Stress

[Della]

Where does stress come into play with dressing, feminizing, with those who are DADT? Does anyone get stressed in everyday life whose SO knows, but doesn't want to talk about clothing, gender, etc.? I realize that dressing causes tons of stress and anxiety. It's where I'm at. But, my question ends up being, for those who are DADT, if today sucked, do you or will you do things you push the envelope with your SO who doesn't want to talk?.

[Cheryl T]

When I was in the closet, stress was a big motivator. When the world would close in on me I ran to my closet and stole a few minutes for myself, donning the clothes that let me feel at peace with myself. I thought for the longest time that it was the clothing, but I now know that it was the release of the real me that caused my relaxation. Now that I dress daily with full acceptance I don't NEED to dress to relax. I'm much more able to handle the stress of the world, because I have come closer to being the real me.

[Debra Russell]

Stress ? it's all caused by the fighting between the girl and boy trying to inhabit the same place - just not enough room for both but neither can be evicted - the only relief is to take turns and try to be patient and understanding with each other :bonk: ..............Debra

[docrobbysherry]

DADT is a BIG stress reducer for me with my 20 y/o, unaccepting daughter, Della. It beats the heck out of sneaking around and making up stories. Like I did before I told her.

[Stephanie47]

I'm in a DADT marriage. The closet developed probably in 1983. My wife really does not want to talk about it. I know enough of her personal background BEFORE we were married to understand her reluctance to engage cross dressing. I do not feminize anything. I've tried to grow my fingernails out so some white shows, but I always break them. My hair is long gone with the aging process or raising kids! I'm a retiree now with a working wife. So, I do get to be Stephanie whenever I want. Back before retirement or when the kids were home it sometimes was unbearable.

Stress? Well, my work caused stress. I worked in an adversarial field for thirty plus years. You would not want to get a letter from me. It would cause stress. I have stress from being in Nam. Not being able to relieve stress by becoming Stephanie did cause more stress. I took "therapy" days off from work. When it was not possible to relieve stress by actively engaging wearing women's clothing, I shopped and shopped and shopped some more on eBay. I have amassed more than 400 slips. I really do not need slips but the process of buying them and waiting for them to arrive in the mail gave me something to live for in cross dressing.

I do not push the envelope with my wife because I value her position on cross dressing. To actively pursue cross dressing to the extent of feminizing my body, wearing nail polish, growing out my hair when I had more would be nothing less than spousal abuse. She did not sign on for a cross dressing husband. I cannot expect her to fall for the bullshit I hear "Well, we married for better or worse! If you love me, you'd let me be myself!" Well, you can put the shoe in the wife's foot too! "If you loved me, you wouldn't push your cross dressing on me!"

So, DADT works fine. Ever think of the stress a non accepting wife goes through looking at her husband sitting in the living room attired in a dress, stockings and heels with makeup and a wig? I wonder what I would do if I were in her high heels?

[Brynna M]

My wife and I are DADT. (though she is welcome to ask) I will never be without the desire to dress, but she is more important to me so I only do it when she is out of town or away for the day. Sometimes that is really hard when there have been few opportunities for me. I can relate to that. I will not push the envelope beyond her comfort level. I dream of one day having a more open dialogue and more acceptance but compromise comes in many forms. Its a difficult but simple choice. "are you going to push your crossdressing and add stress to your relationship or are you going to add stress of controlling your dressing more than you'd like and reduce stress in your relationship?" The relative quantities of stress and the value place on dressing vs your relationship stability are something only you can weigh. Choices between not good and even worse are never fun.

Good luck.

[Beverley Sims]

Stress comes with the malady I am afraid.

[Della]

Stephanie47: I agree and appreciate your opinion of not pushing the envelope. My wife is my best friend and far more than that. I already feel low because of my history, dressing and desire to dress. I think I just want to talk to her, rather than be here, posting a note to someone far away. When I get into a conversation that starts, "so," I fearfully think about dressing, then always hear, "Still smoking." I think we missed the mark. I take it my wife is more concerned about me having a cigarette than the other issue, but I doubt that is truly the case. I'm with you--I'm not thinking of sitting in the living room with me dressed. But I don't want to hide something from her.

[Joni Beauman]

Today, in fact. The plan after a very busy day was to put on night clothes and get comfortable. Maybe switch between WS and spouses killing spouses (20/20 or whatever). I imagined I might try to push it (dress with tights), but have found that without creating that sort of stress, there is no resentment and we seem more comfortable being open about me coming out after hours (after her bedtime, while I change and take care of chores). Joni

[Teresa]

Della'
I'ts the outcome of shame and guilt ! I don't feel ashamed but I can't lose the guilt, I feel overly guilty about things when it's not my fault !

I describe stress as blowing fuses in the brain, some get repaired and some don't ! The next time you hit a stressful situation you are less tolerant of it ! Eventully you become paranoid about doing things because it leads to stress !
We turn to CDing to as a stress reliever and if in a DADT situation may end up stressing ourselves over doing it !

[charlenesomeone]

I no longer feel any shame. I came out to my SO but she is more tolerant than accepting.
I don't push it, but I do get lots of time to be me. When she walks in on it, I just smile, she says
sorry and that's it. You need to relieve your stress, I makes you a better you.

[Nikki A.]

I was not in a DADT relationship with my wife. I was open with her before we got married and while she didn't understand she did allow me some leeway. Complete dressing was not acceptable but when she sensed I was getting stressed she would suggest that I dress up a bit.
However as she aged she did have her own demons and unfortunately she started to see the dressing as a threat and she became much less tolerant and I had to cut way back to keep her level. This did cause me stress, but I needed to do it for her sake.
She has since passed away and now I do have more freedom to express myself and have reached a level that I never thought that I would reach. Even when I can't dress just knowing that there will be a chance to dress in the future is enough to keep the stress from becoming unbearable.

[CherylFlint]

We’re on totally different planets, you and I.
On the contre`, dressing is how I relax. Without the “dressing” outlet I’d go bananas.
“tons of stress and anxiety” is not my cup of tea.
I dress because I’m a CD: it’s WHAT and WHO I am. Am I going to be “stressed” about myself? Or have an “anxiety” attack?
I think not.
Why don’t you lighten-up on yourself?
The best part about being a CD is the having fun part, and it seems to me that you’re missing the boat.
My motto is: get dressed, relax and enjoy the moment.
That’s all there is to it. Don’t make it difficult when it doesn’t have to be.
Either your SO “gets it” or she doesn’t, but no matter what, that’s her problem, not yours.
Forget about being wired.
Relax.

[GretchenJ]

As i am in the closet still, my stress has changed somewhat.

Initially my stress stemmed from my getting caught (still is somewhat but not as much)
now my stress comes from not getting the time to get dressed, as it helps relieve the normal stresses which is "normal" life