Sexual orientation...

[Aubrey Skye]

Now that I have came out to my parents and have become more accepting of the fact I am truly transsexual, I have been thinking about my sexual orientation a lot. I believe I'm probably bisexual, but before, when trying to hide and act as a male, I never had these thoughts, I just liked women and even married one. But now I have thought about being with a man and a woman, dating them, etc. I do definitely still like women, but now it seems I'm starting to like men?

So my question is, when you finally realized it or stopped hiding, did your sexual orientation change any? Did the letting of the true you allow you to feel things you hadn't before?

[whowhatwhen]

Exploring my gender issues solved a lifetime of confusion in regards to my orientation.
I went through all my teens and early 20s being confused about my attraction to men but not being able to "get" the idea of being just gay, I knew it just wasn't that simple.
Cue back and forth of "I must be gay because of x, y, and z" and "No! I'm straight because of a, b, and c!".

Now it's just: "Okay, this finally all makes sense!"
So in a way, it wasn't changed - it was just discovered in a sense.

Although I'm still kinda curious about women though, but not enough to say I'd be bi.

[Michelle789]

Sexual orientation and gender identity are two completely separate things. It is possible for someone to identify as a female, and be attracted to men, women, both, or neither. You might even be pansexual, which means you're attracted to the soul.

In my case, I always thought I liked women, but I secretly fantasized about being with a guy. When I had crushes on women, I would be attracted to them emotionally rather than physically, and the women I had crushes on were always tomboys.

When I started transition, I still wasn't sure if I liked men or women. A transgender man asked me out, and I said yes. After dating him for three months, and being on hormones for two months, I can say that I definitely like men. I am either straight or bisexual. I can't rule out liking women, but I definitely like men. I am most likely straight or bi leaning men.

I'm thinking that my orientation didn't change, but rather I stopped fighting and hiding and accepted myself, both as a woman, and as a straight woman.

However, it is okay to be a lesbian or bisexual too. And it is okay to be straight.

[MarieTS]

Growing up as a boy I always felt like a girl, but tried to accept the traditional male role. Ergo, an attraction to girls. However, I longed to be one, and using the current vernacular I identified as one. As I entered the frustrating years of adolescence those feelings increased.

When my body began to veer into male development I lamented over a growing penis and envied how the girls began developing curves and whispered about their onset of periods. Trying to cope with that growing thing below during exploratory masturbation I fantasized as being made love to as a girl. I considered the rod as an oversized clitoris. But in time T won out and although always identifying as female I was attracted to and dated only females. Lets face it, they are just more desireable :)

As I transition, the natural order of mating has me oriented more towards males despite the fact that women are undeniably more appealing :daydreaming:

Does any of this resonate with anyone? I mean, can you understand the dilemma? I am betting most of us feel similiar.

[Angela Campbell]

hmmmmm, for me it depends on who I am with. I love women, but I am attracted to certain male parts. I just don't much like what those parts are usually attached to. I can have fun with a guy but I don't think I could have a relationship with a man.
It's ok though I don't have to choose.

[Megan Thomas]

My sexual orientation never changed, though societies labels now have me pegged as a lesbian. I've never shown any interest in men and being a TS on HRT made no difference to that.

[Emma Beth]

I try not to worry about it.

I'm married and I love my wife very much. I will admit that I am very curious about having sex with a man, as a woman. I don't find that I'm attracted to men at all and I'm not sure this will change for me. If it does, then it does. I can't say it will or won't.

If it does, then I may never truly find out as long as my wife and I remain together. Everything will depend on her and how she feels.

I say, try not to worry about it and just live and love the life you live. I hope that made any sense.

Liz

[I Am Paula]

I still firmly believe that transition, and HRT, cannot change your orientation...but...while we are dropping pretenses from our previous unauthentic lives, we come to many realizations. That being said, and not even pretending that this is a statistic...ALL the women in my support group began dating, or wanting to date, men during transition!
I think many of us were born were heterosexual women, inside our defective bodies. We learned to behave as heterosexual men though social pressure.

[Jessika]

I am going through the EXACT same thing right now!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Try really really really hard to drop the question in your mind and just experience it in your life..

I say this because so many of us have experienced fluidity in our sexual desires..i did
I don't think I can say whether my attraction being to men was something that changed or something I repressed ..I can guess it was repressed but I can't know....

