Has your identity switched to more of being a woman?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

As I've aged I've noticed some things.

I've crossdressed since I was 11 or 12 and always wished I was a girl. Now I'm 61 and retired. In my working days I worked with machinery and enjoyed coming home, showering, and CDing the rest of the day and on weekends. During that era I also busted my butt doing yard work and building all sorts of things inside and out. I did a lot or home remodelling and made improvements to our yard.

But since I've retired, we may as well say I've become the housewife while my wife still works. She enjoys coming home to a house where the dishes are done, the rugs vacuumed, beds made, and little dust anywhere. And the bathroom? It's spotless for her. I still let her cook in her well-kept kitchen.

I know it all sounds a bit stereotypical but our roles seem to have switched. I love seeing her off to work to a job she enjoys. But after I finish a second cup of coffee I might draw a nice bath to shave everything, and enjoy a nice scented body wash to smell really nice. Then I have the pleasure of picking out something nice to wear all day. It could be a dress and pantyhose or a nice top and stretch jeans. A little makeup and wig, and loafers or pumps and that's how I spend my day including doing housework. It sucks to have to run errands in drab though.

I now detest yardwork or any kind of guy stuff. I even hire people now for yardwork. I used to do maintenance on our vehicles but instead let a mechanic do it now. I've become the homemaker.

Believe me I love it and feel that I was cut out for this all along. It's very sat5isfying and makes feel very good. I feel the rest was a charade until things turned around.

Has anyone else experienced this? I know it sounds stereotypical but I just feel it's so right for me and I'm happier than ever! I can even spend time on the phone as Cheryl talking with girl friends!:) :battingeyelashes:

Cheryl

[Leahann]

When I am home, which is not often enough, I often have a lounger on while having coffee with my wife. Because of family living very close by I am usually dressed by 10. But not so long ago, she wanted donuts and mentioned a national chain that had a drive-up window. Off I went in my toe-thongs, lounger and earrings, got the donuts and drove home. I usually do most of the housework, shopping and cooking while home.
What's funny is when we go to bed she wears her panties and I wear a nightshirt or, recently, a gown. At 66 and her having gone through the "change", sex is not an issue, but we still cuddle and kiss.
So to an extent we have switched identities, but I am not allowed to dress en femme at home. Not yet.

[Stephanie47]

My wife is still working, while I, as a retiree, am enjoying the role of homemaker. My wife does not drive due to a vision impairment. After I drive her to work I am free to become a June Cleaver look-alike homemaker. I am a child of the 1950's and 1960's. It's a pretty dress, slip, bra and panty, hosiery, heels and my grey wig. I feel extremely comfortable attired in this manner. Yes, I do the changing of the linens, the wash and ironing, vacuuming, window washing, baking and meal preparation, and tend to the flowers in the backyard. When weather permits I usually eat my breakfast and lunches at the backyard table while reading the daily newspaper. I also do the grocery shopping after I drop my wife off at work. Alas, that is one task done en homme.

It would be nice to have an accepting wife, who would give me a nice pat on the ass while en femme as I prepare supper. Maybe when I file out income tax returns I should drop "Retiree" and annotate "Homemaker."

[DebbieL]

I wanted to be a girl since I was three, maybe earlier. I started cross-dressing when I was 6. By the time I was 10, my mom had taught me to cook, sew, knit, crochet, vacuum, do dishes, wash the pots, do the laundry, and iron. When the family chores came up, I would choose all of the "housewife" stuff, which my brother and sister hated, and they would choose the yard work and garbage - which I hated. Mom had been told not to openly support me, but she covertly did so by taking me shopping with her, letting me help pick out her outfits, and then she would wear them a few times and put them in a "charity bag" - which seem to empty itself constantly. I was the same size as mom at that point. Often, I would dress up and do the housework while by brother and sister played down the street. The had learned not to come home after school.

By the time I was in high school, I was cooking all of the meals for the family, doing most of the housework, and sewing my own clothes and altering my sisters for her. My parents would often say "you'll make some lady doctor a wonderful wife". I would smile and say "Or maybe a lady lawyer". My parents knew that I wanted to be a girl, but in Colorado, Gender Dysphoria was treated as a psychosis and the treatment was so horrible that they wouldn't even tell me about it. I didn't find out how hard they tried to protect me until just before my dad died in 2012. It wasn't that he didn't want me to be a girl, it was that they didn't want me lobotomized.

