Emotional maturity

[Amanda L.]

I want to share a new experience that has me somewhat miffed.
I am currently returning home from a two week motorcycle trip that allowed me to spend five days with my dear friend Donnagirl and her family (I promise to write about this when I get home). When I was packing my things I had a song in my head by Coldplay thinking that this act of packing my female wardrobe (which I freighted to her by the way) was the " hardest part"
When it came time to throw the leg and leave we hugged and that's when the water works started..........I cried! But wait there's more.
She rode out of town with me for about a 100k's where we stopped for another good bye hug and hand shake and you guessed it more tears. As I rode away I continued to weep on and off as I reflected on what we had done and the sadness of leaving my friend behind (damn I'm tearing up,as I write this) for the next 900km's I travelled, when I pulled in for the night. At one stage that Coldplay song came on in my headset and I cried, not weeped, almost uncontrollable in my helmet to the point I had to stop on the side of the road. The helmets cheek pads had become quite damp.
My point is as a man I don't cry, don't generally show emotion and am rather stoic in my out look. The recent experience has changed me in many ways but I am dumb founded with this uninhibited expression of emotion. I am still feeling so sad. A lonely man in a lonely motel room heading back to a life that I have always known but not sure that I really want.
I miss my friend and I miss not being me.
Shit! I literally have tears streaming down the side of my face. I gotta get a grip.

[Alice Torn]

"The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Henry David Thoreau. Did some crying last week, as i was pretty sure my black and white kitty, Minnie, was going to die. But three visits to an old time veterinarian, and lots of petting, and home remedies, and she is back. I cried every time i have lost an animal friend, and when my first girlfriend ended her life, and when a dear father figure friend died playing basketball. Some great figure skating performances, with touching music made me cry, and the movie, "Brian's Song". And some songs, and classical music. It is good to cry, like you did. I like to do it in private, but at my older basketball friend's funeral i let it out. Good for you. We too often do live lives of quiet desperation.

[Genny B]

Nothing like riding a good bike to help clear the head and get some good thinking done! Hang in there Amanda!

Genny B

[Rachel_B]

I experience the same thing only not in the way you did. For me it all started after I joined the military, when I watch a movie where the main character is in a form of the military and that character dies; the water works start and it wont stop until I run out. Its not only movies though, it can be music and music videos as well. Though.. there is a song that I don't know how got tied to 9/11 and every now and then I tear up.

[Nadine Spirit]

As a child I cried all of the time. My family was highly dysfunctional and I took it all quite personally. Around the time that testosterone began coursing through my veins, I began to get pissed. From that time forward I was quite the aggressive asshole. Eventually I realized how wrong I was behaving and I needed to get a grip on my out of control anger. So I began biting my tongue when I wanted to through a temper tantrum. And what happened? I began to cry again. This went on for years. If I didn't allow myself to scream, I cried, uncontrollably. And then I began to learn to talk about my feelings and I also found those who were willing to listen. It was like I had to work back through my childhood, and reconnect with my sad depressed inner child to understand the anger as sadness. And then I had to work through the sadness to discover that all along all I ever wanted was someone to talk to and someone who would actually listen.

In reality, who was the one who ended up listening to what I wanted & needed? Myself.

[samantha rogers]

Heck, Amanda, I break into tears all the time over different things. Feeling emotion and letting it affect you is human, and healthy. Bottling it up is what causes problems.
Hugs, honey.

[Natasha V]

I Remember a time in my high school years that I was getting bullied because I have always been short for my age I could not stand it anymore so I cried right in the middle of the hallway my brother passed by telling me to stop crying and that I needed to be stronger but I couldn't I took everything too heart. I still can not have an argument without literally being in tears.

[Jaylyn]

Wait till you get even older because at my age tears for some reason can flow. I used to be very macho but the older I get the more compassionate I have become. I noticed this in my dad as well.

[Annaliese]

It show how deep we set our emotion, to hide this part of us, it take us a long time to let it rise to the top, where we can be our self's, for me 61 years, for me when my dad died I did not cry, brother were around and family, if I was watching a movie by my self, I will cry. Yes I cried when old yellower died.

