Risks of being recognized when OUT enfemme

[BillieAnneJean]

"OMG! If I go OUT enfemme and someone recognizes me, I am discovered!"

We see this a lot on this forum. I hear it from others.

We'll let me tell you a little story:
The Grand Rapids Crossdresser Social Group "Grand Illusions" went to a general public nightclub and danced our (high) heels off. Our SOs are welcome at these OUTings, we have them once per month. We have IN meetings once a month too. But this is about being OUT. My SO was dancing with the group too. We were all dancing in a loosely defined circle. Most of the time GGs we don't know join in. A woman came in to the group and was dancing with us. My SO was talking to her a lot. I mistakenly thought that the discussion was about we "girls" and specifically me as both my SO and the woman were laughing quite a bit. This woman has been a close friend for decades. So I figured what the hell. I said "Hi Bev!" Dancing right there next to me and even me in front of her, she had not recognized me. Even with the gap teeth and the dimples. She was floored and howled and could not stop laughing. Nor could I. Ya gotta admit I am pretty funny when enfemme. I laugh at me too.

If I had kept my mouth shut my secret would have never gotten out. She would have never realized who it was.

I am not paying any attention to those "Gonna get recognized" opinions again. Doing so is why I screwed up and Outed myself!

I have a great time when OUT and enfemme. I am going to keep doing it in spite if these horribly scary risks like outing myself. All I gotta do is figure out how to control that. Duct tape?

SUCH FUN!

[Kylee-Blackstad]

Always too much fun, Billie! I don't particularly think duct tape would work for me though. Especially when I ran into a group of friends when out recently around the city hahaha!

[Kate Simmons]

When I'm at the club I hope they recognize me as a good dancer. ;):battingeyelashes::)

[Beverley Sims]

No risk over here on the west coast for me.:)
Only my supposedly outlandish dressing may give me away to someone here.

[Adriana Moretti]

you are so right...Quite a few of my gal pals of mine have shared "guy mode" pictures with each other....and the answer is always the same no matter who shows who.." its usually something like" Wow...what a difference...i never would have guessed"......cause its true....its amazing the difference between full makeup...and a 5 o'clock shadow in guy mode ......

[Kate Simmons]

Transforming from an old geezer to a beautiful woman is my specialty. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jaylyn]

But some of us old geezers Kate just don't transform all that well... Lol

[Krisi]

So you outed yourself? That's not one of the things I think about when I think of the "Risks of being recognized when OUT enfemme". If you choose to out yourself that's fine unless alcohol was involved and you regret it the next day.

[Jorja]

Yes, but it pisses me off when they think they do recognize me and say "Laura you look so cute!" That biatch Laura! She always gets all the recognition, for everything! I respond by saying, Damit, I am Jorja and stomp off. ;)

[ArleneRaquel]

Now that I spent 24/7 wearing female attire I do not care if I'm recognized, by old friends, or not. Living this way for a decade they do have to be very old friends.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

HA! I'm just a "plain Jane" today at home wearing my wig and long loop earrings. The trash was picked up so I walked to the end of our driveway to retreive the bin. I live in a quiet neighborhood on a dead end street. If a neighbor drove by I had the attitude I'd just wave. I suspect my closest neighbors know after maybe seeing that woman in a one-piece bathing suit in my yard. We're civil, get along fine, and I don't give a rat's behind! I'm generally very liked around here. Once they talk, if they do, it'll become second nature for them as it has for me.

Cheryl

[Eryn]

The two things that might get me recognized:

1. My voice. Even if we feminize our voices, the basic resonances are as unique as fingerprints and much more recognizable.
2. My spouse. Acquaintances have recognized her while we were shopping 60 miles away from home. We just split up and rejoin later on. If we ever got cornered at a dining table the jig would be up.

Now, I do try to make sure that my male persona looks considerably different than my female self. This gets harder since I decided to grow my own hair out. For the present, I just conceal it under a hat in male mode. Later on, after it gets long enough, I will tie it back in male mode.

[steftoday]

What Eryn said. The therapist I've seen says two things can give you away immediately; your car and your voice...

[Nikki A.]

If you're dressed and alone most people will not realize who you are. I ran into 2 of my daughter's teachers (both gay men) in a local club. One knows me very well but I had to keep giving them clues before they realized who I was.
My former tax preparer also didn't recognize me either. Also at Halloween, the ladies at DMV didn't recognize me until I opened my mouth and I'm there a couple of time a week. So I believe that you can probably fly under the radar if you're dressed to blend.

[Margot Emerson]

I don't worry too much about being recognized when I go out. About the only time I feel I'd be recognized is pulling out of the driveway, and only then because my car and location would give someone a context. Without that context, I seriously doubt anyone would recognize me. I think that generally people see what they expect to see, and think no further about it. I prefer to be discreet and not to deal with coming out to the neighbors right now for lots of reasons, one being that they have no need to know. I suppose if they ever did recognize me, I'd want to ask them if they liked the outfit! :heehee:

[Launa]

If you are professionally made up then chances are millions, millions to 1 that you'll ever be caught in public. I have a friend of mine that was dressed and passed his own sister when he was grocery shopping at Safeway. This is no BS, he said his sister looked right at him but could not put 2 + 2 together because it was so far out of context for her to relate to. I personally worry mostly about my voice out in public but at the same time if I haven't talked to someone in a year then they would have a hard time matching me up. I'm also not going to talk to someone that I recognize. LOL

[Margot Emerson]

Launa, my voice is a giveaway, too. I've always been soft spoken, but its something I have to consciously work on.

