Am I still in "the closet"?

[Gemma Rhodes]

Hi Girls,

Inspired by a recent thread on "Roses' Forum" about being happy in the closet I was just wondering how you all define "the closet" and am I "still in it"

Most of you know my story so I won't bore you all with the details but since I made my debut back in October (how time flies eh!) I have managed to do the following.

Been to Pink Punters (a TG club)
Been to TX twice (another TG club)
Stayed in 3 hotels and walked freely around them (away from my hometown)
Been to a local TGs house several times
Been out for a drive several times
Been for a walk along Cleethorpes seafront (at night)
And possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do, told my best friend of 20 years and his wife just recently.

Things I havn't done yet but hope to soon.

Go for a walk locally (in daylight)
Go shopping (Nearly did that before Xmas but bottled it inthe car park)
Go for a drink/meal at a non TG venue
Tell a select few other friends.
And thats about it really.

I now know that I do not want to transition and I am very happy with the progress I am making but I just wondered what your views were.

Would you say I was still in "the closet". I know you will probably say that if I am happy (and at the moment I am) then does it matter, but I am just interested how you all define "the closet"
__________________
Gemma xx

[Miriannah]

While I think there are varying degrees of being 'in the closet' I'd say you're pretty much out. An example of being in the closet still is me--my mom is probably the only person who knows, and she's not too keen on it.

[ReginaK]

While I think there are varying degrees of being 'in the closet' I'd say you're pretty much out. An example of being in the closet still is me--my mom is probably the only person who knows, and she's not too keen on it.

I agree. There are degrees. I don't think one is fully out until it's common knowledge to that person's friends, family, and co-workers that you're a crossdresser.

I'd say that any person who can conduct the majority of their daily activities (work, school, shopping) en femme and make no attempt to hide it (interacting with people who know you as a male) is about as far out of the closet as one can get without living en femme 24/7.

As for me, i'm so deep in the closet, i'm finding bell bottoms and polyester suits.

[Girly Sara]

Hi ya Gemma,

You're most definitely out of the closet hun. To me, someone who's 'in the closet' is yet to express their inner femininity to the outside world, even to their own family in any form.

You go girl but one thing please, i don't want to hear you've been on a girly shopping trip enfemme before me, ok? ;) lol Only teasin' babes. That's my major goal for this year and i wish you all the luck with your own. Keep us all posted.

Take care.

Hugs from Sara xxxx

[Lilac]

I think that you're actually half-way out of the closet. You're keeping it a secret from most people you know, yet you're not afraid to express your femininity. You'vr even been able to get out of the house en femme, which is what most of us want to do. No one knows about my female side, which pretty much makes me in the closet but it would be very nice to go out and feel pretty.

Though what I really want to do is to go to a "prom" dressed up. To be actually able to select a dress, shoes, jewelry, and have my "hair" done would be fantastic. Maybe some of us Hawaii girls could get together and do that sometime. ^^

[Sophia Rearen]

To me in the closet means no one but you knows. If you were literally in a closet, how many others could share it with you? I believe you need self acceptance, first, and then to share your secret with at least one other person. Then you're out of the closet. Any activity outside the home is the road to freedom.:)

[Nikki Dee]

Gemma...each persons closet is different...and ..in truth...only you know the answer.!
Nikki. xx

[uknowhoo]

I would definitely say yes. I would agree with others though who have said it's a matter of degrees. You've come along way baby, but there's still more road ahead. That's a good thing. Enjoy your trip. ;) Hugs, Tammi

[Sharon]

I'm almost the complete opposite of you, Gemma. I have as yet to visit a TG club, but I am almost comfortable in going out and about as my female self. The one hurdle I haven't accomplished is to be dressed when my family is present, although both my sisters did see me once. Everyone knows about me (except my mother), but I haven't mustered the courage to make the final leap.

I suppose we each still live partially within our respective closets. We just open them into different rooms.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I agree there are degrees of being out. At one extreme, I know someone whose family, friends and coworkers all know -- and who also appears in both en femme and en homme to them.

Myself, I guess I'd say I'm "public but not out," i.e. I've got no problem going out en femme, but only a few people (who I've meet through the CD community) know both my identities.

I've also heard some folks talk about the "bigger closet," i.e. only going out to "safe" environs, such as CD groups, T-friendly bars, etc.

But ultimately, it just a question of what you're comfortable with, and as long as you're happy that's the important thing.

[Laurie Ann]

Gemma I think you have an awful big closet even bigger than any walkin I have ever seen. It seems you have found a way to be out of the closet and I am happy for you.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Gemma

To me, being in the closet means being in prison, locked up and hidden away from the world. Sounds to me like you're out and about, living your life and enjoying it all, so I definately gotta say that you're out, and that's a pretty cool place to be.

GypsyKaren

[KateW]

Ironically I never want to be actually out of the closet, because that's where the clothes are!

[Paula Rae]

Hey Gemma,

It goes without saying that you are out of the closet, but you're still not walking on the sunny side of the street, but that's okay, just take your time and don't don't get hurt crossing the street. Just a few more tasks that you have already listed and you are there.

You have made tremendous strides in such a very short time, not only with your coming out of the closet, but also in your communication skills and your photography (as mentioned previously by Rita Farie in one of your earlier threads).

You are a shinning example of what a lot of us are striving to accomplish. I for one am inspired by your progress. Thank you for helping us see the way.

Ricki B