[Isabella Ross]

Curiously, since coming to terms with my TGism in the past six years, I've somehow started to feel that I don't have to bottle my emotions like I used to. Crying = good, leads to happier times immediately after. A curious side benefit to being girly...and one, incidentally, that my wife seems to like...

[Laura912]

Did you get to spend two weeks the way your really want to be? Perhaps the "death" of that person for that time has led to grieving. Never soaked the cheek pads in a bike helmet but watch out at some Disney movies...

[Donnagirl]

Hang in there girlfriend, you'll be right...
Oh, and I've just changed your ringtone to 'the hardest part'....

[Kris Avery]

Stop you Ausie girls.....I'm crying here just reading about parting friends.....:sad:

[MissTee]

If I'm dressed and alone in the second home, watching a good chick flick or sad theme movie I will get emotional and cry. Even the cheesy Christmas Lifetime romances will have me all watery eyed.

Outside of that and when in man mode, no way no how will I cry. Ever. I act as I present and always have. Not sure I could explain it either.

[jayme357]

Ride a Harley. No cheek pads.

[Alana Lucerne]

Amanda:

I think it's called an epiphany. This is a good thing. You have just had a realization of where you are in life and where you may be headed and this is a very good thing. It provides you with an opportunity to make a choice and take a different road. Those tears are a sign. Take some time to think about the feelings that caused them. Then take some time to appreciate that you have this opportunity. Many people go through their lives without the realization that they can make a choice about their destiny.

Alana

[Andy66]

Crying sort of fascinates me. Its amazing how strong emotion will make water leak out of your face :cry: and also amazing how much better that makes a person feel.

I had something like this happen when I was a teenager. I had always been kind of a tough kid, never cried, but one day when parting with some friends, my face very unexpectedly sprung a leak. I havent been the same since. Now I cry sometimes no matter how hard I try not to.

[LelaK]

Amanda, are you sad about sort of losing your friend?

I hope I wasn't contagious.

[Christen]

New song Mandy .. Tom Jones 'It's not unusual!'. Talk soon,

Christen x

[Melissa18]

Hi Amanda,
What a lovelly story, there is no shame in crying when friends depart and you wont see each other for a while, the tears will soon turn into smiles when you reflect on what a wonderful time you and Donna had over the five days,
And what a lovely gesture of donna's to escort you for the first part of your ride. Have a safe ride on the rest of your journey.

[Jenny Elwood]

Hi Amanda

It sounds like you had a great time visiting Donna. Hope you girls didn't get up to too much mischief! As always when having fun, the time to depart comes too soon. I can understand that you must be experiencing some conflicting feelings at the prospect of going back to your everyday 'drab' life. As men we don't allow ourselves the outpouring of emotion we do when in girl mode. I think that we should though. We keep our 'female' side so bottled up in male mode that when we do let 'her' out on the odd opportunity that comes our way, she rebels when we have to store her away again for a while and we find it extremely hard to let her go. I think if we struck a better balance when in our everyday male mode it would be easier. So cry once-in-awhile in boy mode (when nobody is looking :) ). Don't know whether a helmet is such a good place (to hide it) though!

I am looking forward to seeing some of the exploits of this journey you've been on. I'm sure you will be okay once you get back into the swing of things in your everyday life. We all have to strive to find a way to strike that elusive "balance" the professionals on the forum seem to profess.

Travel safely

-Jen-

[Marcelle]

Hi Amanda,

Crying is an emotional response to various stimuli in our lives . . . sadness and joy are just two binary ends of the emotional spectrum which can illicit such a response. Men cry . . . it is a fact of life and while some can remain stoic they will eventually. I truly believe the time you spent with Donna as Amanda was (from what I can read) joyous and happy. When it came time to leave the emotional drop of going back to your life and giving up the joy you were feeling was most likely monumental and this caused the sadness you felt. Emotion can only be capped so long and when it blows . . . she goes big in some instances . . . in this instance crying.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it's a relief to get the feelings out. Admitting we cry goes a long way in realizing who we are as a real person. What I'm saying is that it's natural and there is nothing wrong with it.:)

