide so you are treating her as being less than mature.

Now I understand that many here think they can put it away, keep it under wraps. I get that, we have all tried it. Most will fail and then it will arise. She finds a piece of clothing, makeup, smells a perfume, sees the mascara on your face, whatever. First thought, you are cheating. Now you try and explain your being TG. She isn't in the mood to listen and you can be the best salesperson in the world, she will shut you out until the anger is less. Now she can think about how she was in a relationship based on false information for X years. You get this out early, you booth can build a new life easier/ If not..well that's where lawyers get involved.

You talk about her not listening. So you gave up. Thinking what? You won't do it anymore? Did that work? When the rubber meets the road you are going to say "Hey I tried to tell you." and that will go over real well while she throws the vase at you. Now you not only withheld information you have accused her of not listening and being closed minded. You had the talk and she didn't listen you say. You know what she thinks now? You gave it up. She thinks it was a speed bump. But now that speed bump is a pothole.

So you have to get the ground rules set and keep trying to set them OR you need to walk away from dressing and stay away. Which is easier? You decide

[Alice Torn]

I cannot imagine ever being married, whether a CD or not. I was shocked to see that the majority on here, are in fact , married!! All the women i have tried to date, were very turned off, when i came out and told them, and i have never had any chance for marriage. I find it quite remarkable, that many women tolerate it.

[Allison2006]

My wife is very supportive, often encouraging me to dress. And while I don't know if I'd say she's intrigued with any of it, she does enjoy going on shopping trips together and talking clothes, shoes and makeup with me.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

After so much time, it's not so much as likes or finds fascinating in my case. I think it's that my wife accepts this as being who I am, in it's just a normal part of our marriage. Ex when it's a private at home romantic dinner while in girl mode, it's just accepted as normal, same as sharing/borrowing clothes normal, make up, etc. It's the love that me and my wife have for each other that causes the gender issues to kind of moot bordering irrelevant point. As long as girl mode is not 24/7 which is a fair enough compromise.

[sabrinaedwards]

This has been a most interesting post, especially the responses from the GG's. I read all of them and learned from them. I am in a DADT relationship regarding CDing. In defence of my wife, I did not reveal my secret until well into our marriage. I respect my wife's position and have not violated that agreement. I do think she would be shocked at my level of involvement with CDing.

[Kimberly Ann]

Cheryl,
I agree that being married to a CD is a treat. My SO is very sweet and gentle and I attribute a lot of his softer characteristics and mannerisms to his inner girl. I do not tell him when to dress. He can dress as much and as often as he likes, but is hindered somewhat by the fact that we have three children that still live at home and do not know about the CDing. The only time I really say no to the CDing is if we are trying to be intimate and I'm just not feeling it with him dressed. This rarely happens as I usually enjoy it and feel like it adds to my pleasure. My SO shares a lot of posts with me as well (he is on here way more than I am) and some of them are gut wrenching to me. I do not understand how someone could love their SO and not embrace something that is such a huge part of who they are. There are so many positives to being loving and accepting and very few negatives....at least that is my experience. The bond that I feel with my SO is one that I didn't even know was possible. We have complete love, respect and trust in each other. We share our deepest secrets and desires...things that we have never shared with anyone else. I wouldn't change a thing if I could. I just wish everyone else could be as lucky as we are.
Kim

[MissTee]

[QUOTE=mechamoose;3609140] Dismissing it as 'just clothes' is selling it/us short.

[/QUOTE.]

It's not selling anything Moose. It's the way she wraps her head around it. I'm OK with that. As I said, we don't get wrapped up in the whys and whats. We just enjoy each other.

[DanaR]

Most wives who are okay with crossdressing are still not enthusiastic about it.

Some find that their husbands are happier, and so they like that.

My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants.

JessM basically summed it up on how my wife sees it. My wife goes out with me occasionally. She also borrows some of my things from time to time. One of my favorites was that I went out shopping one night and bought an outfit, when I came home she was in bed asleep. The next morning when I got up the outfit was gone, she wore it to work.

[Ashlyn]

I met my wife on a CD site and she was looking for a special girl like me. We are very happy and she is very supportive and encouraging. One day we will renew our vows and I will be wearing the dress this time!!

[clairebostock]

My Wife is OK with me dressing But not enthusiastic about me dressing

[Eringirl]

Hi LoriLeah:

Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I agree with you. Don't get me wrong. Communication is key. One may have to be prepared that it may not go they way they want....it may cause a fire storm. I am now in pause mode....letting the initial wound heal a bit. If I push too hard too fast, that will just be rubbing salt in it. I haven't given up. I am giving myself a bit of time to heal and her a bit of time to think about it. After 30 years together, ya, I know what she is thinking. I have not "given up". But I got pretty beaten up. I need time to recoup and come at this again from a position of strength, not weakness. I am getting better. So no, this is not over, but every relationship is different and requires a different approach, but to your point, and to most everyone here, yes, communication is always a part of that strategy.

