10 years later, not bad but not what I was expecting.

[tifftg]

10 years ago I turned 50, (you can do the math). While I had been dressing off and on for decades like many it really kicked into high gear. I treated myself to 3 days enfemme in Chicago. It was incredible and the start of a multi-year pink fog. One thing I am not proud of was that my wife of twenty years did not know about my dressing. Great hiding places in a basement she didn't like going into and lots of travel for work.

My Chicago trips let me really explore but also caused me to consider how far I wanted to go with Tiffany. I was both excited and nervous so I got counseling. Fortunately I found a counselor who specialized in transgender issues. We broke down both some personal issues I was dealing with and my gender issues. Then my wife goes out of town I pull out my femme stuff and I don't put back my brushes. We have the talk, no not gay, still love here, been going to counseling,etc,etc. she goes with me I confess some more and now I think life will be great. My wife knows I can dress more. WRONG yes she knows but she hates. I had to choose. I live somewhat vicariously through these pages although I did go through a pink fog this past summer. I was living alone while we were moving. I held out for a few months but had to shop and explore. I don't know if I wish I had started earlier as I had four months alone or wished I had been able to hang on.

I think about dressing every day, I can't control what I think only what I do.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for this forum and all of you sharing the journey.

Tiffany

[AngelaYVR]

I was out with some other CDs on Saturday night. We are all married and discussing these sorts of issues. One of them said "if I could choose, why on earth would I choose THIS?" We all love what we do but it is deeply rooted and an unchangeable fact. Having to hide part of your core personality is a recipe for disaster. If your counsellor had any gumption, hopefully your wife was made aware of that. If she still makes you choose, then I am very sorry for your situation. Wishing you the strength to deal with it.

Angela xx

[Kate Simmons]

I know it can be tough to keep under wraps sometimes. I did it for two tours in a war zone. This also gives you time to think about things. Fulfillment can be somewhat anti-climactic though. It was for me. In other words, once I finally got there, it was no big deal. :)

[Tora]

Tiffany, This is not a easy hobby to work with. ( Hobby is not a insult, please no hate mail ) Our family life is important. Lots of personal decisions. The diversity of the members here is a wide spectrum. Many are in your corner. Just take it slow. Outsiders have a problem understanding the practice we choose. I know I enjoy my limited time.



Good luck, be well,

[Jorja]

A girl has to know her limits and learn how to balance life. That is the hard part but once you learn how to balance things, life becomes much easier.

[ArleneRaquel]

Lovely post darlin. Chicago is a great town in which to be a CD. Actually I live as a woman 24/7 and I live just a few blocks West of the city.

BTW Happy Birthday ! Love & Best Wishes !

[Jaylyn]

I feel Jorja has the right formula for what we do. Balance of time spent doing the the thing we love and balancing a normal life with family and others we come in touch with is hard. Sometimes it can be difficult and we don't always choose the right direction we are going with the dressing, but we must chart our own course and still keep what's the most important things to us in life in the fore front. Be and make your own life work for you.

[Tina_gm]

Situations like these is where I think a DADT lifestyle can benefit. My wife will likely never "like it." You will be far from alone on this board of members whose wives won't ever be too fond of CDing. But, at least getting to a point where at least you don't have to hide it soo much. Not making it to where it can be visible, not even having to discuss it, but at least there is no true hiding or lying involved.

[kimdl93]

I wouldn't assume too much. Your wife has only begun to digest the new information, and as most people, she has responded negatively, and defensively to something outside of her experience. Consider this the beginning of the conversation, not the last word.

[Kris Avery]

I always am so sad that others have SOs who are not as accepting as mine.
I'm short on advice other than to say just take things slow and one day at a time.

[BillieAnneJean]

I think that it would be very difficult to put it better in less words than as kimdl93 answered this.

It is definitely not the end of the discussion unless that is what one of you decides. But if that is the decision then that person making the decision should have ALL the information to make that decision. And the only way to get ALL the information is to have some unemotional and honest dialog. Because once someone digs their heels in and refuses to compromise, the end will seem like the easiest way out.

I did not see anything in your post about your hops for your future: CDer, 24/7 CDer, reassignment, or? The first might be easier for her. The others might be deal breakers. They would be for me if I was the woman in the relationship. You have to admit that the deal breakers are not part of the typically understood "better or worse" in a marriage. Just like if she wanted to have F-M reassignment.

Good luck, but whatever you do, be kind, patient, and considerate of her.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Wow, you are in a tight position. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't. What the other ladies have said is correct for me and I hope you find peace!!!

[tifftg]

Billie Anne you ask a great question, and as long as I have been doing this I am fairly certain I do not want to transition. I do love being fully dressed, made up and going out with others. I wish I could do that more with out her being bothered.