The Oddity of CDers !

[Teresa]

When I log in to the forum I usually check messages and then look through the MtF section for new threads and then check out shopping and gallery. If I have time I'll look through loved ones but for the first time I checked out most of the other sections.
I guess the biggest mystery to me is FtM section but for whatever reason the members of that section have as much desire to dress and appear like men, which must be harder for them to achieve as the female gender is the natural gender that the male deviates from .
Reading through the TS section is full of stories of people making tough decissions to make the change or stories of people brave enough to go through with it. Trying to match mind and body and hopefully finding happiness in doing so !
The Cding Mtf section is the is the most visited of all the section and yet it's the biggest enigma !
Most don't want to fully transition we just have various reasons for wanting to wear different clothes !
When it's looked at in that light it's easy to see why so many have problems with their partners, if we said that some point in the future we wish to transition would our partners be more accepting of it because they knew there would be an end point ? Some GGs say they feel they've lost their partner through CDing anyway !

Despite the site being called Crossdressers.com I can see why CDers are treated with the least respect, I guess to the public because we only want to dress up we don't have gender issues only a problem with identity which can be sorted and so our CDing can stop ! Most of us know we can't stop but trying to explain why is the hardest for us !

I know I'm only generalising and some CDers have a good relationship with their partners and they have a good social life with it. To many of us it's always going to be a compromising struggle where we hit a few good high spots which are enough to keep us going !

[Sarah Beth]

Your last sentence I think is what really says it all. It is a struggle and a compromise,not just within ourselves but in blending that with the world beyond us. My wife runs the gamet from acceptinig to wanting it to be more DADT and I have to wonder if that is due, at least in part, to the fact that even now I struggle to be what amounts to two different people in one. I can't speak for everyone certainly, but at least for me every day is a compromise between what I would like to be doing and what I am able to do.

[Stephanie47]

I have expressed numerous times society is more sympathetic to those transitioning to the opposite sex. The issue has been explored in depth in the media. Most people accept the fact some minds are born into the wrong physical body. Of course, there are some assholes in society that must chastise someone, anyone, for any conceived purpose.

Society has not been so generous for those of us, like me, who like to wear women's clothing on occasion. The times cross dressing is shown in the media it's for comic relief on television or gay pride parades with hairy men dressed in tutu's. I really have not seen any reporting as to what makes cross dressing men tick. On this forum I read all the time the perceived benefits of cross dressing, but, never what makes us tick?

I have not lost my partner, i.e., my wife, because I do not force my cross dressing on her. I am completely male when I am in her presence. I do not do any body modifications, etc. I do not force her to see me attired as a woman. Sure, rub cross dressing into the face of a non accepting woman and there will be marital discord. Spend all the household income on pretties, there will be trouble. Ditch the guy she married, there will be discord.

The vast majority of cross dressers have absolutely no desire to transition to a woman. I'm fairly certain most of society believes that is what we want to do.

My wife believes people could have lived past lives. Maybe I'm a cross dresser because I was a woman in a past life. That seems as plausible reason to like women's clothing than anything else I've read. And, if I or society was to accept that premise, then all is well with me. It's my inner women from the past! Case solved! I'll use that reasoning if my wife breaks out of the shell of DADT!

[Wildaboutheels]

FACTS about this CDing thing are everywhere at this site. The MtF is the most viewed by far because anyone can look at it. So it's clear why there are so many "lurkers" there. As I type this, there are 16 members and 77 lurkers. Quite typical for this time of day. Quite typical for ANY time of day. Of course some of those lurkers might be members simply not signed in? I seriously doubt it. The numbers also indicate [beyond any shadow of a doubt] that the P&V gallery is the second most popular Forum. If members don't sign in, they can't view the pics OR look at profiles.

"Despite the site being called Crossdressers.com I can see why CDers are treated with the least respect, I guess to the public because we only want to dress up we don't have gender issues only a problem with identity which can be sorted and so our CDing can stop !"

^^^^ Completely and utterly WRONG!

1] One, neither you nor anyone else here can read the minds of the public. Why so many CDers think they can/claim they can [especially the ones who have never even gone 50 feet to their mailbox "dressed" much less out in public] read the minds of the public is beyond me. It IS a great excuse though. "I can't go out cause Mean Ol' Society won't let me".

2] I HAVE been out over 1000 times now in 14 years to dozens of stores for all kinds of "shopping" doing "it" very very wrong. [according to some of the Closed minded people who water here] About 10 on a regular basis at all hours of the day or night. YES, maybe once every year or two I may need to "educate" a flock of teenage girls. SO WHAT? If I don't do it who do you think will? All the NIMBY folks cowering in their closets?

"Dress" however you want [out in the RW] and treat people right.

It's not complicated.

This site has no reason to fabricate all the numbers it scatters everywhere. One need not even read the threads to figure out what is the driving force/reason for most CDers.

