What if they knew?

[Ilsa]

What if you didn't know they knew when you finally approached those closest to you and told them who you really were. What would be your reaction when they told you they had known for some time but hadn't told you?:thinking:

Always,

Ilsa

[justmetoo]

That has not happened in my case. Even when I told the most perceptive people I was closest to for the longest time. I was never "macho", but I guess I pass pretty well as just a guy.
I think it would be cool if it turned out someone knew me that well.

[Nikki A.]

I had one friend who said that I had an aura when I told her. She would always comment that I was the only guy that her dog would come to.

[suchacutie]

I would ask them how it was that they knew. If my ability to keep my gendered selves separate is that bad, I'd sure want to know how that could possibly be the case!

[Kate Simmons]

In the comics Peter Parker told his Aunt May on her death bed that he was Spider-Man. She said to him: "I know Peter, I've always known." He said to her: "Why didn't you ever say anything?" She said: "I figured you just didn't want to talk about it. How could I live in the same house with you and not know?" See, we may think we are clever but those who really know us will know something is up.No biggie really. :)

[sometimes_miss]

Nope, no one knew. I worked very hard to keep up appearances as a standard issue guy. Maybe I should have gone into acting as a profession.

[Teresa]

In my immediate family my wife knows and I had to tell my daughter after she caught me ironing some of my stuff ! I have a sneaking feeling my son might know, when my wife and I were on holiday he wanted to use my internet connection and did a search for passwords. He may have found some hidden paperwork and passwords if he did he hasn't said anything but I feel it's his fault for not respecting my privacy !
As far as I'm concerned I've reached an age where I'm entitled to some Teresa time so if they know all well and good I can stop hiding and be myself as dad or Teresa !

[Jaylyn]

I really feel only my wife knows. The kids are all gone so unless they should surprise me one day I'm pretty sure only my wife has any clue. I often wondered though how they would take it if I died and found all the posts or the dresses n heels in the bigger sizes knowing they are not my wife's.

[CherylFlint]

To Niki A.,
About that "dog thing".
That's happened to me quite often, and if it's not the dog, it's the cat.

[NicoleScott]

"Whew! I was afraid you found out that I'm really Spiderman. Oh crap...."

[Cheryl T]

My reaction would be relief.
If they already knew but didn't tell me and I couldn't tell they knew then obviously it didn't change how they felt about me and that would be wonderful.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I got a big surprise a couple years ago. Somehow (don't remember the whole conversation) while messaging with my sister-in-law, she told me she knew and my mother and (late) father-in-law all knew all along. I was shocked! I thought it was a well kept secret. She said everyone was fine about it. It was like a reverse DADT situation. At least it was a relief for me and I don't have to come out. My daughters told me that my ex told them why we got divorced and were fine with it. Another relief. I suspect they may have said something to my step-daughter who lived with us for awhile as a teen. One day she was going through the bathrroom vanity and asked if the bottle of Nair was mine. I think she knew because she would talk about CD friends she knew in school. No one says anything or makes an issue and we all get along fine. I asked my sister-in-law how they found out but she wouldn't tell me. I even mentioned all of this to my wife and she told me not to worry about it. End of discussion.

Cheryl

[Jorja]

OMG, I hope my dog doesn't mind knowing I am really Catwoman!

[Jenniferathome]

That idea is so mind blowing, I cant get there. It's like a citizen of Gothem telling Buce Wayne he knew all along he was Batman.

in fact, I think I am more likely to be accused of BEING Batman than being a cross dresser. So, I'd be blown away and ask how they came to know this. Oh, and thanks for being understanding.

[Beverley Sims]

I would ask if they had been reading my mail. :)

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

so far only my wife knows, if either of my adult son's find out I think our relationship will be seriously damaged.
I would lose most of my friends and the embarrassment to my wife would be awful.

[Adriana Moretti]

I think it is more common than people think LOL.....

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

"I think it is more common than people think LOL....."

Adriana, I think you're right. We don't fully know how much family and friends know about the topic. I'm sure they've been exposed to TV shows or articles and hopefully to the point that it's not a shock to them that people like us exist. It may have been a shock in the 1960's or so but we're decades ahead of those years when Christine Jorgensen came out on the Mike Douglas Show.

