Wife Found My Things

[Glenda58]

Last week my wife found my things in my room and toss a few out in the trash. I found out later that night they were gone but didn't say anything.
The next morning we had a talk. She wanted all of the things out of the room:sad: But she said she knew it wouldn't stop so take my things and put them in the basement where she won't see them:) She also got the things out of the trash and put them in my room.

Now I have a new problem. I have more things then I can stash some are old and I should get rid of them. But they're like old friends you just don't toss out.

She's gone out now time to cleanup and find places for the new stuff.

[Tina_gm]

I think right now you have or should, a greater concern than where you should store your stuff....

[Teresa]

Glenda,
I hope you don't mind but I've checked your profile page and I think in your mid-sixties it's cruel what your wife has done !
I hope I don't face the same thing, my wife does know where my things are !
Is your wife totally non accepting or has something stirred her up ? I hope you can get back to dressing again without having to worry about you stuff being dumped !!

[Amy Lynn3]

Glenda, maybe a heart to heart talk with your wife might be in order, to set guidelines.

[Jodi]

If my wife would have thrown out any of my stuff, her tail would have been thrown out on the curb with the items. If you allow yourself to be pushed around like that you will be.

As others have said, you have deeper problems than where to store your stuff. It's time to use that set you were born with.

Jodi

[Nadine Spirit]

Isn't it strange how we become attached to these things? It happens to me with lots of my things, not just CD related items. But I like watching those hoarding shows, as they inspire me to go and throw crap away! Seriously, I try and go through all of my stuff around the house every so often, and if something is not getting used, and I can't see myself actually using it within a set period of time, even if the item might still have some use left in it, it gets donated or tossed. I am a firm believer in refining our items, especially our wardrobes. Don't keep something just because it brings you warm fuzzies.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

You meed to have a long talk and get feelings out in the open. That'll eventually happen whether you like it or not and you both will have to come to terms with it all. None of us can hide for too long from a spouse and keep our things hidden forever. I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife is fine with everything including my own packed closet.

Cheryl

[Glenda58]

My wife knew before we got married that I was Cder. She just doesn't want it in her face. And she did get everything out of the trash and gave it back to me. Other than the perfume that she's wearing now.

[Stephanie47]

I read a post from February 2014 in which you stated you told your intended wife you are a cross dresser. You stated she was OK with it, but, did not want to see it. You also indicated things were changing. I would venture to make a guess, she was infatuated with you while dating. As with almost every relationship, when the honeymoon period is over, things change.

I've been married for 40+ years. I'm in a DADT relationship that developed over the years. If my wife were to pass away, and, I was to remarry and I told my intended bride of my cross dressing I would never allow her to restrict my cross dressing. If the cards were laid on the table for her to see, if she wanted me to dump cross dressing, i'd find a different partner to play cards with.

It was wrong for her to throw your possessions away, and, the same holds with your prior posts of her thinning out your panty draw. I would never allow her to banish a part of me to the basement. When you make the statement these things were in your room, it gave me the impression she has violated your exclusive space. If that is the case, get a lock and keep her out of her stuff. Let us know how this goes. I suspect it will not end well for you.

[lexivanderpump]

You have to sit down with your wife and have one of probably many talks to come. When my wife found my panty stash, she folded them nicely and put them away in a nicer spot than where I had them stashed. Your wife probably has more questions and concerns and you need to "put on your big girl panties" and address her concerns. Be honest with her. In my case, the more honest I am with my wife, the more she "tolerates" my CDing.

I hope this helps hon.

Love,
Lexi V.

[tommi]

Danger will Robinson danger
Seriously though been thru this myself wife threatened divorce
Part of mine was foolish on my part I do all the laundry and got to carried away
And was actually hanging up my wardrobe in the closet it wasn't till she
Was searching suitcases for a missing coat she never did find but I had some
Items in the suitcase.
Raided my closet and dressers dumping everything out on the bed bad experience
But like yours she told me to get rid of it get counseling and never let her see it again

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

In 1983 my ex wife purged all of my things and I felt violated and empty. This was after many years of acceptance. There I was with a couple bags driving to the landfill. Had I known, I would have pretended to dispose of them and found a place to hide them when I eventually moved out and we got divorced.

