Is this the REAL you?

[CarlaWestin]

I read a recent post that stated that running to the closet for some stress relief wasn't really about the clothes but, about becoming the real person that they are. Is the whole CD/femulation thing just a return to the correct benchmark of our normal natural self?

Your thoughts?

[Kate Simmons]

The only thing I can say is that since I have accepted, taken ownership of and amalgamated ALL of my feelings, I've been a much happier person, presentation notwithstanding. :)

[flatlander_48]

To me, I think the stress relieving part has to do with the fact that whatever my issues are at the time (usually work-related), my feminine persona is not part of that. It allows a bit of time to detox and regroup with respect to the real world.

[Ivie]

Hi Carla
I think it is an expression of part of ourselves, to varying degrees for each individual. Stress relief is often mentioned, but I've always found the only stress it relieves is that caused by not being feminine! I think what really makes it difficult is the prohibition, I know that sounds obvious, but I don't mean in the sense that we can't be how we want to be easily, but that our whole senses of gender, sex and physicality is skewed by the binary concept, even CDers because this is the world we have grown up in. I came across a diagram recently of the "gender continum". http://www.gendersanity.com/diagram.html
In this there is not just one spectrum, but four: Physicality, Attraction, Gender identity, Gender expression
The traditional expectation is that people are all either at one of all of these or the other, but in reality you can be anywhere on any of the spectra. I know I'm not a women, I'm a male, and I'm attracted to women, but I seem to have ended up somewhere (and not necessarily all the way over) on the women and feminine side of the other curves. It maybe that if I'd grown up in some utopian commune somewhere that this would just mean that I was a femimine man, but I didn't so my sense of self is also shaped by society, by the prohibition and the binary. So when I dress I want to totally transform, to pass (and accept I just have to aim for "dress to blend"), and go about wearing forms and creating a figure. I think the aesthetic is part of it, I recognise what you describe in your sig (though I don't have a maids outfit ;-) ) I think perhaps I just want to be beautiful...
Sorry for the brain splurge! I'm on a push to try and understand better because I'm hoping to tell my SO before the new year and I want to be as clear as possible, so this is very much at the front of my mind just now.
Love
Ivie

[Jenniferathome]

I'm always the real me. Sometimes I look different, but there's only one me.

[kimdl93]

I don't dress for stress relief. Nor do I change from one person to another based on my attire. That being said, I strongly prefer the time I spend dressed as a woman to the other part. Given a choice, there's no contest.

[Karen kc]

Im the real me no matter what I'm wearing, jus a lil more at ease enfemme.

[Tracii G]

What Jennifer and Karen said. ^^^

[NicoleScott]

When I transform, there's nothing real about me. Everything's fake. Crossdressing at its best.

[CherylFlint]

I'm more of a "me" when I'm dressed than I'm a "me" when in drab.

[maya1love]

It is a part of the "real me" only. I realize I have many different facets.

[Janine cd]

I agree with my sisters above. When I am dressed, I assume a real feminine persona. There is no need to compensate for stress.

[Nadine Spirit]

I'm always the real me. Sometimes I look different, but there's only one me.

I agree.

[Michaelasfun]

For me it is. I grew up not feeling like I fit in; I felt like I was oversensitive and more prone to emote than what I thought a male should be, and that continued for the most part through now. I do feel like dressing allows me to be more like myself, whatever that is. Interestingly, also I do tend to gravitate towards dressing when under duress, it really makes me happy and makes me feel at peace when I do.

[Zylia]

Reductio ad absurdum: I play video games for stress relief as well, but that doesn't mean I'm really a mass murderer or an Italian plumber with a mushroom addition.

[Terri Semes]

When I dress I feel like I'm on a vacation from the male me !

[Claire Cook]

I'm not sure I understand the question. I'm not emulating a female .. I am wearing my clothes. Yes, I am me. And a part (a goodly part) of me is female. Maybe I'm saying what Jennifer and Nadine said.

Have another glass of wine, Claire... :drink:

[Talisker]

Its the real me pretending to be someone else. And since that person is a fantasy they dont have all the normal boring everyday stuff to deal with.

[claire1d]

I'm always the real me. Sometimes I look different, but there's only one me.

I agree, it is always me just some different facets of me, both normal.

[Katey888]

When I transform, there's nothing real about me. Everything's fake.

