Who's really the "freak"?

[Alexis Jade (AJ)]

I was with a girlfriend of mine walking down a residential street (first time out in daylight :) ). I had got this gorgeous slip dress from JCP and tho I knew I'd be noticed as male, I didn't expect to be called a "FREAK" by some idiot ar a red light.

My blood was boiling, my male side came out a little bit and I said, "Maybe you're the freak for not being open-minded in the year 2014!" and we went on our way with smiles and laughter.

So I pose the question to all of you, who is the real "freak" or outsider in the year 2014?

Us who dress, or those who aren't accepting?

[NicoleScott]

Sara, it might be a good idea to get a thick skin and avoid confrontations. I'm sure your response to the guy didn't change his outlook.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sara, Be careful that you don't get involved in a case of road rage, Just turn the other cheek.

[Andy66]

I have read that people tend to use insults that they themselves are very sensitive about because they assume that if that word hurts them alot, it will also be a word that hurts others alot. Maybe he WAS the freak. Maybe ask yourself why that guy seemed so threatened by your presence that he felt a need to yell from a car?

[Adriana Moretti]

well if it makes you feel better....i been called a freak in guy mode many times....just for being a skateboarder ( in the late 80's & early 90's)...even got spit in the face by a passing car... .....now its COOL ....go figure.......and your welcome society. But seriosly...brush it off...ignorance is everywhere.....

[bridget thronton]

Good advice from all - do not let others dictate your emotions (if only I could follow that advice myself)

[Allisa]

Sara this may be before your time but when I was younger(in the 70's) I had long hair(below shoulder and growing)I was called a freak all the time, but then it became a badge of pride in many circles. So just remember the old saying about name calling and take pride in being yourself and not giving in to the small and narrow minded.

[Jenniferathome]

...who is the real "freak" or outsider in the year 2014?

Us who dress, or those who aren't accepting?

BIG difference between unaccepting and someone who goes out of their way to disparage someone. The former is understandable. Accepting what we don't understand or have been minimally conditioned, is hard. You can't fix stupid. There are still racists today too.

[vicky_cd99_2]

We all have our own prejudices. It is whether we choose to act on them or not that defines us. Those who verbally lash out are themselves insecure about their own self worth. When it gets physical it is completely out of hand. To answer your question in my opinionated way, both. We are freaks to those who can't or won't understand. They are freaks to us because we can't figure out why they can't understand.

[Cheryl T]

Though it's upsetting when the Neanderthals come out of the caves it's not worth escalating the confrontation. Why lower yourself to that level. Be the bigger person and just ignore the rudeness of people like that.

[mechamoose]

Reply with silence. Don't even acknowledge it. They *want* your reaction.

You be YOU and rock what your momma gave you. Who are *they*?? Some random hick? Why do you *care* what they think?

- MM

[JocelynRenee]

Freak (noun): any abnormal phenomenon or product or unusual object; anomaly; aberration.

Well, according to the dictionary I would say: Yes, we are freaks. So what? By that definition a whole lot of folks are freaks, whether or not they wear clothing typically reserved for the opposite gender.

I think, however, you are not taking issue with the strict definition of the word, but rather the rude behavior. More specifically, why are people so unthinking in 2014. First of all, I see this kind of behavior as unacceptable, no matter what the year. I also find it curious why some people are fine with public boorish behavior. I often find myself wanting to have a serious conversation with them so I can better understand why they don't see their behavior in the same way most others do.

That issue aside, the general acceptance of Crossdressing is a chicken or egg problem. We are seen as aberrations because WE ARE. aberrations. How many CDs does the average person see in their lifetimes? How many CDs are comfortable out of the closet?

We can bemoan the unfairness of it all, but society doesn't move with the passage of time; change comes when what was once rare becomes common. The fact is that by being out and about and being called names you are doing more to "normalize" CDing than a thousand essays, laws, or peer pressure will ever do. Thank you!

Please don't take this as a critique of our closet sisters. Coming out is fraught with risk and simply not for everyone. I'm just saying that the average person won't stop seeing as as "freaks" until, well, we are no longer freaks. The more husbands, fathers, sons, and brothers that are known to crossdress the less we will be seen as aberrations. When that happens society will adapt; not before.

[docrobbysherry]

There's only ONE easy solution to this, Sara. Don't go out to vanilla venues dressed. Unless u can pass well.

I can't, so I don't go. I find going out dressed to eat, shop, or visit vanilla venues to be pointless and stressful! I try to only go out to vanilla venues with other girls in a group or alone to CD friendly clubs and bars.

[Kate Simmons]

I have standard answers prepared for idiots like that. They are: "That's MS Freak to you." , "And?". and last but not least "Your point?". Not too many comebacks with those. :battingeyelashes::)

[Annaliese]

They have always been freaks the non accepting, the bullies they got a way with it by using fear.

[mandm40c]

I would say they were the freak, for not understanding styles change and people just want to wear what they find comfortable. I would imagine GG's were called freaks when they started wearing pants and moving away from gender specific clothing. Now look, GG's can pretty much wear what ever and yet men are still stuck with the same fashion plate. Anyway, I also agree about taking the high road, as people with such a narrow mind can be the most dangerous.

[Alana Lucerne]

Just smile and wave at them. I do that for all traffic related stupids. It makes them crazy.

If you feel like it you can also add "Sorry, I am with a friend right now, perhaps another time".

Or, " I am here with a girl and you are playing with yourself!"

Oh well, nice to think about, but better to just ignore the twit.

Alana

[kimdl93]

It's easy for drivers passing by to shout out their pointless invective. I wouldn't invite further pointless discourse...just smile, wave and give them a wink!

[jeank]

I was a freak, back in 1969/70/71/72/73/74 etc, but back then, hey man, it was cool to be a freak....

