Outed to the whole neighborhood, catchy response suggestions please

[BillieAnneJean]

Well it is out now. Everyone's gonna know or does already. The neighborhood couple with the binoculars and observation room know and so do other neighbors. There is a weird guy in the neighborhood who dresses up in women's clothes. And sure to burn their undies, I can say, even without conceit, that I look better than seven of the ten women in our neighborhood. I weigh less than six of them too. THAT will be what really ticks them off.

Unfortunately my SO will take this hard. Any suggestions for her or I when a neighbor who thinks they have something on us says something negatively judgmental?

I wonder how many of them have kiddie porn, cheat on their spouses, are unkind? But a guy who gets dolled up in women's clothing is news?

It has no effect on my self esteem. I had a hard childhood. I can take anything.

My best friend, the most important person in the whole world, my personal pearl of great price, my SO, won't be so resilient. Honey I am SO sorry!!!!!! I NEVER EVER wanted to be anything but the best husband for you! I have tried my best.

So any quips for the smart a$$ comments we are certain to get would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Billie Anne Outed Jean

[Rachael Ray]

"I'm more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get."

[AngelaYVR]

Your reaction is a little strange. Most likely you will not hear anything but it seems as though you want to. My mother would always say "don't meet trouble half way" and, I will add, never compare yourself to a GG.

Angela

[Jenniferathome]

"So you're a cross dresser, eh?"

"Yup."

Kinda ends it all right there.

[bridget thronton]

Sorry this is so disturbing - with luck neighbors ignore it

[Rachelakld]

"so....?"
"and....?"
"I know, he's so great"

[susanmiller64]

It really won’t be that big of a deal. A couple years ago 2 of my neighbors found out, saw me on a TV interview. The nest day they saw me at the mail box and said we saw you on TV last night. I knew what they were talking about and just said yes, I am a crossdresser. We talked a little bit about it and they have never brought it up again and treat me no different. They have even seen me leave a few times as Susan and just wave to me like always.
Not sure if they have told any of the other neighbors as none of them have ever said anything about it to me. There may be talk around the neighborhood but nothing has changed. I think how we come across about it determines how people react. If we are okay with it and not ashamed then I think they will be okay with it.
Hope it works out for you.

[Kate T]

You have the wrong attitude to it. If you want to go ahead and alienate your neighbours then off you go and give them some smart ass comment back. However if you want to be accepted and make a difference I would suggest you treat any comments as an opportunity to educate. Most of your neighbours will be curious rather than vindictive.

[Rogina B]

As with most any T related issues...Say nothing! Show them that you row your own boat in this life and it will have more positive impact. I doubt anyone will ever say anything to you or your wife..It isn't a big deal unless you make it into one...

[Laura912]

Your guard is rightly up, but would it not be better to assume that there will be more acceptance or less angst if you seem more approachable about the entire issue? A smile and "Yes, that was me." will go a long way and not put the neighbors on an immediate defense.

[Marcelle]

Hi BillieAnne,

I am sorry to hear you have been outed by the "observation post" across the street . . . makes me wonder what else those people are looking at . . . sounds kind of voyeuristic to me and isn't that against the law . . . just saying.

I know a lot of people are saying just say "yeah I am a cross dresser . . . so what" and I know by your posts you are confident enough to do so but, I believe you are more concerned about your SO when and if she may be confronted. From my own experience, after outing myself to basically everyone I have had few people come up say anything. Those who have were mainly curious and asked questions which were reasonable and I take that as an opportunity to educate. However, I was cognizant that my wife might have to deal with this on a whole different level in that people will be wondering how she could possibly stay married to a man who dresses like a woman. Her response (and she has never had to use this) would be:

"I married a man 25 years ago, he has changed over the years, I have changed over the years but in the end I am the same woman and he is the same man. We both love, support and care for each other based on mutual respect. If you can claim that in your own marriage I am happy for you. If you can't then perhaps you should look to your own marriage and fix that before passing judgment on others"

But like I said she has never had to use this.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Best thing to do in this case is to get ahead of the rumor mill. You may be able to lessen the shock value for your friend and SO.

I should add that I have had experienced no adverse consequences since I first came out in some cases directly meeting several neighbors and encountering others while walking the dogs through the neighborhood. It's been four years now.

[Krisi]

I don't think a smart ass answer is the best plan. You are a crossdresser, you weren't careful enough to hide it so now it's time to man up and own it. If anyone comments or asks, admit it and talk about it if they ask. If they don't just change the subject.

An no, you don't look better than seven of ten women in the neighborhood. You just think you do.

[Mollyanne]

Hi BillieAnne, this may sound trite but this may be a blessing in disguise. I am assuming that your SO knows about "BillieAnn". If she doesn't I would explain it to her NOW and also advise her (not tell) that the neighbor(s) saw you and might confront her. If that happens she should respond with-----Yes, so what!!!!! and walk away without saying another word, if on the street a response could be-------Yes, so what!!!!! and walk away. After a while , the smoke will clear and all the "talk" will abate.

BTW, what I see from your avatar picture is a very attractive woman.