There is no dilemma...it is what it is!!! The good news is that transition (if you go that way) is about authenticity...you get to feel normal and part of feeling normal is expressing your sexuality whatever it may be

[Jorja]

I don't know if repressed is the correct word but I do feel that as we grow into being that person we know and believe ourselves to be, we become more open and free with our feelings and desires. For years we have had operate on the fact that "boys just don't do that" or be slammed by society. During transition we become free of all of these burdens. We are free to pick and chose so many things, who we are attracted to is one of them. The only way to know for sure is to try it. Then and only then can you make a determination as to what you like and dislike. Myself, I like it both ways! ;)

[Brianna_H]

Yes. I relate to the OP very much and what MarieTS said.

I've identified as bisexual since my late teens, but that never really felt entirely right. I'm mostly attracted to women, but sometimes just as friends. I am attracted to some men, but not very often. I've finally realized the issue is not who I'm attracted to, but who I am. I also fall into the camp of seeing myself as female during sexual fantasies.

I feel very confused because my wiring still makes visual stimulus a big thing for me sexually, but I also want a more emotional connection with my partners. I've tried some casual sex, but it did not work out. I still feel curious about sex with men, but now know it has to be the right guy.

But I'm married and love my wife very much. There are also complications there. So, I've basically come to a point where sex is just too complicated and messy and weird to deal with. I am happy with what I have and focus on myself and figuring out who I am.

For the younger, more single crowd, experimenting sounds fun. Just be safe and stick to people who will respect you.

This is off topic, but what I am really enjoying is a more intimate girly friendship with the lady friends I have come out to. We share maekup videos and links and they've made me feel very welcome as a girl, which I'm loving. So I guess the feeling of community is replacing a lot of my sex drive. I'm not as uptight and needy about sex anymore, since I started dressing except at work, for whatever reason.

[Aubrey Skye]

I'm glad a lot of you have felt the same way I am right now. It's definitely tough, but I appreciate the advice! I think you ladies are all right. I just need to explore that side of me as I transition. No need to definitively decide right now!

[DeeDee1974]

I have always been bisexual. Prior to transition I was married twice to women. Since my transition I divorced for the second time. I have only dated and been intimate with men since. I would never rule out being with women again, but right now I am really enjoying dating/ intimacy with men.

It might be in part to making up for lost time as I never really allowed myself to go there with men, but was always curious.

[Michelle.M]

SO glad this has come up! We hardly ever discuss it.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?205522-Coming-out-as-straight

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?204292-Changed-Sexual-Orientation

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?188029-Sexual-Orientation-Confusion

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?175547-Sexual-preferences-as-a-TS

I'll count to see how many posts we get until someone gets cranky and this thread gets locked. Sorry, Aubrey. It's a great question. Too bad it won't last as a great discussion.

[whowhatwhen]

The thing about duplicate threads is that sometimes you may not feel as someone's experience matches the question you'd like to ask.

[LeaP]

SO glad this has come up! We hardly ever discuss it.



But you're missing the point. Every time a topic comes around again, we get NEW misinformation!

[Kathryn Martin]

I am attracted to guys and attracted to girls I guess I don't have to worry about orientation, I look everywhere. I have always been attracted to people who float my boat.

[whowhatwhen]

But you're missing the point. Every time a topic comes around again, we get NEW misinformation!

What misinformation?
People are just sharing their experiences.

[DebbieL]

I've always been bisexual. I am attracted to certain types of men, and certain types of women.

I'm attracted to more feminine men and more masculine women.

As Rex, I couldn't respond well to boys or girls. Which is why so many girls assumed I was gay and so many gay men assumed I was straight.

The women I actually got involved with would usually "sweep me off my feet". Often they were very direct, very straight, and made it clear that I shouldn't say no, but for me, that was exciting. They were also dominant - what most men would call B*tches. When they would shout a guy down and tell him to "sit and twirl" or something similar, it was like a mating call to me.

The guys I thought were sexy were the "suits" (Dean Martin, Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Sammy Davis Jr), and the pretty boys (Shaun Cassidy, Davey Jones of the Monkees, and Link on mod squad.).

As Rex I was mostly asexual, but coming out as Debbie gave me access to my sexuality. It wasn't just the dressing, it was being treated as "the girl".

[Donna Joanne]

My sexual orientation never changed, though societies labels now have me pegged as a lesbian. I've never shown any interest in men and being a TS on HRT made no difference to that.

Me too Megan. I just can't wrap my head around having sex with a guy. But then my gender and sexuality are totally seperate.


I try not to worry about it.

I'm married and I love my wife very much. I will admit that I am very curious about having sex with a man, as a woman. I don't find that I'm attracted to men at all and I'm not sure this will change for me. If it does, then it does. I can't say it will or won't.

If it does, then I may never truly find out as long as my wife and I remain together. Everything will depend on her and how she feels.

I say, try not to worry about it and just live and love the life you live. I hope that made any sense.

Liz

I also feel this way about my wife. She is the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and pray that I get to. We love each other and she is my best friend!

[KellyJameson]

I strongly and completely identified as and with girls/women from a very early age. And it stayed this way, where I would always experience boys/men as "the other" (different from me) and girls/women as "the same" (as me)

It was an identification that came from being comfortable with women because I understood them because they were familiar as being similar to me but also interested in men because they were different from me so it was how they were different from me that made them interesting.

This way of relating to men and women affected my sexuality and also my sexuality was affected by my relationship to and with my body. Intercourse never felt natural but forced to me. Intercourse was always mental gymnastics that felt like work.

Whatever created my gender identity also touched my sexuality and why I strongly feel both gender and sexuality have a biological component.

If I could have been easily and naturally sexual as a man I also suspect I would not have identified so completely as female. Not because I was successful sexually as a male but because the success would have been due to the wiring in my brain being such that it would also have affected my gender identity development.

At least for myself I believe there is a connection between my gender identity and sexual identity as to a shared influence.

It has been my experience that there is a great deal of sexual fluidity in the transsexual community.

I never wanted to identify as a woman. It was forced on me because thats what felt natural and right to me. It was not something I actively tried to aquire as an identity.

Socially I want to be known as a woman. To be seen and experienced as a woman but I'm actually indifferent to being a woman for the sake of being a woman "as something I do"

I do not "do" woman if that makes any sense. The whole idea of becoming a woman sounds absurd to me. I don't want to become anything but I did want to strip away that which was interfering with me being what I already was. I have been trying to do this "stripping away/changing thing since early childhood.

For me transitioning was the removal of obstacles so that I could move freely and naturally. I did not do it to become a woman but simply so that I could be completely and fully me in both my sexuality and gender which both already existed in me but were unexperienced and unknown from the obstacles preventing it from being experienced and known.

With my gender issues now in the past it's as if I'm entering puberty for the first time sexually. I'm aware of men still the same way as I was (as the other) but now I'm coming from a completely different place in relationship to them.

I have zero sexual interest in women now but in truth I never really did but women were "safe" and men were not. This has completely changed and I'm much more relaxed with men.

I don't know what will happen. I feel myself waiting to see what happens next. I'm not trying to make anything happen but simply just waiting, learning and living.

[whowhatwhen]

I feel kinda the same way, I want to try new things but I have no idea how to go about them.
Damn, if I were gay this'd be a whole lot simpler.

[arbon]

What Jorja and Kaitlyn both said makes a lot of sense to me

I don't know how much orientation itself really changed, but the way I experience sexual feelings has changed a great deal - its so way much better. I can't explain it.

[KaceyR]

I think there's a lot to be said about things I've read elsewhere.
The thought there was that there actually is a lot of "orientation fluidity" inherent in humanity in general.
That there's more that actually "could" be considered as BI based on humans as an animal.
What then locks down most people is the societal pressures and logical influences.

So, Transitioning or not, on this board we've a lot of people that are living more beyond societies' standards and influences. We don't follow the norm in a lot of ways. To me, This opens up that latent bisexuality or capability for it. Add to that, the potential "logic" aspect (either dressing as the opposite or transitioning to) also helps the mind accept the possibility more.

In my case, I discovered my alt side not long before I even started the dressing portion of my journey (2 years ago).
I still prioritize liking the ladies and may consider myself lesbian down the line. But my own thing (due to mental makeup) is a view of being more tied to emotion than parts... pansexual. They'd have to be more caring/emotional guys before I could enjoy but the 'bits' don't logically matter to me..macho dudes just don't do a thing for me. But women with a bit more 'butchness' would still be workable.
As I transition, It may change.. but since I am already accepting of that side of me, likely it'll just carry on. We'll see.

[mbmeen12]

So my question is, when you finally realized it or stopped hiding, did your sexual orientation change any?

Yes I am a bisexual and wife knows too.

[QUOTE]Did the letting of the true you allow you to feel things you hadn't before?[/QUOTE

Yes and the intensity of the GID increased as a cause and effect. With the aid of my dear councilor keeping it/me in harmony/perspective.

xoxoKara