It's all invective and as someone here already said, insecurity - the "gang" mentality. "I don't know who I am, I have no thought out beliefs, but I'll show them how tough I am" testosterone driven mindless bulls**t. Scary thing in 2014 is that a lot of the worst offenders in UK are female - so I don't really know if the testosterone comment is valid anymore (they're not pre 1980 East European weightlifters). But the "gang" mentality holds and I think is driven by a need to belong to something - anything.

Whatever, it's ignorance. There are a frightening number of people who were not parented - by parented I mean being taught manners. Right and wrong. Things you don't (and shouldn't have to) learn at school. Like "be unto others as you would have them be unto you" (I know that's not exact, but the meaning's there).

How to cope?

Ignore it. Stay calm. To participate is to lose - you can't win an argument with someone who has no beliefs and is acting though fear of being rejected by peers. Unless you can find them alone and maybe get them into a conversation they've never had, which is not that likely to happen.

It's not a phenomenon of the 2010's - I remember it from 40 years ago. (Although I do wish I still had my hair the same length, because now I could style it) :)

I learnt to avoid/ignore/defuse those mindless conflict situations. I don't think the way to defuse it has changed.

Stay cool man - just let it flow over.....

[Alice Torn]

I suppose a baseball, or football player, out in public, away from the playing field, in their game uniforms might be considered "freak", too. My very first time dressed in daylight, i got yelled some things from a vehicle, just ignored it. Even in guy mode , while riding bicycle, or walking alone, i sometimes am yelled, or snickered at. I just wave now.

[Beverley Sims]

No freaks, just the hazards of dressing.:)
I usually say thank you and smile, that is so disarming.
I will engage detractors in pleasant conversation and they are usually swayed by any conversation,
I got three "Nice Boots" on the Subway today.
More opportunities to chat up chicks. :)

[Krisi]

If you were wearing a dress but otherwise presenting male, then in most people's eyes and minds, you were the freak. See the definition posted above in post #12.

You have basically two choices:

1) Don't dress differently than people expect you to and not be a "freak".
2) Dress as you wish and not worry about other people's opinions and comments.

Certainly that person shouldn't have shouted at you but these things will happen if you continue to wear dresses in public. Learn to live with it and don't get into fights over it. You won't win.

[Alexis Jade (AJ)]

I guess I did let it get to me too much. Thanks for the advice. I've been told I pass well for someone who is 6 ft. 213 lol. Oh well, in the future I will try harder to remain calm.

-Sara (Though I'll be changing my name soon haha.)

[Adriana Moretti]

I got a funny story for you....we used to be called freaks so many times by people in passing cars ( in male mode skateboarding ) that we started a new trend, and when WE were in cars and saw people on the street we would roll down the window and yell... "Hey...I Am A DIC%"....the person would look at us strange and yell back.. "Yes You Are" ....then we would yell back "I KNOW RIGHT ISNT EVERYONE WHO YELLS FROM A MOVING CAR SUCH A DIC%"......it always shocked people cause they never expected that....ahh you be young and imature...LOL....

[CONSUELO]

I used to run a lot but now cycle more. Rather frequently I would have someone yell insults at me from passing cars. Most of the time I could not hear what was said but from the tone I guessed it was insulting. One comment was about my running shorts. For whatever reason they must have thought of me as a freak and I learned to just ignore them and not even give them a glance.
In situations like this I would agree with some of the others here; just turn away and do not say anything or even acknowledge with a look. Anyone who feels it is OK to call out insults at people from the "safety" of their cars is simply not worth bothering with.

[Vale]

I've been called a freak (or similar) in my version of male mode many times over the last 40 years. I normally smile and wave and sometimes call "thanks". Being cool about it is way more fun.

Cheers, Vale

[sometimes_miss]

I have read that people tend to use insults that they themselves are very sensitive about because they assume that if that word hurts them alot, it will also be a word that hurts others alot.
I don't think that's it. I believe that most people who get upset by men who don female attire and behavior, are simply feeling insecure about their life. Society relies on males to defend it; when we behave in any way that indicates we are not the macho, protective males who are ready to defend our society no matter what the risk to ourselves, then it can make other people feel insecure, and that makes them angry if they feel that we aren't standing up for what they expect us to. it's not our fault, it's not their fault, it's simply how we are raised to believe how men and women are expected to behave to have our societies continue to survive.

[Tracii G]

I couldn't tell you how many times I have had someone say something from a passing car or just walking thru the mall,its going to happen.
Had a group of teen boys at the mall start laughing and called me a "gay homo freak" I turned and said Hi hows your Mom? and kept walking.
They stood there looked at each other not knowing what to do then turned and walked off.
Had one of two middle aged women (which I think were from up in the mountains super red neck types) call me a transqueer MF'er as we stood in line to check out.
I just looked at her smiled and said sorry you feel that way about me. and stayed in line at the check out.
I think people are afraid of what they don't understand and lash out in fear verbally.
They could be trying to distance themselves by calling attention to you.Kind of a twisted way to think if you ask me.
Bring attention to a CD or trans person that they are standing close to only brings attention to themselves and makes them look stupid and hateful.
I did have an encounter in a Christian bookstore that was interesting.
One lady looked at me like I was the devil, eyes as big as saucers.I walked past her and she said you are an abomination.
I didn't respond at all because it really hurt.
The man next to her said I'm a pastor and what you just said to one of God's creatures was wrong.You do not judge lest ye be judged.
I did my shopping and walked out.
Key thing is act like its nothing and don't make a scene.Don't let their words stop you from being who you are because you have just as much right to be there as they do.

[Dava76]

Caring what other people think is not important in the grand scheme of things but your happiness is.