Not many realize what our clothes and accessories mean to us and how much joy and contentment they bring us. For someone to strip us of that is to strip us of our identity. God forbid my loving wife should leave somehow but if I were to start a new relationship, my CDing and identity wouldn't be compromised for someone else's needs or desire. I'd stay single until the right partner, male or female, came along loving this girl.

Cheryl

[CONSUELO]

As others have said, the issue here goes well beyond finding a new place for your female clothing. I would be outraged if a similar thing happened to me.

[Beverley Sims]

Mine got tossed out some years ago along with some very special and expensive costumes.
I was able to contact the garbage people and the driver had recognised value in what he saw.
He had retrieved them for later sale and after a discussion and a ten dollar tip..
The other tip was that he could lose his job if he didn't return them.
An understanding difference with mother half and everything has been alright since.
I will not pass judjment as why this get done but it is quite the wrong way to do things

[Debra Russell]

Throw out what you don't need or use - it won't hurt and will free up space and be easer to put things away and out of sight and give it time things may get better.....................................Debra

[CherylFlint]

I read your post to my wife who, as I knew she would, went ballistic.
And I agree with my wife.
You have a lot bigger problem than looking for more storage place.
How come you had to "hide" your stuff in the first place, is what I wonder.
Ommission is just as much a lie as a lie.
You and your wife need to figure this out. My wife says it's no big deal your dressing so your wife shouldn't "freak".
Good luck no matter how it plays out.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I have to agree here. With my first wife I had to hide some things to survive and keep thye peace. It didn't work! My second wife who is fully supportive has access to all that I have. She will even suggest I toss some things that are either worn out or no longer appropriate or just don't fit. In the end she leaves the decisions up to me. And often she'll be shopping for herself and bring home something new for me.

Cheryl

[~Joanne~]

I agree with this 100%


If my wife would have thrown out any of my stuff, her tail would have been thrown out on the curb with the items. If you allow yourself to be pushed around like that you will be.

As others have said, you have deeper problems than where to store your stuff. It's time to use that set you were born with.

Jodi

This pretty much sums up what I would have said. You have rights to your stuff just the same as your wife does hers. If You had done that to her, there would have been holy hell raised. I understand she went and got your things out of the trash but they never should have been there in the first place. I consider that a lack of respect more than anything else.

[biannne]

I think we have all gone through this. My first wife knew I was CDing but yet she married me. I guess, she figured she could change me. When she found my things, she threw all of them in the front seat of my car.
My finance is very suppurating of me dressing. She even bought dresser so that I could put all my things. She buys me clothes, panties, bras and even suggest make up tip.
Feeling of crossdressing is very strong and is not just passing fancy to most of us. So, you need to sit down and talk to your wife or it will escalate into something worst. Best of luck.

-Anna

[alwayshave]

I never lost clothes to my ex-wife, but she did throw out a large magazine collection that I had saying it was offensive. I was angry beyond description. She had some first edition books, Gone with the Wind and Pride, Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mocking Bird, etc. I took them and hid them. When she asked about her books, I told her I found them offensive and threw them away. She screamed at me that I had no right to throw away her property. I told her that she was the one who made the rule if one of us found the other's property offensive we could throw it away. She said that her books were not offensive, I said they were to me, but the magazines were not offensive. She never touched my stuff again. I still have the books. Not the nicest thing I ever did, but I will not have somebody mess with me in that manner. If she had asked me, I would have just moved the collection to storage.

[flatlander_48]

She's gone out now time to cleanup and find places for the new stuff.

You gotta do what you gotta do...

[Glenda58]

Thanks everyone for comments. Marriage is a 2 way street there's give and take. She allows me time to dress but she doesn't want to know about or see it. Having things in my room was pushing the limits of what she could except from me. I left things in the open she saw them and didn't say anything at first. Then I did more that's when she did what she did. She didn't toss anything out. She retrieved them and gave them back to me. I have a finished basement it's not like I'm in a dark cellar. So as long as I can dress without upsetting her is OK with me.

My problem is I can stop shopping for cloths. I have 24 sets of bra and panties 8 dresses 9 pair of heels skirts and tops 5 wigs and that's what I got hidden. I have no male under cloths at all or jeans. I need to give her a home she will be comfortable in. She lets me dress I need to let her do what she wants here also.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Glenda, I sure hope that things calm down and get back to normal with your wife, Good luck.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Get a storage locker. Pay cash. No one the wiser.