[Algoma]

I also believe no one will recognize me. And my recent proof is at SCC. I share a ride down with someone I meet through this site. We were both in boy mode. I had seen her photos so I could make the before and after. But when I was dressed and ran into her in the lobby she didn't know who I was. And thats after 15 hours in the car together. That said, I still get nervous close to home someone will know me. Algoma

[Launa]

Launa, my voice is a giveaway, too. I've always been soft spoken, but its something I have to consciously work on.


Your voice might be a give away but only if I'm really trying to put your male face to the voice I'm hearing. I think its harder than you think..... I'm going to take my chances and I know I will recognize the other person before I say one word!

[Margot Emerson]

That is true Launa. Its said that people often don't see what's right in front of them. Context is everything, ithink.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I never worked on my voice except to speak softer. There are many transitioners who post on Youtube explaining how they were able to raise their pitch into a female range. It does take some work. It's worth checking because one I know can switch back and forth, and she is very convincing. Of course, many CDer's are very convincing until they speak. Some have mastered it well.

Cheryl

[Stephanie Julianna]

I do not worry about being outed since my male and female look are so dramaticly different. I was shoulder to shoulder once with my boss at a jewelry counter at Macy's once and she never had a clue. However, if I had a wife who wanted to go out with me she would be the cause of my being outed. After all she would be recognized and than a more observant friend might connect the dots. This is also one of the reasons I never accepted an invite from my daughters when they offered my a night out with the girls when they were in college. I refused for their protection as well as mine.

[suchacutie]

My take on this is that anything unique or quirky about your male self that carries over to your femme self will connect the dots for people. Certainly a spouse is a problem that way (which is why going out away from home minimizes the chance of connection, but even then you can be a cousin), but body motions, facial expressions, and the one occupying my time right now: language patterns!

I've got the rejection of the base part of my voice down pat, but now I'm seeing that I don't know what to do with that voice. I need some Tina time to simply work through how Tina is going to speak, and what her nuances will be like! It's hard to change years of speech patterns in both phrases and voice nuance, but someone has to do it! :)

[reb.femme]

For myself, I'm not overly fussed about being outed but, my wife works in a very male dominated environment and I don't want to bring problems to her work life. Other than that, I'd happily expose this part of me to the real world and to hell with the conversations behind my back. My femme kit would be much nicer to wear to work than my trousers and shirt routine in Bob mode, plus I'm prettier...I think anyway.

Rebecca

[Krisi]

Going out by myself gets boring after a while but going out with my wife brings the risk of being recognized as some have already posted. Getting out of the house and neighborhood without being recognized is the other issue. When I go out I underdress and change in the car in a parking lot. I reverse the proceedure when comin back home. This could be awkward with my wife in the car.

I suppose I could let her out to go shopping while I change and come back and pick her up and get on with the excursion.

[Jackie7]

I drive a distinctive car (powder blue with a roof rack for kayaks), I have a distinctive basso voice, my wife is flamboyant and assertive in her sweetness, and still I usually am not recognized when I go out, even when we encounter people who know us both. We have a million photos going by at random on the living room computer, a lot of them are Jackie posing or Jackie with my wife, visitors on more than one occasion have asked who is that red headed woman in so many of your photos. We just laugh. It's all very strange, glad we stopped worrying about it.
As has been often said before, most people are so preoccupied by their own stuff that they don't really see anyone else. Including us - we get so worried about whether we are passing or blending or being recognized that we don't see the other person at all.

[DaphneMiller]

I have a few photos on my desk at work. A couple of our kids, and a smaller one of Daphne. No one has ever commented or asked who she is. Sometimes the best place to hide something is out in the open.

Daphne
x

[Marcelle]

I kind of resolved this issue by outing myself to my friends, coworkers and family. However, I have run into people I know quite well and even though they are looking right at me there is no hint of recognition.

Hugs

Isha

[sherri]

Coupla thangs from personal experience for those for whom being outed would be seriously problematic, lest you be lulled into a false security ...

Just cuz one person doesn't recognize you doesn't mean no one will. Some people are more observant and analytical than others.
Just cuz you didn't encounter an oh-my-god reaction doesn't mean no one clocked you. For a variety of reasons, some people will choose to keep their discovery to themselves, at least as far as you're concerned, and you might not even be aware of the incident if you don't spot them too.
When I started dressing 15 years ago I think I was less recognizable in drag than I an now. For some of us, aging kinda does that.
As others have mentioned, context is key, but where it tends to be our ally in many environs, it can cut the other way in others. In tg-friendly clubs where gender bending is more common, for instance, anyone present who knows you will be more inclined to put 2 and 2 together.

[ophelia]

Resolve that you will get clocked as a crossdresser. You may look totally convincing, but body language and behaviour patterns take decades to learn or manage and will betray you. Be thankful that most people don't really care enough to make a fuss or to create a dangerous confrontation. That said, being mindful that people will see me as a man in a dress I make sure that they are less able to determine which man is in that dress...