[Ally 2112]

It,s ok to cry us men are taught to be tough and not show our emotions .When you hold it all in it can drive you batty :)

[devida]

Men cry in a number of different cultures, though not so much in those that make a fetish of repressing one's feelings. I've always cried if I was sad. Loss makes me cry. I certainly was socialized to not show emotion. It was beaten into me with hairbrushes, canes, and fists. I decided quite a long time ago that the damage I was doing to myself by not allowing myself to feel what I felt was worse than the damage done by those beatings. I'd rather be a human being, and human beings cry when they lose someone precious to them, even if only for a little while.

[Teresa]

Amanda I'm so pleased for you that your trip and meet up with Donna went so well !!

Some songs just do that to you no matter when you first heard them ! I have one that still touches me over a breakup with a GF, and one that was playing on the first night of our honeymoon !

As for a guy not supposed to cry, I sobbed to my core when I came out to my wife twenty years ago, I'd never done that before but have since when my CDing solitary confinement gets too bad !!

[Eringirl]

Hi Amanda:

I totally get it... I would have been very tearful myself in the same situation. I have been tearful a lot recently (more about that in another post when I am ready). I have always been the weepy one in our family. I was a wreck when our youngest broke her back, my wife, rock solid. When a child was leaving to go back to school for 6 months I cried. News reports of people doing extraordinary acts of bravery/kindness have been known o make me weepy. Totally understandable in your situation, a lot of emotions coming to the surface, leaving Donna and Amanda at the same time. Makes you human, a compassionate, caring person.

On the flip side, seeing a baby always makes me smile. Can't resist wanting to hold newborns. :battingeyelashes:

[Beverley Sims]

Amanda,
Even doing shows together with other people creates a bond that is very hard to break.
Your emotions are quite natural under the circumstances.

[docrobbysherry]

Everyone knows men aren't supposed to cry. However, when we r attempting to emulate women maybe we allow ourselves to be in much touch with our feelings? Crying seems to come so naturally to females. Which is how I figured out I'm not one.

I've always cried as a guy, tho. But, NOT from sadness or confrontations. From happiness. I didn't cry when my parents individually passed at advanced ages. But, I can't watch, "Miracle on 34th St", without a hankie!

[Renee Elise]

Hey Amanda, crying under these circumstances is perfectly understandable. You got to experience some pretty amazing things that perhaps for a long time you didn't think possible, spent time with a great new friend, and had a tremendous amount of "Mandy time." The peace of taking time off, being away from all of your usual stresses, and all the fun, and now facing the return to "normal"? Geez we'd all be teary after all that!

For a long time, like many others here much as I've repressed my femme side, so went my emotions. Except the occasional flash of anger, any of the sad feelings we experience over loss or even tears of joy were pushed to a very deep place.

Just that feeling alone that we get after spending time en femme for a few hours when we have to take our makeup off...I can only imagine what that was like after a week. Hang in there sis. Hope you get to hang out again soon :).

[Maria Blackwood]

I see it very simply. The men don't cry meme is a modern thing. Look at the epic heroes of mythology. Odysseus cried like a rain shower. Beowulf cried. Would they have written their heroes that way it it wasn't acceptable?

Crying demonstrated that you actually give a damn about something. Male tears were considered a sign of honesty. This concept survived until the late 19th century. Abraham Lincoln would cry at strategic points in his speeches as a positive tactic.

[Amanda L.]

Thank you all for your lovely words of support. It was such a nice thing to come home to and renewed my spirits greatly. Alana I agree I think it was an epiphany as I believe my life has changed.
I am now siting in my chair at home reflecting on the past week and yes I am smiling but still a little sad as it will be a while before I get to relive these experiences with my friend Donna. We have spoken on the phone and both feel as though something has been taken from our lives.
It has amazed me how strong my female self has become. Going from ambivalence to dressing to now wanting so much more for female self has just blown me away
Love to you all
Amanda
xxx