So now they find out that "Jack" likes wearing women's clothes. Maybe they suspected something different about him all along and now they know. I think then after the initial shock friends and relatives move on dealing with their own issues that might even be more important or severe making "Jack's hobby" tame in comparison. Just a thought.

Cheryl

[Annaliese]

So many time it is not what the reaction of other is, it is what we think of our self that stops us, even with some one that would be supportive. It is our mind set that would deter-mound how we would react.

[Alana Lucerne]

My son was diagnosed as ADD in his late teens. We were seeing a psychiatrist to try to find out ways to help him. When he pointed out the pattern of behavior, all the things noted in his school report cards right from grade 1, we both smacked our heads and said... it's so obvious now that you mention it!

twenty twenty hindsight.

I suspect in many cases our family and friends would have a similar reaction once they were told. All sorts of things would come to mind that by themselves mean nothing, but when taken as a whole... it becomes obvious. This is particularly true about things that don't easily fit into the "normal" world.

Alana

[Kate Simmons]

I'm actually Bat man but like to moon light as Bat Girl. Oh damn, another run in my tights.:battingeyelashes::)

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I didn't want to admit this, but I can easily morph into Wonder Woman or any other woman. We're very advanced on the planet I came from. LOL! (I wish!)

Seriously, we are our own worst enemies in many ways especially the older we are. Let's not forget that those of us in our 50's and 60's grew up in a very intolerant era. Today diversity is embraced in many safe places. It's our thinking and conditioning back to the dark ages that prevent us from fully expressing ourselves. We also have to remember that there are people who are still stuck on those old prejudicial values. So while we can be accepted by those who have progressed into this era, there will be people who have lagged behind and probably are the ones we should avoid.

Cheryl

[Kristyn Hill]

If I am discovered, I hope they love me in Heels.

[Maria 60]

Well I was caught a few times by my mom, I would have a stash of pantyhose hidden in a drawer and once in a while I would find them washed and folded. When I was fifteen or sixteen my parents would go to our summer cabin and I would stay home with my grandparents. I would get back late at night and my grandparents would be sleeping, and I would put on pantyhose and my mothers slip and watch TV. I would fall asleep on the couch and in the morning or a few hours later I would wake up and have a blanket over me. Is that the coolest grandmother or what, she never said a word to me or as far as I know my parents, and I believe she took it to her grave, GOD bless her soul. My sister must of known because she was a neat freak and I was young and wasn't the neatest person. My cousins must have noticed that every time I went over the next day they would be missing a few pairs of pantyhose. Even now I am not the neatest person, my wife tells me all the time I leave things hanging around and my daughter is a snoop and is always shooting little lines about crossdressers.
Sometimes I really wonder if I came out if anyone would be surprised.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ilsa, So far so good and I would like it to stay that way.

[Sarah Doepner]

I have suspicions that at least two of my adult children know, but we haven't had the full discussion yet. There have been comments in the recent past that make me think they already know. If they do, then they have known for quite a while and still treat me fine. It would be a tremendous relief to not have to go through the whole story and back story and explain everything.

I'll let you know what happens. Sometime in the next few months I believe I'll be coming out to one or more of them. We shall see.

[MissTee]

Supportive wife knows. Oldest daughters I believe have guessed. One I'm almost certain does. About a year ago she spent the night at our house. The next morning, without knocking, she came barreling into our bedroom to retrieve something. At that moment I was out of bed and halfway across the room on my way to the bathroom. I was wearing a long pink and unmistakably feminine nightgown. She said, "Ooops, " and backed out. Never mentioned what she saw or confronted me.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I had another experience around 1996. One Saturday morning I sat at our kitchen table sipping coffee. We had just moved in to our house. I was wearing a long red frilly nightgown. My now late father-in-law stopped by to drop off a ladder for me. I didn't hear him pull in but suddenly heard the knock on the door and him peeking in the window smiling. I did a quick exit around the back of the table to get some clothes on. I'm sure he knew at that point. He always treated me well as if nothing was amiss, except me! (pun intended!)