Molly

[Stephanie Julianna]

All the advice here is solid. If your neighbors confront you with their mew insight, admit it. However, your SO is another story. If you have not told her yet that you have been outed, tell her before she hears it from someone else. She needs to be prepared. If you are approached about it I would not be any more defensive about it than I would be for being Polish or bald. It's just the way I'm wired and then let the conversation flow.

[stephNE]

How about something like: " Why yes, are you asking because you want to go out with me? "
or maybe: "The next time I dress would you like to go with me to the .....?"
Good luck, S>

[Kate Simmons]

Unless they sign your paycheck, I wouldn't worry about it Hon. :)

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Gosh, I dunno, I just feel really bad for the SO in this. I'm sure the idea that half the neighbourhood is now talking behind her back is not going to go down well, and rightly so. I know everyone here says it's a great educational platform and time to share with the neighbors about crossdressers, but I think that's silly and very unrealistic. The real world doesn't really care to be educated about most things, let alone men in dresses. Not yet anyway. You can try, but if you're not keen to start the TG movement on your own, I'd consider damage control instead.

Personally, I'd suggest pulling aside the few who know and telling them it's just this little thing you get a kick out of, no big deal and you'd appreciate them keeping it to themselves as it's a very private matter. If they're even halfway decent human beings, they will do just that. They'll probably be glad to!

Otherwise, you can throw back comments or ignore it altogether but I would expect the entire neighborhood to find out and some to not be very polite about it. People are idiots, and there's no harm or shame in protecting yourself and family. No one here is obligated to sell the joys of CDing to the general public. Just my thoughts on this, coming from the other side. :)

[BillieAnneJean]

My SO knew that I was going to crossdress before I did it the first time ever. She knew I was going OUT enfemme before I did it the first time. I have no secrets from my SO. I just know she will not be able to laugh it off. Even if just laughing it off, saying "not a big deal to me", or "yep and he looks good too", or "he is having some silly fun". Would do the trick, she just will not be able to do that. When confronted with an unplanned situation she is not able to take control. But to me she is the perfect person of my dreams.

I have no intention of facilitating any confrontation with the neighbors.

I was seeking funny answers.

And I definitely do look better than seven of the ten neighbors. Not that it means anything to me. But it might to them if a guy looks better in women's clothes than they do in their sweats. It is comparing a prepped apple to an unprepared orange.

So any FUNNY responses out there?

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Um...tell them you lost a bet?

[NicoleScott]

Any questions about why a guy would wear a dress, heels, and makeup, my quip would be: "well, SOMEBODY has to".

- or -

"That was a dress rehearsal for a Halloween party. The theme is electronics. I'm going as a trans-sister."

[Katey888]

And sure to burn their undies, I can say, even without conceit, that I look better than seven of the ten women in our neighborhood. I weigh less than six of them too. THAT will be what really ticks them off.


Billie Anne - please take care... what you say above I am sure is true and will doubtless rankle hugely... If there's one thing worse than a woman scorned it's a woman bettered in the dressing stakes... :eek:

So.. some quips from the Mistress of Wit and Ready Repartée... ;)

"So you wear women's clothing out..."

- " Not all the time - sometimes I run around in a bin bag and other times in a latex gimp suit - depends on the season and how my meds are doing..."

OR

- " Yes I do - my shrink says this is the best way to suppress the arsonist in me that burnt down a whole city block when I was fourteen - what number are you again...?"

OR

- " I do - I feel so calm now.. my probation officer has said I can use an axe again only for chopping wood and I won't need the straitjacket at weekends... but don't worry, if you see me at night with a double-headed axe just stay inside with the lights out and don't come out however much screaming you hear... :devil:"

OR

- " Yep - it was either that or run for local council, but I think being a politician is more stigmatised and less good for the community, don't you...? "

OR (Could be a bit edgy this one...)

- " Goodness me no.... how could a guy like me possibly look that good and better than your wife, your sister and your teenage daughter..." (OK - I don't think this one is really polite...)

I could do more...? But seriously, I think the advice here is good - don't be tempted or drawn into ANY kind of smart quip... there are some who will just be looking for an excuse to do something really nasty... I like to think these things in my head in situations like this, and just smile serenely back at the perps and feel sorry for them... I do hope your SO is OK too - while you can deal with it it does often rebound on others close to us more....

Fingers crossed for you.... :hugs:

Katey x

[Ressie]

Funny Answers? "Are you the one that's been dressing like a girl?",

No, that's my twin brother that just came to visit.

No, that's my twin sister that just came to visit.

Yes, I won a bet!

Hope the wife finds a way to not be too upset.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I'll think of some funny comebacks later to take the tension off the situation and you can both laugh. It's really wierd that you have neighbors who spy on the others. That's how they get their kicks? You got caught by them. Now you have to own it.

For one thing I hope you have been generally accepted as that "nice guy John" among neighbors, That'll soften any reactions by your neighbors. Are you also sure they all know?

If I were confronted, I have a feeling not much will be said. A neighbor might look at you funny but remember that some people are afraid to say something and get into an embarassing conversation for themselves.