[Angie G]

Way cool Cheryl Ann. So glad it works for you hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I SO love the stories about all of your experiences! I LOVE my new role! My wife came home from a long trip while I sat here dressed. We discussed my appointment for a consult about breast implants and she told me to go for it! And BTW, I told her our hair stylist is going to wax and arch my brows into a feminine shape on Friday. She was very thankful that all of the housework was done. She still does the shopping and laundry which is fine because she doesn't mind. She also asked me if I had ordered another new batch of panties because some are wearing out. I will do that soon! She also said that she she loves her houskeeper and gave me a simple kiss. I smiled!

Cheryl

[Beverley Sims]

The only thing I do is freely walk into a store and look at the clothing.

Tried on a few blouses in Ross today,just couldn't make up my mind.

I usually use the mixed dressing rooms and no one blinks an eye.

Maybe I am getting easier with it and don't notice.

[Teresa]

Cheryl,
I have an almost identical lifestyle ! I posted a threads some months ago asking if I was getting lazy or was something changing ?
I am more than capable of doing most maintenance and repair jobs but have just lost interest, Teresa has been allowed a little breathing space and would like more ! Unlike you my wife is not so impressed she still wants me to do the man jobs, the fact that I clean through the house and do almost all the cooking, doesn't cut it, it's work a woman can do !! I might knowingly wear a dress now but not as an excuse not to do all my jobs !
I will try mowing the lawn dressed one day and see if it's acceptable ! Or let her see my shaved legs wearing a miniskirt sticking out from under the car when doing an oil change !!

[Maria 60]

Since my wife started her new job about a year ago, she comes home later then me, so to help her out I told her I would do the cooking at night so when she gets home dinner will be ready and we will have most of the night to enjoy. When the kids aren't coming home for dinner, I will dress up and be the little lady of the house.

[Zylia]

It's probably an age thing, but it's almost offensively stereotypical the way you describe it. Great if this is the way you and your wife manage your household, but we live in the twenty-thirst century, there are plenty of stay-at-home dads and husbands and they aren't 'more of a woman' just because they help around the house.

[GinaD]

I have found my life has completely changed. When I was married my man role was very similar to yours Cheryl. Since I have decided to live as Gina full time, I relish the softer, sweeter, gentler and feminine world I live in now. I am happy being soft and smooth and taking care of my man. I have no desire to re-establish a male persona.

[charlenesomeone]

I feel as we age, recovering from some of these jobs is harder.
I do like the "girly" things more. But I'm with Zylia, lots of
guys do home jobs.
Char

[Teresa]

Zylia,
Don't forget most of us commenting on this OP have about thirty years on you, the majority of us have been there and done it ! We don't need to prove the same things anymore ! I'm not saying that I'm incapable of doing the work, I just wish to catch on all the years of CDing I've missed through staying in the closet for the sake of work and family ! It still feels good if not better to dress and doing some household jobs with it is quite enjoyable !!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Another thing to consider is the fact many of us grew up in the 1950's and '60's when roles were indeed stereotypical. Thus they are ingrained in us. I know I'd never survive if I insisted I wanted to be and follow girl's and women's roles back then because I'd probably be placed in an instutution.

After some thinking I wonder if hormones have anything to do with it. Both my wife and I have gone through "the change" in the past few years. I'm very passive in nature now and she is more agressive. She does more snow shoveling and even raking leaves right now. There were some male things I enjoyed when I was much younger. But I also think I did them to earn the guy badge of honor among my peers.

With my identity being what it is, I think I could also be trying to make up for all the thiings I envied about being a girl and a woman. It really killed me back then that I couldn't. Now I can give in to all that I've supressed. It feels GREAT!

Cheryl

[carhill2mn]

Since I now live alone I am the "lady of the house" and responsible for all of the activities that are needed in that mode. I, too, am not very interested in doing the activities more commonly associated with men as I once was.

Instead of changing the oil in my car myself as I used to, I now have it done and sit in the waiting room (en femme, of course). I no longer do yard work or gardening nor do I do any more "projects" than I have to. In essence, I am more "woman-like" than I used to be.

[Michaelasfun]

I'd say for me its more about being myself than switching, per se. Growing up I always seemed more shy/quiet/sensitive than I thought became a male..its almost like CD'ng lets me be more "me" in my case..adding on to Carole's comment above, it IS easier to have someone else do the car maintenance while you do the nail maintenance in the waiting room :heehee:

[ReineD]

You speak of two different things: spending your day doing household chores now that you are retired and your wife is not, and a gender identity change.

As a few others have already mentioned, the chores we all do around the house are not gendered. A divorced woman who needs to mow her lawn and paint her ceiling is no more a man than a single father is a woman, when he cooks and changes his baby's diaper. Also, it is natural for our capacity and taste for hard physical work to decrease as we age, whether we are men or women.