Oh come Nicole...! There might be a transforming layer of makeup, artificial fibre and satin but underneath it all I'm sure that acerbic wit, keen insight and no-nonsense gal is still keepin' it real... ;)

The 'real me' has to be the persona that I reflect 95% of the time... while dressing doesn't change my underlying values and personality, it IS escapism for me (because it isn't real) and it's probably that which contributes to the calm and collected feeling I have when transformed... I can see how those who spend (or desire to spend) the majority of their time presenting female (or mixed mode) can rightly claim to be being their normal, natural self. I can't see how occasional dressers just have 'one me' unless that's a very effeminate male persona, or a very masculine female projection...

Perhaps some of the reason we enjoy appearing to be so feminine is because it is counter to our normal male self and therefore quite unnatural...? :2c:

I love the excuse to be a lot more girly - perhaps the contrast heightens the buzz... :D

Katey x

[Judith96a]

The real me is the one that I see in the mirror, regardless of what I'm wearing. Getting made-up and dressed up is part escapism and part adventure.

[Kristyn Hill]

there is one me that looks better in heels

[Renee Elise]

Yes...I'm always the real me, whether in a suit, jogging pants, skirts, or dresses...

[LelaK]

My best feminine appearance (yet to happen) is like the title of a book, with me being the book.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm with Nicole. I don't dress to be me but to appear to be someone entirely different. The further away from me the better!

And, I find dressing preoccupying but STRESSFUL. The week(s) prepping and putting everything on in the proper order without forgetting something, (I'm really old!), requires organisation and concentration skills that always test and try me!

AFTER I've finished the photo sessions? Only THEN do I relax and enjoy my fem creation!

[Adriana Moretti]

i was thinking a similar thought the other day on a long drive.....and i came to the conclusion ( for me anyway) that i just enjoy makeup, and girls clothes, it just seems to fit better there is no difference in me at all girl or guy mode....except for the clothes and the makeup....
other than that it's the same....i watch football in a skirt, and watch makeup videos in guy mode....
no difference at all on the inside...
just the outside ...
im a tomboy anyway.

[Krisi]

My "normal natural self" is a male heterosexual crossdresser. I am always my normal natural self. As a crossdresser, I like to dress as a female part of the time. It's like an actor playing a part.

[heather ann martin]

I regard the "real me" as female. I've always felt like this for as long as I can remember. This feeling have never diminished over the years and I know it never will.

[Marcelle]

Hi Carla,

Well I don't consider myself anything but real. I am a combination of identities I take on during the course of my day/life to interact with those around me. For example at work I am military me (officer, soldier, leader, subordinate) but below that is still me. Isha is the same, I take on mantel of Isha when I need to and she interacts with those around her in the appropriate manner but below the presentation is still me.

Hugs

Isha

[sometimes_miss]

The stress relieved by crossdressing is caused by not crossdressing. The stressful part is having to present myself to the world as a standard issue male; all day long, constantly on guard to avoid doing, saying or appearing in any way female. Living, dressing and behaving as a normal male is like playing a part in a play, and having to act a part all day every day is exhausting. I spent so much of my childhood cautiously watching and learning how to be a girl, and being told that I was a girl, that it 'stuck'. So most of the time; I'm a girl, crossdressing as a guy. Weird, huh!

[suchacutie]

I deal with stress by removing or compartmentalizing the stress. I don't subject Tina to stress, and maybe that's a small part of the joy of being Tina as I've dealt with the stress beforehand.

Tina is definitely not like my male self. That's the very point that made us aware that Tina existed. She's very real and it's fascinating to discover who she is. We like her! We enjoy her! But she's just a (large) part of the sum of who I am. Complex, but wonderful.

[Eringirl]

While there is only on me, it feels more natural as female. When I look in the mirror when I am in male mode, it doesn't look right. When in Erin mode it looks exactly as it should. But underlying values, abilities etc don't change. That is me regardless. Just the physical is out of sync. This is a simple, yet complex question at the same time.

[Confucius]

So, is running to the closet for some stress relief about becoming the real person that they are???
No. Absolutely NO!!!

Think about this. A person with a diaper fetish runs to the closet for some stress relief. The Furries also run to the closet for their stress relief too. Would you tell a Furrie that that is his real self?

Where you run for some stress relief isn't about discovering your real self. It's just your outlet for stress relief and nothing more. You are always your real self independent of what you are wearing

[Laurie A]

i always feel the real me is the person i have been all my life, a man with a hidden feminine side. this is still the case when i am dressed. perhaps one day i will feel differently.. who knows?

as for stress relief, i don't know, lately i'm very stressed about getting my makeup and presentation better, that's a little stressful to me.. :(

raher than stress relief, the reason i dress is more about some compulsion, to let the feminine me come forward... (eek that sounds a little like dissociative identity disorder...)