The one thing I would avoid is pi$$ing off a neighbor who could become vindictive. So if you do use a smart comeback choose something that doesn't make them defensive. You might want to even throw some suspicions by saying something like, "It makes me wonder who else the Jones are spying on and spreading crap." That'll get other neighbors suspicious about THEM! LOL!

Just a little story: I knew a fireman who put out a fire in an apartment occupied by 3 women. He mentioned how they saw a wide array of sex toys. I knew one of the women and felt he was quite unprofessional saying that.

Cheryl

[Jannis]

Best advice I ever received...."Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk."

[Allison Chaynes]

"Oh you saw me in a dress? Well, that's pretty tame compared to the porn you watch. You really should put a better password on your WiFi."

"I'd be more concerned about the woman your husband was going to town on while you were at work."

"I noticed you kept watching for quite a while. Next time, would you please keep your hands out of your pants while watching?"

[Isabella Ross]

I think there's been some good advice given in this thread already...most notably from Jennifer and Angela. I've never been in this situation, but if I ever am, I am going to take the route that my mentor (the girl who helped me realize I needed to accept my transgenderism) took: when it became clear that she had been outed in her new neighbourhood, she was polite, brought up the subject to many of her neighbours, gently educated many of them, refused to scurry about in the dark, and carried herself with dignity. In turn, she won them all over...many of them have become incredible friends who absolutely respect who she is and her candid nature. While we all live in different neighbourhoods, I would never assume that I would receive the completely negative response you appear to be expecting, nor would I see the world as being as unaccepting as tinkerbell seems to think it is. That's not to suggest that I am so naive as to believe there won't be some trouble; there are always ***holes. Best wishes with your difficult time, Billie Anne.

[Alice Torn]

Putting myself in your heels, that would be hard for me, for sure! I guess to have humor would be good. If they ask you, just say yes, one of my hobbies, i do it now and then and just laugh, if they laugh, or mock at you. Wish them good day!

[Wildaboutheels]

1] You don't know how many of the neighbors know?

2] You don't know how many of the neighbors care?

You already know there is nothing wrong with what you do.

It's likely few will mention it or say anything. The SHARP people who hear "the news" will continue their Relationship with you based on all that has actually transpired between you and them. RW experience. The UNsharp may let their imaginations run amok with useless speculation and leap to wild conclusions. They might try to annoy or intimidate you or do a little baiting. Some might be genuinely curious. Unless you are a mindreader or they are obviously looking down their nose at you you can't be sure about WHY they might ask.

Can you? I think it best to give any one with a Q the benefit of the doubt.

I'm pretty sure you had the word HOBBY in capital letters listed over your over your avatar for quite a while? It's still a hobby to you? [like for most CDers on the planet]

"Yes, it's one of my hobbies. I can help you get started if you are interested". <<< That will put he ball back in their court for anyone with a Q or comment.

"But a guy who gets dolled up in women's clothing is news?"

^^^ Not unless you change the way you TREAT people. That's what sharp people care about.

[MsVal]

Own it, get in front of it, and manage it.

(Those words came from a management seminar many years ago. They originally were said in the context of big, unanticipated, problems that affect projects, but they seem to be good advice for lots of life's circumstances.)

[Nadine Spirit]

And sure to burn their undies, I can say, even without conceit, that I look better than seven of the ten women in our neighborhood. I weigh less than six of them too. THAT will be what really ticks them off.

I wonder how many of them have kiddie porn, cheat on their spouses, are unkind? But a guy who gets dolled up in women's clothing is news?


Wow seriously? I am shocked at the level of nastiness you pose to others. I have absolutely no idea what someone in your position would say to others. Umm...

Honestly everyone, this is the mindset that hiding brings about. We hide because we think we have to, because we suspect the worst in others. In doing that we vilify our fellow human beings. The nastiness starts in our own heads.

Okay, so Billie Anne Jean, how about you say "Hi neighbors, it is nice to see you today, I hope you have a great day!"

[GingerLeigh]

It's very unlikely ANY of them will have the audacity to confront you so don't expect them to be chasing you out of town any time soon. Yes, for now they will whisper about you behind your back. It will impact your SO more than it will you, so don't push your luck with dressing for now. Time it will smooth it over.

Neighbors really are a funny lot. All of them are different and each of them has their own little quirks. I can't say we've never whispered about our neighbors with others. The sewing circle is always active in tight knit communities.

Best advice is to be outwardly kind, friendly and social. It's hard to ostracize a couple that everyone believes to be nice. Just be more careful about the windows in your home silly!

[CONSUELO]

Avoid "smart ass" comments or replies, don't say anything jokey or nasty if the subject comes up. Hold your head high and just carry on as a good friendly neighbour.

By now they will have forgotten it and be more worried about Ebola.

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

Unless you have had direct conversations, or made eye contact with (while dressed) with said neighbors, how are you so sure that they know?