Thanks for caring enough to comment...

Erin

[JudySinNY]

Great board everyone! I'm fairly new to this world and my BF would marry me tomorrow if I said yes lol...so I felt qualified to read and post here! I'm in the processing phase and assimilating. It's going well overall. Stellar to hear him tell it. Mentally I'm good to go. It's just wrapping my brain around the visual that's still a work in progress. Full femme? No problem. Slap a skirt on a guy with a 5:00 shadow? That's taking some getting used to. I'm determined though. I'll keep reading and absorbing the varied viewpoints and it will all fall into place. That's my plan.
Nice to meet you all!

[MatildaJ.]

@JudySinNY, I'm the opposite. I don't mind my husband wearing whatever clothes he wants -- sweats, bathrobe, negligee, kilt, maxi-dress, whatever. But I get emotional some times when he puts on the full outfit, including makeup and wig, because it feels like he disappears and a different person shows up, a person I don't know. But then I've known my husband for decades, and only met his other side last year, so it's not that surprising that I feel more comfortable with him than with "her." Do you feel that you're dating two people (a man and a woman), or can you see the same person inside, regardless of the presentation?

As far as your issue with skirt + stubble, I don't have much advice except to accept that he's an adult who is going to wear what he likes, and his choices don't reflect on you in any way, so you don't have to have an opinion about them.

[JudySinNY]

@jess, I'm trying to figure that out. I watched him transform the whole way from foundation on up. Still him. Once the wig was on? Still him but....not? I was fascinated. He looked good! I expected a glorified reaction to the lesser transformations but that didn't happen. But honestly, I love the person. Just adapting to the presentation I guess.

[Stephanie47]

Alice, I believe one has to realize this forum is representative of a very small segment of the cross dressing community. In my mind that also excludes gender identity/transition issues and gay relationships. I'm strictly addressing those of us who wear women's clothing without those issues. The only cross dressing revelation that I know of in my local circle of friends, acquaintances and neighbors ended up in divorce.

I believe, and, the GG's can correct me if I am wrong, the marriages that do survive the revelation of cross dressing are those where the wife realizes her husband's other qualities far outweigh whatever negative connotations cross dressing may have for them.


I cannot imagine ever being married, whether a CD or not. I was shocked to see that the majority on here, are in fact , married!! All the women i have tried to date, were very turned off, when i came out and told them, and i have never had any chance for marriage. I find it quite remarkable, that many women tolerate it.

[Kris Avery]

I agree that being married to a CD is a treat. I just wish everyone else could be as lucky as we are.
Kim

I have saved my 400th post to celebrate and reveal to those who pay attention....

You are "my treat", my partner on the journey of life, you are my everything.... you are my SO..... you are MY Kimberly Ann ....and you are loved more than you know.

Awe, hugs.... two very lucky, happy, but majorly clueless women :heehee:

[sometimes_miss]

One thing I have noticed when reading this forum is that some CDers feel like CDing is something they are going to do no matter what and they don't care what their SO thinks. I think if you start off with that attitude, then you are fighting a losing battle. There has to be some compromise on the part of both people involved.
And there lies the problem. I think most women consider crossdressing to be just a hobby that we indulge in from time to time; something we can give up whenever we like, and take up something else like knitting or such, with as much ease as someone changing from eating vanilla ice cream to chocolate. It's not that way at all. Not even remotely. And the above quote would probably be pretty much agreed on by all women, that we have no right to do it, it's just a privilege that a woman allows us to do. And I wonder, how they would feel if we told them what they were and were not allowed to wear? Didn't that cause a whole sexual revolution last century? Yeah, I thought so.

CDers feel like CDing is something they are going to do no matter what and they don't care what their SO thinks
It's not that we don't care what you think. It's that we know that we aren't going to be able to stop crossdressing, no matter what anyone thinks. Here's a thought, GG's who believe that we can quit any time we want: Are you able to stop menstruating on demand? (assuming you are of the age group that does). Think about how you'd go about stopping that for a moment. Should be easy, just change the way your brain works. Because a female brain does influence menstruation, regulating all the other hormones, for example, if you lose too much weight you wind up in amenorrhea. Because, basically you're telling us to change our brains. If only it were so easy.
For a lot of us, it's something deeply ingrained into who and what we are; it's not something we do, it's what we are. I can't directly speak for anyone else; but it's as much burned into my personality as is the tendency to intervene in a fight between a man and a woman even if it's a sure thing that I might get killed doing so.
We're crossdressers. Not female impersonators. There is a distinct difference. One has to; the other wants to.