[Jenniferathome]

Clothes are FASHION not friends. They can't last/survive too many seasons. Toss what was fashionable.

[Teresa]

Jennifer I think they're more like small trophies, some have been hard won ! My first pair of heels weren't expensive but the story behind getting them makes me want to put them in a display cabinet ! I may not wear the PVC maid outfit much now but the experience I went through to buy it, I would find it hard to part with it !

[Jenniferathome]

Teresa, I get it, but we need to break this habit of collecting. How many bras can one man need?!? Certainly no more than his wife but that seems not the case for many here. But here's the real problem with collecting clothes and not moving with time. Very, very few items are "timeless." If one goes out in a favorite dress from 1981, they will stick out for that alone!

My my wife always says that I need a few things each SEASON and clothes need to be reevaluated every year.....sage advice.

[Kimberly Ann]

I think it's really sad that you told your SO before marriage and that you still have to hide your things and dress in private. I think you have a really great attitude about it and hope that things work out. I am glad she gave you your things back. I don't think anyone has the right to throw away another person's property....especially things that are important to your SO. I respect my SO and even though I have been angered by his excess at times...I would never presume that it was okay to throw away his things. He has a difficult time getting rid of old things as well. I have a rule for myself. If I haven't worn it in a year....I donate it so that it can bless someone else. I hope you and SO can continue to compromise.

[SO1Adam12]

Thanks everyone for comments. Marriage is a 2 way street there's give and take. She allows me time to dress but she doesn't want to know about or see it. Having things in my room was pushing the limits of what she could except from me. I left things in the open she saw them and didn't say anything at first. Then I did more that's when she did what she did. She didn't toss anything out. She retrieved them and gave them back to me. I have a finished basement it's not like I'm in a dark cellar. So as long as I can dress without upsetting her is OK with me.

My problem is I can stop shopping for cloths. I have 24 sets of bra and panties 8 dresses 9 pair of heels skirts and tops 5 wigs and that's what I got hidden. I have no male under cloths at all or jeans. I need to give her a home she will be comfortable in. She lets me dress I need to let her do what she wants here also.

So like many who have been "found out" I see this as a "happy accident". Much like those who were outed by friends or neighbors while running to the car, etc....this is one of those situations you knew was a potential problem, but maybe on a subconscious level hoped would happen. I mean, isn't that so much easier than having to explain? My guess is you were looking for an "opener" with the wife and her "accidentally" discovering your clothes provided the opportunity.

From the opinion of an SO, I think many of CDer's manipulate circumstances to bring their CDing to the table.

[donnalee]

Glenda, I hate to tell you this, but your wife is a bully.
I am constantly amazed and appalled by so many posts to this forum where this happens to dressers who sit there and write sad posts about this form of spousal abuse, either out of a perceived sense of guilt over something that causes no harm and that cannot be turned off, or that it was not revealed before marriage when the dresser may not have been aware of the condition or it's severity at the time. A lack of inclusion at the time is an omission, not a falsehood and shouldn't be considered as such by either party. What about the marriage vows; wasn't there something in there about "love, honor and cherish" in there? It is supposed to be a lifetime vow - "'til death us do part", not "until one of us decides to quit" ; now that is dishonest.
Only you can refuse to be bullied and stand up for yourself.

[Tina_gm]

I will have to disagree about stuff like the marriage vows, and how an omission is not a lie. Technically perhaps, but the result of an omission is almost identical to a lie. We end up perceiving and believing things which are not accurate.

I will agree that the wife should not be making the types of demands she is making or throwing any personal items out, that is wrong. It is also wrong to hide behind the marriage vows. So now because of the vows, we the CDer now gets to say this is how I really am, deal with it? What if the wife says, you never told me about CDing, I don't like it, don't want anything to do with it, this is how I am, deal with it. Kind of an impasse here. She is really only doing the same thing.

It is my belief that we who do not reveal should out of fairness for the lack of reveal do a lot of the compromising. It would be different if we revealed early on, our partners say its fine and then we get married, then she turns around and says, eh, I am not fine and now I am going to change it all and have you not do what you have always done, and lived as you have always lived. I mean, afterall, till death do us part right?