[Jorja]

Sorry to hear you have been outed by the neighborhood spy patrol. So if anyone says anything just say, Yes, that was me. Get used to it ladies. Now that everyone knows, you will be seeing a lot more of me. Then go on with your day.

[Tina_gm]

I can understand why Billyjean has the concerns. 1st, we need to put ourselves in BillyJeans wife's position. She it would appear is not comfortable with any type of confrontation, even the mild little innuendos. I know that where I am living is not a trans friendly area. So, if I get outed to the neighborhood, things could get difficult for my wife, moreso actually than it would be for me.

I can simply say yeah I am what of it. But not so easy when it comes to our spouses. Anyone who is not particularly fond of her may use it against her, in even the most subtle of ways. And the "neighborhood" can sort of become like a shark feeding frenzy if it is a small knit pack type of community and one which is judgmental of anything that is not hard core traditional. Even if most really won't care, it will be the few who do and how to deal with them. I would not suggest to you or to your wife to become sarcastic or obnoxious about it. For your wife, something like how he dresses makes him happy, who he is inside is what makes me happy kind of thing. Of course the old its none of your business always works too.

[Shelly Preston]

A lot of the reaction will depends on how well you get on with the neighbours. If you are generally seen a as nice guy then it will be much easier. You can only really wait and see what happens. Yes you have been seen but they may choose to keep the information private. If they dont ,then could it be others would see there privacy being invaded too ?

[Beverley Sims]

Billie,
You are talking like you are throwing in the towel.
That is not the way to do it.
Keep the peace withyour wife at all times and openly admit it to those detractors out there.
This puts them on the back foot and you can hold your head up high.
You have a great act there looking so good, so why not take advantage of it.
Others do. :)

[flatlander_48]

Personally, if you're not payin' me, feedin' me or ****in' me, I don't see that you have anything to say...

Works for me...

[Alana Lucerne]

Maybe they will surprise you. You may find out one of your neighbours is a sister or is in to some other "perversion" and was just waiting for the opportunity to talk to you about it. Or may they will ignore it and tell the binocular couple that it is rude to peep in peoples windows. All this is possible. Just today I read that public opinion in the US has changed to the point that the majority of people now support gay marriage when only a few years ago it was the opposite.

To quote Monty Python: Always look on the bright side of life.

And if someone says something about you crossdressing, you just say: "How could you possibly know that?"

Alana

[Sarah21]

Totally agree with what Tinkerbell said.
Talk to your SO.

[sometimes_miss]

"So you're a cross dresser, eh?" "Yup." Kinda ends it all right there.

But that's probably not how it's going to work. More likely, they'll think you're gay, wonder why you're married, etc..

And sorry, BillieAnneJean, I don't have any quick one liner zingers ready for you as snappy comebacks to stupid questions. Antagonizing people is never the way to their hearts.

However, :

And if someone says something about you crossdressing, you just say: "How could you possibly know that?"
A better response would be 'What makes you think so?'
The first just confirms what they said. The second puts the onus on them to out themselves as gossips or peeping toms.

[Lisa760]

If they confront you, just give them the slow blink! And they will probably leave you alone after that.

My neighbors saw me the other weekend and I knew he knew it was me but he didn't say anything maybe he just thought I was going to a Halloween party? But personally I don't care what they think. That's reserved for close friends and family.

[Rhonda Darling]

"I wanted to give the [nosey neighbor's surname] something to look at while spying on all of us. I never thought they'd get over the shock and actually admit to anyone else that they're peepers."

"My dominatrix made me wear the outfit home that day."

"I dressed in the dark that day and had no idea what I'd put on."

"WAIT! You're implying that my card buddies lied to me about this being the latest mens fashion trend."

[Margot Emerson]

I think I agree with the non-confrontational responses that have been suggested.

Sometimes humor is a better option. Instead of being openly defiant, maybe just smile and ask them, 'So did you like the outfit?' Then tell them its a long story, if you'd like to hear it some time. Maybe its an educational moment. One good thing, at least there are a lot of trans people in the news lately, so I don't know that its the issue it once would have been, but a lot depends on your neighborhood.

Best of luck, hun!

Margot

[Ressie]

Good come backs Rhonda Darling^. Here's your sign!

[Paige Winslow]

My suggestion comes from politicians. Steer away an uncomfortable topics by calling it "old news". This throws critics off. They wonder if they're out-of-the-loop. Then quickly shift to commenting directly about the dress, or the wig, or something you're wearing. This again sends them reeling, because you're not being defensive about it. And smile, smile, smile... You may be the only trans-person they ever meet. Good luck, Jean!

[CarlaWestin]

"Oh, yes, Isn't he amazingly beautiful? I just Love him!"

:straightface:

"So, I heard your husband built a birdfeeder."

:straightface:

[CarlaWestin]

Billie Anne - please take care... what you say above I am sure is true and will doubtless rankle hugely... If there's one thing worse than a woman scorned it's a woman bettered in the dressing stakes... :eek:

So.. some quips from the Mistress of Wit and Ready Repartée... ;)

"So you wear women's clothing out..."