[JudySinNY]

@sometimes_miss....I don't have any feedback really on this except I appreciate the perspective and would love to hear more like this. Kinda grounds things more in a way? Idk. Anyway thanks!

[suchacutie]

My wife and I spent parts of last week looking for a new wig for Tina. That togetherness pretty much sums up our relationship: together.

We found Tina together, and were completely surprised that she existed. Tina is a mutual adventure; a joint husband/wife project. Why did my wife go down this road? Initially the curiosity we both had led us to investigate who this Tina person is/was. After all, we had been married 33 years at that point. We immediately started conversations about how we grew up, and just expanded from there.

What came out of it: We know each other so much better. She knows I started looking into myself right in front of her, exposing every potentially embarrassing or vulnerable thought. She helped understand that I already had both gender behaviors inside from the start, so it made sense to her to separate and identity them the best we could. Along the way she taught Tina the trappings and emotionality of growing up as a girl.

Tina is her girlfriend, not her husband. She knows how much more I understand about her because of Tina. When she'd like a night with her girlfriend to talk and watch chick flicks, she asks if Tina would like to visit. We constantly talk about makeup, clothes, shoes, etc. We diet together, get facials, shop, and she tells me Tina is so sweet. I'm a classic "fix it" male when it comes to problem issues. The Tina part now understands that there are times my wife wants to talk about a problem and I know enough to invoke Tina at those times so we can just talk (even if I don't transform).

Didn't mean for this to be so long, but, as you can see, Tina has had quite an effect and is very much a part of who we are.

[sometimes_miss]

Tina is her girlfriend, not her husband.
Which makes me wonder, if you preserve the so called two personalities because SHE needs you to, or because you both can't accept that you have female personality traits that neither of you can accept. Not because there are actually two personalities within yourself, because it doesn't come across that way at all; what does, is that you've had this all along, but weren't comfortable allowing it to surface. No surprise, really, considering that virtually all women won't accept it in 'their man' (see the related thread about how many GG's find their mate's crossdressing either acceptable or 'intriguing': Virtually none, considering how many women are supposedly here, and how of many of them actually took the time to chime in to support their crossdressing mates).
Suchacutie, you make it sound like Tina is some spirit that you just conjure up on demand. Which is fine. But at some point, perhaps you and your wife will realize that it's all you, and it's all there, all the time, just waiting around to be set free to be 'all' you, all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a terrific thing to be able to see, and feel, all the things that both sexes do. It's just a shame that we're criticized for it. Makes you kind of wonder how this human race will ever advance, when we can't even accept other people who have broader capabilities for feeling and/or thought than we do.

[JayeLefaye]

I'm guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I was up-front about it from the very beginning. She freaked a little because she was afraid that I wanted to transition eventually. Once I convinced her that I had no plans to give up my manhood, then the relationship continued.

But we took the dressing slowly. And I would answer any and every question that she asked. I stopped shaving my legs and dressed around the house in simple loungeware, and would occasionally toss on a skirt. Over the course of four years, she had become very comfortable with me not wearing pants around the house. then one day I looked in the mirror and just couldn't stand all the hair. She found me after work in the tub doing a full-body shave, and her reaction was a smile and a "good for you!"

We then progressed to full dressing and going out now and then, but I was never lost in the pink fog, so it just progressed naturely.

As to "What does she like about it?"

She likes the fact that I am still me, regardless of what I'm wearing. The dressing is just an outward way of expressing the feminine side of my nature, and she likes that side, because it is gentle and caring.

She likes doing my make-up, which I only put on when we're going out, and had a real hoot when she bought me a nice blonde wig for my 59th birthday and I suddenly looked 15 years younger.

She likes my legs, especially after a close shave. Last night, I was relaxing on the back porch after a shower and shave and enjoying the breeze on my legs while she was catching up on some work. She finished up, and I went inside and was going to change form the skirt into some sweatpants, for modesty's sake, because I didn't want to flash her while we watched a little TV...She wouldn't let me change out of the skirt, and after a couple of hours of catching up on one of the few shows that we watch, she just couldn't help herself anymore...She really, really, really likes my shaved legs...

She likes the fact that I will listen, truly listen, to anything she has to say, about anything. I'm not her girlfriend, I'm her spouse, but the fact that I acknowledge the feminine within, allows me to remind myself of the gentle side, and she likes having that gentle side in her life.

Jaye

[MatildaJ.]

See the related thread about how many GG's find their mate's crossdressing either acceptable or 'intriguing': Virtually none

But the thread was about how many wives are enthusiastic or find it intriguing. Many of us posted to say that we accept it, just as our husbands accept us hanging around the house in sweatpants. The fact that we're not excited to see our husband's in dresses & wigs doesn't mean we don't accept it.