But unlike snowflakes, no 2 CDers will ever be exactly alike but most do have one thing in common.

Having a SO will almost always involve pluses and minuses - compromise - whether one CDs or not. Very few will be able to have their cake and eat it too. But as you mentioned in closing, a few bites here and there are enough for many if not most here.

[Lorileah]

I have expressed numerous times society is more sympathetic to those transitioning to the opposite sex. I don't think so. The whole Tg world gets lumped together so we are either thought of as men in dresses or the CDs are transitioning. But let's do some reasoning here. How hard have CDs tried to be accepted by society? Not very. How hard do TSs work to get accepted...everyday because we have to. You want societal acceptance, you will have to toe a line that many here may not enjoy. Don't be over the top or fetish or doing it for sexual thrills and cheating on your spouse. Kind of narrows it doesn't it since most start as a sexual fetish and many like too short skirts or too high heels or maid's outfits. How did gays get acceptance (to the level they have now which isn't total)? They marginalized the flamboyant and concentrated on showing the everyday. Can CDs do that? Really, think about it even on a spousal level. Most CDs come out asking the wife to incorporate it into the bedroom. You make that point but now get the Cds to live it.






The vast majority of cross dressers have absolutely no desire to transition to a woman. I'm fairly certain most of society believes that is what we want to do. Using the gay analogy again 20 years ago everyone believed the gays were out to recruit new members (it is a club after all). How did they break that? They became everyday. The showed the world that they were not all light in the loafers so to speak. OK so you don't want to transition. I get that. But those of us who are have to make a world to live in so we are in the face of the media for that. People like Caz Bono and Laverne Cox are showing that we are just people. But they are SEEN. CDs tend to hid and not try and change things because they can slip into suburban husband in seconds. You want acceptance, you have to show you deserve it first



I guess the biggest mystery to me is FtM section but for whatever reason the members of that section have as much desire to dress and appear like men, which must be harder for them to achieve as the female gender is the natural gender that the male deviates from .


:idontknow: I have no idea what that means. You mean it is harder for FtMs to present masculine?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I agree with all of what Stephanie has said. I also think we are in a way an oddity. Let me explain. We know that the general public and media are becoming more accepting of the fact that someone can be transexual and need to remediate the problem to be who they are. Take Chas Bono for instance. There were hardly any repercussions. And how about the Navy Seal who has transitioned. And of course gay marriage has become even legally acceptable. There are many married gay couples in my area who are well-respected. These people have come to terms with their sexuality and identity. Even my own ultra-conservative mother and family have embraced a married lesbian couple living in the heighborhood.

But now where do we fit? I have a lot of understanding friends, all women, who accept me the way I am and even help and encourage me even if some don't understand. But I think the overall population might even reject us. I base my reasoning on the idea that many would consider us to have a perverse hobby or to push it even further, we may not be able to decide if we want to be men or women.

We have to remember that people still stereotype people for their gender roles. There are certain expectations of us. They may also be confused why we might want to be "part time" women while exhibiting male roles such as executive, machine operator, construction laborer, etc.

While there is acceptance as I metioned above, I think our faction and crossdressing throws them a curve. Make sense?

Cheryl

postscript --- Lorileah brings out many other valid points which are spot on.

[Beverley Sims]

Teresa,
I think the compromising struggle is still with me and always will be.

[Kate Simmons]

We're only as "odd" as we feel we are. If we are comfortable being who we are, who cares really? I don't see too many in society going out of their way to accommodate us, so why should we be concerned with them? It is what it is and we are who we are, like it or not.:)

[Jaymees22]

I enjoy being ODD and believe in "Why be normal?". We should be able to do what we want and need as long as we don't hurt anyone and work to make our relationships work and not force ourselves on others.

[Adriana Moretti]

yea right.....I'm Rather Unique....not odd....unique......stick with Positive Patty...we have enough Negative Nancy's. I am with you Kate & Jaymee normal is overrated..i tried it...not to mention boring.

[Tina_gm]

I will have to agree with Lorileah about how society in general simply does not place much distinction on TG in terms of pre op, post op or those who are "just CDers." If acceptance is so paramount to a CDer, then yeah, best to do your part to do something about it. I myself do find the lack of acceptance to be bothersome at times, but because I am choosing not to do anything about it, I have to live with it, and accept it.

For someone who is TS and pre op, presenting on a regular basis, to explain why to someone, because a TS feels like a woman inside, identifies with women and not men, the general public may at least have a sense of ok, it makes sense why this person is doing what they are doing, because that is who they feel they really are and what their path in life is. As just CDers, someone who does not want to transition, the gray area is a little harder for people to grasp and accept. The why is not clear. So, for that yes in a sense Teresa, CDers may be more of an oddity, but overall, people in general will not put much effort into learning what the difference is or ever caring to. Not unless CDers who do not wish to transition do go out there and make their voice heard and show the world who they are. Most of us hide because we can. I would be one of them.