- " Not all the time - sometimes I run around in a bin bag and other times in a latex gimp suit - depends on the season and how my meds are doing..."

OR

- " Yes I do - my shrink says this is the best way to suppress the arsonist in me that burnt down a whole city block when I was fourteen - what number are you again...?"

OR

- " I do - I feel so calm now.. my probation officer has said I can use an axe again only for chopping wood and I won't need the straitjacket at weekends... but don't worry, if you see me at night with a double-headed axe just stay inside with the lights out and don't come out however much screaming you hear... :devil:"

OR

- " Yep - it was either that or run for local council, but I think being a politician is more stigmatised and less good for the community, don't you...? "

OR (Could be a bit edgy this one...)

- " Goodness me no.... how could a guy like me possibly look that good and better than your wife, your sister and your teenage daughter..." (OK - I don't think this one is really polite...)



OK, Kate. (Me, gasping for breath in fetal position on the floor, laughing) I'm definitely using this $hit!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I you're sure it was the binocular spies who outed you, you could say "This is nothing compared to what they've said about a few other neighbors." (Then smile.) If they ask you what you heard, say, "NO, I don't want to be a gossip myself and pry into other people's personal lives."

I wonder how that might work? It might put a lot of unwanted attention on the spies and make them look really bad.

Cheryl

[suchacutie]

Ok, so if I read this right, your SO is supportive, but expected that your two gendered selves would remain separate in the eyes of the rest of the world. Well, it seems that there is a leak in the dyke.

The process now seems to me to be the same as the process the two of you had as you progressed in the evolution of your feminine self: Do It Together!

You are still the same loving couple that you were, so keep the united front. No catchy come-backs, no snide remarks, no escalation of the pissing! If someone is belligerent, they are simply told it is a personal issue within the marriage. If someone tries to make fun of either of you, you simply love each other and always have. If someone is truly curious, then a private conversation could be had, but with both of you present.

Take the high road and all this issue will quickly go away, but do it together.

[JenniferR771]

Sympathetic hugs, Billie! My wife is really freaked out about anyone else knowing I am a CD.
However, its not really likely to come up in conversation between neighbors. "Gosh this cool weather is great for tulips--by the way did you see Bill in a dress the other night?"
How many people or neighbors have come up to you and said something about the life style or sexual habits of another neighbor?
True, I was outed by a nosy neighbor when she and her daughter were sitting on an enclosed front porch sharing a drink.
Next day she said, "I don't mean to be impolite or rude, but was that YOU the other night?" ("Coming out your front door and getting into your car?") She was cool with it.

[joanna4]

Sorry to hear that. You seem to be taking it well, it actually reminds me the infamous scene from Mrs. Doubtfire. You have a good view on things, yes, many of them might actually have kiddie porn, cheat, etc. While what you are doing is harmless. CDing is a taboo subject and since they have nothing better to do, it can be a hot topic. LOL at the fact that you look better than 7 of the 10 women, that's the spirit. Be proud of what you do:)

[Andy66]

Wow seriously? I am shocked at the level of nastiness you pose to others.

I agree. Are you always nasty to your neighbors, or is it just because youre feeling defensive right now? If youre always that way, I wouldnt be surprised if they cant wait to gossip about you. But you shouldnt assume that everyone who mentions CDing is trying to say something negative about it. You might alienate some potential allies by acting defensive and snarky.

[BillieAnneJean]

Sometimes I wonder if people even read the original post or any of the authors comments thereafter. I stated that I was looking for humor.

Then Nadine and Andy66 decide that I am nasty to my neighbors. Geeze!

BTW the whole neighborhood knows that the couple spy on everyone because everyone has been a victim of their gossip. But I am sure that someone who replies to this post next might deduce from thin air that I am a curmudgeon or something. The most amazing part is how certain and profound they are with their baseless pronouncements.

But most got it and some of the humorous posts were great and I got a laugh out of them.

If you read my threads and posts you will find humor and self depreciation. I can laugh at myself. And that was what I was after.

Even the title of this post asks for "catchy response suggestions" which does not mean nasty or vengeful responses.

Geeze!

[lingerieLiz]

As I've moved around the country people have known that I CD. The interesting part is I've never had a hard time about it except a landlady who asked me to move back in the 60s. Today it is a long way from back then. People know what cross dressing is and aren't as intrigued as back years ago.

As for the nosey neighbors don't worry about them. If another neighbor mentions that they are telling people about you you can always say, you would be surprised what they say about you. I actually used that line, never told the person what they had said or didn't. No matter the people went to the person and quit talking to him.

[JocelynRenee]

Every time a neighbor thread pops up I'm left scratching my head over why strangers who live in close proximity to us are granted such power over our lives. Why do we assume the reaction will be negative? And, if it is negative, why does it matter?

Neighbors are human and humans behave in all sorts of odd ways. Do any of us really assume some of our neighbors don't already gossip about us because of the car we drive, the curtains we have, our lawn, or some other triviality? Why are we looking for snappy/rude comebacks or assuming nasty things about them over these issues? Why not simply continue to live your life and be a kind and loving neighbor? If someone asks you a question; smile and give them an honest answer. Or, tell them it is a private matter and you prefer not to discuss it. Problem solved.