Actually, isn't that this thread, where the OP asked what is "intriguing" about CDing for SOs?

[Kimberly Ann]

Sometimes_miss.....what I was trying to say in my original comment was that in relationships it will always be about compromise or it won't work out. I am very much aware that my SO's CDing is him expressing his inner self. I think it's fabulous and I support him 100%. I would never ask him to stop...and I wouldn't change this part of him if I could because I know it is part of who he is and I love him completely. With that being said I continue to be perplexed by the number of cross dressers who seek out heterosexual women....knowing they are physically attracted to a man....hide their cross dressing from them...sometimes for years....and then blame the woman for not being 100% accepting when they reveal it to them. Just like you mentioned...it's a part of you just like our menstruation (really??) and you couldn't not do it even if you wanted to....well the woman cannot help it that she is not attracted to someone who looks and acts like a woman. Herein lies a lot of the problem. None of this applies to me or my relationship because #1 I am extremely open and accepting and love my spouse with my whole heart...all of him and #2 he has a great attitude about it and is open to compromise. That is what I was trying to say and feel like I was misunderstood. I know you can't change this....I know it's not a passing hobby....I understand it's who you are...I think it is awesome and wish everyone had acceptance and love for every part of them....but you can't pretend to be one thing and then later reveal something else (in some cases after years of marriage) and not at least have some willingness to compromise. That is what I was trying to say originally.

[JocelynRenee]

But at some point, perhaps you and your wife will realize that it's all you, and it's all there, all the time, just waiting around to be set free to be 'all' you, all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a terrific thing to be able to see, and feel, all the things that both sexes do. It's just a shame that we're criticized for it. Makes you kind of wonder how this human race will ever advance, when we can't even accept other people who have broader capabilities for feeling and/or thought than we do.

Yes! That's it. This thing we do is a small part of our greater whole. I am not two personalities - one female and one male - I simply am.

What makes a behavior male or female? I do most of the cooking; my wife does most of the home repairs. I love action movies; my wife loves romantic comedies. These behaviors and preferences hold true no matter what clothes we wear. My wife loves me because of the way I treat her and I don't have any special insight into her desires because we both sometimes wear a bra.

It's funny that it was actually my wife who had this revelation. She was immediately accepting because she realized that "Jocelyn" was simply a part of why she feel in love with me. It was my wife who taught me there are no "modes"; there is only me.

[Angie G]

My wife has known for 8 years. She knows my dabbled in crossdressing so she thinks it in my genes. She is very supportive and even buys me things she thinks I will like. And I do.:hugs:
Angie

[6inchheels]

I think my wife is just happy that I do the dishes.

[JocelynRenee]

Sometimes_miss.....what I was trying to say in my original comment was that in relationships it will always be about compromise or it won't work out. I am very much aware that my SO's CDing is him expressing his inner self. I think it's fabulous and I support him 100%. I would never ask him to stop...and I wouldn't change this part of him if I could because I know it is part of who he is and I love him completely. With that being said I continue to be perplexed by the number of cross dressers who seek out heterosexual women....knowing they are physically attracted to a man....hide their cross dressing from them...sometimes for years....and then blame the woman for not being 100% accepting when they reveal it to them. Just like you mentioned...it's a part of you just like our menstruation (really??) and you couldn't not do it even if you wanted to....well the woman cannot help it that she is not attracted to someone who looks and acts like a woman. Herein lies a lot of the problem. None of this applies to me or my relationship because #1 I am extremely open and accepting and love my spouse with my whole heart...all of him and #2 he has a great attitude about it and is open to compromise. That is what I was trying to say and feel like I was misunderstood. I know you can't change this....I know it's not a passing hobby....I understand it's who you are...I think it is awesome and wish everyone had acceptance and love for every part of them....but you can't pretend to be one thing and then later reveal something else (in some cases after years of marriage) and not at least have some willingness to compromise. That is what I was trying to say originally.

Kimberly Ann, you make excellent points. Though it is perhaps understandable why so many of us choose to hide this side of ourselves from our mates, it is no less unfortunate. In my case I didn't share early on because I assumed the desire would evaporate once I was married. Looking back that seems naive. Maybe it was more a hope than an actual belief. Either way the revelation, coming several years into the marriage, placed an awkward burden on my wife.

After all these years I am still amazed at her initial reaction and blessed by her continued support. As a heterosexual woman she is not attracted to a feminized version of her husband, so it is important that we maintain strong lines of communication and a willingness to compromise. Certainly it is she that does the lion's share of compromising, but we have found a way to make it work for us. It sounds like you have as well.