Second, if your personal definitions include a gendered separation of work and/or chores (women are nurses, men are doctors, women cook and men fix the car), and if you derive psychological benefit out of the crossdressing, then you will feel good when you engage in what you believe is "women's work". This is not a gender-identity change, this is merely another facet of cross-gender expression. A lot of crossdressers post here pictures of themselves in certain roles (sexy secretaries or maids for example), and so enjoying the work associated with these roles is a psychological extension of the crossdressing.

If you do have an innate female gender identity, then you will have experienced gender dysphoria which is, according to the DSM5, "significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning" with your physical male traits and/or the way that other people see you. According to the DSM5, individuals with GD seek treatment in the form of counseling, cross-sex hormones, gender reassignment surgery, and social and legal transition to the desired gender.

If you are experiencing significant distress with your male body or the fact that your wife and others look upon you as a male, then you might consider gender counseling.

[LilSissyStevie]

... it's almost offensively stereotypical the way you describe it.

Oh please! I just looked at your latest pics and I saw stereotypical feminine symbols like long hair, legwear, pumps, pencil skirt, makeup, and etc. In real life I don't see many women dressed like that. But then again, CDing is not so much about "being a woman" as it is about associating with symbols of emasculation. CDs are for the most part not very interested in those aspects of womanhood that are not emasculating. That, to answer the OP, is why my identity is LESS about "being a woman" now that I realize what's really going on.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

RieneD, I think you bring out some very good points about cross gendered behavior. And I think I could possibly use some gender counseling because of the feelings I have.

All along i've been conditioned from birth that men do certain things and women do others. When I was very young I was conditioned to believe that as a man, I had to get my hands greasy and dirty doing what were considered male activities. I envied, and never got to experience the softer feminine things. I envied the things that women could do like polishing their nails or getting their hair done, or being fitted for a bridesmaid's dress for a wedding and being part of the party. I longed for the shopping trip to buy women's clothing and enjoy seeing myself in a mirror. That in itself might mean, as you suggest, that I would need gender counseling and decide where to go from there.

Today I can make the best of it. I now realize that I hate the idea of doing chores normally relegated to men. I realize the divorced mother has to mow the lawn or paint the ceiling. I've done all of that.

Today though i'me finding the joy of softer things whether I'm dressed or not. Dressing as a woman only reinforces for me the role I wish to be. I like the changes now.

My wife and I discussed some of this today. We both cooperate in those chores usually reserved for one gender. But I love and embrace the idea that I can feel truly "right" doing the softer feminine things and let some guy do the harder things. Maybe we do become weaker as we get older but I'm still capable. However given a choice, I enjoy being the woman. I love what I'm doing.

Cheryl

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cheryl, That sounds like the movie Mr. Mom.

[ReineD]

However given a choice, I enjoy being the woman. I love what I'm doing.


I'm glad that you love what you do. This should be everyone's goal in life. It's also very good that you can afford to let some guy do the harder things. :)

[Zylia]

Oh please! I just looked at your latest pics and I saw stereotypical feminine symbols like long hair, legwear, pumps, pencil skirt, makeup, and etc. In real life I don't see many women dressed like that. But then again, CDing is not so much about "being a woman" as it is about associating with symbols of emasculation. CDs are for the most part not very interested in those aspects of womanhood that are not emasculating. That, to answer the OP, is why my identity is LESS about "being a woman" now that I realize what's really going on.

You looked at them and didn't even leave a nice comment? How rude;)

Anyway, you already solved your own problem here, I don't claim to be more of a woman or to have any more of a female gender identity just because I (try to) present as a woman. Similarly, I would be the last one to say that a woman is anything less than a woman just because she doesn't dress as a stereotypical cross-dresser (i.e. skirt hose heels).

For me, cross-dressing is about trying to find the right balance between (my own interpretation of) an idealised femme version of me and what people expect to see nowadays. Sometimes, I (deliberately) fail.

[Tania75]

My earlier days of CD'ing (and what got me hooked) were similar to this. Working in a manufacturing environment during the day, I would shower each day when I got home, and having about 3 hours before the girls who also shared the house got home, I would visit their wardrobe and dress for as long as possible before they returned home from work.
I had the choice of 3 wardrobes of clothing to choose from, but alas, no-one had my shoe size to finish off the look. Great days, indeed.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

I dunno, this sounds more like old-age talking :heehee: All this housewife stuff might seem lovely and femme, but wow, I'd rather be the wife heading out to the interesting job everyday!