As for wives in this situation I get that it may not be your dream scenario, but your husband deserves your support, whether or not you support his crossdressing. There is nothing my wife could do to embarrass me because she comes before all others, even neighbors with binoculars.

[Seana Summer]

Hi Billie

I know your looking for humor, but I think many who responded are worried about you, including me. I know GR is a diverse place and you will be fine, but I also know about some of the "conservative" and closed minded folks on that side of Michigan. Please be careful and be safe! Sorry I don't have any humorous one liners for you or your wife that have not already been suggested.

Seana

[Amanda M]

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar!

[BillieAnneJean]

I get a kick out of the closed minded "that side of Michigan" comment. There is a tendency for the people in the Detroit area and the east side of the state of Michigan to say or think that the west side of the state is a religious and conservative backwater. My work is 100% travel. I have experienced this comment first hand in person numerous times while in the east side of the state. This comment might have some merit, mostly in the small towns but it applies to the east side of the state as well. But the LGBT community has nothing to fear of the west side of the state of Michigan. Especially Grand Rapids. I haven't been to Kalamazoo in a few years so I am not excluding that city, I just do not have recent firsthand experience there. St Joseph, South Haven, Saugatuck, Douglas, Grand Haven, Spring Lake, Pentwater, Ludington, Manistee, Traverse City, and Mackinaw should all be LGBT friendly and they are small to medium sized cities. It is interesting that this last summer the Pride events in the east side of the state had violence against gays but not so at the Pride events in the west side of the state. Maybe it is time to erase those us vs them comments. And the cities on the west side of the state are thriving. Grand Rapids has rebirthed itself from the core going out. There are many revitalized pockets of commercial areas with clubs, restaurants, shops, and residences throughout the core of Grand Rapids. I have been OUT enfemme and have also many LGBT friends in Grand Rapids who love the city and feel comfortable there. (HUMOR ALEART!) I think that the east side of the state is just jealous because we have the best beaches and the sunsets over Lake Michigan. (HUMOR ALERT FINISHED!)

[ReineD]

I can say, even without conceit, that I look better than seven of the ten women in our neighborhood. I weigh less than six of them too. THAT will be what really ticks them off.


what you say above I am sure is true and will doubtless rankle hugely... If there's one thing worse than a woman scorned it's a woman bettered in the dressing stakes... :eek:

No. What's worse is someone who says it out loud. If I were to hear a GG say this I'd believe she was conceited. Something else to keep in mind: the way that BillieAnneJean sees herself may also not be the way that others see her.



And I definitely do look better than seven of the ten neighbors. Not that it means anything to me. But it might to them if a guy looks better in women's clothes than they do in their sweats.

No. A lot of people don't prioritize how they look, they focus on what they like to do and on their relationships. So why should they care how you look? My biggest concern is, they might not be able to get past the idea that they have a male neighbor who wears women's clothes. If they know as little about it as most folks, they might think things about you that aren't true and this might affect their willingness to engage in a relationship with you or your wife.

If you do not plan to be friends with any of these people and if you don't have young children who play with their kids, then it's up to you whether to care or not. But, your wife may have a different opinion and I hope you will respect where she is coming from. Don't forget that you get a psychological benefit out of the crossdressing that outweighs some of the potentially negative outcomes, but your wife doesn't.

You may be looking for humor, but I'm looking at it from your wife's point of view. If she doesn't care either, then I apologize and please ignore my post.

[Judith96a]

BillieAnneJean,
I'm not sure that a smart / funny remark is what you need. It might work for you but I doubt that it will work for your SO.
From what you've said about her reaction to confrontation I suspect that IF confronted all the pithy remarks will fly out of her head! So, maybe the best / only thing that you can do to help her is to be there with 'tea & sympathy'

[BillieAnneJean]

I guess RenieD did not read the "self depreciation" part. Or maybe I need to say what that means. If you read many of my posts and threads I frequently state that I can achieve a look that at least "does not frighten small dogs and children".

[Renee Elise]

Well? What of it?

[DonnaT]

You know the old saying, a wife shouldn't try to change her husband?

See what happens when that advice is ignored!

[Kristyn Hill]

"I'm more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get."
my favorite reply is this if that matters. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I always had planned on replying with "why would you ask me this, are you a crossdresser?"

I would let your wife know the neighbors were spying and prepare her for the confrontation if it ensues. You are not hiding anything now so you should be upfront about this so she will be prepared. I bet you do look better than most of your neighbors. Great job!

[JenniferR771]

Be sensitive to your wife. She has to cope with the humiliation--even if its psychological. She needs to think of a few lines, too. Practice a few good comeback lines.

As for you, say, "Its not my fault; I was having a bad hair day. Does that dress make my butt look fat?"

And be sure to mention the oversize military binoculars you just bought (or was it a telescope for your window)? Be sure to mention how cool is night vision.