[Sarah Doepner]

I sometimes forget what I'm wearing and have to check before I decide to leave the house. Just before that happens, that is the real me. No stress induced decisions, no expectations, just comfortable being who I am. Sometimes I discover I'm wearing a skirt and I'd better change because the places I want to go or people I'm going to see don't know about my crossdressing. Sometimes I'm able to leave right then, either crossdressed or dressed for my gender norm.

What do the clothes, makeup, forms, shoes and accessories do to/for my personality? I'm still trying to figure that one out, but it must be feeding something of value because I keep going back. Is it something that I can't attain while dressed for my assigned gender? That is quite possible, even probable but like I said, I'm not sure exactly what it is just yet. I'll be sure to let everyone know if I ever figure it out.

[ophelia]

Not at all. It's about several things, but a big one is about being pretty. It turns me on. Another is that it is part of me, but not all of me.
Also, although less so these days, it's still a little dangerous to do in public.
Remember that this site is called Crossdressers.com not transitioners.com

[PaulaQ]

In my case, it was the real me. Seeing myself fully dressed, in a wig and forms, was a life changing event for me. Realizing that the only times I felt normal was when presenting as a woman, and that the guy was a mask - a protective shell I built to keep myself safe. The dude disguise worked for a lot of years, but in the end, it was literally killing me.

That's why I started my transition. Pretending to be a man was no longer survivable for me.

Turns out, though, there's a lot more to the real me than I ever admitted to myself before.

Breaking through the denial that helped me keep that mask of maleness in place, and dealing with the chaos that ensued in my life have been the hardest things I've ever dealt with.

[Beverley Sims]

Carla,
I really don't know, I have been mulling over this question since you posted it and I still have no answer.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Carla, For me it's just who I am and it's just what I do.

[Gypsy Sam]

Katey888 say's it best, dressing is escapism and contributes to the calm and collected feeling. Bravo.

[Savannah_Skye]

It's me - no matter what mode I am in, though the feminine mode seems more natural. For me, the stress relief comes from being able to be myself, and not having to pretend I am someone else during the day, similar to Sometime's comment below. I did plan to transition in college at age 10, but ultimately decided not to, so maybe the real me answer more relates to where I am on the spectrum

[Jammee]

My wife said I look really happy sitting in my Women's clothes, still adjusting in my head

[Alice Torn]

I really can't explain it, other than to go into a fantasy for a while, and then leave it for a while, until later.

[Ally 2112]

As the years have gone by i have looked at this as many different things .Right now i just say it is my hobby. Like owning a boat or cottage it can be very relaxing and it can drive you crazy with the amount of money work and emotions you have to put into it .In the end i still like it go figure

[wannabeGirl84]

Well, for me.. I always thought that what it is like to be a girl.. I mean let see what all the fuss is about.. Haha... And to be fair I some time thought that can a girl see her feet through breasts?? Haha... So I put on clothes and guess what... Usually you don't see feet... Lolzzz

But I felt awesome in girly clothes so I started...

[Sabrina133]

Interesting assortment of answers. And frankly, think it fits in with the sliding scale example. For me, its not a stress relief, its who i am. When i get dolled up, i know am still male but my i can now be feminine - thats the real me, a feminine male (notice i didn't say "man")

[Tina B.]

For me it's not about stress relief, I don't really have much stress in my life. I'm retired, have a nice retirement, enough of what we need to keep us happy.
But while I agree, I'm just me no matter what gender I am presenting as, some day's I just feel better presenting as a female, it has no profound effect on my personality, or how I spend my time here at home, but the dress, wig and make up just feel like me on some days, other days, I prefer a pair of jeans, and a flannel shirt, and some good fun grubby work outside and just do guy stuff.
It took years to get me where I am now, but if the weather is bad and I'm staying in, I'll dress, if the weather is nice, I'm going out and do guy stuff, and I never fret about which day it's going to be, because I get plenty of time for both.

[5150 Girl]

In a word, Yes! This is who I feel I was truly meant to be.

[Stephanie47]

Maybe I'm pretending to be the person I am not. I had a stressful job for over thirty years, which was very adversarial with the people I met. Nothing relaxing at all with that day after day. Throw in a little PTSD from combat experiences and one really needs someplace to hide. Drugs? Alcohol? Women? No, pretending to be a woman of the 1950's and 1960's allows me to avoid all that. So, all dolled up in a pretty dress, hosiery, heels and wig, while doing all sorts of domestic chores lets me escape reality. Of course, I could do all those domestic chores dressed as my male self, but, then I'd probably wouldn't readily accept those assignments.