Isha Goes to Work ... Part 2

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Well as many here know I am a bit of a nerdy social scientist when it comes to being TG (sorry goes with my academic background). Last week I had the rare opportunity to enter a military establishment dressed "en femme" to meet with the policy holder of the Canadian Armed Forces TG Policy. It was my first foray as Isha into the work place. This meeting ran about an hour and was followed by a visit with people I know both as "boy me" and as Isha. One of the things we discussed at the meeting was inclusiveness of the TG policy applied to those in my situation who present "female" part-time and the right to wear gender specific civilian clothing on those days when civilian clothing is authorized.

So a bit of background. I now work in a Headquarters environment and Fridays are normally authorized for civilian clothing with the exception of my workplace that is (still uniformed on Fridays). Now we agreed that wearing the opposite gender uniform is a no go zone for part-timers like myself and will remain solely for those TS who are transitioning (i.e., they wear the target gender uniform as part of RLE). However, I wanted to trial the civilian clothing to see how it would be accepted at the workplace but cannot at my own workplace. In essence I could not help but wonder . . . If I were presenting female would people be less inclined to take me seriously as a subject matter expert because I am TG?

Luckily to aid in my experiment, I am currently helping a colleague (who knows about Isha) with the design of a selection/training process for her environment (Navy) and her headquarters allows civilian clothing on Friday. So I hit on the idea of running a follow-up working group on Friday with me dressed as Isha. Now the people on this working group have all interacted with "boy me" (last working group) and see me as a subject matter expert in this area but have never met "girl me". I called my friend and put the proposal to her. She ran it by her supervisor and a green light was given . . . so yesterday, I spent the entire day at work as Isha.

While it seemed like a simple task planning was a bit more convoluted than I thought. The working group started at 9AM and I live an hour outside the city and then have a 30 minute bus ride from where I park my car to her building. So, doing a time appreciation taking into account make-up and preparation, I had to wake up a 4AM to give myself plenty of time. Clothing choice had to be appropriate female attire but I did not want to be too over the top less it make some people a bit uncomfortable seeing a guy in a dress and heels. So I opted for black dress pants, white blouse, black short boots and a blazer (sorry no picture as I was running late that morning so no time for a fashion shoot :heehee:).

Now I have dressed plenty of times but this time was very nerve wrecking. I wanted my make-up natural and my first attempt was a disaster (nerves I think) :eek:. So I had to decompile and start again (much better second time around) :battingeyelashes:. Luckily the laser treatments have made the application of foundation much easier :). I was running late when I left the house, sped to the city and caught my bus. It was rush hour, the bus was packed and I had to stand. Lots of close up scrutiny, odd looks but in the end no real issues or cares from those around me. I got off at my stop and entered the building, presented my male military ID and got a building pass from a very confused security guard who manage to squeak out "Have a nice day . . . Ma'am?" . I took the elevator up to my friend's floor and went to her desk. She had already talked to people on the floor and all those attending the working group about me. We also went around and did one on one introductions with those attending the working group so they would not feel awkward when things get started.

All in all the day went well. There were a few awkward moments and this is the first time I have used my femme voice for a length period of time and near the end of the day it was starting to falter. However, once people got comfortable the working group just proceeded as any other working group would. I went to lunch with some GG friends who know about Isha and returned to finish the day. A lot of people came up afterwards and shook my hand letting me know that they were glad to have met me (some very senior people included). With the day finished I left, caught my bus . . . rush hour again but at least I got a seat. By the time I got back to my car I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. It was quite the high to spend and entire day working as Isha and being tolerated/accepted but it was emotionally draining. I took a quick look in my car mirror and saw my make-up had reached "critical fail" so I just went home, showered and crashed the rest of the night over television and wine.

So the question is . . . Would I do it again? Yes, I think I would given the right opportunity.

Hugs

Isha

[MissTee]

Thanks for representing well, and as one veteran to another thanks for your service.

[Katey888]

:cool:

Great experience Isha - and a nicely recounted day... I think it's wonderful how considerate your colleagues are being towards you - and not like they are having to make huge compromises but just small elements of tact and thoughtfulness can make a big difference to you and your acceptance - I'm sure your rep as SME would hold up under any circumstances... :)

Interesting to see if future forays reduced your emotional and physical toll (I'd expect so) because ultimately you should be feeling as relaxed as 'normal' in these circumstances. :thinking:

Have you thought about the implications of what happens if or when you go back to the same meeting group, particularly if you are unable for some reason to return as Isha..? Do you think that might cause difficulty or issues with folk either being confused or then not treating you as seriously..? Just wondering - for you as a part-timer (if I may refer to you as such to distinguish from those who are intending to transition) it will be more difficult to gauge when to appear as Isha or not... I'm sure you've thought that through and have a planned SOP for future engagements... ;)

Thanks for sharing that - grand job you're doing on behalf of others in the Canadian military... :cheer:

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Sounds like a lot of tedious prep but if you are happy with the end result that's the main thing my friend.:hugs::)

[Alana Lucerne]

it is wonderful but a bit surprising that an organization such as that, and the individuals, would be so accepting. it shows that not only can we change, but the world can change.