Unfortunately, many people still think that most crossdressers are gay. They may be a bit uncomfortable if they have young children. Don't plan on a lot of babysitting gigs.
The highly religious may think you are a sinner.

I think it is very unlikely that anyone would say anything to your wife--my opinion. Many wives have the same feelings. Validate that and try to understand.

Myself--I am still giggling at the above suggestions.

[Contessa]

When I walked out the door for the first time I was outed. I think you have to just own it. I don't think I could return without someone always waiting to see. The only thing you have to do is be beautiful. Stay that way every time and they can't say anything bad. No woman is going to want to say she/he looks better than me and no man will tell that they like the guy who dresses down the street. Don't worry.

Tess

[Jackie7]

Appreciating the funny answers, but also taking the underlying issue seriously for a momento.

We moved to this neighborhood in August and so far I've been careful, on the strategy that I would like the neighbors to become acquainted with me as a regular guy before they stumble upon me dressed pretty. At the same time I'm not careful out on the back deck nor in walking from house to car, and also at the same time, we do have frequent houseguests coming and going. So there is ambiguity about who is who, if anyone gives a damn, I guess about as much as I care about their comings and goings: NOT. As on the street, most people are too busy with their own stuff to put much attention on you -- just as you are, all aflutter about being dressed pretty and not hardly noticing other people around you except as they react to you.

If a neighbor was to say anything to me, which I am highly not expecting, I'd try to do what I have done in other circumstances: own it with a simple yes that was me, I do like to dress up, then do my best to deflect any weird vibes with a smile and a question expressing interest in them, or a compliment back to them about something they're wearing, being open to a conversation if the other seems up for it. My wife probably would take a similar tack, acknowledging it was me they saw and saying she has fun with it or it is no problem to her, then suggesting they could talk to me if they wanted to know more.

After I decided to become socially out back 2001, I learned that in most informal gatherings where I meet new people, whether I am dressed or en drab but open in conversation about dressing, somebody (usually a man but sometimes an SO) will take me aside for a private conversation in which their CD experiences are revealed. It won't surprise me if the same thing happens amongst the neighbors, once I get myself to being OK being locally out.

I guess responding to this old thread is part of my process thinking about the frontier of coming out in the neighborhood. Still not sure I'm gonna do it, knowing it is likely to happen anyway. Thanks, BillieAnneJean, for the provocative post.

[CONSUELO]

I still think the best strategy is not to develop funny or cutting remarks to use if someone asks a question about one's cross dressing. Just be a good neighbour, play it straight and do everything you can to be social and pleasant.

Several years ago a single man moved into a house opposite ours. A few months later his male friend came to live there too. They and several of our neighbours, including me, became great friends who would meet and chat out on the street if they bumped into one another. We became part of a social group with parties and dinners at each other's houses. One male neighbour was bothered a little bit and this showed initially with some lame jokes but he soon quietened down as he saw that everyone was getting along very well.
They moved a year ago but we still meet socially whenever we can. A neighbour from several houses down once referred to the house that the two men lived in as the "gay men's house". A neighbour who overheard that remark remonstrated and said we had no clue about their sexual orientation and it was none of our business and it didn't matter anyway.
Most people today don't care about whether their neighbours are gay or CD or whatever. They don't want to be moral judges, they just want good neighbours with whom they can interact normally about the usual daily issues.

[Kacey Black.]

Although I'm new, I can't offer a ton here... but it kind of happened to me once. Even though it was Halloween, I went outside to smoke and one of my neighbor's... um.... offspring? Noticed me as I was out there. It was getting dark but you could clearly see who was who and I've seen this guy before. I was totally nervous but with my costume and everything I had on brought be some comfort... and all I heard from his direction was "whoa..."

I said nothing but turned around & strutted away back in the house. I haven't heard much out of them lately but he gives me a strange look every now & then. I just grin & go about my day. I did however think about it more and should the situation arise, I just do what I did my 2nd time out... I just give a small smile and confidently go about my way.

If they can't handle it, that's their problem. It's just clothes.

[BillieAnneJean]

Ya gotta wonder what "Well? What of it? contributes to anything?

[suzanne]

I think Jennifer and Rachel said it best. The right attitude is "No Big Deal. Next subject, please. " Only if you try to hide it will people think you are doing something wrong.

Billie, your complicating factor is the attitude of your SO. In my case, as in yours, my SO doesn't want anyone to know about my CDing, so I'm kind of restricted to home and far away from home. Because I do go out of the house, I suppose it's inevitable that I will eventually meet someone I know. My plan is to act like it's just No Big Deal. Not to say that it will actually happen that way. Just hoping.

[Phoebe Reece]

Some years back, several CD friends and I were going to take a rapid transit train to midtown Atlanta. While walking to the train platform after getting our tickets, a somewhat drunk (or high) young African-American came up from behind and asked me with a smile, “Are you a man or a woman?” I looked at him smiling and said, “Why, yes I am.” He thought about that for a second or two and laughed and moved on to pester someone else.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Given what you say, clearly it's your wife you should be asking this question, not a bunch of strangers!


Ya gotta wonder what "Well? What of it? contributes to anything?