Cheryl

[Ally 2112]

My mom and oldest Daughter might know .Other than that my X wife who i told before we got married and x GF were both surprised

[DebbieL]

What if you didn't know they knew when you finally approached those closest to you and told them who you really were. What would be your reaction when they told you they had known for some time but hadn't told you?:thinking:

That's happened to me so many times it's often frightening. I thought I had kept my secret so well, that nobody knew. When I came out to my parents, my mother was "Yes dear, you've been more of a girl your whole life, by the time you were 3 it was obvious".

My sister said "You've always been more of a big sister to me. You knew how to brush out my hair without hurting, you taught me how to do make-up, hair, and some great dance exercises and dance moves, I just worried that you would borrow my clothes and stretch them out.

My father was "I took a test in college that said I was 75% female, but I didn't have to wear a dress to be happy, why do you?"

My little brother "I thought you'd get your ass kicked when you'd sleep in your slip or mom's teddy. I can't believe they didn't notice".

In college, the kids in my dance class have me a book about transvestites - unfortunately, this was 40 years ago, no she-males, just guys with hairy arms, legs, and one even had a full beard. They were trying to tell me it was OK, but I couldn't help wonder if I would be a gross as those guys. Went back into the closet for 8 years.

At my college reunion, I came as Debbie, and several of my girl friends said "It's about TIME! I thought you'd NEVER come to terms with it!".

At my high school reunion - "Even as Rex you were always one of the girls, you hated playing with the boys and usually came back crying". "You always treated us like friends and that's what we liked about you." "No surprise you are a girl now, you always were".

But there were secrets too, some really scary ones. Things like:

Dad: "When mom told her therapist you wanted to be a girl, he told her the only cure would be electroshock every day for 3 months, aversion therapy with genital torture, and perhaps a lobotomy. It's the only cure for a psychosis like this".

College friends: "We were afraid that if we offered to do a make-over or get you dressed up that you would freak out and shut us out entirely".

A therapist: "When I realized you were transsexual, I was afraid that if I confronted you that you might commit suicide".

A high school friend: "You got so spooked when we hinted that you'd be a cute girl we were afraid to bring it up again".

Friend from elementary "You were such a girl, but every time you acted girly, the boys would beat you up worse, we had to stop encouraging you".

A friend from church "You were like a little sister to me. I wondered why you hung out with my little brother, he barely talked to you, I guess it was to be with me, right?".

A former girlfriend "I liked that you were girly, tender, gentle, patient, and sensual, but you were just SOOO girly I was afraid you wanted to BE a girl, then I found out you did.

Even when I came out at work, nobody was surprised.

Guys from school, college, work, and family "I knew it, you were to cute to be a guy".

A guy from high school "Did you ever have boy parts?".

Until I transitioned and had to face all these people as Debbie, with no possibility of hiding, I had no clue how many knew, or how supportive they would be.

[azncd]

I was partially outed by someone who I considered a close friend at the time. Honestly, aside from the feelings of betrayal, it was slightly liberating. The only problem was, as the "news" spread, it changed with each iteration, and I ended up not figuring out who knew what, or who *thought* they knew what.

But, on the whole, it's been better for me to be able to tell my closest friends, and clear the air a bit.

[Marcelle]

Hi Ilsa,

Well, I am out to just about everyone I know and this has not happened. In fact most are quite surprised that I managed to hide it, as they say . . . so well. I suppose if someone said "I knew" I would be curious as to what gave me away?

Hugs

Isha

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

After reading all the posts and contributing my own, I've come to some conclusions. We can run but we can't hide. LOL! The way I've heard people talk about other matters I'm not surprised that if we tell just one person, it'll get out. Somehow people need to unload something they heard or might have them confused or troubled. It can be something innocent like, "Joe's a really nice guy even if he CD's." It can also be an ex-friend (or someone you thought was a friend) who decides to out us. Then the rumor mill keeps producing. As far as family, I think family is very perceptive about our mannerisms and behavior and interests. Even the slightest bit of CD evidence can have others wondering, assuming, and blowing things out of proportion. I really think I may be able to spot a pedophile or hard core drug user, for example. My assumption might lead me to question others asociated with that person.

I hope I made some sense. Bottom line is that I think we give off some subtle cues to others. If I'm way out in left field, correct me.

One last thing. I have blue eyes and with a lot of mascara and some eyeliner they look awesome! I've had, when I was younger, have women compliment them and say that they'd look great on a woman. How do you answer that without giving yourself away? !!!
Cheryl