My question to you Isha is not would you do it again, but would you it every day?

it's a great story, and shows us what we can do when we keep our head up and look forward.

Alana

[Bria]

Isha, you continue to amaze me! I can totally understand the level of emotional stress that must have been. You and I both joined this forum at nearly the same time and I have barely been able to venture out into the big world a couple of times. If you were not blazing the trails and reporting on them, I doubt that I could make out the front door at all.

Thanks for your pioneering and reporting, again and again!

Hugs, Bria

[Julie Denier]

You are truly amazing, Isha! You're just fearless. As for me, there's almost nothing I'd voluntarily get out of bed at 4 a.m. for ... ;)

[Stephanie Julianna]

Isha, You are amazing. Your beauty and courage are an inspiration to us all. Your wife sounds amazing and I think that your growth as a person on all levels is a tribute to the love you both seem to have for each other. I really don't know what to add except that the world is a better place because of people like you.

[Isabella Ross]

Isha, I'm grateful to you and others like you who are out of the closet and actively work to improve our collective cause. Thank you.

[lexivanderpump]

Isha,
You are a courageous soul.

Love,
Lexi V.

[Shelly Preston]

Well done Isha :hugs:

This can not have been easy to go with no matter how well planned. I am not surprised the day took its toll on you emotionally.
I have no doubt you represented this community with distinction. I have a feeling you may be asked to do this again it was well received judging by the number of people who came up to you afterwards.

[Eringirl]

Hi Isha. Thanks for taking he time to recount your day. Sounds like a very intense experience emotionally. But sounds like you did an amazing job and stick handled the potential pitfalls well! Also sounds like you learned a great deal about yourself and your colleagues. And we learn a great deal from you, as always. Inspirational ! :hugs:

[justmetoo]

Yes, great job getting out there, raising awareness, educating people, and making a real difference for the better! It doesn't hurt to have such a disarming smile as the one in your avatar. Still, I can imagine how draining it could be, so kudos for your hard work! :)

[suchacutie]

Isha, you are in an amazing position, and we are all so very impressed with the way you have approached that position. I hope you can hear us all applauding!

[AngelaYVR]

I award you a medal for bravery, Isha. I have no idea how you managed to go a whole day, particularly in such a bastion of machismo (I'm assuming) but you are indeed a trailblazer!

Angela xx

[Martha G]

Hi girl!

I just love to read your adventures.

Congratulations! You are very brave!

This girl here sure admires you for that!:)

[Angie G]

Wow that had to be a rush girl. Even being nerve racking.:hugs:
Angie

[Nataliebabe]

Well done Isha! and you are still my hero! :)

[Beverley Sims]

Times must be really changing Isha.

I certainly mean no offence and I applaud you for doing it.

I wouldn't have attempted it when I was in the service and I still would not have the balls to do it now.

[Teresa]

Isha,
Thanks for updating us ! As I said in you last thread on this subjcet, I'm so proud of your convictions towards the TG community and your bravery for following it through !

You must have been exhausted, some of your previous threads about your experiences just being out have been daunting ! Now you not only go out dressed in the community but carry it through to a work environment to put the case for TG acceptance at work !!

There has to be a medal for what you've done ! Even a best quality Tshirt won't do !!

[Marcelle]

Hi all and thanks very much for your kind replies.

It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster and even though I was attempting to come off stoic and self-confident to those around me I am sure my nervousness peaked through especially when my femme voice faltered and I accidently reverted back to "boy voice" to rest my vocal cords.

Some here will probably race back over my past threads and find a post/response that goes something like this "work is the domain of boy me not girl me" and wonder . . . hmm is this a big fabrication :thinking:? To be honest, I still feel that way as I prefer to present "boy me" at work because it is part of my male identity "military officer, soldier". However, when I decided to accept the chance to help define what TG in the CAF means and pointed out that there are those of us "part-timers" who like to present female but will not transition, I also realized I had to put my money where my mouth was and "(wo)man up" and get out there from time to time to push this point. One of the things that policy struggles with is that you can have a policy which states "Thou shalt not harass, denigrate or hurt a TG persons" and as good military members we will follow it to the letter of the law as to not do so will mean swift and immediate career ramifications. However without education the policy is just "words with no substance". My intent is not to go to work every day as Isha but to allow those around me to interact with a TG person and realize that while it may be odd we are still people capable of performing our jobs to the same level of expertise regardless of how we are dressed. This is also the reason I have chose to be quite open with my TG status at work while "boy me" . . . people know me (boy that is) and to hear me openly talk about a dress I bought with a female colleague or ask her where she purchased her shoes can seem odd but the more they hear it the more normalized it becomes. Will they ultimately accept me as TG or accept TG persons in general? Perhaps yes or perhaps no. However, if I don't try to educate by getting out there, then I will never know.