Not sassy enough? Is this about protecting your wife, or about Billie sticking it to the man?

[BillieAnneJean]

Please forgive nikkilovesdresses. Obviously that person can't read my original post where I describe how important my SO is to me. I guess it is necessary to put every detail about everything in so someone does not make a statement unrelated to the thread question. OF COURSE I talked to my SO about this. Perhaps I should have also listed my tire rotation schedule?

Also please forgive that person because she is saying that there is no purpose for this forum. Because that person feels we should not be asking the strangers on this forum these questions. Because the people on this forum may or likely have had more experience with this situation than my SO or I.

I sometimes wonder why people do not stick to the concept of the original thread. Introducing the periphery of thought not part of the original question and making statements about someone means that every thread needs to include a person's complete life story or someone may criticize their plastic bottle recycling efforts.

Posts like that person put on here is why I get tired of the replies that add NOTHING. But serve only as a public way for someone who has nothing to add, to take any ambiguity, and produce a useless post.

But thank you to the people who understand that this forum is to be HELPFUL to each other and not just unkind.

More reason why I have dramatically curbed my posts and all but eliminated my threads. I am restricting them to what panties I am wearing, clear nail polish, and underdressing. Plus a rare thread that absolutely must be posted.

And I refuse to post anything that is not positive, helpful, and considerate.

[Minerva Morgan]

"They are not 'women's' clothing, they are my clothing!" The objective is to get others to see you as a person without stereotyping you.

Minerva.

[Carmen]

"So you're a cross dresser, eh?"

"Yup."

Kinda ends it all right there.

That and look them straight in their eyes.

[mechamoose]

"They aren't women's clothes, they are MY clothes. *I* bought them!"

- Eddie Izzard

Sorry for your social disruption honey. Be YOU. You don't have to apologize for that, you don't have to make excuses for that.

For those who give you grief, do you *need* their approval, or do you *want* their approval?

If you don't *need* it, move on. (Talk to the hand)

Really, who you are is FAR more important than who 'they' expect you to be.

<3

- MM

[BillieAnneJean]

Some really good advice. But that is what a Forum is for, isn't it?

Thanks ladies!

[JOJO44]

Love the "trans-sister" comment!

[JOJO44]

Some good and some great comments.
Something I should worry about too.
I have no idea what I would do or say. At over six and a half feet, I would be embarrassed and go hide in shame.
In my mind I have many wise a$$ comments, but am too reserved to say them.
Take care of your S.O. first, last and always.
Jo

[Lexi_83]

- " Yep - it was either that or run for local council, but I think being a politician is more stigmatised and less good for the community, don't you...? "Winner!!!!!

I was busted by a neighbor coming home late from a party. I asked, "Well - how do I look?" She laughed, said "Not bad!" and that was the end of it.

Those neighbors sound really creepy, though!

[Taylor Ray]

"Yeah, I know, women's clothing... weird right? If you think that's strange, wait until you see my Observation Room!"

[mechamoose]

Hi Billie,

This past summer I was asked to get some stuff from my wife's car. it happened to be that I was in a maxi skirt, cami and bangles. My (young, like 20's) upstairs neighbor was out back sipping beer with his friends.

I walked out to the car, opened the trunk, and grabbed the items.

As I walked out I got a 'What the hell?' from the husband. Since then he has treated me like sh!t. We have gotten into a couple of verbal arguments (with him saying stuff like "Why don't you go and put on your wife's clothes?).

I outweigh him by like 100 pounds. I have 10+ years of training in Kung Fu. I *so* wanted to slam him on the ground in front of his friends... in a dress.

But my better angels guided me differently.

You/we can't expand small minds. We just have to be us. Sometimes that is really hard.

<3

- MM

[Stephanie47]

I did not scroll through all of the comments to your thread. This may have happened to me. The house next to mine is a rental. The occupants were three women: grandmother, mother, adult daughter, and, an adult son. As I was passing by the side of my house my hearing heard a discussion of not understanding why "he" would dress in women's clothing. In order to see me someone would have made an effort to violate my privacy. I suspect that's what happened to you. My neighbors would line up at the side of their house on the patio and wait to see if I would appear en femme in my back yard. Of course, I decided to limit my dressing to inside. I'm quite sure they told of their discovery to other neighbors who have been there since before I moved into our house in 1978. It seems nobody cared. Nobody changed their attitudes. Nobody made an comment. Since I did not have positive knowledge they actually passed on their discovery, I did not tell my wife. The nosy neighbors have long since moved..actually evicted for not paying the rent.

Since, the "cat is out of the bag" I would discuss this breech of privacy with your wife. She should be prepared so she is not blindsided by anyone or starts to received the cold shoulder. I would not give anyone any smart ass comments. I thought about how I would confront my neighbors. I had planned to just say it is something that I do because it relaxes me. And, I could honestly tell them I do not know why I do it, but, it is a part of me. I intended to leave it at that.

I would make a comment that you found it unsettling that Mr. XXXX thought nothing of violating a families privacy by peering with binoculars.