Mind you, I'm still young and knee deep in children and housework. There is nothing feminine or peaceful about my life - more like a daily hurricane I must try and tame. The hurricane usually wins! Zylia is right that this is all very much a cliche, but a harmless one born of different generations, I'm sure.

But, as long as you're all happy, who cares what or why? Just enjoy :)

[Aprilrain]

My girlfriend and I are both scheduled for SRS in 9 days and We just finished a remodeling project that required installing a floor where an indoor balcony used to be. We've been in Lowes and Home Depot almost everyday for the last three weeks. I'm divorced and have my kids almost half the time so when I wasn't banging nails, cutting 2X10s or hanging drywall I was cooking, cleaning, doing laundry (an endless task!) and finding ways to keep two boys out of trouble! My gender identity is not task dependent. It would be inaccurate to say I feel like a woman because I just am a woman there is nothing to feel really I just feel like me.

[Kate Simmons]

My expectations have been to be more of myself rather than a man or woman per se as myself is a combination based on feelings and emotions.:battingeyelashes::)

[EllenJo]

It is really what ever makes you happy. My generation was taught that there were men's roles and women's roles. In the 60's it was just how things rolled in rural America. As long as you feel the way you want to feel while taking care of your wife, more power to you. I am still working and taking care of the house and my wife. Coming home and being able to slip into something pretty makes the evening chores more palatable.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Barbara Jo]

When I retired about 3 years ago, I started wearing panties 24/7, a bra daily, and I started to wear a nightgown to bed nightly. I also started to keep my body completely hair free.

In addition, I started to decorate my apartment in a progressively more feminine manor.

Since I now live alone, it's all easy to do.

Basically, at home, I now live as a women.
Every day when I'm through my errands and I know that I will not have a visitor,(which is not that often anymore) I always can not wait to change into all female clothes......bra (with breast forms) , panties, full slip, dress/skirt and blouse.... etc. Many times I will also wear panty hose or stockings and garters.
I have a collection of vintage day/house dresses, feminine house coats, slips .... etc.
I also have penchant for full cut nylon "granny panties ".

Sometimes I change as early as 2;00 pm but other times it may not be until be until 6:00pm but, it is every day.
If someone does indeed ring my door bell, I feign sleeping.... I am 67 years old after all. :)

I have indeed come to think of myself more and more of a woman which I find very natural and peaceful.:)

[Janine cd]

I,too have had a similar experience since I retired before my wife. For eight wonderful years I was able to experience all of the beautiful things that a woman is able to do when living alone. I loved being able to try new things like sewing and experimenting with different styles of clothing or makeup.

[LilSissyStevie]

You looked at them and didn't even leave a nice comment? How rude;)

Sorry! You look fabulous, as always.:battingeyelashes:


Anyway, you already solved your own problem here, I don't claim to be more of a woman or to have any more of a female gender identity just because I (try to) present as a woman. Similarly, I would be the last one to say that a woman is anything less than a woman just because she doesn't dress as a stereotypical cross-dresser (i.e. skirt hose heels).

For me, cross-dressing is about trying to find the right balance between (my own interpretation of) an idealised femme .of me and what people expect to see nowadays. Sometimes, I (deliberately) fail.

I think you missed my point. You criticized the OP for using feminine symbolism (housework) while doing the same thing yourself (dressing in "women's" clothing.) Just as there is nothing inherently feminine about doing housework there is nothing inherently feminine about makeup and skirts. In the OP's defense, for tens of thousands of years and until very recently, the primary occupation of women has been homemaking. Wearing makeup and shaving legs and underarms is very recent. Excluding ruling class types, of course.

[Zylia]

Fair enough. Ultimately, hardly anything is inherently feminine or masculine. As society changes, so does what it considers feminine and masculine, and that was kind of my point regarding housework. Doing housework isn't tied to your gender anymore, but wearing skirts or makeup actually is where I live. The fact that I actually do wear skirts and makeup makes me a cross-dresser. Doing the dishes doesn't.

Anyway, I would never claim that (my) cross-dressing is free of any sexism or hypocrisy in the first place.

[NicoleScott]

Did your identity switch or was it the family role?

[sometimes_miss]

If you do have an innate female gender identity, then you will have experienced gender dysphoria which is, according to the DSM5, "significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning" with your physical male traits and/or the way that other people see you. According to the DSM5, individuals with GD seek treatment in the form of counseling, cross-sex hormones, gender reassignment surgery, and social and legal transition to the desired gender.
The big problem with that concept is, that everyone gets lumped into either one extreme or the other. Just like so many other things, there's a huge gray area in the middle, and not everyone who has gender identity issues will suffer from significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. I'm sure that I'm not the only one here on these boards that doesn't fit that description; yet, I don't ever feel quite right as a male, either; there's always this vague feeling that something's not quite right as I go about my day to day life, living and carefully behaving ONLY in stereotypical male ways, never letting any feminine anything show to the rest of the world. It's definitely GID; but it does not impair the rest of my life, nor make me so miserable that I can't function.