... Interesting to see if future forays reduced your emotional and physical toll (I'd expect so) because ultimately you should be feeling as relaxed as 'normal' in these circumstances ... Have you thought about the implications of what happens if or when you go back to the same meeting group, particularly if you are unable for some reason to return as Isha..? Do you think that might cause difficulty or issues with folk either being confused or then not treating you as seriously..? Just wondering - for you as a part-timer (if I may refer to you as such to distinguish from those who are intending to transition) it will be more difficult to gauge when to appear as Isha or not. Katey x

Hey Katey. I am assuming the emotional strain will reduce much the same way it did when I first started using public transit . . . at first very daunting being in close proximity and under scrutiny in a closed space with nowhere to go . . . now not so much. I have thought about my next meeting which is tomorrow and I will be in combat fatigues (boy me). I discussed it with the group and they were fine as they understand what I am trying to achieve. I think I would take a similar approach and discuss it with the people involved (especially if my intent was to present for the first time). In the end, my intent is to demonstrate that I can switch between the two identities but my personality and skill set remains the same. This may be a weird concept for some to grasp but for others I don't think it is a leap. However this is a learning experience for me as much as it is for them.


... My question to you Isha is not would you do it again, but would you it every day? Alana

Hi Alana . . . every day? I would have to say no at this point. My desire to express the female identity comes and goes. Specifically, I know when I have to be Isha as things get noisy in my head (not in a psychotic way . . . just emotionally). If I tried to force Isha into my boy world by dressing every day . . . things would get noisy in my head as well.


. . . As for me, there's almost nothing I'd voluntarily get out of bed at 4 a.m. for ... ;)

Hi Julie . . . LOL. Luckily I normally get up at 4:30AM for morning PT so it was only a loss of 30 minutes but no time for exercising.

Hugs all

Isha

[Dorit]

Isha is a Hebrew word, but I think you deserve my name instead: Devorah. She was a Hebrew prophetess and leader during the time of the Israelite conquest of Canaan around 1200 BCE. A very brave women like you!

[Bria]

Isha, thanks for the update. I think your approach to appear en boy for the next meeting to emphasize that the same skill set exists regardless of the gender presentation is a very valid educational approach. I sure you are correct in saying that the emotional level will not be as high when you appear again as Isha ( or is it Major Isha?).

As always I applaud your pioneering efforts, keep up the good work!!

Hugs, Bria

[Krististeph]

So I opted for black dress pants, white blouse, black short boots and a blazer

This is exactly what I would expect a female to wear to work, in fact it is what one of my students wore to class yesterday. Professional, yet female, "take me serious, this is not a date" look.

The fact that you chose this to work instead of going uber feminine shows, in my opinion, a strong ability to connect to the female zeitgeist of today, in fact it elevates you from being seen as a 'mere crossdresser' to one who want to dress as a female would. Almost like a shibboleth- i'd wear a pantsuit befor i'd wear a dress, were i CDing to a client's place of business. (i'd love to see that day...).

Salut!

kristi.

[Suzanne F]

Thanks Aisha for representing us so well! I am so proud to call you my sister.
Hugs
Suzanne

[Sarah Doepner]

I hope you will have the opportunity to do some followup, maybe even with the chance for anonymous comments, with those you interacted with. That first encounter for them must have been somewhat jarring. It would be have been good to have a baseline against which you could measure various perceptions, but I'm impressed with your willingness to get in the middle of things this way and with the CAF for their support. Both deserve recognition for going above and beyond!

[bridget thronton]

Well done Isha

[MsVal]

Isha, you are amazing, and an inspiration to us all. You show us, and those who would criticize us how classy and normal a person with GD can be.

I nominate Isha for CD spokeswoman of the year.

[Annaliese]

Thanks for the up date, I am glad it all went well, Sue said in a post that if people respect and like you in male mode than they will do the same in fem mode, it showed to be true here.

[Rachel_B]

My favorite part was when you showed the security guard your military ID, noticed that your ID showed and said male and still greeted as the gender you presented even though the guard hesitated; he acted as professional as he could. I think this is a step in a good direction in being more inclusive to people that have a different lifestyle. Good job!

[Mollyanne]

All I can say is KUDOS to you!!!!!! After reading your narrative I just had to sit back and digest the entire event. I don't think I could have accomplished what you did or would even think about it. I can only speak for myself when I say that you have showed everyone there that you are human just like them. You have also moved our culture "light years" forward in your presentation and demeanor.

Molly

[Michelle Deere]

WOW Isha!
Congratulations on this accomplishment. I cannot begin to imagine how much guts this took....stepping into the front lobby and presenting your male ID while dressed.
Though now retired, I (and I'm sure a great many others) would be very interested in the policy when it is published. Any idea on time-line? I may find myself back in the reserves in the near future....though I'm not sure if the valley is ready for this..haha.
Michelle [Capt(Ret) CD]
ps. isn't it fun knowing that those two letters after your name mean something completely different to us..lol.

[Marcelle]

Hi Michelle . . . military and policy . . . hmm perhaps after I am retired there will be something in print :) . . . Just kidding. We are hoping for sometime next year as it will have to go through legal review and whatnot not to mention 35 levels of review.

OMG I never even thought of it I would be "Major Isha CD2" . . . for those of you who don't know CD in this case stands for Canadian Forces Decoration for service. As a CD2 that means 32 years of service. We can legally place that after our name in our signature even after we leave the military. So technically, I have been openly CD since 1993 :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha