Speaking out from the closet

[NatalieBliss]

I feel compelled to relay this quick little anecdote as I in the past I have tended to clam up a bit when conversation turns to issues involving transgender-ness of any sort be it comments or jokes. It is a policy devised to help me hide. However more and more I find the regret of staying quiet out pacing the fear of being outed. A little while back I resolved to start speaking up and attempt to educate when the opportunity arose. Last week I saw a post on Facebook that finally tested my commitment. I attempted education. While I did end up losing two friendships, I gained a lot more.

Here in Minneapolis, MN USA, there was recently a debate involving transgender student athletes the rights of all the children regarding appropriate locker room usage specifically and some other areas in general. An article from a local paper is here:http://www.startribune.com/opinion/editorials/277822721.html

While I certainly wasn't surprised they had ideas formed from ignorance stemming largely from the fact they have never had cause to question if their body matched their gender identity. I should note that neither of them knows I crossdress. We did however play those nerdy dice and paper role playing games weekly. I play female characters... a lot. I was also under the impression they were beings capable of logic. It turns out this is not the case. In fact at one point I was told to let them know when I got "the sand out of my vagina". Which given the context of the debate, speaks volumes as to the uphill nature of this attempt. However this spot of bad news isn't the point of posting this.

The bright side is this, defending trans rights is possible without outing myself. Hopefully this will not be an issue in the future, but it is currently.

Since this whole debate started on a public forum most of the people I know and have opinions I care about saw this. While two people involved certainly had issue with my logic and intent, many more have supported me, at least in so far as accepting the validity of Transgender status and respecting Transpeople's right to exist. Which is awesome to have confirmed about so many people I consider friends.

[ArleneRaquel]

Tonight I had dinner with a married couple who are neighbors from down the block. I would guess that both are in their 50's and we have chatted before as I walk (enfemme) around the neighborhood. They were both very interested in my lifestyle and seemingly had a great deal of knowledge on CD'ing. They were both very opened minded on the subject. A lady tennant, in my complex, is also very kind & chatting. I'm not sure if she knows that I am not a GG. I'm not good at passing.

Thank you Natalie for your thread and very interesting post.

[LelaK]

Natalie, I hope you're satisfied,

now that you did the right thing.

By the way, I was just thinking about transgender sports today and wondered how that may affect all-girls and all-boys teams and maybe competition between/among them.

[Secret Drawer]

I remember when I was a teenager in Connecticut, some boy wanted to play field hockey but they only had a girls team. They first considered his physical size and deemed it ok for him to be on the girls team... But... He had to adhere to the uniform, which was a skirt. He did. So some boy, likely not with CDing tendancies, wore a skirt for 4 years in high school playing girls field hockey!
Of course my friends at the time had some negative thoughts about it, and I was given the opportunity to play along or defend. (One of the first real "tests"). Luckily for me, when push came to shove, another kid said that he wore tights when he pole vaulted, so whats the big deal?
It seems that people without CDing or gender issues have an easier time defending the behavior then we do? Of course it is just that fear of accidentally outing ourselves!
Remember, people often need to be hit over the head with something that we think is so obvious! Chances are your secret is still quite safe!

[Beverley Sims]

The locker room problem is a knotty one and I do not think it can be solved in a hurry.

[Sarah Beth]

It can be hard to stand up for the rights of others and not make others mad at you and loose friends. People by the time they are a certain I have found have their minds made up and they are never going to change them, and more than that they will think you need to conform to what they believe.
A few years I had a neighbor in the small town I live in, where being different is totally unacceptable, who was gay and had AIDS. He was a nice guy and we had some things common, sports teams we both liked, went to rival state colleges, and some music groups. I would spend at least one evening a week in nice weather sitting on his front porch talking with him and on occasion watching a baseball game. This had gone of for awhile and one morning my son came in and told me I needed to go out and look at my truck. Someone person or persons unknown had written all over it, thankfully with something that washed off, a lot of explitives and things like fag and fag lover.

It didn't stop me from having a friend it just reminded me of the type of place I live and how backward a lot of people in this world still are.

[Jaylyn]

I can somewhat relate to this but in a way that I feel is as good as any. I live in an area where CDs and gays would be threw into the same word. We have two gay men living in a house out by a lake. They have helped their neighbors out when others cared less. They own a company and do the best job, at a cheaper rate than any one around. I use them for the job they do. I was telling a friend of mine when he was needing some work done that these guys are the best around and they stand behind their work. He said he couldn't believe I used them for the work. I said I didn't hire them for their life choices I hired them for their work effects, their honesty, and the price they wanted to do the same job that another straight guy bid nearly a thousand dollars more for. My friend said he would rather pay the extra thousand than hire a fag. I told him that was his choice just as their life style is their choice but it is not their business choice. I said their business choice is to do the same job at a cheaper rate and guarantee it. I really don't think some folks get the difference.
The people that hollar the loudest sometimes have skeletons in their own closet that far outweigh the lifestyle choices make. I know because the friend that would use the gay guys is an abuser of alcohol, and I know he has ripped a couple insurance companies off by claiming on his motorcycle when he actually wrecked it on propose. I have some crazy neighbors at least they are a scattered at least a 1/4 mile between houses here.