Tells from the Closet side

[MissTee]

This came up in another thread and is for those not out: What are the tell-tale signs one is a crossdresser? Probably the GG's can share from their intimate knowledge of us what we do and how we inadvertently out ourselves, but those who are not out can also share the slip-ups and "oopsies" they've had along the way.

Me, my nail grooming habits have been noticed and I shared in a much earlier thread the attention that garnered from a group of GG's once. I do think the crowd I was with had no CD experience, and in all likelihood they would not default to thinking CD, but rather gay instead.

Thoughts?

[Leahann]

I had an important meeting in Houston last winter, and before I went there I got a mani/pedi with my wife. The manicurist, who had done our nails for years, persuaded me to get a very light pink gel coat on my fingers, rather than the clear gel polish I had been having. With the diamond studs, both ears, and the fingernails, I think a couple of my co-workers suspect. But at 66, I could care less.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Actually, I think much of the adornments, like polish, long hair etc, can be explained away these days as a trend, or metrosexual thing. Even a hippy/muso thing, if that suits better. I actually doubt many women jump to 'he's a crossdresser' unless they're in a relationship with one, as they just don't know about it. They are more likely to think you're gay or just eccentric!

If you encounter a wife of a crossdresser, such as myself then you'll have to work a little harder to hide things. Crossing legs effeminately, standing with hands on hips, lots of hand expression while chatting, conversing more openly with women. Ring a bell? I bet it does for some here, and maybe others don't even realise they're doing it? Sure, non crossdressers are like this too, but throw in the fact I will also notice your shaved arms, slightly groomed eyebrows, fingernails that are a little too long and double ear piercings if you have them, and yep, I can tell. The long, manicured fingernails are probably the biggest giveaway for me though as I know how important these are to a crossdresser and how NOT important to most other men. Then it's the smooth legs, especially if you don't look like a professional cyclist or body builder. The legs have given Bruce Jenner away multiple times!

Of course, if you're noticed by the wife of a crossdresser and they're still married and she's not openly ragging her H to the world, then you're in good company to be noticed so you may as well just relax and do whatever. Show her your new polish! :)

[Maria Blackwood]

My stealth is impenetrable! :D

[Leahann]

Ouch! I am outed. Thanks Tinkerbell-GG.😳

[Stephanie47]

Egad! Several years ago my daughter asked if I shave my legs. She has been around for three decades. Due to burning legs from peripheral neuropathy I feel more comfortable wearing shorts, even if it is freezing outside. I do not shave anything. I have never had hair follicles on my legs. My legs are smooth as a baby's butt. I have no underarm hair. My chest hair did not start growing until I was in my fifties. It is sparse and I am tempted to shave it off. The only hair I have that is noticeable and would be a giveaway to my unknowing family and friends would be shaving my forearms. My barber thins my eyebrows.

Sometimes I have more comfortable sitting with my legs crossed at the knees because of a herniated disc in the L-5. I had been very conscious of my feminine mannerisms when en femme. I made it a point sit with my legs crossed at the knees, and, not the at the ankles. I smooth my dress as I sit. I believe my mannerisms are clearly defined when I am in one mode or the other. Maybe it is better to think of cross dressing as an actor playing a role. You develop the ability to slip in and out of the role easily. Personally, I think that is one of the reasons my DADT marriage has endured. There are not vestiges of my cross dressing when I am with my wife. It seems much of the marital discord annotated on this forum is due to the husband opening displaying "giveaways."

I would love to get my nails to grow out a little more than they are right now. I am forever nicking them up which necessitates clipping them too far down. Oh, what's a girl suppose to do? Put away my hammers and tools? Sigh!

[Tina_gm]

Thanks Tink, I guess I was never able to hide it as good as I thought I was. Well, actually I did, most of the time. But yes to a lot of what you mentioned. Especially the chatty with other women, mannerisms such as sitting and standing, expressive hand gestures, ding ding ding. I always have to make a conscious effort to conceal that, as those things are natural to me.

Lets see other things- my grooming is always impeccable. nose hair, ear hair, you will never find it on me lol. my nails are always clean, and a little on the long side (although I have never been aware of anyone noticing length and no comments have ever been made)but they are clean and filed smooth. My eyebrows are groomed, not pencil thin and arched, but on the thin side and no random long scraggles will you ever find. I am and have always been conscientious about my appearance since I was very little. Clothing always had to match. I don't mind getting dirty, but I can't stand to be dirty in public.

[docrobbysherry]

Stuffing every available space; boxes, closets, armours, garages, antique pieces, guest rooms, storage closets at work, etc., etc. with fem clothing items is/was my "tell".

[Amanda M]

Tinks - how do you cross your legs 'effeminately' when you are wearing a skirt, Mary Janes an stockings? Is there a way I have missed?

[ReineD]

This came up in another thread and is for those not out: What are the tell-tale signs one is a crossdresser? Probably the GG's can share from their intimate knowledge of us what we do and how we inadvertently out ourselves, but those who are not out can also share the slip-ups and "oopsies" they've had along the way.

Me, my nail grooming habits have been noticed and I shared in a much earlier thread the attention that garnered from a group of GG's once. I do think the crowd I was with had no CD experience, and in all likelihood they would not default to thinking CD, but rather gay instead.

