All in the family / Small world

[AshleyCM17]

So I have an appointment set with a local counselor. Before that meeting takes place I still need to have THE talk of all talks with my wife. I also decided to have a talk with someone who might be able to relate. I reached out to my birth father, who transitioned M2F about 8 years ago. We met up, had lunch and I spilled the beans which was huge, nobody other than my wife knew anything. I had always wondered about a hereditary component since I knew about my dad (I was 16 when she told everyone). Sidetrack here, she brought up how weird things can be sometimes and mentioned she was in her moms belly and raised in NM, a little ways from the military testing sites. She then said she was drafted for Vietnam (I NEVER heard this story) but the Dr. Filled out a chart with a bunch of reasons he couldn't go based on bloodworm tests etc.. She never did remember what it said but interesting. Back to the story, I tell her the name of the counselor I will be seeing, and she saw the same one! What's more, she stayed in contact, she and the counselor are good pals and still speak fairly regularly. This whole thing is giving my head more to process. Anyone else have family members in the same boat? Overlapping medical providers? Ugh, sorry rambling just a stream of consciousness post!

[Annaliese]

That's just weird, in a good way, it is good you found her and she may be able give you some advice on what to expect.

[Kris Avery]

I think that fascinating...being adopted, that is something I'll never be able to find out.

[girlyj]

Ashley, if you find things going well with your therapist, let me know. I'm on therapist number 3 and maybe I'm expecting too much, but when one therapist says to your s/o - in the first meeting, having just learned of this only weeks before - to begin preparing for my DEATH, and your most recent therapist actually asks you if the word "tranny" is a slur, a girl could begin to lose faith in the prospect of finding a competent professional to talk to.

[Starling]

..being adopted, that is something I'll never be able to find out.

But the OP was adopted, so don't give up hope!

I wasn't, however, and I remember my father had a set of "effeminate" mannerisms which drove me mad as a teenager, probably because I was myself so delicate in regards to gender identification. Nonetheless, it seems to me now that there was a good possibility his nature was trans, but with his background, and in those benighted days, he had no way of conceptualizing what it might mean. It gives me a great deal more respect for him--years too late, I'm afraid--because of what he might have been dealing with, all by himself, as his life disintegrated.

So yes, I think there very well could be an hereditary aspect.

:) Lallie

[DebbieL]

My father was transgendered, but this was back in the days when SRS was something done in Stockholm Sweden, in secret, and only if you were attracted to men, single, over 30 and had a boatload of money. He often said "I'm 75% girl". Most of his yearbook pictures he was surrounded by his girl-buddies.

My mom said "I was supposed to be a little brother for Lloyd, and I did my best to be the boy they wanted". She was a tomboy. Even after polio, she made up her mind that she was going to roller skate, ride a bike, and not let Polio stop her from living a normal and happy life. In her yearbook, she was usually hanging out with groups of mostly guys.

They met when one of dad's girl-buddies wanted to fix him up with her roommate. Mom had just been raped a year earlier and had a pretty low opinion of men. When the went on the first date, dad was submissive, didn't act too forward, kept looking her in the eye as they talked. They shared many common interests, especially in music. At the end of the date, he gave mom a kiss on the cheek. Mom thought he wasn't interested.

Two days later, dad called his girl buddy and said "Clair, I got tickets to the Rodeo (mom said she liked it) would you and Lois like to go? And would a zoomie be OK for you Claire?"
Mom was completely shocked. She quickly learned that she could easily take control and happily did so.

I had a different pediatrician growing up, but when I was an adult I ended up with mom's doctor. He was a bit confused when he saw me. A few years later, I found out why. When I was born, the hospital gave mom one of those cutsie little birth certificates, with the footprints. Not the official legal one, but the one the parents could use to confirm that the babies hadn't been switched accidentally. On that one, it said "Ballard Boy?". Yes, there was a QUESTION MARK even when I was born. It was only when I was getting my vasectomy that he pointed out the crooked seam on my scrotum. Apparently they had to sew it together after I was born.

[Starling]

You really got a full house, Debbie. And your parents were a good deal more open than mine, although I must allow for the vastly different era. But my most pressing concern is: what's a zoomie?

:) Lallie

[DebbieL]

You really got a full house, Debbie. And your parents were a good deal more open than mine, although I must allow for the vastly different era. But my most pressing concern is: what's a zoomie?

My parents were supportive growing up, but unfortunately, they didn't even want me to talk about wanting to be a girl. Again, this was for my own protection. Mom had been told that the "cure" was shock therapy, genital torture, and if that failed, a lobotomy. As a result, we couldn't even talk about it with each other. She was covert in supporting me, but when I actually spoke out, usually when I came home crying, bloody, and bruised, I'd even scream "I wish I was a girl". One day she said "Do you want to end up a vegetable, that's what would happen if you don't stop talking about that".

Mom had been through shock therapy herself, for her rape. She described it to me once as 90 second of agonizing pain that feels like 90 hours, followed by oblivion, then terror and panic and then being a zombie for a few hours. A horrifying experience she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. I didn't find out about the full breadth of the threat until just before my dad passed away.

A "Zoomie" is an Air Force cadet or officer, so named for the sounds they make when flying in jets, which were new back in the 50s.


:) Lallie

[Jorja]

Zoomie - I was going to say a member of the Air Force but it has been a long time since I heard that term used.

[Starling]

So that's what zoomies are. When did we stop calling them flyboys? Of course now there are plenty of flygirls, too--although the word has been appropriated by show business.

Debbie, what a horrible thing to happen to your mother. I don't remember what you said your age was, but when I was growing up in the 'Fifties I made it pretty obvious I wasn't really a little boy, and equally sure that my parents scared the bejeezus out of me so badly that I blocked out any memory of ever raising the subject. I do know they worked very hard on getting me to do boy things, and even took me to an endocrinologist. But not for HRT! Obviously, they were both embarrassed by me and afraid I'd be victimized. Fortunately, the Christine Jorgensen affair and tabloid accounts of the transsexual showgirl Coccinelle provided me a context in which to place myself, and thus began my long and lonely odyssey.

:) Lallie