Just as previous generations of mental health professionals used to think being homosexual was a disease state, there WILL be changes made in it's definitions in future iterations regarding GID.

We've made progress, but we're not there yet; mostly because far, far too many in the mental health field stop learning when they step out of school, because now they have their masters/doctorate, and then of course believe that they know everything.

[Madilyn A.]

at this stage of my life I do more than half of the housework, I too grew up in a family with very clearly defined male and female chores. Housework was not something a male did. Now I would do all the housework dressed or not if not for other chores considered to manly for my wife. Of course while doing housework I prefer to be dressed. Oh to be a 1950's housewife.

[ReineD]

The big problem with that concept is, that everyone gets lumped into either one extreme or the other.

This was my response in another recent thread:


There are also MtFs who fall outside of the male/female binary. They are innately a combination of gendered characteristics. Some of these individuals find ways to present all the time as androgynous, but this is difficult in our society unless generally a person is young or living a cutting edge lifestyle. Therefore, many bigenders settle with switching their presentation back and forth, knowing they cannot live full-time solely as men OR women. They find a way to cope with being bigender.

I don't get into every single layer of cross-gender expression in every post. There's too much to talk about. So I address my comments to the situation at hand. In his thread, I was addressing the OP's idea of "switching" from male to female. People don't switch. They are one, the other, or both. A further complication is when someone confuses innate gender identity with a strong desire to look and behave in a stereotypically female manner.

[Marcelle]

Hi Cheryl Ann,

Well I can't say my identity has switched one way or the other. I know I have a distinct female identity (Isha) and I express her in as close an approximation to a woman as I can (e.g., clothing, make-up, hair, mannerisms, voice) but my likes, wants, hopes and dreams are still the same regardless of which identity I am presenting (male or female). Do I like housework more as Isha? Nope . . . like it about as much as I do "en boy". Do I prefer cooking as a boy or a girl? To be honest it doesn't matter, I love to cook (always have) and it makes not difference which identity does the cooking. I still love to do renovations, still hate yard work, love to build computer cases, am an absolute neophyte when it comes to fixing cars and so on. My identity does not change my core personality it only changes the presentation for me.

Hugs

Isha

[Margot Emerson]

I don't think that I would say that mine switched. 'She' has always been there, so its more like I've allowed my female identity to emerge in the last year, rather then change. Partly because circumstances have allowed for it, and partly because I've overcome some guilt issues with it.

I've never really thought of my identity as the tasks I do around the house. I've always done a lot of the cleaning and laundry and so on(as a boy or girl), never did much cooking because I never took the time to develop that skill, and couldn't fix a car if my life depended on it. My wife and I never approached dividing tasks by gender, only by who liked doing it(or least minded doing it), or who was better at getting it done. Its also varied at times because of work or illness or whatever.

[MsVal]

In our home the division of responsibilities falls not along the lines of gender, but who is best qualified or best able.

Having been raised and socialized as a male in the "automobile capitol of the world" during the 1960's, I developed a skill set and mind set quite different from my wife. Those make me the obvious person for tasks we generally but inaccurately identify as "male".

My wife was recently promoted to management. I am a retired manager who cares for our home and one of our grandchildren while her mother works. This is not an uncommon role reversal.

To succeed in this new role, I have added domestic skills to my set.
I am still the best qualified for "male" tasks, but increasingly choose to execute those with a checkbook rather than a tool box.

Today, I get more satisfaction greeting my wife at the door of our freshly cleaned house with a tasty meal on the stove than I ever got from any work day.

Does that mean that I enjoy feminine tasks more than masculine tasks? I suppose it does.

[Alice-V]

We never had gender-based tasks at home ever since my wife and I stated living together. I'd say we do things we do best and there's a large blurry area that both of us fit in.

Right now, I am staying home with children while my wife goes out to work. So I am one of those stay-home dads and I'm enjoying it to the fullest, though I would not say it has much if anything to do with my CDing.

One of the greatest things of 21st century is that we have a lot more freedom to everything than we ever had before. And I would double Kate's comment, that it's more about being one's self than anything else.

[Janine cd]

As I grow older, I find that so-called feminine activities such as cooking, sewing and house cleaning are sometimes a pleasant diversion. I still love working in my workshop doing woodworking or repairing things. If I had a choice, I would prefer to be a woman doing both.