Thoughts?

Shortly cropped, or completely shaved arm hair; shaved legs; trimmed eyebrows even if they're not in a high arch; pierced ears; fingernails that are shaped like women's fingernails, if if they are on the shorter side; having long hair.

Also, wearing women's clothes in guy mode that can pass off as men's, like non-sparkly jeans or plainly colored polo shirts. Even though the style of the clothes don't immediately scream out "women's clothing" like a pink dress might, some more observant people might pick up that the clothes were indeed purchased in a woman's clothing store. The styles and fit are slightly different, women's vs. men's.

Just one of these things alone might not be a huge tell, but the more there are, the more obvious it becomes.

[Tina_gm]

Question for the GG's-
now having a CD partner, do you find yourself more observant of the tells? My wife says she is now hyper aware of femininity in men, to the point of aggravation. Before if she saw a guy with any of these tells, she would auto assume they were gay. Now, she wonders if they are CDers, or just on the fem side, or gay.

I live in a small city in the north east. But this entire area in which I live is about as redneck as any place I have ever seen. I vacation down south mostly, and while certainly you see a lot of it there, I truly believe for whatever reason it is up here, that this area is a higher percentage. I see so many guys around here who are sooo stereotypically redneck. I am not judging this as bad, just that it is what it is. If anyone was to be here where I am, you would think you were in the backwoods of Alabama, but somehow minus the southern drawl. There must be something in the water up here, IDK. Most guys up here... It is as if a very large pick up truck is the only thing they are allowed to buy. And they wear the barely double digit mpg these things get like a badge of honor. Like bragging rights. Carolina boots or some other brand similar is required footwear year round. They wear them with shorts. I suppose I stick out merely because I am not like this lol. In public I do not attempt any blending, do not wear anything fem or women's clothes at all. But being clean and well groomed, up here I must be a dead giveaway lol.

[ReineD]

Question for the GG's-
now having a CD partner, do you find yourself more observant of the tells?

No. I'm part of the crowd that goes along preoccupied with my business, without noticing the passers-by. It is only when I interact with people directly that I focus on them. On the few occasions that I've talked to a man who has feminine "tells", my first impression generally is that he is gay, usually because of the mannerisms. I've not run across men who shave arms, legs, trim their eyebrows, etc.

My SO has all the tells, but then he works in a creative environment where many of the other men also have long hair tied at the nape and some even have pierced ears. But this is more an anti-fitting-in-the-establishment-box statement. So my SO fits right in! :) I've not seen my SO's coworkers' bare arms and legs but I have noticed they do not trim their eyebrows and grow their fingernails and so I have no reason to suspect they might be CDers.

[CherylFlint]

Healthy nails with a clear coat will not draw attention to your hands, which are one of the most obvious signs of a CD. NOT long nails, just healthy looking. A clear coat is a must, not painted.
Meaning, of course, nail polish brings attention to the hands, which is NOT good for those of us who strive to "pass".
The advice is to "tone-it-down" a notch or two, or three and four.
Too big of forms is another. Women with large breasts tend to wear dark clothing so as not to "advertise", something we should keep in mind.
A simple gold ring, or a ring with a small diamond, on your wedding ring finger is a good choice.
A purse that is not too big and flashy, but slightly worn, is an needed item.
Remember your first makeup lesson: BLEND-BLEND-BLEND. So dress to BLEND. A nice necklass will take the eye away from the Adam's Apple.
All kinds of tricks one can use to deceive the eye, after all, it's what women have been doing for thousands of years anyway.

[Teresa]

I had to smile at Tinkerbell's give aways , I was in a builders merchants searching through the racks when a voice from behind the counter shouted are you pretending to be a teapot or a teacup ?? Yep I had both hands on hips !! I replied I haven't decided yet but at my age it's going to be an antique !!

[susan54]

I have been crossing my legs at the knee all my life, before I even knew there was such a thing as cross-dressing. I do not regard this as in any way feminine. My nails are often long because I genuinely hate cutting them. However my legs and armpits are hair free because I cross-dress but no one sees that unless I am dressed - and then only the legs as I have hairy arms so always wear long sleeves. My main give away would be marks on my ears from prolonged wearing of clip-on earrings, but no one has said anything.

[CarlaWestin]

I've found myself guilty of paying to much attention to a few of my coworker's makeup and fashion sense. I generally explain it away as natural curiosity from growing up with sisters. My one sweety, that I've come out to recently, always loved it when I critiqued her daily presentation. Sadly, she's moved out of state but we still keep in touch. I included a copy of my sexey profile picture secreted inside a gift and told her where to look once she moved. The reply comment was, "I pretty much knew you were a crossdresser."
Once, a female coworker asked why I was wearing clear nail polish. I said it was to help with cracking nails and mentioned that she seemed to be the only one who noticed. Her reply, "Everyone noticed. I'm just the only one to say anything."

[Zylia]

I do think the crowd I was with had no CD experience, and in all likelihood they would not default to thinking CD, but rather gay instead.
Considering being effeminate/a cross-dresser and being gay is one and the same according to many muggles, I think most tells (short of a picture collection of yourself in drag on your Facebook profile) is interpreted as "he is gay" instead of "he is a cross-dresser".